January 2012 Whatever Ladies Are All Done Having Their Babies! - Page 8

[MarineWife]

Sean has only been home once since the end of March for 2 weeks over Thanksgiving. Before that he was home for about 9 months. Before that he was gone for about a year, being home for a month in December 2010. He's been gone many more times before that. If we added up all the time he's been gone, not just deployments, I'm sure he's been gone more than he's been home since he joined the Marines in 2002.

Sean says he understands that we have issues. He says that he understands that he is a part of those issues and needs to make an effort to fix them. It's not just me. However, I don't think he knows how to work at it. His solution to any problem is to ignore it. That's why I finally talked to his home unit Chaplain. He said he will helps us both. He wants me to contact him again in right before Sean comes home and then he'll seek Sean out rather than waiting for Sean to find him.

He always gets about 2 weeks off when he first comes home from a deployment. I was thinking that it might be better if he went straight back to work for a few weeks while we adjusted to him being home. Then he could take some time off. Maybe having him home 24/7 so suddenly is too much for any of to take. But I know he's exhausted and needs time to rest. He says he gets only about 4 hours of sleep a night and works every day over there. He does not get the weekend off or anything like that and he doesn't get to leave his work, go eat dinner and just hang out until the next day.

I get so angry, though, when people tell me that I need to give him time. Don't expect him to jump right back into things. I've been under just as much stress as him. Why do I have to be the one to wait all the time? It's the same as when people say to let your spouse have a few minutes to unwind after coming home from work before expecting them to do family things. What if I've had an extremely stressful day and need to lock myself in the bathroom for 15 minutes before I throttle someone? I'm supposed to wait while he unwinds but he's never expected to wait while I unwind. KWIM?

[onetwoten]

It depends who you talk to whether we're done or not. I'm not. I want at least one more- but then DD is only our first, so I'm in a different boat. DH is pretty firm right now that we're done. He even wants to start selling off all the diapers/clothing as she outgrows it. I would rather just keep the items until our next child (because let's get real... there WILL be another. lol.) 

Quote:

Originally Posted by annie2186 

I think they really don't have laws about leaving kids home alone because it would really depend on the kid. Some kids could stay home by themselves at 8, while others would really not be ready at all. I don't even think they really have laws about babysitting, but I think here it is about 12 that seems socially acceptable. 

Do any of you give a vitamin D supplement? The baby ones are only 400IU.......I would really hate to buy that for the baby. I give my other kids about 2000IU at least 3 times a week. I am wondering if I just give her 1000IU twice a week........She seriously does not get any sun exposure right now. It is freezing. Maybe I will look it up. 

The daily recommendations for vitamin D are ridiculously low..........

Yeah I was staying home by myself by about 9 or 10, and I was totally ready (and making meals too). My youngest brother on the other hand wasn't reallly ready until closer to 13 or 14 I think. 

We give Vit D. We're pretty far North here, plus we don't spend any time outside to get the natural source. I'll stop giving it once spring/summer comes and we are outside, but right now, I know that even I should be taking a supplement (and am really bad about forgetting...), so I don't believe there's enough in my body to pass on to her.  

Originally Posted by MarineWife 

I am opposed to doctors telling breastfeeding moms that they must give their nursing babies vitamin D when there are no indications of a deficiency. However, there is a reasonable question about whether or not any vitamin supplementation has any true benefits. The question is whether or not the body can assimilate single separated vitamins and multivitamins taken outside of their natural state.

My thing with VitD is that it's also been linked to depression and other things other than just rickets, so some of them aren't just quantifiable by observation. And since this is something that nature intends for us to get (through the sunlight) and it's because of our adapted lifestyle that we're not getting it, it makes sense to me that we need to account for that. Now, like I said, if we were somewhere where I could be outside, it would be different. But it's -29C right now... not happening, no matter how badly I want to use my new stroller! lol

Speaking of the stroller, she fell asleep in it last night for about 30 minutes. I told DH it was already worth the money :)

MW you asked before and I forgot, but we got the 13" necklace. She definitely could have gone with the 11". Oh well. We're just making sure it's under her clothing. 

