Mamas...I am having the absolute crummiest night on the planet. I can't believe I am doing this, but....I have pulled out the biggest gun: I am canceling ds's birthday I kid you not. He's just reached the limit with his behavior. I just can't do this any freaking more.
He lied to me about homework and got caught in it, and he called his teacher a liar today...bad enough in and of themselves, and if they were isolated incidents, I could maybe deal with it.
But he lies constantly, he's a master manipulator, he's beyond intelligent, and the worst part is he's a totally sweet kid. But his bad side wins.
He's Jekyll or Hyde, and there's no in-between. He's on 3 meds already and we're looking at a 4th one but I don't, really really don't, think meds are all the answer. I think that part of the time, yes, he needs them badly. He can't function without them. But I also think he's worked his way around using them as an excuse for bad behavior. And as a crutch.
I just don't know what to do anymore. He is SO sassy. He does not recognize authority at all. He does not see getting sent out of class or getting sent to the principal's as a bad thing. He does not get it. And does not care. He disrupts the whole class so that the teachers cannot conduct the lessons, and there are 21 other kids in there!
And he blames...oh, my gods, how he blames. It's everybody's fault but his. Everybody is out to get him. He's such a victim.
The other side of the coin is he is SO disrespectful. His hill to die on is that he has to have the last word. He talks back. He does not freaking care. He talks over me, the teachers, anybody. He doesn't listen. He does what he wants and feels entitled to do so. Anywhere! In class, at home, at church, at my mom's...and he talks back to anybody.
I swear, if I acted like he did when I was a kid-- if anybody I know acted like him!-- I wouldn't be able to sit down for a week. For everything. And getting sent out of class? OMG. On top of being terrified (the principal! OMG!) I would be so ashamed, and so scared to tell my parents. They'd never let me live it down. My kid? Couldn't care less. His reaction? "So?"
I don't know what to do. He's really, really (understandably) upset. M has talked to him. I have talked to him. At first he kind of agreed, but now he's playing the victim again ("How can you do this to me? You hate me! My birthday! It's everything! Why can't you wait till after and THEN do this?"). Thing is, this is my leverage, this IS huge, yes. I have nothing to bargain with if I let him have it all and wait till after.
I'd waved the behavior reports in his face-- LOTS of them, and they none of them were very good at all-- and said when he gets a month of them, come talk to me about birthdays. I know he can behave when he wants to. Last week he had 4 days off, and those days and the bookend days were so good, I was like "Who are you and what have you done with my kid?". So I KNOW he can do it. I know he can. He thinks I expect perfect behavior in the next weeks-- I don't. I just want more good than not-good. Just for freaking once I want him to show me that he is capable, even if it takes monumental effort.
Oh, gawd, mamas. I HATE being a parent sometimes. I freaking hate it. I'm so low right now.