sah not by choice...

[merryns.mom]

i had twins in september and we cannot afford daycare (more that i made a month) so i had to quit my job to stay home with the boys. we lost all of my income, but still have all of my bills plus medical bills.

i am going insane!  24 hrs a day my life revolves around crying, pooping, and crying. my mom is ill and cannot help like she had wanted and dh's mother is too busy being retired. my dh spends all day working and the evenings cooking, cleaning, and playing with our 3.5 year old dd. we cannot get out together because it takes 2 people to look after the boys--they are high needs. and my dh can't look after them on his own either; apparently i am the only one who can keep all the kids at the same time-but i don't have a choice :/    and magically they won't take a bottle either, of course so if i do get a grandparent to help for a little while, i can't go far or for very long. yesterday i was sick so both of my parents had to come, and in the 3 hours they were here, my mom woke me up 3 different times! so i didn't even get to rest then.

i feel like i am shutting down, it's hard to find the positive when all i hear is screaming all of the time. with our dd, i could strap her in the carrier and go for a walk, but the boys are always needing to nurse, or spit up, or be changed

i am so stressed about money (another subject altogether) and i feel like i have lost myself and am really not enjoying this time with the boys and my daughter which i know will pass too quickly.

i am really close to screaming too; how do i make sense of this new lifestyle ?

thanks

[hippiemombian]

Sorry that you are feeling so stressed! The only thing I can suggest is putting your kids in a stoller and going for a walk everyday. Just doing something to get out of the house for some peace and quiet. Maybe steal 10-15 minutes a night to sit in the bathroom and wash your face or read a book or something. Would hiring someone to come in the house and take care of the kids so you could work part-time be an option? Are there any mommy and me playgroups around? Maybe trading days with another mom once a week can get you some free time?

[porcelina]

Wow, you definitely need some time to yourself so you can get through this. It doesn't take that much to recharge! Even just 20 minutes a night where your husband has all 3 and you lock yourself in the bathroom or take a walk outside could do a world of wonders. Then, as he gains more confidence, you could build in a longer time here and there.

Have you tried posting on the multiples board? I know you're not alone!

[Mom31]

I am so sorry you are going thru this it sounds awful.... I hope you can find some help.

[cpenderg]

I read a quote tHe other day that said to make the best if where you are even if it isn't where you want to be.  It sucks having the world against what you want to do, but try to find small little things to be thankful for and maybe your feelings will change.  What about mother groups?  Having a friend to talk to might help.  As for your husbands mom, surely she can come over once every other week to play with the oldest and let you have a break!    Does she know how you feel?  Hang in there".babies are so needy in the beginning.