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Queer Conceptions January 2012 - Page 14

post #261 of 325

Lise, I'm sure you've spent a fortune. Your kid will be well provided for. 


Nos, I would call Belgium. See what they think? Waiting a month seems like a lot in the short term but it's  very short compared with the forever you will have your baby (I tell my kids all the time that they will always be my baby).  If they say it won't help, then there's no reason to set yourself up for disappointment. 


Krista, we saw you on 20/20. They did seem biased. On the one hand I can understand how it would seem weird to some but on the other hand at least they didn't have a bunch of experts against y'all, so that was cool. The thing that struck me the most was that these sweet geeky boys were finding a way to pass their genes on. Did your DP get any hassle at work after it came out?  


Good luck to all. 

post #262 of 325

nosreves, I am so incredibly sorry.  For everything you're going through.  It's unbelieveable that your OB is okay with treating her patients so badly, even if she did feel guilty and call DW back later.  It's sickening to me.  If I were you I'd probably go with the Clomid, but that decision is yours and your wife's to make.  Like Seraf said, it feels like such a waste to wait another month right now but eventually you have to have faith you'll have a child in your life and it'll all be worth it.  If it feels like waiting another month is simply an impossibility, then do the Clomid cycle, but if you can manage to hold off, maybe waiting would work out better. 


I so wish I had the answers for you, and I also wish I could go into your OB's office and slap her across the face - hard.  How dare she treat ANYBODY like they're dirt?  


Hugs for you and DW.  grouphug.gif

post #263 of 325
Oh nosreves, I am so sorry about everything you are going through. I second (or third?) the idea of waiting until next cycle (although I know how heartbreaking and hard that can be...the months off seem to last forever and seems like you are wasting time...even though in the long run, you aren't). Good luck, girl! I am thinking of you! hug.gif
post #264 of 325

Sorry this is off topic, but it lifted my spirits after my recent BFN. You go, Cynthia Nixon! Speaking truth to power -- even when "power" is the gay establishment, trying to hold on to the old narrative of what we're supposed to be. As Nixon says, "You don't get to define my gayness for me."




Peace, y'all.

post #265 of 325
Originally Posted by outdoorsy View Post

Sorry this is off topic, but it lifted my spirits after my recent BFN. You go, Cynthia Nixon! Speaking truth to power -- even when "power" is the gay establishment, trying to hold on to the old narrative of what we're supposed to be. As Nixon says, "You don't get to define my gayness for me."




Peace, y'all.

Thanks for posting this here, outdoorsy! I caught this on facebook yesterday and absolutely love it! Go, Cynthia! I get sick of the "it's not a choice" argument and everything that it implies.


post #266 of 325

This is so strange but I've been lurking here for approximately forever and now I actually have something to post so I guess I should throw my hat in the ring. Hi Everyone! My wife and I are trying to conceive our first baby together. I'll be the gestational parent. We're going through a local fertility clinic and using frozen anonymous sperm. We did our first IUI on Monday, so can you add me to the TWW? I'm guessing we'll break down and buy a dollar store test around feb 6 (13 dpo) but our official clinic blood test is feb 8. Egads. 

post #267 of 325

Also, yay for Cynthia Nixon. I love that recent bit from her! 

post #268 of 325

Congratulations on being in your first TWW, mrsandmrs!  Also, welcome to Queer Parenting!  We are so glad you delurked to join in the fun.  



post #269 of 325

Nosreves: :Hugs: I can't tell you what to do -you are the best judge of your own body. But, whatever you decide to do, I wish you luck, and we will be here for you! (For next month -if there is a next month -you might want to consider picking up the meds well in advance and keeping them on hand.)


The Cynthia Nixon thing bothers me, because it DOES give the right ammo to use against us, which we do not need to do.