Went to a LLL meeting last night. It was good. I didn't really get any new answers, but yet I still came home feeling more hopeful and relaxed about the whole thing. It's nice just to be around someone who understands that stopping is not the first option to consider. 

[akind1]

It's very frustrating - I agree  and so much of the burden is put on the spouse.

Can he do a week at home or maybe a 96, and then go back to work - that way he still gets time to decompress, but not quite sooo long?

and I guess it's because we all think we are superwoman. I totally think you should just leave for an afternoon. no excuses, just go out (once he's home). I have to do this wth my DH sometimes. Not, do you mind if I go, or do you want to come with me, but I'm going (with our without the kids) and you can deal. Sometimes it just has to be forced.

I have to do this, bc DH and his mom worry so much about people out there - yeah  I know there are crazies, but I do my best to be safe, you need to trust that, and I can't always wait on somebody willing to go with me. bc sometimes I want to do things I don't *need* to do.  and bc they are not *needs* they often get pushed to the side and well, I just want to!

that's my vent.

I wonder on the whole allow your spouse to unwind thing, can't people take turns? like one day dad (or mom if she works ;0) will immediately take over so mom (or dad) can get a shower or whatever for however long it takes, and the next day, the person returning from WOH can go decompress for a bit before letting the SAH parent take a break.  Or not even strictly taking turns, but sometimes the WOH parents needs to just take over when the SAH parent has had enough.  I feel I can say this since I am that WOH parent and I normally do take over as soon as I walk through the door. Unless both babies are sleeping, in which case, I do have a little bit of time, but also in which case, DH usually isn't tearing his hair out either.

[onetwoten]

Originally Posted by annie2186 

Now, my mom was a deep cleaner. If you cleaned something and didn't wipe down or pull things out of corners and put them away you might as well not have cleaned AT ALL  I mean, dirty ok, deep cleaned ok, somewhere in the middle was not ok at all.

Well, my husband is borderline OCD (I, of course, diagnosed him myself) and also the exact opposite to what I did growing up. He is more of a surface cleaner and throw crap in corners so it looks clean type person. So, together we do pretty good. He surface cleans and think he does stuff, I actually DO all the hard things and get no credit :P he he he

I have NEVER cleaned out the inside of any stove. Apparently this is something people do.

The one thing I am really bad about is washing sheets and what not. I mean, babies and kids sure, cause they pee, puke, or poop on them at least once a week. But once they get older? I never even think about it. I had NO idea people wash such things once a week (or even once a month ) It was something my mom never did. Funny how that carries over!

That is all I can think of now - but yes, I have had to completely re-learn how to clean to get along with my hubby. I would deep clean one room and leave the rest of the house and he would come home and be like WTF?? while I was all proud of the one room that I took 7 hours cleaning 

^^^Almost all of that. Our daily chores got inspections. It's funny though how my mother totally changed with that after 2/4 of us moved out. Now the house is a pigsty. And we were the same with sheets. It never even occured to me. Growing up, we washed our sheets when we spilled on them or something. DH came from a family that washed them once a week. When we moved in together I thought it was the weirdest thing ever, and so much work! Of course now with DD they get cleaned twice a week because she pukes almost every night, and no matter how hard I try, it always gets the sheets. 

DH and I also have different cleaning habits. I'm the type like you who will do one room, but -solidly-. DH is the type where if I ask him to clean the kitchen, he'll do the dishes and clear the counter and clutter... but completely leave the floors, the table, and not bother actually wiping down the counters. But he thinks that since it gives him time to do the kitchen AND another room, it evens out. It drives me nuts. I'd rather one room be spotless, then two be half done. 

We have a self cleaning oven, otherwise it would never get done. Way too much work for me!

