Queer, Pregnant and Parenting January, February and March 2012 - Page 29

[LibraryLady]

Yay!!!  DP has to report to work August 15, so we'll be continuing our original plan of getting married in the UK this summer, then head back in early August for the move. They're flying us out at some point to look for houses in person, so we'll be going there earlier to try and get situated. Yikes! This is all so real all of a sudden!!  But so exciting. I'm going to live in a part of the country that can be traveled by train and not stupid airplanes! SO EXCITED!

[justrose13]

library! huge congrats to DP!! and to you, bet you can't wait to get away from that Mean Girl! I don't know anything much about Greenville, other than it being beautiful... I've spent lots of time in the Charlotte, NC area; Columbia, SC; Myrtle Beach, SC; and Charlston, SC. none of which are very close, sorry. but yay for being so close to the ocean! and the mountains! and so many trees!! I bet you'll love it...

[carmen358]

Congrats to your DP, library! Sounds like an exciting move for your family!

And I'm sending smooth and peaceful labour vibes to you, omom you look amazing!

[prettyisa]

Hi kids! Sorry I’ve been AWOL…

Steph—have you found the heartbeat yet? It must be nice to have a Doppler around to just give it a try whenever you feel the urge!

Desert—I am forever going on trips and discovering that my camera has enough batteries for three pictures. It’s a charming (if unfortunate) character trait…I love the cake! And your DP with the youngun! Hard to imagine that in a year you’ll have one of those, huh?

Seraf—ugh. Sorry about the wheat issues. I was going to ask if you had hamantaschen, but I imagine not. How was the festival? We got married on Purim, so I have a particular fondness for it—plus it was fun to have a lesbian wedding on the gender-bendiest of Jewish holidays!

Dandy—bump! I love the shirt, too!

Mizyellow—9 months today! Too bad you have to get THROUGH all nine months before they count, I guess. Glad your youngun is sleeping more for you!

OMOM—wow! You’re already there! And yes, after a toddler a little bitty newborn should be no biggie. How nice to have your DP at home for a bit before the baby comes so you can get used to being around each other all the time and finish up loose ends! You guys are adorable, too! I love the one with your DD hugging your belly.

Planet—yay for the heartbeat and telling people! What a nice occasion for it, too! I can’t remember if I’ve preached the gospel of maternity jeans with belt loops, but I’m going to do it again. I found a pair with belt loops and have since added them to my other pants—even with a loose belt it makes a HUGE difference in how many times a day you have to pull your pants up (oh, on the shorter elastic waist kind. I’ve got a pair of the big over-belly ones, too, which I like now that I’m really big, but it was too silly until about a month ago). Hairband works for along time, belly band maybe not so much depending on how you’re built, but now I find I use it as a bra occasionally (and am planning to use it as one in labor). I got most of my maternity clothes through the good graces (and excellent fashion sense!) of AHope and other friends, and from thrift stores, although I did end up buying a few things new when they were on sale.

QMama—glad DD is adjusting well! It’s got to be hard knowing that new baby sister gets to cuddle all night and you have to stay in your big-girl bed, but I’m sure she’s up to the task! How’s your little one doing, anyhow?

Seraf—that sounds like a great way to do school! I was so jealous of my best friend in high school—hers was set up like a college campus where you got to choose your classes and do art projects when you weren’t scheduled for other stuff and call teachers by their first names. Mine was more like a prison…

Library—So excited! I bet it’s going to be awesome, and the fact that you already know another queer mom family out there is such a good start! And green! And you can take visits to the seashore!

AFM—my feet keep getting swollen, which is no fun at all. Though I thank everything every day that I have not gotten Library’s end of pregnancy hand issues. I would be so miserable if I couldn’t use my hands! We had our last baby shower this weekend, which was family and lovely and got almost everything else we could possibly need for this kid (and some stuff to return to get the few bits that are still missing). And then we headed over to Iowa to visit with DP’s cousin and her family, who just happened to have a weekend planned at a little water park there. It was nice to have a short (very short) second babymoon! Now I’m just freaking out about all the stuff we have left to get done before this kid gets here!

