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How to explain to kids that our dog can't move with us.

post #1 of 58
1/1/12 at 8:00pm
Thread Starter 

We are selling our house and moving into an apartment, unfortunately it just isn't possible to take our dog with us. My children ages 5 and 7 are very attached to the dog, and I have no idea how to explain this to them. Part of me wonders if it would be easier to say that she died or ran away while they were at school. I hate lying to them but there are lots of changes going on for our family right now, new home, new school, I just wonder if it would be easier for them to deal with it if it wasn't something that we choose to do. But that sounds really chicken shit when I say it like I don't want to deal with the consequences of our choices, even though they are the best choices for our family. But that isn't always easy to explain to a 5 and 7 year old who just love their dog. Any advice is welcome. FYI: the dog is 12 years old and we have had her since she was a puppy. She is getting old and had a seizure a few weeks ago, we talked to the kids then about her being old.

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post #2 of 58
1/1/12 at 9:46pm
What is going to happen to your dog?

There are apartments that allow dogs. An elderly dog who has seizures is going to be very hard to find an adoptive home for, honestly, and it will be hard for her to adjust to a new family at her age. It also seems that your kids are going to be going through a lot of changes and losses, and by keeping the dog you can keep them from having to lose her at the same time...
post #3 of 58
1/1/12 at 10:05pm

I don't know how to tell them but please don't tell them he died. Trust me, that will not be an easy conversation either, and when they later learn that their doggy didn't die [years down the line] they will feel betrayed. Simplified honesty is the route I'd choose. Good luck with your move!

post #4 of 58
1/2/12 at 5:23am

Giving up a 12 year old sick dog is irresponsible IMO, there are apartments that take pets. Do you have a home lined up for her? If you plan on dropping her at the shelter they may just euthanize her if she is sick and hasnt seen a vet.

post #5 of 58
1/2/12 at 6:05am
I think giving up your dog (or saying that she died) will be very traumatic for your children, especially since you're also moving. I'd try to find a way to take her with you.
post #6 of 58
1/2/12 at 6:38am

If it's a financial issue why you can't take the dog there are groups out there that will help you.  If it's because the apartment won't allow it, sometimes they'll budge it you tell them the dog is old and on it's deathbed they'll sometimes allow the dog.  Or maybe you can find another apartment?  Lying to your kids is lying.  You either need to find the dog a home and let your kids know the dog is safe and cared for or you figure something else out.  12 is too old for too many familiar face changes.  And it's unfair.  

post #7 of 58
1/2/12 at 8:46pm

wow.  I dont know whats worse.....lying to your kids that the dog died.....or dumping a dog youve had for 12 years who has seizures.  

 

Hopefully you'll figure out the right thing to do.

post #8 of 58
1/3/12 at 10:26am

i truly hope you make sure that this dog, who has given her everything to you....especially her trust....isn't going to be killed for being old and sick and ditched.

 

 

tell your kids the truth.

post #9 of 58
1/3/12 at 9:22pm

I wouldn't lie. My mom lied about all kinds of stupid things to us as kids. We caught on eventually and it is hard to trust her with anything anymore.

post #10 of 58
1/3/12 at 10:05pm

I guess that is not a concept I understand. I have pets and when we looked for a place we took a long time to find one that they all could come. I lived in a persons basement so we could find a home that they could come with us.

 

 

post #11 of 58
1/4/12 at 7:51am

gee whiz y'all....

 

I just want to encourage the OP to speak up and reply to all the judgement in case there are real life issues that truly don't allow her to bring the dog to the new place. I can imagine finances, school districts, childcare, local transportation and all kinds of other issues that could combine to make it impossible. 

 

Yes, it's awful to have to make this decision, especially at this time in the dog's life, but perhaps we should be giving her the benefit of the doubt? We can ask how she came to this point, but let's hear from her before lashing out about the crummy choice. I'm going to assume that she's heartbroken herself about leaving the dog - 12 years later, that is a reasonable assumption.

 

In reply to your actual question, OP:  if it's truly unavoidable, I'd explain to the kids why it's unavoidable so they really understand the hard choice that's being made and how you are prioritizing your life. Then, once you've narrowed down a few great options for the dog's future, I'd involve them in the choice - let them visit the homes that are offering to take the dog and you all can take a vote on the lucky new owner. Maybe they'd like to help pack the dog's suitcase, write a letter to the new owners about her likes and dislikes, bake some snacks to send with her, decorate her dog bed with appliques, give her some old shirts to keep her nose cozy, write her letters in the future. Stuff like that. 

 

But no lies.

 

post #12 of 58
1/4/12 at 10:42am

LCBMAX - your points are true

AND in response to OP, Though, it is not a concept I understand. i should point out that I have two very wonderful old dogs That I got because they where old :) I got them at age 9, two large breed dogs, they are now 11, and one is on daily mes for arthritus pain. I will hopefully for the rest of my life always be able to welcome old dogs :) My mom had one 15 year old dog that she only had for 6 months, but still adopted, and another that was 13 and lived to fifteen.

