ADHD, attachment, adoption s/o of honeymoon over - Page 2

[queencarr]

Katherine, I think you're question getsto the core of where could our kids be headed, how to help them now kind of stuff. Mom31, I would love to hear your insight and perspective.

[Mom31]

. Sadly yes- my attatchment disorder very much affects my parenting.... but i do parent my two kids and I do love my kids to death. I do go to therapy sometimes tho not currently working with a therapist.

I find myself zoning out alot- and things like glitter being spilled all over the house simply because I was not paying attention.

I find it hard to be close to my kids- like truly feel anything- so I numb out- that s not to say I don't express love to them cause I do- I sleep with them I breastfed them for years we cuddle and snuggle and hug.... but there is a huge disconnect that is hard to describe.

I will try to think this out more clearly- but thats my initial thoughts.

Oh the ADHD- well that tends to mean my house is very messy and my amom comes once a month to help me stay on top of it. :) bmom comes but does not help to much as she is disabled and just comes one time a year :)

I have a hard time keeping up with appointments- remembering them, scheduling them... etc.  I miss things. I forget to check backpacks.  Sometimes I forget to fix lunch on the weekends till they ask.

I just find I have to work around it all and do the best I can. I am also a single mom on top of it- so that is hard since I have no one to lean on- all family is at the minimum 6 hours away.

I talked to another adoptee by phone recently and she talked about the same thing- the feelings are too overwhelming.

I also found that once I had my second child- a girl- my adoption issues became more important to me- getting to the root and searching etc. Which has been good for me in long run.

But alas- am I answering your question??? lol.  My mind is generally all over the place.

HOWEVER- I did not find out about any of this till I was an adult- so your dd's may be able to learn skills now to help them- I am learning skills now to cope and it is hard to teach an old dog new tricks so to speak- I know what works- picking up a book and zoning out....

Ask away- I really like the dialogue and think its great you ask.  I am by no means an expert on anything- I just know what I know from what I lived.

[Mom31]

Just in the past few years have I been able to have close friends and close adult relationships.  Usually if I have a friend I think they are mad at me all the time and going to leave me.... now I tell my friends- It is VERY important to me that if I have upset you you tell me right away- you have to agree to this- or I will ask you all the time if you are mad at me. I ask quite a bit less once this "pact" is made.  I found something that worked- I also find the older I get people are a little more understanding of issues.

I tend to push people away- I do the testing out stuff- I am sure you have read about.... I am always waiting for people to leave me= so I generally pick people less likely to leave me- I shoot for the dirt so to speak.... not the moon...., am way to giving to the people in my life,

It's like I am so so so so so so so raw that I can't handle being around people sometimes- it's like sandpaper on a sunburn.

This does carry over to my kids- I am way to easy on them cause I don't want them to be mad at me.... always worried people will be mad at me- change their minds etc.

BTW- I was adopted at less then 2 weeks old.

[Mom31]

I hope I was not too honest with what I said- and it was easy enough to comprehend.  I think getting help for your kids now to develop skills with these types of issues which is what you are doing will help them immensely!!!

Hugs mamas.

[othermother109]

Mom31, I think it's awesome that you can and are willing to share your experiences.

[RedOakMomma]

mom21, thanks for sharing your experiences!  Honesty is great--

queencarr, of course we can chat about ABA!  I'm no expert, but I like how it's been used with ds.  :)