AFM: My hormones have been on a emotional roller coaster. One week from tomorrow we can test -assuming I haven't gotten my period early. I've been having cramps today and these are clearly menstrual cramps, not the it's-possibly-my-upset-tummy cramps. The one time we used Clomid and tried with our KD, I got my period at 10 days PO, so I'm not feeling encouraged right now. I've also started having CM again, but this time its white. My nausea is slowly improving, however, so that's one good thing. The TWW just drags on and on, doesn't it?

post #270 of 325
Thread Starter 

Thanks first to everyone who gave their two cents about "timing insem" issue...it's so mind boggling. I definitely want to keep in mind paying close attn to all cm+cervix appearance+OPK signs. During all this time, I think I have weighed particularly too heavily on just the OPK readings.


Wishin: I agree with others that having the goods in accessible storage would be one less headache. I believe whatever helps streamline the insemming process better is the best choice. I agree also that it would be helpful to line up and compare the probable cost of several months of insems at each location. Good luck!!


Planet: I think that it is great that you are hanging out here providing your wisdom and support. I particularly appreciate learning the BFP stats from you and others (ie..Desert, Krista, Dandy...) Your guys'  experiences really give me needed insight. bow.gif thank you. thank you.



RS11: Sorry I haven't had any experiences with the trigger shot but I have to say that from your description of symptoms you could have been experiencing implantation cramps. Always a good sign... fingersx.gif


Outdoorsy: So sorry to hear about the BFN....that sucks royally, it always does, as you well know. My heart goes out to you and DP for all the trial and errors you two have experienced over the past almost 4 yrs. You definitely have such amazing resiliency, even though it may not feel like that at times. It's very inspiring. I agree with Desert that one day you, like all of us here, are going to look back on this journey and think that the period before motherhood was one of most challenging times of your life but oh so worth it bc w/o it you wouldn't have that sweet little one. I say this bc I hope this is what I will be thinking one day.


Nosreves: I agree that talking to your doc in Belgium sounds like a good idea and if (he/she) says that it wouldn't hurt to try on/off whatever combo of meds then why not try. I know this is probably something you probably want to weigh carefully with DP. I couldn't imagine taking a break from the process any more than I have to either (I'm currently in the same boat) and I know that anytime anyone take a break it's never bc they necessarily are overjoyed about doing so. Would it possible to talk to another person at the Gyn's office, like the gyn's nurse, about getting different medication or would the Belgium doc be required to order it? Sorry that you are having to go through all this red tape BS. You need a Calgon moment! (Do you remember those Calgon commercials from the 80s? Hehe) My thoughts are with you and DP <Hugs>


MrsandMrs: wave.gif hello and welcome. Congratulations on your first insem...It is so exciting isn't it?! Good luck enduring the tww with lots of self care and support from folks here. When did you and DP start thinking about having children? How has this process been for you and DP so far?


AFM: I just have to say that I don't know about this whole threadkeeper's luck business. I think I possibly might be allergic to luck, or atleast this kind of luck. Listen to how my past 48 hrs have gone: Monday I confirmed with KD to send us our first shipment of fresh sperm the next morning and then KD texted me on Monday night that he believed that his sperm count was going to be low due to a donation for someone else the previous day and asked about sending it the next day instead to arrive this morning. This was fine with me then last night I got home late from work to my DW sitting pensively and looking nervous. She shared that she got a call from KD that his wife (who is pregnant) just learned that she may be having a miscarriage and plans had changed and he wasn't in the emotional space to donate this month. I was shocked. I completely understood why he wouldn't be able to donate. (This would be the last thing on my mind if I was him) I can't imagine going through this level of pain and loss and my heart goes out to everyone who has experienced this first hand.


With that said, I hope I don't offend anyone here by saying that I was disappointed to a degree that the donation wasn't going to happen and I possibly would go now 3 months w/o insemming.  DW and I didn't have a back up plan. DW, who particularly struggles with managing change/transition and like to just follow a set plan, didn't like to the idea of doing anything else and just wanted to try only with KD next month. I, on the other hand, felt like no dilemma was unworkable. I started to think that a back up plan was really important bc KD is just human and it is so possible that something might arise again keeping him from donating at the last minute (God forbid). So ultimately today after scrambling around to secure funds, we ordered frozen sperm from our standby donor from NWcyrobank to arrive express tomorrow. Interestingly and ironically, with all this rushing around, I haven't even gotten my LH surge yet. 


