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January 2012 Whatever Ladies Are All Done Having Their Babies! - Page 9post #161 of 5081/12/12 at 6:52pmThread Starterpost #162 of 5081/12/12 at 6:59pm
No, I don't think you are crazy to have the opinion that structured schooling is not a good option. I have that opinion a lot too, especially with young boys. Buuuuutttt, I also don't think it's healthy to have a stressed out mama all the time so I think it's important for you to find a way (that you are comfortable with of course!) for you to get some "me" time to recharge your batteries. (I know you won't be offended by me being so direct about this!) As a fellow introvert, I absolutely have to have some alone time to let my brain get back in order. Even if it's just driving by myself to the grocery store and back!
I'm not comfortable taking DD in to therapy w/me because I always end up a blubbering mess and she's very intuitive and it would upset her for me to be so upset.
I think I'm going to hold off a bit longer on solids. She's very close to sitting on her own so I'm just going to wait until she can do that well. Did I tell you all that she has been sleeping from 12:30 AM-7 AM every day this week? Normally, that would be a good thing but with her crazy week from the Synagis medicine, it has me concerned. I mentioned it to her nurse and she said she would talk to her doctor about it. In the meantime, I think I'm going to try to do a dreamfeed at 4 AM which is the time she would normally wake up. I'm not comfortable with her dropping that feed and her weight gain this week has been very poor.post #163 of 5081/12/12 at 8:03pmThread Starterno, i'm not offended at all by your dircetness. i appreciate it. i agree, i wish there were a way for me to get some time for myself. that's one way the homeschool outings are so nice. the kids play and i get to talk with the other mamas or just sit. they like to pass dylan around. there's even a really nice 13yo girl who likes to hold dylan.
i do need to adjust things. this happens every few months. i've decided the boys can't turn the TV on or play video games until after noon. we've been spending the mornings doing more activities. ethan always did really well with free play/time. he does science experiments. he spent this morning looking up holidays and other dates on the calendar and wrote an email to his dad. but kellen needs more direction. i haven't found what he's really interested in yet. he doesn't like to draw or write much. i've asked him what things he would like to do and all he comes up with is video games. he's not quite old enough for most sports or homeschool activities since he's not compulsory school age yet.
Thanks for talking this out with me. It helps me come up with more ideas of things to try.post #164 of 5081/13/12 at 4:31am
MW: Does K like any more physical art? like clay/sculpting, building, etc? I wonder if there are more basic kits that allow kids to take something apart and put it back together . . .
on the unschooling front, I think that is how you and DH have a mutual FB friend. You shared something via him the other day, and I was like, how do they know each other?? since he is more local to us. I mentioned unschooling to DH, and he said that must be it, even though the mutual friend doesn't have kids old enough for school yet - his is just a little older than Gabe.
I don't know that structured school works well for everybody - esp boys - In SC (I don't know if they do this in NC?) they do a public version of homeschool, with web classes and a lot more self direction. I have one friend whose son really thrives with that. The only thing I very much disagree with is that they can't continue to do extracurricular activities through the school, like band. If your child wants that, you have to find outside private tutoring (which you of course are responsible for paying for). When my sister homeschooled in Okinawa, she was welcome to take a class or two at the high school and participate in sports, etc through the school if she wanted. She did do math and science there because Math wasn't working from home (cue DRAMA), and science stuff can be expensive, even though we got some goverment $$ for homeschool supplies. I don't see why they can't continue to accomodate that.
I know we intend to homeschool our kids - I don't know if it's because SC in general has such low test scores - but they really focus on testing here, and I very much disagree with that. Then kids learn how to be good test-takers; they don't necessarily LEARN anything. Exactly how we go about it (will we buy a curriculum? which one? or go on a subject by subject basis? or just kind of DIY?) I will figure out later.
One thing I love about where we are is that nearly all the "educational" places - the zoo and museums - have a set homeschool day where they cater to homeschoolers and welcome them with special programs and stuff. That sounds like a great opportunity for the locals and also to meet other homeschooling parents.
DD is so funny, she'll fuss, but doesn't want the paci or anything, just wants you to talk with her - it makes her soooo happy! I wish I could just do that, but I have to work too!
