The biggest issue in my marriage for the last 2 years has been family size. As a quick background we got pregnant unexpectedly and lost the pregnancy. After that I became wrapped up in starting a family, shocking my husband and myself since I wasn't even sure I wanted children. DH agreed to try for one month and I found out later that he was not ready, did not want a child yet and only did it because he thought I would leave him. Of course I got pregnant and we had our little girl.
As soon as I had her I knew I wanted another child. We started trying for another baby almost right away but it took 10 months before I had a baby that stuck. Midway though my pregnancy with my son I knew I was not done. I knew I wanted at least one more child and when I told my husband he told me that he was done. Done done done and he wished we'd waited at least 3 years before getting pregnant in the first place and he somewhat resented me "forcing" him into it. He said he did it to make me happy but he cannot do it again.
I have no interest in bringing a child into a family where it is not wanted and all of my DH reasons for wanting to stop at two make sense on an intellectual level. But I am really struggling to let go. After coming the closest to a separation as I ever want to get he made an appointment for a vasectomy and I could barely get out of bed for 2 days. I was devastated that he wanted to close the door so permanently. I begged for more time to come to grips with the idea my family will remain incomplete in my eyes and he gave me until he is 30, so another 18 months or so.
I want to feel the done-ness that people talk about, I want to be ok with a vasectomy and I want to feel good about the whole thing but I just don't. I feel like not everyone is home. The idea that I will never feel a baby squirm in my belly, give birth, nurse a newborn, watch the first steps and first words, see my children with a little sibling breaks my heart. How can I let go of all that? How can we move past this as a couple? I am really at a loss here. I've been with my husband for 10 years and this is the first time that we have been unable to find a solution to an issue and it scares us both.