Thanks for just letting me share. Please send your thoughts and prayers to my KD and his wife. Even though DW and I have known him shortly, he seems like he has a really kind soul. 


Oh...I almost forgot....I would like to put a shout out for anyone who may be interested in being threadkeeper for February. It's about that time to transition months...gosh time flies. Let me know if you are interested. 



good night and dust.gifto all

post #271 of 325

Hello everyone! Congratulations everyone that has become pregnant in the last 2 months. We have been MIA because we are still on a break. We may wait a lil longer than we decided in the 1st place. My love and I are actually going to Iowa in March to get married! We are excited. We are taking the kids and our moms. Then we will come back and have a reception with our friends and family. We live in NM so its like a 13 hour drive, but its defintally worth it. Then in April for our honeymoon we are going to Florida. Thats going to be fun. Gonna be weird to be away from the kids but we will talk to them everyday :) Here in New Mexico  they recognize same sex marriage they just dont perfrom it, which i think is silly but at least they recognize it....

After this year passes then we will talk about a baby again... We are just going to enjoy this year married and with each other and with the kids. (Which are mine from previous relationship). She loves them so much, which im thankful for. But we do want our own... one day lol. We are still pretty young so we have time to try.


Good luck to everyone. and Congratulations!


Baby dust to everyone!!!

post #272 of 325

hi everyone and thanks for all of the support, advice and good vibes.  i think if it weren't for this place and all of you, i'd have completely lost it by now.  


invitin:  if no one minds, i'd like to volunteer to be the threadkeeper in february.  


i'll write personals to everyone when i get back from teaching this evening.  


blowkiss.gif to all of you fabulous gals!

post #273 of 325

Hey everyone!


Outdoorsy, I'm so sorry about your BFN.  That is so frustrating.  I see how resilient you are and I believe it will work out for you!  I think it is valuable that you are examining your process and thinking about new/different ways you might go about it.  I also think that you have been doing lots and lots of things just right.  Big hugs to you.  We all have so much to learn from one another!


In response to your question, here's what I did:


Starting in June (6 months before starting to try):

-Weekly acupuncture & Chine Medicine herbs to help regulate my cycle and make my uterine lining an inviting home

-2-3 cups of fertility tea a day (nettles, oat straw, red clover, raspberry leaf, peppermint, rose hips)

-Reduced then quit coffee (a HUGE lifestyle change for me!) and replaced it with one cup of green tea per day

-Upped my organic, fresh veggie intake a LOT, started drinking a green smoothie every morning for breakfast (raw greens, banana, citrus juice = YUM!)

-Daily fish oil (Nordic Naturals ProDHA1000), prenatal vitamin, & iron supplement (prescribed by my ND)

-Started charting my temps daily


Starting in September:

After some initial testing done by my ND, started taking a natural progesterone supplement called ProgonB, which helped regulate my cycles and even out my temps


December (1st try):

-Watched temps and paid attention to CM

-CD14, started to get abundant fertile CM

-CD16, got smiley face on OPK at 9pm

-CD17, did IUI w/ frozen donor sperm at 9:30am - cervix was nice and open, and very soft, lots of CM

(We decided to do IUI at 12 hrs post OPK rather than the traditional 24 hrs because I had already been having fertile CM for 3 days, and I was concerned about waiting too long)



January (2nd try)

-Watched temps & paid attention to CM

-CD11, started to get abundant fertile CM

-CD14, got positive OPK @ 5:30am (I know, I get up wayyyyy to early!)

-CD14, did first IUI @ 4:30pm- cervix was even more open, lots of CM, great feeling about the whole thing, then went out with DP for a delicious grass-fed steak and huge salad! :)

-CD15, did second IUI @ 9am - cervix had started to close up a tiny bit, still CM, and my ND had to move my cervix around a bit to get the catheter in there

-CD28 (14dpo) BFP


Good luck to you!!!!  Mwah!


Love to everyone else.  I have more personals to share but need to go to work now. :)



post #274 of 325

Hi, Everyone.