[dandylez]

Planet, congrats on the heartbeat!! How lovely!! And yay for making the announcement!!! Glad it went well!  I picked up some leggings and long t-shirts. H&M had very plain stuff – no flowers, frills, or bows – that was mid-thigh length. I also grabbed a belly band, and I’ve been leaving the top button of my jeans open with that covering it, and a longer tee. I miss my big belt buckles, but it’s been okay! :)  Next stop: second-hand stores, but I can wait quite a bit longer for that adventure.

OMOM, good to see you and glad you’re doing well! Thanks for the heads up on the local second-hand places. They’re the first places I’ll check out! I’m so excited for you, and can’t wait to meet the little one!

Library, the time change does such a number on us adults, I can’t imagine what it must be like for the little ones. I hope Alice settles into the new routine soon!  I don’t know if I feel so brave in terms of this dissertation. I’ve been dragging my heels on it, and now it’s time to gear up and grind out as much as possible before October. It’s like the labour before the labour! :) Congrats on the job for DP!!  It sounds like it'll be a great move for both of you!

Desert, that website is hilarious! Not quite up my alley, but thanks for thinking of me! We have another appointment in one week, which will be just 2 days past our 12 weeks.  I think we’re hoping to hear the heartbeat then, and then we’ll be shouting the news from the rooftops! Beautiful photos too, btw! Remind me where you’re visiting?

Pretty Isa, so close!!! Glad you guys got a quick break before the babe comes!

Seraf, What kind of school are your older ones going to?I tried to look back through the thread, but couldn't find it... 

Hello to anyone I missed!

[wishin'&hopin']

Okay, parentals of children with penises...this may be the stupidest question ever, but with our eyes turning towards potty training, do people with penises need to DO anything after they pee?  Do they need to wipe or what?  

Otherwise, back to my lurking and occasionally popping in!  Prettyisa, if I'm correct, y'all are next in line...ELV when it's time!  And, the time change...it's actually pleasant for us b/c DS was waking before 6am, which means it's now more like 7am!  Hope that part sticks!

[MujerMamaMismo]

Our DS has just fully potty trained (nights came minutes after days which was pretty exciting and unexpected).

Sometimes he has a few extra drips that he likes to dry off with some toilet paper, other times he just shakes it out. I'm not sure that there's are hard or fast rule. And if there is, I haven't been told yet!

[MujerMamaMismo]

So we're pregnant again! Quite shocked about it seeing as we inseminated ad hoc, jetlagged and many many hours after ovulation (was testing negative on ovu test)...but this babe clearly wanted to be.
Due 11/11/12 so about 5.5wks right now.

Super tired but not too sick yet - just occasional nausea and dry reaching every morning after breakfast.

More later!

[seraf]

Wishin, I believe it's customary to shake.  My guy sits to go, I'm sure he'll change his ways eventually, but I will tell you that it's very nice to have less pee (and toilet water splash) to clean up with a sitter.

MMM, congrats! Awesome due date!

Dandy, my kids are homeschooled, but long (like many months) ago there was a discussion about homeschool co-ops.  My kids just finished their first quarter in one.

Isa, 9 months!!! so excited for you.  What do you have left to do?  I missed out on hamentashen.  I have also gone back on wheat and dairy, but less dairy.  If trace amounts after an abstinence make him miserable, I would rather frequent low-dose exposure and avoid the awful that goes with slip ups.  

We are officially looking for a mini-van now and thinking really hard about double babywearing.

[smilingsara]

congrats, MMM! Its lovely to see you over here!

Last week I participated in a study where the university medical students learned how to take a pregnancy history and do 'exams' of patients. They asked me all about my history, how I got pregnant, listened to my heart and took my blood pressure and then listened to the baby on a doppler and palpated him. It was so great to spend 3 hours, twice last week, listening to my guys heart! I had a blast with it! He kicked the doppler 6 out of 8 times and two different med students. He cracks me up! He is head down and has been for about a week now, kicking my ribs to make more room, and  I found about 30 new, tiny stretch marks on the lower side of my right belly (I don't often look there as its hard to see now). But we don't think they were there a few days ago.

