Dinner Right Before Bedtime? Help!!

[horizon19]

My hubby has decided to adjust his work hours so that he can come home for dinner with the family. Nice? Yes! But he will only be home for 6:30pm and we have a one year old and a 3 year old. I usually would start their bedtime routine after a 5:30 supper: bathtime, play, snack, bed. I think he is suggesting bath before dinner, eat at 6:30, play and bed. I think this routine will work totally backwards in terms of getting the kids to wind down.

Does any one have any experiences with late family suppers to share, any advice on making the schedule work and/or some references to scientific data about sleep and food and routines? Also, for those of you who do have late suppers with your youngens, do they still have a snack?

Thanks so much!

[crunchy_mommy]

6:30 doesn't seem remotely late to me. But maybe we are just on a different schedule.

What about doing a small snack around 4/4:30, then play, dinner, bath, bed?

Since we do eat dinner on the late side, DS has a snack in the late afternoon (or eats while we're cooking dinner -- he still eats his dinner too so it's not an issue). He goes to bed late (11:30pm) so he usually has another snack before bed too... if they seem hungry just before bed, you could just do a small snack? Maybe a spoonful of nut butter, or a cup of some kind of milk? Just a little something to take the edge off...

[Megan73]

I have a three-year-old and an 11-month-old.
When I go back to work in a few weeks I'll be in the same boat as your husband - often getting home at 6:30 when the kids go to bed at 7.
What we did when I was working and we just had DS1 is have DH feed him dinner and bath him then I put him to bed when I got home. DH and I had dinner together after the he was in bed. I suspect we'll be doing the same thing again.
I'm really going to miss having dinner every night with my family
But I just think it's unfair to make little kids wait for dinner then be digesting their dinners when their bodies should be getting into sleep mode. Kids need sleep as much as they need food and time with their parents.
The one tip I'd have is we make sure that any meal I'm home for - weekend dinners and lunches, breakfast if possible - is eaten together as a family.

[horizon19]

Oh yes, I guess I should specify that I want to have the kids heading off to bed by 8pm.

[horizon19]

I wanted to mention Megan73 that our kids are roughly the same ages! 2 boys for me, august 2008 and Jan 2011.

[wishin'&hopin']

How 'bout dinner early for the boys (5ish) and then they join you and your husband and have a small pre-bed snack (around 7ish) while you eat dinner?

[Erin77]

My 15 month old goes to bed at 5 pm right now, which sucks because my husband never sees him at night, but he needs it- he sleeps through until 7 am! I go back to work next week, so I am going to try to get the nanny to scoot the bedtime back until 5:30 pm, so I can at least put him to bed. Hopefully he can make up the extra time in a nap, I don't want him to go all day without seeing either of his parents. I would never try and make him eat dinner with me, though, at the time he's really winding down. He gets excited to sit and eat with us and it just wouldn't work, I think.

[colemom]

When ds was about 3, we started trying to have dinner with dh as much as possible. Eating together helped ds expand his foods. On a normal, early day (2-3x/week), dh gets home about 6:30, and all would be ready to go the moment he walked in the door, sometimes ds and I would start about 6:20 and dh would join us. If he knew he was getting home past 6:30, then I went ahead and fed ds (I often saved those days for easy kid dinner for ds and spicy/take out, etc for us). I gave ds a snack about 4/4:30 to get him through. I did start bathing ds before dinner and happily found it did not ruin the bedtime routine.  Our schedule became: outside play, bath, video, dinner, stories/game with dh, bedtime at 7:30/45. Eating dinner at 6:30 did not mess up his sleep.

Ds is now 5.5 and I have a dd that is 2.  She simply could not wait that long for dinner once she really started eating meals, so the kids' dinner went back to 5/5:15 (the same dinner as dh and I eat later). I did keep bath before dinner, I really like getting it out of the way.  Now that dd's getting older, I am slowly moving dinner later so we can eventually start eating as a family again when dh can be home by 6:30.

[Imakcerka]

I would keep the routine going, feed them earlier but at dinner time give them a little snack and have time with daddy.  Routine is important and I think you could fit the sit down time in there. 

[Megan73]

Originally Posted by horizon19 

I wanted to mention Megan73 that our kids are roughly the same ages! 2 boys for me, august 2008 and Jan 2011.

Aren't we lucky?

[cristeen]

Some of these bedtimes seem so early to me...  But then my guy hates sleeping. 

My little guy (28 mos) tends to be ready for dinner between 4:30 and 5:00.  He can't wait for 6:00 when daddy gets home.  So I feed him his dinner then.  And then when daddy gets home the 2 boys get some one-on-one time together while I finish up dinner, and DH and I try to sit down by about 6:30-6:45.  We offer DS bites if he wants them, which is kind of hit-or-miss.  We start bedtime about 7:15 with a bath, 7:30 without, with an 8:00 bedtime.  No snack unless he really didn't touch his food, in which case I'll hand him a banana or a cheese stick as I'm putting on his night-time diaper. 