Not good sleep for us. DH (I can blame him - he was on the computer and watching Harry Potter right next to me) let me sleep until 2 on the couch, and then I fed DD and went to bed, and I'm up at 6:30 to work. ugh. I don't count couch sleep as "sleep". oh well. And DS took nearly 2 hours to get to sleep. (from 9:30 to at least 11) ugh.post #165 of 5081/13/12 at 4:39am
Kellen sounds so so much like my friends son - although she just calls him "all boy" and makes derogatory comments about gender - but he's got the same personality. Just constant go-go-go. She often takes him to the mall indoor playground just to "run him", or lines the living room floor with pillows and they either wrestle around or he just climbs all over. He will play with cars or trains but only for a few minutes at a time. Mostly all activity has to be physical. He is also 3.
She "warned" me about boys. She was all like, Finn will NEVER sit like Nora does. You'll never get a shower again (do you guys remember all this from when I found out I was having a boy? I was so upset b/c I felt like she couldn't be happy for me, she was just spoiling the whole thing with warnings!!). Anyway, just know you aren't alone. I'm guessing Ethan and Ryan were more introverted like you are? I don't think there's anything wrong with Kellen. He just has more energy to use and finding a way to harness that energy can be tricky.
Anyway, I hear you on the school thing. I have to say you have planted a bug in my brain about the whole concept of public school. I still can't say I personally would home school or unschool, but you really have opened my mind to possibilities other than what is "expected". What else can you do to just get a break? I wonder if there are any good babysitters around. Even that 13 year old girl you mentioned. Maybe you need a mothers helper? Just someone to entertain or run Kellen while you feed Dylan, or someone to play with both while you grab a nice long hot shower. Or anything! A mothers helper is not something to scoff at. So many of my mama friends with ONE LO have a helper, especially if they are home by themselves most/all of the time.
AFM - I'm starting to get worried again about Finn's head shape. In pictures, its starting to really show up pronounced that something isn't quite right. He looks so cute and adorable (and normal) from the front, but as soon as you see his profile, it's obvious (to me) that something is off. The nurses at the ped office laughed at me when I mentioned it. They said babies spend a lot of time on their backs, and "don't worry, mom, it's normal" but I can't let it go. I think I want to get him evaluated. I don't want a helmet baby but OTOH I don't want a flat head baby either. I know it's all my fault. With his reflux I let him sleep in the swing too much. I agonized every damn night before I put him in that swing, and some nights the guilt was so heavy I let him sleep on me in the most uncomfortable positions. Sitting up in the recliner for months. But I still feel like it happened anyway.
It might be enough to just take the swing away and never use it, and encourage more tummy time. I don't know. I won't know until I have him checked by someone. And I'm kind of a wreck about it. I cried a little last night, though I think i was just also overtired and overwhelmed.
DH comes home tonight!! At like 2 am, but still. I'll take it. I'm so so so ready for him to come home!!
Edited by Baby_Cakes - 1/13/12 at 5:09ampost #166 of 5081/13/12 at 5:45am
Carrie: It is NOT all your fault! I do think some babies are more prone to having a flat head than others. Can you post a profile pic and we'll give honest opinions?
FWIW: Norah has a total bald spot on the back of her head. She spends a lot of time in the baby rocker, but a lot of that is because it just the safest place for her, what with Gabe running around and dogs and stuff. - she turns her head from side to side in it a lot, and I think the friction is what causes it. I feel bad - she loves tummy time! - but well, I figure the hair will grow back . . .
Gabe is definitely all boy too (and I don't mean that in a derogatory sense; he just loves to do "boy" things and run around like a crazy person): but he does sit still. well, mostly when playing with an electronic device. Finn is such a happy mellow baby - hopefully he will continue that as he gets mobile!post #167 of 5081/13/12 at 7:24am
I know. It's just hard not to feel guilty. Here are a few of the troubling shots.
Compared to Nora at the same exact age:
To me Finn's head looks rounded but almost cone like. Pointy. Like this description, which is brachycephaly:
Thing is that baby is looking straight ahead. When Finn looks straight ahead and not down like he is in those pictures, his head does NOT look like that. It looks normal. Like this:
Ok. Be honest. What do you think (but be gentle)!