Cleveland was lovely.

I made my 'list' of projects of what I want to complete around the house before its baby time. 

Now to kick this cold's bum!

[DesertSunsets]

Wow!  Some big congratulations are due around here!  

First, Library!  Hooray for DP getting the job!  That's so wonderful, I'm sure you guys are over the moon.  

And MMM!  Congratulations to you!    Happy and healthy nine more months for you!  I always love stories when babies come into being under less than perfect circumstances.

Sara - that study sounds kinda fun, did anybody do a double-take when learning about how Soren came to be inside you?  

Wishin' - gotta say, DW and I laughed uproariously about your question.  Especially since we did not know the answer.  LOL.  

Seraf - a minivan!  How domestic.  And double babywearing sounds like it could be a headscratcher.  Good luck with that.  

Dandy - yeah, I didn't think Mamasan Maternity would be your thing, but it cracked me up.  The hiking photos were from Mount Lemmon, which is about 45 minutes from our house in central Tucson.  It's a regular getaway for us desert-dwellers, because it's SO nice and cool up there in the awful hot summer months.  DW has said she hopes to go camping quite often when she gets bigger and it gets hotter and hotter.  

Isa - so sorry to hear about your swelling feet!  Hopefully you guys can get at least the necessities done before Prosper arrives.  

[LibraryLady]

Morning all~  Thanks for all the good wishes. We're still stunned, really, and are trying to figure out home buying and how to move halfway across the country whilst being out of the country for a good six weeks. Lord-a-mercy.  I guess deep down both of us figured that we'd end up back in the UK, and while we're happy and thrilled about this development, we realize now that we never really imagined how it might work, logistically. Still, we're having a lot of fun imagining and planning. We're going out in April to look at houses and I'm  trying not to start my freakout now about getting onto a plane with my baby girl. I just keep thinking "If we die, at least we'll all die together'.  DP has promised me some of her dissertation tranquilizers. It's probably for the best...

MMM~ Congratulations!!! Wow! That's the best queer preggo story I've ever heard! Clearly this baby was meant to be. Looking forward to your journey!

Desert~ How are you feeling these days? 

OMOM~ Baby yet? Won't be long now... 

Isa~ I'm sorry about your feet, but am also glad you're not having the hand troubles I had. The pain was bad, but the not being able to use them was even worse.  SO SOON!!!!  I'm so excited about all the new babies we'll have here before too long...

Seraf and Sara~ Glad you had fun on your trip.  Can't wait for pix of your minivan! So domesticated. We've been talking about how we'll have to get a second car for DP once we're in Greenville. Many options have been discussed including a pickup, but not a minivan yet.

Hello to everyone I've missed.  I'm still bleary with my coffee this morning.

AFM~ I've developed a new hatred for daylight savings time. Ugh.  Alice screamed for a full hour yesterday before finally falling asleep. I'd go in to her, comfort her, she'd fall asleep in my lap and the moment I put her in her crib she was off again. It was terrible. I really hope tonight is better and that she readjusts soon. It's so not fair to any of us.   

Oooh, I have a babywearing scenario and I'm looking for reactions. Yesterday as I bustled about the house I saw outside two young women riding bicycles down the middle of the street. One had a dog on a leash trotting beside her and the other was wearing a baby in a sling on her back. Very small baby with no protection of any kind, besides the sling. Now, I love my bike and I feel safe on it, but I've also been hit by a car before and I know that no matter how good YOU are, there are always ignunt fools whom you can't control.  Your thoughts?  Has anyone ever done or seen something like that? I can't imagine, but if you more experienced baby wearers think it's ok, I'd be willing to listen.

Ugh, more coffee. And then more online house hunting.  The hardest part about the next few weeks is not telling Mean Girl to bite my ass.

[justrose13]

nak

i've totally thought about how convienint it would be to BW whilst riding a bike but would never do it b/c i think it's super unsafe! btw, so can be holding a dogs leash.... i have scars to prove.

[KnittingTigers]

Delurking to say congrats to MMM and Library!

