Advise: Dealing with aggression in friends 4 year old

[rainsmom]

 Four year old goes after siblings, but also goes after my daughter.  My daughter does not have an aggressive bone in her body and will not strike back to defend herself.

I am at a loss as to what to say to my daughter.   

My daughter does not want to hit back - but other than not going over there - I dont have any other advise for her.  While it sounds like all that is needed is parental supervision - we all know we cant watch children every single second.  These outbursts have happened with plenty of adults within feet of her.  We have also gone long periods having play dates at our house - but that gets old for them too.  

Looking for advise on what to do - and what to say to my daughter and how to deal.  

Thanks for reading.....

Edited by rainsmom - 1/3/12 at 4:05am

[swd12422]

We have a friend who is similar (although not quite as severe). We end the playdate by the second punch. DS is learning to say, "I don't like to be hit/pushed/kicked. If you don't stop, I'm not going to play with you." Sometimes, we just end it right at the first time it happens b/c frankly, we KNOW it's going to keep happening even if he says something about it. If he really wants to play, or he hasn't seen this friend in a long time, we'll give it a second chance, but two strikes and we're out. I'm not going to sit around and watch my kid get pummeled, nor am I going to teach him it's okay to stick around for that kind of treatment. And I'm definitely not going to teach him to hit back at this age, simply because I feel he's a bit too young to know when it's "okay." And frankly, I'm not so sure it's ever "okay" to hit when he can just leave instead.

[rainsmom]

I think what Im going to do is refrain from playdates unless the 4 yr old is not there . . . . and talk to the mother about what her suggestion 

is for my daughter.

Edited by rainsmom - 1/3/12 at 4:09am

[swd12422]

Sorry, I got focused on the 4 yo's behavior and forgot your daughter is much older. She can still use her words and tell her not to hit her. Maybe she can learn some defensive techniques to block the child from hurting her w/o it actually being striking back or engaging in a fight.

Regardless, I would find a way for your daughter to see her friend without the little one around. She has a right to hang out without being attacked.

[rainsmom]

Ugh - think this is the hardest types of challenges as a parent.....

Edited by rainsmom - 1/3/12 at 4:06am