Edited by Baby_Cakes - 1/13/12 at 7:39ampost #168 of 5081/13/12 at 7:42ampost #169 of 5081/13/12 at 8:49amThread StarterCarrie ~ I think it looks normal. The only photo in which his head looks a little misshapen is the first one but that might just be the angle the photo was taken. He looks perfectly normal in all the other photos and certainly nothing like the diagram you posted. My babies heads weren't all shaped the same. Ethan and Dylan have very round heads. Ryan and Kellen had more elongated heads. Oh, do you remember the baby I told you about that I saw when Dylan was only a week or so old, the one who's mother is a teenage family friend? I mentioned then how flat his head was. I mean, it was completely flat. He was about 5 months old then. I saw him last week (at about 10 months) and his head looked normal and he hasn't had any intervention or treatment, no helmet. That being said, if you are really concerned, have a doctor evaluate him. I'm sure s/he will tell you Finn is fine.
I have tried over the years to find a reliable babysitter or mother's helper and I just can't. I have given up on that.
Kellen got a lot of building and banging toys for Christmas. We have tons of various types of building blocks. We don't have clay or playdoh because I'm not good at putting things away right away and it would get dried out. The mall is tiny here. There's no indoor play area. There's Chuck E. Cheese, Chick-fil-a and Mcdonald's. We got to the Chick-fil-a sometimes but I can't take him there every day.
And, Carrie, don't believe your friend about all boys being wild. Ethan is not like that at all. He is very chill most of the time. He likes to wrestle and run and play just like other kids but he doesn't take it to an extreme like Kellen does. He stops when he's told to stop. He recognizes what's dangerous and what isn't. Ryan was actually very much like Kellen. He was also diagnosed with ADHD when he was around 8. He's not hyper any more but he certainly lacks impulse control and he's very forgetful.post #170 of 5081/13/12 at 8:53amThread StarterKat ~ I forgot to ask who our mutual friend is. There are only two guys I can think of who are unschoolers. One is an online friend who lives in the UK or Ireland or something like that. The other is not really a friend. He's someone I've subscribed to so I can follow his posts. I bet it's that guy, Justin Stout. He has a toddler and a new baby. He has several public FB pages devoted to unschooling, breastfeeding, nonviolent parenting, libertarianism, atheism, and I'm sure a bunch of others I don't know about.post #171 of 5081/13/12 at 9:12am
Finn has flat -spots-, but I don't see the flat head alltogether. I think if you look, so can see that while there are 'angles' to it, he doesn't have the whole back of his head flat like the picture. My guess is it's just his head changing shape still and he'll outgrow it. Could you place him on a flat surface and look at it from that angle? I think you'll see that where his head actually touches the surface, it's not flat at all. I really don't think it's anything you're doing, and is just normal baby head changing shape.
MW-- is there anyone in your schooling groups that you would trust to do trade off mornings? Do for instance monday mornings at her house, and wednesday mornings at yours, that way you have a bit of time for yourself, but the boys are with someone who you know shares the same ideals? It's a tough spot to be in. Even with DD this young, and much less to consider, I have a hard time thinking of anyone I would feel completely confident about leaving her with. Not that she wouldn't be safe, but just that I don't feel our wishes would be 100% respected.
Maybe Ryan would care for them for an hour or two? It sounds like he's been better about helping out around the house, and maybe with a payment incentive, especially if he understood how much you needed just a bit of a break.
Would K do a workout type video? It sounds funny for such a young guy, but I've seen a lot of young ones who really enjoy following those, and seeing if they can mimic what's on the tv. It's a challenge, and it makes them feel very adult. You can get some exciting kick boxing type ones, or try to make it more calming and do a yoga one. Could be worth a shot!
AFU-- DD had SUCH a good evening/night last night! We sat and watched a hockey game at night, which she loves because of the colors and shapes moving, and then I was nursing her at about 930, and we remembered we had to go to my fathers to feed his cats, so we ran the quick errand, which broke up her concentration, and then when we got home, I nursed again at about 1030, and she fell asleep, and DH and I had a chance to have a really good long serious tlak from like 11pm until 130am. Then he went to bed, I finished on the computer and went to sleep at 2am. I put her in bed beside me, because I figured she'd be up in the next 30 minutes or so, but she slept until 3:30am! 4.5 hours, and that's including a move in location. Then she slept from 4 until 7 in the bassinet, fed, etc, and then slept again in the bassinet until just after 9. She got up for the day, we changed her, fed, she puked everywhere, so we gave her a bath, and then played, and now she's napping again in my lap at 10:30! And it actually feels like a solid sleep! If I can somehow manage to keep her asleep for 90 minutes or so, I think we could have a good day on our hands! She just usually gets so overtired she doesn't know what to do with herself.