Library, we did a major move to the South this past August (Winston-Salem, NC), and my university actually had some temporary housing that was available to new hires during the transition. We ended up living there for a month, with most of our stuff in storage, and it was great. So much better than trying to seal the deal on a house before we arrived. (We are also renting, not buying, so I can imagine that your transition will be even more stressful!) I found the local mama listserv a great place to learn about neighborhoods and schools. (The schools thing was more pressing when we were thinking of buying.) Anyway, might be worth asking the university if they have any temporary housing for new faculty/staff. Good luck!

MMM, stick baby, stick!

Dandy, it's a little pricier than H&M, but I found some stuff at American Apparel when I was pregnant with DD that got me through most of my pregnancy. And, I still wear lots of it (leggings, tunics, etc.), so it wasn't a terrible investment. But yeah, I feel you on the pain of maternity wear. I was a grad student last time I was pregnant, so I didn't need to dress up. This time, on the other side of things, I will actually need work clothing. Not looking forward to it.

Other than that, I do not belong on this board yet, but there is sperm in my uterus (!!!), so hopefully I'll be joining you here soon. Oh wait, it's also for queers who are parenting. Woohoo! I can stay.

[starling&diesel]

ANGELA!!!! There is SPERM in your UTERUS?  WOW!  That's so exciting!  I hope that sperm does what it's supposed to, along with your egg. 

Sara and Seraf ... I'd love a minivan.  But we have a perfectly good, paid off Nissan Xtrail.  Not sure how we're going to go camping with four peeps and a dog in it.  Feeling a little small.  DP is shopping for a tent trailer, but we have nowhere to park it, so that's an issue.  Sara ... Very cool that you were a guinea pig.  I appreciate people who do that, being a paramedic myself.  I often volunteer for such things too.  Right now, both kids are enrolled in a university psych dept series of infant/child studies, which is neat. 

Library ... I LOOOOOOOOooooove moving!  If you ever get down in the dumps about it, PM me and I will cheer you back up with tales about how great it's going to be. 

MMM ... Very exciting!  This baby is definitely a sticky one already!  I send you vibes for a healthy and boring nine months ...

infant /  toddler bed sharing ... I can't remember who asked about this?  I wanted to chime in and say that we're all in a king and my older child and DP sleep through everything.  And the baby doesn't make much noise or fuss because the mamas are right there to stick a boob in, or what have you.  I realize lots of other kids and DPs are lighter sleepers, but so far, it's been fine to have us all in the bed together.  We do have a double in the kids' room, in case we have a particularly rough night, or (like right now) DP is incapacitated by some unknown back issue.

Can't wait to hear a birth story soon! 

Hello to everyone else!  I'm working on a new manuscript, so I should stop procrastinating and get onto doing that.  DP is working 12-9 these days, so I get an hour in my office in the morning.  Whoo hoo! 

[seraf]

Babywearing on a bike.

Short answer: it's frowned upon.

Long answer (pretty long winded and probably annoying) (Click to show)

Cars are a lifestyle.  They're not the only lifestyle.  There are many cultures where automobiles are not the normal or only means of travel.  I remember in Mexico being shocked at seeing an entire family on one standard bicycle on a busy city street.  Dad was pedaling, Mom and 2 little boys were balanced on the bike with him.  Not my life, they worked things as worked for their family.  Check out the second or third picture, unrelated to that family.

I grew up before carseats or helmets were common.  I have survived half a dozen car accidents for which I was not at fault and several bike accidents of my own stupidity (standing on the seat and letting go of the handlebars, moving from the seat to the handlebars while riding, riding with no hands while turning and going over speed bumps - all things I would not attempt while transporting a child).  I have biked with children and by myself.  Drivers respond differently in both situations.  When traveling with kids, in a bike caravan I have noticed that cars slow down and give us room.  When I ride the same roads alone I'm happy that the cars don't clip my handlebars at 60.

Here's a website with statistics on injuries and fatalities on bikes.  I'm not saying I believe everything I read online but I found some interesting points when I skimmed this one.

