WWYD - 2 yo naps 4-7; up till midnight

[tropicana]

we've somehow gotten into a *horrible* pattern. maybe it's b/c his sister is home from school for break. maybe it's the holidays and trying to squeeze so much into the day. he goes strong through the afternoon until around 4 pm or so... at which time things go to chaos quickly and his behavior becomes unbearable. screeching, doing egregiously naughty things, etc. etc. if we happen to be in the car, he falls asleep quickly. if we're home, i'm driven to nap him just to make his behavior stop.

then there's peace for a few hours. but never any luck making it "an early bedtime." he's up and raring to go by -- egads -- 7 pm or so. meanwhile sister needs to get to bed by 8 or 9 pm. 

husband is no help; i'm on my own with both kids every.single.night.

it is ***killing*** me to be up with the 2 yo until midnight. i need that alone time that i get for an hour or two before bed. and he's eating right into it. i cannot be up till 1 or 2 am, it's getting ridiculous.

please, i need specific steps to remedy this situation now. sister starts back to school this week, and we drive her there (2 yo and me), so will have to be up early. also activities are restarting soon. so these things *should* help to wear him out. 

what exactly should i do about these naps? try putting him down at noon - 3? even if it means missing out on other activities for all of us for the day? what if he won't have it then? 

does it sound like he is on the verge of breaking free of naps altogether, or does it sound like he needs them as much as ever?

on the **rare** occasion that we do make it through the day nap-free, i am able to get BOTH kids down super easy at 8 - 9 pm. i love those nights, but they don't happen very often...

advice?? i'm all ears! TIA.

[crystal_buffaloe]

Mine is younger, so I may not be much help, but what about an earlier nap? Say, 1-3? Even quiet restful time for an hour or so might help even if he doesn't go to sleep.

[BeckyBird]

My DD is 2, and some days she does not nap. We have quiet time then. My room is kid safe, and she has a little bed in there. I'll go in the room with her, and if she doesn't fall asleep, then I'll let her play quietly in there for a while by herself. Give her a little sippy cup, some fun toys, music, even tv sometimes.

If your little one will not play by himself, then you can bring a book in the room with you and quietly read while he plays with toys. Basically, even if he won't nap, he could really use that peaceful quiet time, and so can you. Even if you have to be in the room for quiet time, you will most likely be able to get him to bed earlier, without those awful evening meltdowns. The midday quiet time does work wonders.

[Peony]

If my 2y falls asleep anytime after 2:30pm then I wake him up. Otherwise he does not go to bed until way too late. He doesn't nap regularly now, just falls asleep in the car sometimes. If your guy must nap then it sounds like it needs to be done much earlier in the day. We used to do naps from about 12:30-2:30pm, he rarely slept that entire time, but the latest I'd put him down is 1pm. Somedays I would come home just for him to nap, and as soon as he woke up we leave again. 

Because I have other children, the nap schedule is set in stone. THe child that naps either has to do in that 12:30-2:30pm time slot or there is no nap. And that is way DS1 stopped napping right when he turned 2, he wasn't wanting to nap during that time, and I don't have any other time for him to nap except late in the day so naps were gone. There was an adjustment period where he was awfully crabby for a while in the afternoons. And when he wanted to fall asleep every time we went to get the girls from school, I'd wake him up as soon as we got to the school. We have the same thing, DS1 can't sleep in during the morning hours because we have to leave the house by 7:45 so I'd rather have the earlier bedtime and no nap then a nap and late bedtime. I start putting him to sleep by 7pm at the latest, and he is asleep by 7:30pm. 

[katelove]

I probably would try the earlier sleep time (12-3), even if it means missing out on some activities. Could the morning be used for family activities and the afternoon be a quiet time for everyone? Or a time for you and your daughter to do craft or read together or something while your DS is asleep.

If that didn't work then the next thing I'd try would be no daytime sleep and earlier bedtime, probably 7pm based on what you said in your OP. To get through the last few hours before bed I'd probably plan to be very DS-focused and do whatever activities are going to keep him happiest. For my 19mo this is usually something active. Our before bed routine is usually something like this 4-5pm swim, 5-6pm park, 6-6:30 dinner and bath (sometimes we omit this step if she's very tired), 6:30ish lay down and feed to sleep, asleep by 7:30. I know this is the complete opposite of the usual advice to do quiet, winding down activities before bed but it works well for us at the moment.

It does mean you don't have any alone time to get dinner ready, unless he enjoys playing in the kitchen, which is a problem. DH and I tend to do one or the other (he takes her to the park while I cook or vice versa) but, on days when he works we rely heavily on quick to prepare meals and often don't eat as a family. Not our ideal but it's what works best for now.

All the best. It sounds exhausting and I really hope you can find a solution soon.

[Daffodil]

If he can make it till 4 without napping, and sometimes doesn't nap at all, it sounds like he's close to being able to give up naps.  I'd probably try to encourage that.  From 4 on, I'd do whatever it took to get him to stay awake until a reasonable bedtime, say 7.  (Unless he's going to be getting up a lot earlier once school starts again.  If he is, I'd wait and see if that leads to him being ready to nap earlier in the day.) 

Right now, he may be miserable for the last few hours of the day if he can't nap, but if you can keep him from napping for a few days in a row it will lead to him sleeping more during the night - going to bed earlier or sleeping later, or both - so he'll be better able to handle staying up all day without a nap.

[yellow73]

My boys both stopped naps around that age.  It is hard to keep them up the first few days, but once they start going to sleep at 7pm, it's amazing. I had to have some alone time in the evening, there is no way I could deal with kids past 8 or 9pm and not lose my sanity.  Good luck mama!