AND, I pumped yesterday just before a feeding for 5 minutes or so, just to take some off the top because I was leaking all over the place, and then I pumped while she was feeding as well. Soooo awkward, but worth it. I got 3.5 ounces in the total of about 15 minutes. Usually in about 25-30 minutes I -might- get 2oz, but I feel like I'm fighting for every drop. I want to start building up a bit of a freezer stash, so I feel much better about this. There's been a couple times where I've been exhausted, and DH has offered to take her to his sisters and 'play' there for a few hours, so I can sleep uninterrupted, but I've never had enough milk to send with her, so we couldn't. If we get a few feedings worth in the freezer, then we can do that if I need.
Guys, it's been like... 15 hours without a screaming fit! I'm torn between being in shock, and being in heaven. She's fussing like a normal baby, without having looooong bouts of uncontrollable shrieking.
Oooh, and she's been wearing her necklace now for 5 days I think? I don't know if I've noticed a difference in the reflux (maybe that was last night though...) but she woke up this morning and I realized her baby acne, which had gotten pretty bad, is almost gone. Yay!post #172 of 5081/13/12 at 9:34amThread StarterJJ ~
There is at least one person in my homeschool group who I would be fine leaving Ethan and Kellen with for a few hours. I won't leave Dylan with anyone, though. He's too young. I don't leave babies who are EBF or almost EBF with sitters or friends, although I will leave them with my dh or my mom for an hour while napping to run a quick errand. Plus, that 13yo girl could babysit but she lives kind of far.
I've never asked anyone to watch my kids because I don't feel comfortable trading. I have never felt comfortable watching other people's kids. I'm really not much of a kid person. Ha! I don't know what to do with them (other than my own, and even then I'm sometimes at a loss).
The exercise video is actually a good idea. We have Just Dance Kids for the Wii. I should encourage him to play that more often. I think it was kind of hard for him when we first got it but that was at least a year ago so I bet he's better at it now.
We're having a really strange morning/day. Dylan woke up around 8 but was happy to stay in bed and just cuddle while I dozed some more. At around 10 he wanted to nurse and fell back to sleep for his morning nap without ever getting out of bed! It's now 12:30 and he's still sleeping. He keeps making noises but every time I go to check on him, he's asleep. I hope he's not waking, finding himself alone, and then going back to sleep because he's given up. He hasn't been fussing or crying. Yesterday, I went to check on him after he'd been napping for a while and he was just laying in the bed with his eyes open. He wasn't doing anything, just laying there. Is that weird?
So, wish me a lot of luck tonight. Ethan wants to go to Red Lobster for his birthday dinner. It will be the first time I've taken all 3 kids to a real restaurant by myself. I'm planning to go early so we won't have to wait, since it's Friday night and payday. Oh crap! I just realized that.post #173 of 5081/13/12 at 10:05amBaby_Cakes, his head is not flat. Is it changing shape? Yes. But his whole body is changing! My DSC's baby sister that is 3 months older than DD had a flat head for a while. She spends a lot of time in her infant carrier. But I saw her recently and it's going away on its own without intervention. The pic you posted today on FB of Finn trying to crawl, that baby's head is not flat! But definitely mention it to the doc next time if you are still concerned. One of the big lessons I have learned from DD having a CHD is to trust my mama instinct. If something feels off with her, even if she looks fine, usually something is up.post #174 of 5081/13/12 at 10:17am
Just the fact that none of you are like, "oh my goodness get him checked" makes me breathe a HUGE sigh of relief!! Oh thank you, thank you. I'm always afraid people are staring at his head.
Maybe my guilt is making me see things? I think that's possible. I can't shake the huge knot in my gut I have over the swing sleeping. I think this weekend I'm going to have DH put the swing away. We will figure out how to live without it.
alysia - do you guys have the wii fit plus? DD really enjoys the running game and last year at 2 she could barely do it but is good at it now. Good luck out with the kids. I bet you'll have fun and enjoy yourself even!