I've been away for a long while as we worked things out with our KD.  I wasn't very active before then so many of you may not remember me at all.  Anyway, we're back in the ttc saddle and I have a question about timing an insemination, particularly for those of you who are familiar with fresh inseminations.  I am on CD16 and took Clomid CD3-7.  I had a preliminary follicle scan last Friday (CD10 and had one at 7.5).  I am not yet showing any signs of ovulating in the next few days.  Since we are shipping sperm and can't receive Fedex on Sunday or Monday, we're going in for a follicle scan this afternoon and will do a trigger shot to get those eggs out if they are mature enough.


Here's my question:  My RE says to time the trigger then insemination 36 hours apart.  Assuming the eggs are mature, this would mean triggering tonight around 11pm and doing the insemination around 11am or a bit earlier on Saturday depending on when Fedex arrives. But this doesn't feel right to me.  Wouldn't this place the insemination at about the same time as ovulation or perhaps even after?  I've read that the trigger can cause ovulation to occur 24-36 hours after the shot.  


I'm thinking that a better plan would be to do the trigger a bit later in the night or even early in the morning to give the swimmers some time to travel to meet the egg(s) when they are released.


Any thoughts?  Thanks.

post #275 of 325
happycalm, chiming in to say that I had an IUI 36 hrs post trigger and got pg the first shot (this was first cycle with trigger/IUI/new donor, no first cycle TTC), sadly had a m/c, waited 3mo, triggered and insemed 36 hrs later, got pg again! and the product of that insem is currently sleeping in bed beside me! 36 hours post trigger *may* not be too late, just sayin'. smile.gif
post #276 of 325

Hi everyone!  Just stopping in to say that I got my FIRST smiley face (CD 16/17)! I actually screamed in delight! LOL.  I was so worried that somehow I missed it or the OPK testing wasn't going to work for me again this cycle.  We have 1 vial of the swim team that arrived yesterday, so no worries about them thawing out before OV like last cycle!


Now, the big thing is to figure out when to do it.  Timing is B****!  And is a topic of sore argument with DSp, who is now wanting to come home early from work to do it right now while DD is at the babysitter's, not wanting the insem. to be too late.  I've been going though all the previous pages looking at posts about timing, but have really just came away from it just as confused, lol.


I guess the question that I have is, should we wait 12 hours (3:00 am), 15 hours (6:00 am), or 30 hours (9:00 pm).  Those are basically the only options in times due to work and when DD is asleep.

Things to note are, this morning was the beginning of EWCM, and not a lot of it.  Last month I had 3 days of EWCM, but had a span of 5 days of "half positive" OPKs with a completely negative test on day 2 of the span of 5.  We insemed on day 1 because of the nitrogen tank losing it cool.  I actually think I was trying to OV, failed, and then tried again, which would account for extraordinarily long cycle (32/33).  So with having an irregular cycle (gotta love the nature of AF....) my EWCM could have been a little irregular too.  I should wait to do the insem. at least 24 hours of having EWCM, right?  So I'm thinking 15 hours (6:00 am) would be the best bet.  Anyone have any thoughts?  Thanks!

post #277 of 325
esenbee, congrats on your smiley! It feels so great when that shows up. I forget, are you temping?
Based just on the things you mentioned above, if it were me, I would wait and insem at 30 hours post smiley. Since you're 25, my feeling is that you are less likely to ovulate super close to the smiley. All our unsuccessful cycles we jumped the gun and inseminated too early. Maybe try taking a look at your cervix and seeing if it's good and soft and open?

Timing decisions are THE HARDEST part of ttc, I believe. Best of luck to you.
post #278 of 325

Thanks for the reply, wehrli.  I'm actually more confused than ever.  We won't be doing an insemination at all this go around because I had no follicles that were maturing.  My lining was great at 11mm but no follies.  Or rather, only 1 follie at 9mm which she says is considered to be "resting".  