SO, in that respect, Do hold out hope that there IS people willing to take a sr dog who may or may not need medications.

I am sorry if I came over harsh :/

 

 

post #13 of 58
1/4/12 at 11:59am


Some people, myself included, do not believe there are really any legitimate circumstances for abandoning a pet. The shelters are full of animals that people "cant" take when moving.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by LCBMAX View Post

gee whiz y'all....

 

I just want to encourage the OP to speak up and reply to all the judgement in case there are real life issues that truly don't allow her to bring the dog to the new place. I can imagine finances, school districts, childcare, local transportation and all kinds of other issues that could combine to make it impossible. 

 

Yes, it's awful to have to make this decision, especially at this time in the dog's life, but perhaps we should be giving her the benefit of the doubt? We can ask how she came to this point, but let's hear from her before lashing out about the crummy choice. I'm going to assume that she's heartbroken herself about leaving the dog - 12 years later, that is a reasonable assumption.

 

In reply to your actual question, OP:  if it's truly unavoidable, I'd explain to the kids why it's unavoidable so they really understand the hard choice that's being made and how you are prioritizing your life. Then, once you've narrowed down a few great options for the dog's future, I'd involve them in the choice - let them visit the homes that are offering to take the dog and you all can take a vote on the lucky new owner. Maybe they'd like to help pack the dog's suitcase, write a letter to the new owners about her likes and dislikes, bake some snacks to send with her, decorate her dog bed with appliques, give her some old shirts to keep her nose cozy, write her letters in the future. Stuff like that. 

 

But no lies.

 



 

post #14 of 58
1/4/12 at 12:26pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by starrlamia View Post


Some people, myself included, do not believe there are really any legitimate circumstances for abandoning a pet. The shelters are full of animals that people "cant" take when moving.
 



 



Exactly!  I volunteer at my local Humane Society and older dogs rarely if ever get adopted, esp one with significant health issues, but the pound is full of them, esp with todays economy.  Starting out a thread with.....     "But that sounds really chicken shit when I say it like I don't want to deal with the consequences of our choices" - maybe there is more truth to that statement than the OP wants to face right now.  Not knowing the extenuating circumstances - well, its hard to know what is going on.  Wishing the OP well in her dilemma.

 

 

 

post #15 of 58
1/4/12 at 7:07pm

If you can not take the dog,and there is no other home options then you should consider euthanising your dog.Better to be put down in a peaceful manner than left in a shelter until killed with a heart stick.

 

It is to bad you can not take the dog,however the kids will get over it. I always worried when I had to tell the kids about a pet dying.They would cry and move on. Perhaps you can get some other pet that is permitted in the apartments.If you plan to move soon where dogs will be permitted consider getting a new dog then.

 

Sometimes these situations are unavoidable. You do the best you can and move on. I am sure you loved the dog very much all these years,and I do not envy the choice you must now make.

Best wishes whatever you decide to do.

post #16 of 58
1/4/12 at 7:36pm

I agree with the majority here.  In response to your question, be honest. 

post #17 of 58
1/4/12 at 7:42pm

Would you consider moving to an apartment that you couldn't take your kids?

post #18 of 58
1/4/12 at 10:52pm
Thread Starter 

I don't even know what to say to most of you so I will just say thank you to LCBMAX for not assuming the worst and giving me some advice that I can actually use.  For the record I will not be taking her to the pound, I have a friend that is willing to take her and she will be well taken care of.

 

 

post #19 of 58
1/5/12 at 7:49am

Tell your kids the truth. No matter what the question is, my answer is to tell kids the truth.

 

Good luck with your move. We moved a lot when I was a kid, but it was a lot easier for me at a younger age than when I was high school - your kids will do fine.

post #20 of 58
1/5/12 at 10:07am


i wouldnt suggest getting new pets in the future to someone who cant keep current pets.

 

OP- glad you have someone who can take her, you have to understand that those of us who work in rescue see this situation over and over again and 90% of the time it is a situation that could have turned out differently (such as finding an appartment that allows dogs), with the amount of pets euthanized every year and a lot of owner surrenders being bad and lazy excuses, most rescue people are going to be completely honest and upfront.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mattemma04 View Post

If you can not take the dog,and there is no other home options then you should consider euthanising your dog.Better to be put down in a peaceful manner than left in a shelter until killed with a heart stick.

 

It is to bad you can not take the dog,however the kids will get over it. I always worried when I had to tell the kids about a pet dying.They would cry and move on. Perhaps you can get some other pet that is permitted in the apartments.If you plan to move soon where dogs will be permitted consider getting a new dog then.

 

Sometimes these situations are unavoidable. You do the best you can and move on. I am sure you loved the dog very much all these years,and I do not envy the choice you must now make.

Best wishes whatever you decide to do.



 

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