JJ - Hooray for a good night!! And you know what, the first thing that the hazelwood did for Finn was clean up his skin. All his white heads went away. He had tragic acne, I was always picking, but once the necklace went on it cleared right up. Awesome that it's doing the same for Tenley!!
Oh, alysia, about the staring - Finn does that from time to time. I think all ppl do. I bet he was just zoning out! Did it seem odd to you or just like he was being thoughtful?post #175 of 5081/13/12 at 10:53amThread StarterI think I must have missed something about swing sleeping. Why do you feel bad about it? What's wrong with it if it's what works for everyone as long as Finn isn't left in there alone and upset?
I do have the Wii fit something or other. I moved the Wii upstairs. I spend most of my time downstairs so I guess that just wasn't even entering my mind. Ethan used to like to do the exercises with that. I will get that set up so they can both do that, too. What great ideas! Thank you all.
I guess Dylan zoning out wasn't odd. He was just laying there quietly. I felt bad because I was afraid I'd left him alone too long. But, like I said, he wasn't fussing or anything. Maybe he was enjoying some quiet alone time. I guess it seems odd to me that a baby would want to be alone. Why wouldn't he call for me as soon as he woke up?post #176 of 5081/13/12 at 11:58am
Finn does that too. He is so mellow and so reserved (when he isn't doing his wonderful high pitched scream/screech to get attention) that sometimes I forget he's there. I don't have to entertain him. He's happy watching, observing, looking. I'm so curious to see how he will be as he gets older. This is so different from High Needs Nora who needed constant attention and redirection and to be held or fussed over or SOMETHING.
The guilt over the swing sleep is just mine. I know there's nothing wrong with it in general, but when he was smaller he was spending 8-12 hours a day in the swing. I'd put him in at 8 or 9 pm, he'd sleep til 12 in it, I'd feed him, put him back in. He would sleep another 4 hours in it. He took all his long naps there, so another 2-3 hours at a time. I didn't know what else to do, and it worked for the time being b/c everyone's sleep needs were being met. But I agonized over it b/c I wanted him to sleep with me. I wanted him next to me, I wanted him to be able to side lie nurse so he wouldn't wake up fully. But b/c of his reflux, he would just puke everywhere. He still can't side lie nurse all the time. Milk comes out his nose, congests him, makes him spit up. I know if there IS something wrong with his head shape, it's b/c of that swing. But for normal use, I don't see any issues with swing sleep. Like I said, Nora took all her naps there as a baby and her head was/is fine.
I think I'm going to just stop using it as a crutch, and get him taking all his naps in the cosleeper. That's on an angle still, but he sleeps more on his side, and moves his head back and forth.post #177 of 5081/13/12 at 12:36pm
I understand about not wanting to use it as a crutch. I'm trying to figure out where Norah will take her naps when she outgrows the rocker . . .I hate to have her upstairs, because if she's like Gabe at all, she'll go through cat nap phases, and I don't want to be running up and down the stairs all the time. and I don't want to move the pack n play downstairs, because I want it upstairs for part of her night time sleep, and I sure ain't having that thing lugged up and down the stairs everyday!
speaking of probably "it's nothing" sort of concerns - I am trying decide if her right eye is swollen or if her lid is droopy. (ptosis) It has always been a little smaller than her left eye, but that sort of assymetry is normal. nothing to be done about ptosis, barring surgery, which they won't do until age 4, and only then if it affects vision. If it's swollen, I need to figure out why. I think maybe blocked tear ducts.
too many sales lately! got a ton of cute stuff on clearance at Gymboree and Crazy 8's for the kiddos for summer.
I am seriously considering giving up on wraps and doing a ring sling.post #178 of 5081/13/12 at 3:04pmThread Starterkat ~ what's the trouble with the wraps? i thought you were doing really well with it.
carrie ~ i wouldn't worry about Finn being in the swing if that's where he slept. it's not like you forced him to stay in it even though he hated it. obviously, he was fine with it or it wouldn't have worked so well.
dinner went really well. dylan sat in his bucket most of the time. he got a little fussy toward the end but was fine when i picked him for a bit. went back to the bucket while i ate. i nursed him while the boys finished eating and then we left. i think the only reason he got fussy at all was because he was tired. he fell asleep for the 5 minutes it took to drive to the restaurant and stayed asleep while i transferred him from his carseat to the bucket but woke up when we got into the restaurant. i am very pleased with how well it went.post #179 of 5081/13/12 at 7:05pm
Wow - I had a lot of reading to catch up with you guys!