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by akind1 

I wonder on the whole allow your spouse to unwind thing, can't people take turns? like one day dad (or mom if she works ;0) will immediately take over so mom (or dad) can get a shower or whatever for however long it takes, and the next day, the person returning from WOH can go decompress for a bit before letting the SAH parent take a break.  Or not even strictly taking turns, but sometimes the WOH parents needs to just take over when the SAH parent has had enough.  I feel I can say this since I am that WOH parent and I normally do take over as soon as I walk through the door. Unless both babies are sleeping, in which case, I do have a little bit of time, but also in which case, DH usually isn't tearing his hair out either.

I think this is a big part of my issue with that. It's mainly for the man's benefit. When mom works outside the home, she almost always takes over the majority of the childcare when she gets home from work even when both parents are home. I think it's a ridiculous idea that just comes from the thought that childcare isn't as important or as difficult as making money. Things should rather go on a case by case, day by day basis.

Maybe I got an 11" necklace for Dylan and a 13' or 14" one for Kellen. I can't remember now.

[akind1]

JJ: sheets - ours get changed/washed once a month or so and they need it by then. I have dried milk rings on the sheets . . .I just haven't got the urge to clean them. (bad I know). DD normally sleeps on a blanket on top of the sheets. Well, I sleep on half, she sleeps on the other half - to absorb milk overflow. Plus it makes moving her a bit easier. (by blanket, I mean like a receiving blanket)

MW: I don't know why, but it just is hard NOT to do. When I get home from work, I really miss my kiddos and WANT to spend time with them. that HOW I decompress. Maybe men are just wired differently? I know the men I know that WAH can go in a room, shut a door, and not come out until work is done. That wouldn't fly in our house, neither kid would permit it, and I'd feel awful if there was something I *could* be helping with, you know?

[annie2186]

RE: Vitamin D3  - I found out about vitamin D3 when M was about 14 months old. The year before that J was sick, sick, sick, the WHOLE winter........the whole darn thing! It sucked. Bad.

The next year we all got strep, J and M got croup, and it sucked again! LOL So probably about this time of year two years ago I started researching what would help boost the immune system. THAT is how I found out about vitamin D3. I was hooked and I got these:

http://www.amazon.com/Carlson-Ddrops-2000-IU-10ml/dp/B001LF39DS/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1326399000&sr=8-4  

(except they were the 1000IU dose) and I am pretty sure they don't have any fillers. Except maybe coconut oil or something.

I started giving it to them and of course I didn't notice really much difference at first. I stopped giving it to them for the summer - because they were out in the sun enough. I don't use sunscreen unless they are going to get burned - and then I just use the zinc oxide. 

The next fall I started giving it to them, and the whole year they didn't get more than a cold here or there! I was hooked. I mean, I was used to the whole having a cough and runny nose most of the winter! (and I mean the kiddo's, not me! LOL) 

So, to me I have seen the benefits! I guess it is good for the bones and stuff too - but for me it is mostly just because of the immune benefits. ESPECIALLY since I don't vax.

I think the statistics are something like 80 percent of us are deficient in vitamin D3 (which is totally different than D2, just FYI). 

Also - for whoever said you go outside even if it is cold, it is actually that you have to have most of your skin exposed for 20 or so min (for light skinned people). Which, maybe you are doing  ha ha ha

Of course - I think the biggest thing is just to go with what you feel best. My kids got sick to much, so I supplement and it is a LOT better. (I also give a vitamin c supplement and colloidal silver as well as a kid vitamin and mineral drink from a wellness company) and I notice a huge difference.

I also don't give them the D3 supplement at all during the summer months. 

Ok - I won't talk about D3 anymore!

[annie2186]

I totally agree about DH's getting off the hook way to easily. (or at least mine). 

I actually love it when I have to go to work and my DH has to take care of the kiddo's without me. It is a real wakeup call for him. I remember for months he would make snide comments about cleaning or cooking and I would tell him how hard it was to cook while holding/watching a baby. He would retort with "women do it all the time" Ummmmm - ok....

Well, after a day or two of me going to work before dinner he goes "OMG! Do you have any idea how hard it is to cook with A, it is impossible!" NO SH**!!!! This is what I have been trying to tell you. 

