Morning toddler tantrum help!!

[melly7204]

I need help. Lately, when I drop my son off at daycare, he is throwing a fit! He's only two and I understand this is common but maybe others can share their tips? I live very close to my daycare (1/2 block.) When we are leaving the house, generally I try to make sure there is nothing in his hands (because he gets mad when I pick him up to put him in the car seat and ends up throwing whatever object at the car next to us!) I don't want to offer candy or gum to calm him down. The last two mornings I've had to almost carry him in sideways due to kicking feet and arms. This morning, I offer to have him carry his sister's lunch box in to calm him down (I know, bad idea but I was desperate!) but just as suspected he got upset when I had to give it back to her. Then as I try to leave his daycare room he runs to the door and doesn't want me to leave. The daycare staff picks him up and lets me leave but I see him pulling their hair or hitting their face and hear him screaming as I walk all the way down the hallway. I know the number one tip everyone will give me is, just stay calm. But I need more than that. I'm a good mom and I wouldn't be asking for help if I didn't care. Tips please!

[Momo123]

My DS is 2.5 yo, and until a few months ago he cried and screamed every morning at drop-off (he has been in daycare since he was 4 months old). I think it is partly a developmental/age thing as 2 year olds are more aware of what's happening and sometimes scared of realizing that they are their own person (the daycare teachers tell me that lots of 2 year olds suddenly develop temporary separation anxiety).

I don't claim to be an expert as I have tried lots of things that failed, but have you tried talking to him about what's going to happen when he's relaxed at home? Even when DS didn't respond, I would say to him in the morning, "After we get dressed, we'll get our shoes and coats on and get in the car and drive to daycare. Then mommy will walk with you to class and go to work. Then after nap, mommy will come back to pick you up!" I also repeated this on our way to daycare. We also made up a routine that we follow once we get to daycare, first we go to the fridge to put his food in, then we go to the sign-in book and he sits next to me while I write, then he takes off his coat and hangs it in the cubby, then I say "I'm going to work now, have a great day!" then we hug/kiss then he opens the door for me to leave. He also likes me to carry him around the classroom (instead of walking) until I leave. This took months but it's finally working and he doesn't cry or throw a fit anymore. It also helped that the teachers really praised him and encouraged him. However, if my mom or DH goes, he still cries :(  Good luck and just keep trying!

[melly7204]

I have not tried talking to him. I remember that being a good tip when my daughter was about this age. Thank you. I'm going to try that tomorrow morning. Every day is a new day!! I just feel so bad for leaving him at daycare when he's throwing a tantrum like that. I feel like I'm just saying "Okay daycare girls! Here he is! You deal with him!" I guess I just try to sneak out because many people tell me he's just fine after I leave.

[Momo123]

Yes, it's definitely hard to walk away when your child is screaming... I had a hard time at first, and would actually call once I got to work and the teachers always assured me that he was happily playing, apparently he only cries for a few minutes. And I have seen the same with other kids that get dropped off. If the teachers say that he is okay after a few minutes, then I think it's okay to walk away hard as it may be. I think they just need to get their frustrations/emotions out then they can get on with their day...

[prescottchels]

When I was a nanny one family I worked for was very committed to attachment parenting and communication and their little girl would get very upset when her mama left so they decided to let little one let mama know when she was ready for mama to go. Mama had a flexible schedule so could allow little one that time for one last nursing session or cuddle before she left for the day. Usually it was only about 5 minutes that she needed and then she'd say, bye bye mama on her own. It was so much less stressful for everyone involved, and I love that they respected her as a person with needs and not as a manipulative 2 yr old monster as so many people do-not that any of you view your littles that way...