Let's see if I can remember all of the things I wanted to comment on!
Carrie - I agree if JJ - there may flat spots - but it could also be the angle the pic was taken at - because I don't see them in all the pictures - just one really. I think he is fine. Dax sleeps in his swing a lot too because he really likes it and it is in a convenient place. His head is fine. Maybe I am missing something - but why would it matter where he is sleeping - I mean I guess sometimes Daxton sleeps on his side or starts out on his side but he almost always eventually rolls onto his back - so what difference would it make if he was on his back in bed with me or in his swing? I mean we can't hold him all day long. I think Finn is fine and you shouldn't feel guilty. It is a whole different game when you have more than one - sometimes they do have to be put down more often than we would like because we have more than one person to look after.
MW - My 3 yo DD sounds a lot like K. She is busy, busy, busy, and yes a lot of the time everyone is so frustrated with her! She is quite mischeivious - and I think maybe she is trying to figure out her place - so she is always pushing everyone's buttons. I don't know - she is just 3 - which I find to be a much harder age than 2. Carrie - it's not just boys! Kacey is wild! I cannot imagine that a boy could be any more wild than her - she is rough and tumble and climbs the furniture and she's loud etc etc...But I love her! I love her quirkiness and I try to think of those things when she is driving me crazy! It's hard though.
Kenya went to my mom's house for a couple of days and it was nice for Kacey to get a little more of our attention - we still had Dax of course - but it was nice for her, and nice for Kenya too - she told my mom she needed a break from Kacey! lol
Daxton has been sleeping really well too - he wakes up sometimes nly 1 time in the night. For ex last night he went to sleep at about 10 and slept until 2:30 - nursed and fell back to sleep until 7, nursed and then slept until 10:30. I feel pretty good - but I still get to sleep in sometimes if Dh doesn't have to go to work early in the morning - which is most days now that it is cold - window cleaning isn't fun in the freezing cold temps we've been having!
Oh yeah - as for being done. I don't know if I will ever feel done. I know Dh is done for sure! lol If we had an accident I wouldn't be sad - but I know DH would never agree to another one on purpose!
hmmmm there was something else I wanted to say......
Oh yeah - Daxton does the same thing - he will happily lay in bed - or sit in his seat or his swing quietly without fussing or anything - he's just a mellow baby. I have had so many people ask me - so when is his fussy time and honestly I can't think of a fussy time - I mean sure he cries and fusses from time tot ime but he is not a fussy baby and rarely cries - sometimes he just wants to be held or what not, but he is generally very easy going
MW - Very brave mama! I am glad things went well for you at the restaurant.
Well better go get some sleep while DS is and DD are both sleeping soundly!post #180 of 5081/13/12 at 8:08pm
Yay MW on a good first dinner out w/all three boys! Sounds like that bucket seat comes in handy sometimes! I know there have been times when I wished I had one but now DD is almost sitting up on her own so there won't be any need for it.
I tried to give DD some banana tonight...didn't go over so well! She started to touch it and as soon as it felt slimy, she pulled her hand away like it was the grossest thing ever! Oh well, there's plenty of time for her to eat. She had a not so good day. I had to take her in to the pediatrician this evening because the cardiologist wanted someone to look at her but didn't want me to have to go to the ER. She was super whiny when she woke up from her nap and usually she's very happy. I hooked her up to the monitor and her O2 levels are back down again in the 60s. She was spitting up more than usual today as well. She had a low-grade fever at the doctor's office so she's fighting something off but her ears and throat are clear. So we just have to watch her and see what happens.
Baby_Cakes, I saw on FB what Nora did to her hair! You got lucky! Both my DSDs have cut their hair and it was not pretty! They both ended up with bangs that were about 1/4 of an inch, if that. Yikes! I cut my hair when I was about 4 or 5. I remember doing it. My mom was on the phone...perfect time to find some scissors!
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