But yeah, I agree with Kat, I can't NOT take care of the kids as soon as I get home. It is just the way it is. I actually feel refreshed after getting away from them  (did I just say that out loud?)

[akind1]

what vitamin and mineral drink? I'm curious, b/c I think DS could use additional vitamins, but most of what I see is primarily sugar. He doesn't need more of that.

We all are rarely sick; maybe because we are down south? and therefore get a good bit of sun; I mean, last week we were out in shorts and flip flops. Even today, it's not really cold, it's the wind that kicks up and chills you.

Only DH is sick often during the winter, but he has an essential oil regimen he kicks in when he's feeling yucky. I am thankfully rarely ill, and even then it's not bad.

[onetwoten]

Originally Posted by akind1 

JJ: sheets - ours get changed/washed once a month or so and they need it by then. I have dried milk rings on the sheets . . .I just haven't got the urge to clean them. (bad I know). DD normally sleeps on a blanket on top of the sheets. Well, I sleep on half, she sleeps on the other half - to absorb milk overflow. Plus it makes moving her a bit easier. (by blanket, I mean like a receiving blanket)

MW: I don't know why, but it just is hard NOT to do. When I get home from work, I really miss my kiddos and WANT to spend time with them. that HOW I decompress. Maybe men are just wired differently? I know the men I know that WAH can go in a room, shut a door, and not come out until work is done. That wouldn't fly in our house, neither kid would permit it, and I'd feel awful if there was something I *could* be helping with, you know?

I always have a receiving blanket or something under her, but she just never fails that at somepoint during the night, she will miss the blanket and puke all over everything else. If it's a little bit, we leave it, but it's often quite a large amount, so if we just leave it, then it ends up soaking into the mattress too (ugh!). And ditto if where she spits up is near our heads. The smell of the acid turns my stomach instantly. lol

I'm the same with going out and coming back home. Or even if I go and nap without her or something. Once I get up/home, I feel like I need to see her again. DH is... somewhat the same. I'll be interested to see what happens when he goes back to work though. I would guess it depends on what sort of stress they're encountering at work. A nice compromise might be to have the out of house parent have a set time- say 20 minutes, so decompress once they get home... but then they have to take the children for another set amount of time, say an hour, before they can bring them back to the SAH parent. I know before DD, when I was working, and DH was home for a few months, I would come home, and he would want my attention right away, but my head was still spinning, and I really did need some time to change, wash my face, get a drink, check my email, etc, before I could really be there. I needed to shut off the work side of me and turn on the home side, so I could be present and ... well... pleasant! lol

[annie2186]

Originally Posted by AnnieA 

BLARG! Synagis and DD do not mix! She has been a mess this weekend and I thought it was teething but it seems to be a reaction to the Synagis medication. I had to take her in for an unscheduled clinic visit today because her oxygen levels are low. When we had her last clinic visit on Friday, her doctor said at that point that we should try to get to March before the repair surgery. But after this weekend and her oxygen still being low, today he said that if she doesn't bounce back in a few days then we need to schedule surgery for in a couple of weeks. I want to say no more Synagis and if DD was an only child and I was a SAHM, I would totally say no more. But since she has big brothers and sisters and they are in school and she goes to the babysitter 4 days a week, I feel like the benefit of protecting her from RSV outweighs the side effects from the medicine. In anyone over 2 years old, RSV just looks like a cold. So I wouldn't be able to tell if someone has RSV to keep them away.

I was totally going to respond to this and I forgot. A doctor who goes to my church is very naturopathic, delayed/selective vax, was talking one time and he was saying something along the lines of "checking to see if the CHILD is immune rather than following a said vax schedule. For example - when your kid is going to kindergarten, instead of just giving them the booster, they will check their blood to see if they are still immune. Or, instead of giving a shot 4 times like the schedule says, they will give one or two and check the child themselves to see if they are immune. (and of course, I am just assuming they check the blood).

I mean, they say to give them 4 shots because 1 out of 1000 kids actually needs all 4 KWIM? 

I don't know if this is something you have the time, resources, or desire to pursue but I thought I would throw it out there! 