I'm really confused.  I do not have polycystic ovaries, I have a regular cycle (29-33 days), get monthly positive OPKs and what I thought were corresponding o pains both pre and during ovulation.  I also have plenty of PMS prior to menstruation (the RE asked about this, I guess to see if I had signs of post-O hormones).  RE said my ovaries looked "quiet" to her, as if nothing was going on.  Our immediate options are to redo clomid at 100mg beginning tomorrow and think of it as CD3-4 or wait until I have my period which she said will probably be a long while since it doesn't seem like I have ovulated or that I will ovulate and thus the hormones to start the menstrual cycle over are not in play.


They took blood for testing Estradiol, Progesterone and AMH and all but AMH should be in tomorrow.  I am almost 39.  Tests 2 years ago did not indicate low ovarian reserve but that was 2 years ago and they only tested FSH, not AMH.


I am beyond bummed out.  I had no idea that I might not be ovulating.  I did temping for a few months a little over a year ago just to make sure things were going along well and to confirm what I thought was happening in terms of OPK and ovulation.  I had a perfect temp chart to indicate ovulation.  Either something has changed in the 12-18 months or I had a very atypical cycle for me which would be very strange since it was the one cycle during which I took clomid.  I did do once cycle of clomid 14 months ago--it was unmonitored but resulted in a chemical pregnancy.


Ughhh.  I'm really sad. 

post #279 of 325
happycalm, ugh... so sorry. my first thought upon reading, even before i got to the end of your post, was that it was a fluke cycle. wishing you clarity. x
post #280 of 325

sooo i'm back for some personals


outdoorsy -- *hugs* i'm so sorry to hear about your BFN, and i hope it's the last one you get.  also, thanks for your response.  i don't really know if the gyn is worried about getting in trouble or not. she tends to be a very abrupt person in general, and she's made me cry before.  we're stuck with her, though, as we haven't been able to find any other gynecologists who are willing to take us as patients.  and DP was adamant that i not allow a pharmacist to call her about changing meds.  if she's already shouting at DP about this being illegal, i can't imagine she'd like having further attention drawn to her.  btw...DP and i are PIAC girls too :)   i can't imagine trying to make it work with just a stick between my legs. it's hard enough always getting it in the cup....     


seraf -- i took your advice, except  i emailed instead of calling. i've never been able to reach one of the docs there by phone, but they have been very good about responding to mails. and i agree with you that waiting a month wouldn't normally be that big of a deal.  i guess i'm mostly just afraid that i'll have another recurrence of the cervical thing that they found two years ago.  when that happened, the gyn's comment was, "it's not a big deal, but you need a hysterectomy asap."  luckily, she was wrong and it was just a pre-cancerous micro-invasion, and they got it all.  however, the type of cells they found are some of the most virulent and tend to recur.  every time i get a pap smear now, i spend two weeks holding my breath waiting for the results.  another positive will most certainly mean the dreaded "h-word".  my next one is in april. so yeah....  thanks for taking the time to respond, and as always, greets and bisous to the whole family :)


desert -- aww, thanks gal.   i'm not one for violence, but the thought of you storming into my gyn's office and slapping her across the face made me laugh.  i think DP wishes she could do the same thing.   sometimes the discrimination here just grinds me down.  i don't understand it and it hurts me in such a deep way. but as DP keep saying "we're going to frak the system".  maybe with the help of our lovely belgians, we'll be able to just that.  sending *hugs* right back at you and your DP.  btw, how's she feeling these days and how are *you* feeling?  


lise -- thanks for the good thoughts!  what's going on with you now that everything's squeaky clean?  are you going to start trying again this cycle, and if so, are you doing a natural cycle or a medicated one?


mrsandmrs --  WELCOME and BIENVENUE!!  i'm sure if you've been lurking for a while that you know what an incredible little community you've just joined.  and how excited you must be feeling to be in your first TWW.  tell us more about yourself and you DP.  fingers crossed that you only have ride the rollercoaster this one time!


