i had twins in september and we cannot afford daycare (more that i made a month) so i had to quit my job to stay home with the boys. we lost all of my income, but still have all of my bills plus medical bills.
i am going insane! 24 hrs a day my life revolves around crying, pooping, and crying. my mom is ill and cannot help like she had wanted and dh's mother is too busy being retired. my dh spends all day working and the evenings cooking, cleaning, and playing with our 3.5 year old dd. we cannot get out together because it takes 2 people to look after the boys--they are high needs. and my dh can't look after them on his own either; apparently i am the only one who can keep all the kids at the same time-but i don't have a choice :/ and magically they won't take a bottle either, of course so if i do get a grandparent to help for a little while, i can't go far or for very long. yesterday i was sick so both of my parents had to come, and in the 3 hours they were here, my mom woke me up 3 different times! so i didn't even get to rest then.
i feel like i am shutting down, it's hard to find the positive when all i hear is screaming all of the time. with our dd, i could strap her in the carrier and go for a walk, but the boys are always needing to nurse, or spit up, or be changed
i am so stressed about money (another subject altogether) and i feel like i have lost myself and am really not enjoying this time with the boys and my daughter which i know will pass too quickly.
i am really close to screaming too; how do i make sense of this new lifestyle ?