[annie2186]

Originally Posted by akind1 

what vitamin and mineral drink? I'm curious, b/c I think DS could use additional vitamins, but most of what I see is primarily sugar. He doesn't need more of that.

We all are rarely sick; maybe because we are down south? and therefore get a good bit of sun; I mean, last week we were out in shorts and flip flops. Even today, it's not really cold, it's the wind that kicks up and chills you.

Only DH is sick often during the winter, but he has an essential oil regimen he kicks in when he's feeling yucky. I am thankfully rarely ill, and even then it's not bad.

http://annie2186.vemma.com/next/ - this is the one I use. It has nothing like that at all in it.

Yes, I bet where you live and getting so much sun helps alot! We only get to go out in clothes that allow our skin to see the sun a few months out of the year. Plus, that is the BEST way to get it, straight from the sun :-)

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by jeninejessica 

A nice compromise might be to have the out of house parent have a set time- say 20 minutes, so decompress once they get home... but then they have to take the children for another set amount of time, say an hour, before they can bring them back to the SAH parent.

See, this is the type of thing that really irks me. Why is that the WOH parent gets a few minutes before having to interact with anyone, which leaves that at home parent still doing what s/he has been doing all day without a break. Job stresses are not the same as taking care of children stresses. I will never believe that it's as hard or harder. I've done both and worked a few different types of jobs as a single parent. You get breaks at work or you have short enough shifts that you don't need breaks. You don't ever get a break at home. Even if all the kids are sleeping, it's not really a break because you have to be ready for them to wake and need you at any time. It's just not the same and I think it's totally unfair that the WOH parent gets preferential treatment. They can get their few minutes on the trip home from work. I mean, I don't get a few minutes to ease into my day in the morning before I have to start taking care of everyone else.

I'll have to look up the info on vitamin D in my LLL book. I was surprised to read that it said you don't need that much sun exposure to get enough. I also doubt it's something that has to be continuous or every day. Like I said, vitamin D is a fat-soluble chemical, so extra that's synthesized from extended hours or days in the sun can be stored for use during those times when we can't get in the sun. I'm not saying that no one is ever deficient or that there isn't any health benefit to taking it. I'm just saying I'm not buying that it's the health crisis that's being propagated atm.

[AnnieA]

Originally Posted by annie2186 

I was totally going to respond to this and I forgot. A doctor who goes to my church is very naturopathic, delayed/selective vax, was talking one time and he was saying something along the lines of "checking to see if the CHILD is immune rather than following a said vax schedule. For example - when your kid is going to kindergarten, instead of just giving them the booster, they will check their blood to see if they are still immune. Or, instead of giving a shot 4 times like the schedule says, they will give one or two and check the child themselves to see if they are immune. (and of course, I am just assuming they check the blood).

I mean, they say to give them 4 shots because 1 out of 1000 kids actually needs all 4 KWIM? 

I don't know if this is something you have the time, resources, or desire to pursue but I thought I would throw it out there! 

Unfortunately, the Synagis medicine is not really a vaccine so the benefits get filtered out of the body within 28-30 days. It's not causing the baby/child to build an immunity to RSV. If the baby/child hasn't gotten the next dose by day 31, they could get sick with RSV. The reason why there are 5 doses is because that's all the insurance will pay for. RSV is around year-round but more prevalent from November-March. Since it's so expensive, most insurance companies will only pay for the doses during the most prevalent months.

MW, big hugs. I'm not saying this lightly, but it sounds like you are experiencing some mild depression. Are there any supplements you can take while BFing? I know you had good results with St. John's Wort before but not sure if you can take that while BFing. Do you have any placenta caps left?

Annie and akind1, I'm the same way. When I walk in the door, I make a bee-line for DD. I can't *not* take care of her when I am home. Same with the other kids. If I am home, I'm cooking, doing laundry for them, watching them play, overseeing shower time etc. DH can come home and sit on the couch and not do any of that.