[horizon19]

very helpful to know that the 6:30 dinner HAS worked for some. We have tried it twice. My 1 year old just can't wait that long so he will have to eat earlier(he'll have supper while my 3 year old has a snack and then at 6:30 it will be the reverse). We'll see how it goes. I am not sure what I think!!! It was ok and we did get to sit down and play as a family after but to be honest I am hungry and a bit short tempered by 6:30....I just don't like eating that late. For my partner and my family I am going to try it for at least one full week, maybe two. I also just don't like changing from my normal routine...I have had this one in place and working well for a long time- The other thing is that I cook dinner by 4:30 so it is pretty cold by 6:30. I can't bath kids AND worry about the food cooking all in the hour before dinner. Wow, these men really believe we are wonder-women:)...and they are damn right!

[crunchy_mommy]

Hmm it sounds like 'family dinner time' is more your DH's idea/desire than yours. I can see why that would make it hard for you to even WANT to change your routine!! I give you credit for being willing to try it for a week or two. Maybe you'll find it won't be so bad once it becomes the new routine (or maybe it will be as big a burden as you imagine!)

Maybe try crockpot dinners or casserole types of meals that you can prepare ahead & throw in the oven a little before he gets home so it will be hot at the right time? And it sounds like you guys will definitely need to have a large snack around 4pm -- something balanced, like a mini meal, not just a piece of fruit. There is no reason to be that hungry at dinner time, just eat something earlier, and then eat a smaller dinner if necessary (which is better for you anyway). You could even have leftovers from the previous night's dinner as your snack.

Otherwise, maybe a compromise would help? Maybe you & the kids can continue to eat at your normal time, and be willing to sit around the table and have a snack while he eats his warmed-up dinner? Maybe you forgo 'family dinner night' and instead have 'family play on the floor night' or 'family bath night' or 'family bed night' filled with stories & songs & conversation while snuggled into bed??? Family dinners are largely about the quality time spent together, is it really essential that you actually EAT during that quality time?

[Peony]

It doesn't work for my younger kids because they are tucked in bed at 7pm on the dot, they are early risers so I put them to bed early! The 5 and 2 year old are melting on the floor from hunger by 5:30pm so they usually eat between 5 and 5:30pm. DH rarely makes it in before 6, usually 6:30 and he eats with DD1 some nights because she often gets in then or alone. I used to try to wait for him. 

[Altair]

I really like family dinner, so we schedule things around that.  If I know dinner will be by 6 or 6:30, I make sure my 2.5 year old has a filling snack around 4-:4:30.  (I get home from work at 3:00 usually, and then my dh goes to work and usually tries to come back for dinner, then leave again).  

So if we do dinner at 6:30, then bath/bed is very quickly after!  

[rebecca10]

Family dinners are important to us, but my husband and I rarely are both home before 6:30, so that's when we eat.  We do dinner, and then directly to bedtime, which is just potty, getting in pjs, teethbrush, a few books, and nursing to sleep.  For a long time, we actually ate close to 7 and bedtime started at 7:30, but  now we do a quick dinner closer to 6:30 and head up to bed by 7 so my daughter now 23 months is asleep by 8.  It's all she's known, so it works for us. Two things that make it work--bathtime during the day and a substantial snack around 4.

[mckittre]

I have a 1 year old and an almost-3-year old.  Family dinners are important to me, we do them every night, and I'd say we rarely get food on the table before 6 or 6:30.  Sometimes it's 7.  My kids go to bed around 8 or 8:30.  In the summer, both dinner time and bedtime shift later.  I've never had trouble with them "being able to wait" for dinner time, but then I've never had very scheduled meals and snacks the rest of the day.  We do breakfast when the kids get up, and rather than a specific lunch, just eat a couple of snacky meals throughout the day whenever folks are hungry.  I try to cut down on the snacks in the hour or so before dinner, but if my son's had some apple slices and eats less dinner one day, it doesn't bother me - I still like having the family meal time, and everyone is fed.  If I make dinner earlier, it actually works less well, because my 3 year old insists on having a long drawn-out snack before bed.  If bathtime is part of what makes this stressful, can't you just do that at a different time of day, or not every day?  My kids don't have baths every day, and when they do it's never at bedtime, and bedtime works just fine without it. 

[Erin77]

I think kids need different amounts of structure. For some kids, snacky meals throughout the day and bathtime occasionally or not would fly- others need the same schedule every day.