As I mentioned, I grew up before helmets.  At 14 I took my 3 year old sister on my bike many times.  One memorable ride she fell asleep in the back of my overalls 3 miles from home.  I can see situations where I might choose to take a baby on a bike.  

I think IF you were to carry a small baby on your bike, securely tied to your back in a residential neighborhood would be about the safest way to do it.  Because it's cars I worry about, I would feel totally safe on the bike path but I don't think I could handle the social stigma.

I'm not saying it is actually safe.

In general, we have a kind of safety obsession as parents these days. If you're not worried you don't love your kid enough or something. Nothing is without risk.  We are now taught to be afraid to put our child to bed anywhere. We have to worry about the chemicals in their food and the containers the food comes in.  They can't have drawstrings on their clothes or play with the wrong toys.  We have to anchor the furniture to the walls, be wary of drapes, OMG they could sever their fingers in their bedroom doors!

I'm sorry, we're all going to die.  We might as well live while we have the chance.

[seraf]

Starling, cross-post.  We did camping with 4 people in a 2 door, hatchback Yaris.  It's totally do-able, tho a roof rack would be awesome.  We're getting a mini-van because we need 6 seats for our family.  The trucks with two bench seats don't get as good of gas milage and neither do the SUVs or big hoopty cars.

I assume the dog takes up more room than any of the people, tho.

[justrose13]

the baby's napping now....

babies on bikes: I definitely feel like a baby is much safer not strapped to an adult in this situation... I would totally worry about being in an accident and falling off the bike onto the baby and crushing them. the pic of the babe in a makeshift sling on the bike is super cute, I would totally do that before strapping a babe to me... but that's just me. we just bought a scooter, for a second/commuter vehicle, and I would really love to put S on my back and bum around town... how fun would that be?!

I'm sorry I haven't been so good with personals... I try and post what I can, when I can. S is a handful right now! and a delight!

MMM, congrats! (again? I think I congrat'd you on the FB group)

Seraf, yay for bigger vehicles! while I don't really envy the mini-van, I do envy the room you will have! while there's only three of us (in a Saturn Vue), the dog takes about as much room as all three of us!

Starling, have I ever mentioned how much I'd love to live in Vancouver? we may settle for Seattle... first.

afu, things are going better.... and worse. as a family, better. DP (and I) seriously hate living here... it's a pretty big city but with such a small town mentality. you can't go to the store w/o running into someone from high school. DP didn't grow up here but it still wears on her. also, we have no whole foods type store, no trader joes or anything like that. it's seriously difficult to find good whole foods/natural foods at the local grocery. lots of farmers markets but in Wisconsin thats only 3-4 months a year... and the first month or so you can only get plants. get this, one of the grocery's had a produce case full of Little Hugs (8oz. Kool-aid drinks), no avocados, cilantro, mango, or anything "exotic". just apples, bananas, oranges, etc. :/ I gotta get outta here...

[starling&diesel]

Wherli ... We'd love to have you in Vancouver!  Come on up!

kids in carriers on bikes ... I appreciate a lot of what seraf has to say (as usual) but I'm going to say loud and proud that I think it's a terrible idea, even though I wish it were a great idea.  I think it's a bad idea mostly because there's no real way to protect baby or baby's head if there was a crash or fall.  It's not a cultural norm here, mostly because we've collectively decided as a culture that it's not safe to travel in the ways that many people do around the world, and because most of us have other options, even if it's a freecycled infant bike seat and hand-me-down helmet and a bike you stole from outside the 7-eleven. 

I do a lot of biking around this city ... we have great bike routes that are generally traffic-calmed, and very safe.  I have a trailer for my older child (I have safety issues with that too, being that she's so low to the ground and behind me), and when she's in it, she wears a helmet.  The dog rides in there too.

For H, I'll be getting a seat for between me and the handles, or behind me.  And he'll be wearing a helmet. 

I transport far too many people to and from rehab centres, and scrape far too many people off the streets for me to do any less with my own kids. 

I'm also the person who does not use taxis without carseats, for what it's worth.

What I really want is this.  I've been drooling over it ever since lexbeach got one!  And again, with helmets. 

[justrose13]

wow! how cool is that! <3