I am a big proponent of Vit D as well. I give DD 400 IU of Vit D daily as well as probiotics. After reading some other stories of babies w/ToF and seeing how they battle repeated illnesses, it's making me wonder if my persistence in giving her those supplements has kept her so healthy so far. Since we determined that her "stomach bug" back in December was actually a response to the Synagis, she has not been sick ever. Sometimes she gets a little stuffy if it's dry in the house but she's never had a cold or anything like that.

One of the best things about DH working during the day and me working at night is that DH is forced to be DD's caregiver. He can't get off the hook because I'm not there to rescue him. It's definitely changed his perspective on me getting stuff done when I'm home with DD because he knows how hard it is to even eat dinner when he gets home with her. The week after DD had her first surgery and he was responsible for the four older kids all on his own, I thought he was going to lose his mind! By the end of the week, he said to me "It's hard to constantly meet their physical and emotional needs!" And I just looked at him and started laughing. I said "Yeah, and I've been doing it by myself during the day, 9 months pregnant while working 8 hrs a day on the computer. It is hard!"
 

[AnnieA]

Oh and on the topic of being done vs not being done, my current position is that if DD's next surgery is pretty much going to be her last open-heart surgery, I would be willing to consider another child when she's around 3. But that would only be if DH agreed to another one as well. If DD is going to need more open heart surgeries after this one, I don't want to have any more kids. I just can't see asking a little one to live at my mom's or something for a couple of weeks at a time while I'm at the hospital helping DD recover from surgery. I just don't think it's fair. I may change my mind as she gets older but right now, that's how I feel. We will not do anything permanent though because of our religious beliefs.

[Baby_Cakes]

I don't get the whole decompression thing after coming home either.  To me, once you're home, you're on.  I don't really care how hard your day was.  That said, I also don't really like to bow out the second DH is home from work.  I hate passing the kids off.  I'd rather hang out for a bit, talk about our respective days, and then be like, "Ok, can I grab a shower/run/go to the store?"  Kind of like sharing the responsibility rather than taking turns.  It just feels nicer and more respectful of both our times.  Plus it does give DH time to grab a snack or something before really taking over, without him getting "a break" or something.

Our sitch is weird tho b/c he works from home.  Idk if that makes a huge difference.  He isn't upstairs holed away all day, but most of the time honestly I prefer it that way b/c it really messes with DD.  She doesn't know when/if he's working and it confuses her, and she gets very angry at DH at odd times.

Mw - 

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes 

That said, I also don't really like to bow out the second DH is home from work.  I hate passing the kids off.  I'd rather hang out for a bit, talk about our respective days, and then be like, "Ok, can I grab a shower/run/go to the store?"  Kind of like sharing the responsibility rather than taking turns.  It just feels nicer and more respectful of both our times.

ITA. I don't usually want to just pass the kids off, either. It's not like I'm standing at the door waiting to hand him the baby, bitch about how tired I am or something like that, and then disappear. Some days I might want to do that but those really are rare. I just want dh to get involved as soon as he walks in. The boys usually run for the door when they hear his Jeep and jump all over him when he walks in. I say, if we are both home, we both should be taking care of the kids equally.

Another thing that gets me going is the idea that it shouldn't be a problem if dh wants to get up early and go workout most mornings when he could be home to help out. If I even mention telling Sean I need him home, I get flack from lots of people about how he needs time to exercise and destress or whatever. Now, with Sean it's a little different because even if he didn't leave at 5 am to go workout, he'd still have to leave before we usually get up so it's kind of a non issue. He doesn't have a choice. Also, staying fit is an important part of his job, not just as a requirement to keep his job but also as a literal life saver. If his unit has PT at 6:00 am, he has to go. But on the weekends, no way! If he wants to go for a run, he needs to make sure he's back in time to help with the kids when they get up. And, if he could be home in the mornings even for a half hour after the kids got up to help with breakfast, I'd expect it. We'd have to work something out about when he would have time to workout.