rs11 -- thanks for the luck wishes.  we certainly could use them at this point!  and i definitely plan on following your advice and picking the meds up...that is to say, as soon as they become available in france again....ugh.  i'd have already had them in time for this cycle if we hadn't had to wait first for belgium then for the gyn here.  how far into the TWW(T) are you?  i know a *lot* of women who had cramping which they were positive was AF and then ended up with a BFP, and i believe abundant creamy CM can be a very good sign, too.  in any case, don't give up!  it's not over til the red witch rears her ugly head.  besides, you ovulated two eggs!  here's hoping that at least one of them is burrowing in for a 9 month stay!  goodvibes.gif


invitin -- yeah, the taking a break thing sucks....a not in the good way.  i had to take the last two months off, but i was mostly fine with it because i knew i'd finally be starting IUIs this time around.  thanks for the suggestion about talking to other people in the doctor's office.  i would totally do that.....if there actually were other people in her office.  neither my GP nor my gyn have a secretary, nurse or any other staff.  it's just a waiting room and the doctor's office.  i don't remember it being like this in any of the other countries i've lived in, but maybe i just wasn't paying attention.  in any case, the less i have to deal with that woman, the better.


ugh...yeah i know that horrible unlucky feeling your talking about.  after several cycles of dealing with our lovely-but-flaky donor, we went and found ourselves a back-up.  it was a very good decision, as flakydonor continued to flake on us (showing up 2-6 hours late, cancelling on the same day one of us got a peak/positive OPK, etc).  our back-up donor ended up becoming our main donor, and he's been as reliable as old faithful (pun only slightly intended).  we even talked about finding a third donor as a plan C, since reliableguy isn't available on weekends. i definitely recommend putting in place a plan B.  TTC is stressful enough without worrying that you might not have the one thing you absolutely need to make it happen.  in any case, i'm thrilled that you were able to get the swim team sent.  maybe it wasn't bad luck at all....  the frozen sperm that's winging it way to you right now might just contain half the DNA for your future little one.  i hope that surge doesn't come until you get your "special delivery." 


and i *totally* remember those commercials. i remember  this one in particular from when i was a little kid.  speaking of commercials from the 70s/80s do you remember the enjoli ones?     thanks for that trip down amnesia lane.  :)  


handerson -- good to hear from you again and congratulations on your upcoming nuptials!  i hope the time off is relaxing for both of you and that when you rejoin us here, your stay will be short and sweet!


happycalm -- welcome back!  i totally remember you.  i can't really say too much regarding the timing, as i obviously still haven't gotten it right.  i think it's good for the sperm to already be hanging out in the fallopian tubes before you O, though.  are you doing and ICI or an IUI?  how has the clomid been treating you?  don't forget to let us know how the follicle scan goes! c'mon follies, growwww!


esenbee -- woohoo!  that first positive OPK is such a thrill, isn't it?  i've heard the same thing that desert has...that younger women tend to get their LH surge further away from ovulation than older women, but of course everyone is different.  do you temp as well?  it might be easier to figure out when to inseminate if you look at where your post-O temp rise occurs in relation to your LH surge.  i so agree with you...timing is an absolute biznatch.  fingers crossed that you get it right this month!


afm .... well, as you probably guessed, i decided to go ahead with another clomid cycle instead of skipping this month altogether.  the docs in belgium responded to my email within five hours of my sending it and said that they were fine with my trying one last clomid-stimulated cycle.  now i just have to hope that i have good follicles on the unblocked side and that the estrace gives my lining a boost.  so far the belgians have been fine with every single thing we've wanted to do....  they're such a breath of hope-inducing fresh air after all the demoralizing bullshnitt here in france.  i think i'm going to have to restrain myself from kissing the doc who does my first IUI.   i have a follicle scan a week from tomorrow, and if there is a good follie, i'll probably get my first IUI the next day!  in the meantime, i'm trying to prepare myself for the inevitable "cloments" ( © Krista) and the possible bouts of rage that the estrace seems to spawn.  DP is still in the TWW, but she is certain she's not pregnant.  if AF does show up for her, i don't think she'll be disappointed.... we're both so excited to start the IUIs in belgium.  i have such a good feeling about that place. 


thanks again to all of you lovelies!

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