Today is the fourth day of my postpartum period. I am still processing our birth experience and feeling emotions I'm not sure of. While our daughter was born at home in the water naturally, there are some aspects of the birth which were disappointing and I have an overall feeling that something important was lost this time around. I'm feeling a need to find a way to reclaim some of this birth ... For the first time, I feel a need to write my birth story right away. ... This isn't it -- it's just me working out these emotions.
We finally committed to a name for our DD#4 yesterday. It took us 3 days to be able to focus on this decision -- we had settled on a boy's name just before my water broke, but that was useless. Our older daughters had been calling her "Cutie Pie" for three days, and two of them (6yoDD & 2.5-yoDD) were resistant to giving her another name -- 6yoDD cried. :(
Emberley Annette was our choice, and it feels right. Annette was the name of DP's beloved Granny who passed away on Memorial Day. Emberley evokes the feeling of glowing warmth, which is what I feel from our winter newborn, and then there is "Ember" in December. It felt more feminine and flowed better with our surname when I added the -ley.
On the second PP day, I had a talk and a cry with DP and realized how much it bothered me that our new babe wasn't able to receive all of her cord blood and I decided I wanted to have my placenta encapsulated. We live far from shopping and other resources, but we were able to find a qualified person to encapsulate the placenta. She called me right away when I sent the email on Saturday, and talking with her felt healing. She is also a doula and seemed to understand from my short email the depth of my emotions.
So there are two things that I am starting to feel settled about. Having these feelings after birth is new for me, and it seems to take some of the joy from Emberley's arrival. I hope to have a coherent birth story to share soon. In the meantime, if you've read this far, thanks for giving me a place to begin healing safely.