I left Ethan home alone (sort of) for a little over an hour while I went shopping for his birthday presents. He wasn't really home alone, though. Ryan was here sleeping. I didn't tell Ryan I was leaving or ask him to watch Ethan so Ethan was still in charge of himself. He was fine. He called me once to ask me to pick up food on the way home. I think that was just an excuse to try calling me. hehe

He got a chance at a shot at his basketball game tonight. He didn't make it but he was close. Unfortunately, I missed it because Kellen wouldn't sit still so I couldn't pay attention to the game. He actually fell backward, hit his head on the bleacher behind us and then fell to floor in between them. He wasn't hurt bad but everyone else gasped. I was just mad because I had told him countless times to sit down and be still.

Which leads me to my next problem. I feel like Kellen is completely out of control. He's constantly just going crazy, running, jumping on and off furniture, yelling and screaming. He bothers everyone until they get so mad that they yell at him but it doesn't seem to phase him. The other night I lost it and screamed at him. Afterward, I felt so bad that I just hugged him and cried. When I finally put him down after he asked me to, he had a smirk on his face, one of those smiles he knows is inappropriate so he's trying to hide but can't quite completely. It looked like he thought me being that upset was funny. I just don't know what to do with him.

I've tried talking to him. I've tried making him sit on the couch next to me. I've tried making him sit in a chair by himself. I've sent him out to the backyard to just run and yell and play. I've tried just loving on him. He never runs down. I hate that everyone else is angry or annoyed with him a lot of the time. Even Ryan, who was just like him as a kid, gets really annoyed with him. I'm at my wit's end.

[MarineWife]

Annie ~ i forgot to respond to you. i may have mild depression. i had seen a new counselor a few times but things didn't work out because of the kids. they are too old for me to talk freely in front of and i can't afford childcare costs and counseling fees. i'm definitely not comfortable taking antidepressants after the recent news about them causing birth defects while all the docs were smiling and saying they were perfectly safe. i do have some placenta caps and a tincture. i've been meaning to ask the woman who made them if they are still safe since i didn't freeze them and how to take the tincture again. i just haven't gotten around to it. honestly, the idea of using either now kind of grosses me out. i thikn consistent good sleep would help a lot but who knows when i'll get that.

[AnnieA]

Hugs again MW. DSS 11 is usually wide open too and drives his siblings crazy. I try to ignore the crazy-making behavior but when I'm tired, stressed or otherwise not operating at full capacity, it's hard to take. He does a lot of sensory seeking though so when he starts pushing me over the edge, it's usually pretty helpful to take him to the indoor pool at our gym and let him swim for a couple of hours. Something about the water on his skin and going underwater and holding his breath over and over helps him feel better.

I know what you mean about therapy and the kids. DH thinks I need to go to a therapist and I'm sure I do but I don't want to take DD with me and I don't want to have her spend any more time than necessary at the babysitter. So it's not happening right now.

I know that E doesn't like to be separated from you for any length of time but how does K do with it? Would he enjoy a morning play time at a preschool/daycare center? Or like a Montessori program? That would probably be helpful to help him focus on one activity at a time.

[MarineWife]

I don't mind talking to a counselor with the baby with me. I figure he can't really understand what I'm saying. Kellen may not quite understand everything I say but he could probably get the gist and could certainly repeat. Ethan would understand and I'm afraid it would be very upsetting for him, as I'm sure you would understand. I don't want my 7 year old hearing all the horrible stuff that goes on in my head.

I've actually just set up a trial at a gymnastics class for Kellen. It's only 1 day a week for an hour but it would give him something of his own to do. We were all ready to start him back at TKD but Ethan's practice was moved to Mondays and he has games every Tuesday and Thursday. I just didn't see the point of pay8ing $50 a month to take Kellen to TKD one night a week. But, now that I say that, that's about how much his gymnastics class will cost.

I appreciate the suggestions about daycare/preschool but it's just not an option for me. I'm sure you all think I'm crazy for not doing that. But, as good as some programs may be, I honestly believe that any type of structured schooling like that is not good for kids. I have avoided going into the details about that because I don't want to offend anyone. However, I've been around a lot of homeschool groups and people online and IRL now and I've read a lot on the case against any type of schooling and I am fundamentally against it.