He's onlly 13 1/2 and I'm already so over it.

[Mama Soltera]

The broodiness, the moodiness, the attitude, the tone, the spending all day in his room, his brand new realization that he hates all of us and never wants to be around us. Do I really have to do this. I don't know how I'm going to make it to 18. Not that it necessarily ends there. And  my daughter is just two years behind him and already very hormonal. What the hell did I sign up for? And I'm doing it solo. :/

[Mama Soltera]

And yes, I do know how to spell. It's this keyboard. It makes it really hard to type normally. Sorry.

[Thisbirdwillfly]

Thirteen and fourteen were rough years for my son but it did get better.  By the time he was 17, I was sick at the thought of him leaving for college, believe it or not.  

The teen years reminded me a lot of the toddler years, lots of big changes each year.  

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by Mama Soltera 

I don't know how I'm going to make it to 18. Not that it necessarily ends there.

For my kids, the worst of this lasted about 18 months, then they gradually improved. My 15 year old was a nightmare at 12, edging toward OK by 13 1/2, and at 15, I enjoy the heck of out her.

This is phase that is part of puberty. It is not all of the teen years.
 

I'm not sure what we can do to help them get through this faster/easier/better. I wish there were magic pills I could give to my 13 1/2 year old because at this point, I am really over the angst.

[Dar]

Yeah, I think 13-14 tend to be rough for boys and 11-12 tend to be rough for girls, so you're getting a double-whammy. I agree with Linda - it was about 18 months of hell and then things just got better and better. I love, love, love the late teens!

[Mama Soltera]

Thank you so much for your comments. It helps a lot to hear from moms who have been there.

[mamarhu]

My Dumplings are 15 and 16 and I am thoroughly enjoying them now, after a rough patch a while back. Except for a hormonal/emotional spell this evening, but that's another story for another post (that is to say we still have our moments...)

[mattemma04]

It could be a hormonal thing coupled with the daily environment. School can be stressful.That comes home to be released among family.

Lol, I recall some  family going through the hormonal fluctuation of menopause,and it was INSANE(their behavior). Right up their with teen hormones.

Hope it passes well for you all. It will pass.

[nd_deadhead]

I agree with the others who compare puberty to toddlerhood - treat them with clear expectations and unconditional love.

Do you typically eat meals together? Even if he won't speak (and gives you dirty looks, etc), he has to opportunity to talk if he wants to.

The puberty train came to our house early - my twin boys were about 11. It helped them a lot when I reminded that the hormone roller coaster was bad at the time, but it wouldn't last forever.

He probably isn't cranky all the time (though it might seem like it). Make the most of the cheerful moments!

Are things OK at school? Have you talked to his teachers about his grades and behavior? Have they noticed changes, or is he fine around other adults (and takes out all his frustrations on you?) If he's OK at school - reasonably happy, has friends, gets his work done - then I think you just have to take a deep breath and hang on until the phase passes. Talk to his teachers to see what they think (teacher email is one of the greatest inventions ever!)

Hang in there - it does get better!

[Mama Soltera]

Originally Posted by nd_deadhead 

 if he won't speak (and gives you dirty looks, etc)

Luckily he's not doing that. He knows I have my limits! lol And yep, all is well at school. Thanks so much for the support ladies. And either he's been better since I posted this or I'm just seeing it as more normal and going easier on myself about it. :)

[Linda on the move]

I don't think puberty has much to do with school. My kids go to the ultimate warm and fuzzy alternative school, where they can blow off a class and go make pottery without anyone saying anything to them. And Dar's daughter unschooled.

I'm sure that being in a school situation that truly didn't work for a child could make things worse, but I figure if kids like ours go through 18 months or so of being deeply unpleasant, no one can really  blame the public school system.

[mamarhu]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move 

I don't think puberty has much to do with school. My kids go to the ultimate warm and fuzzy alternative school, where they can blow off a class and go make pottery without anyone saying anything to them. And Dar's daughter unschooled.

I'm sure that being in a school situation that truly didn't work for a child could make things worse, but I figure if kids like ours go through 18 months or so of being deeply unpleasant, no one can really  blame the public school system.

Agreed - my hormonal one is the unschooled one these days. Or maybe it is just that I see her more!

[nd_deadhead]

I don't think puberty has anything at all to do with school. But I think if a kid is pleasant to teachers and peers, and is doing fine academically, but obnoxious and full of attitude at home, one can pretty reliably blame puberty. If a kid is suddenly withdrawn at school, grades take a sharp drop, or other behavior changes a lot at school as well as home, I might look for signs of drug or alcohol use, or a serious bullying or social anxiety issue that should be addressed.

In the OPs case, it certainly sounds like puberty, which will pass. Hang in there, OP!

[Imakcerka]

Is there an option to skip puberty?  Thought I'd ask

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by nd_deadhead 

If a kid is suddenly withdrawn at school, grades take a sharp drop, or other behavior changes a lot at school as well as home, I might look for signs of drug or alcohol use, or a serious bullying or social anxiety issue that should be addressed.

But all of those things can happen to kids who are developing completely normally. The transition to Jr High is tough for many kids, and for some kids it does effect their grades. The social situation is very confusing at this stage of life, and most kids feel like they don't fit in. Friendship that worked for years often fall apart. Kids feel like they don't even know themselves. All the things you list can be caused just by going through such a major life transition.

It's difficult to tell when kids this age have problems that need to be treated with professional help because most kids this age have difficulties, such as mood swings, friendship issues, etc.

Originally Posted by Imakcerka 

Is there an option to skip puberty?  Thought I'd ask

no, but having older kids/teen does have upsides. My kids are both interesting people that I love to talk to. They are responsible. I can leave them for HOURS with no issues. I spend very little time taking care of them,  and instead spend some very solid time every day connecting with them AND have more time for myself! In some ways, it's a saner, more balanced phase of parenting.

[karne]

Originally Posted by Imakcerka 

Is there an option to skip puberty?  Thought I'd ask

It's not that bad.  In fact, it can be pretty darn good if you are able to use humor, selective hearing, and lots of flexibility in your parenting!

[Cyllya]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move 

I'm sure that being in a school situation that truly didn't work for a child could make things worse, but I figure if kids like ours go through 18 months or so of being deeply unpleasant, no one can really  blame the public school system.

I agree with this, but I think most kids are probably in a school situation that isn't a good fit for them. Being hormonal is bad, but being hormonal AND unhappy with your life for tangible reasons is worse.

[purslaine]

Originally Posted by karne 

It's not that bad.  In fact, it can be pretty darn good if you are able to use humor, selective hearing, and lots of flexibility in your parenting!

You must be having a good day, lol.

One of mine went through puberty fairly easily and one did not.  Ah, well.  It does end!

[karne]

Originally Posted by kathymuggle 

You must be having a good day, lol.

One of mine went through puberty fairly easily and one did not.  Ah, well.  It does end!

Well, I was, now, not so much.......I guess that is the way it goes.  My challenge right now is staying above the emotional roller coaster, yet remaining empathetic. I do really believe that this is an interesting and rewarding age, but it is either really good, or really tough.  Not much in between these days. 

[purslaine]

Deep breaths.  Can you remove yourself from the situation?  I find that when my DD is pushing my buttons, leaving the room even for a few minutes gives us both a chance to centre ourselves.  Sometimes that is all it takes, and sometimes the issue still needs to be addressed, but we can do it from a calmer place.

I agree it is an interesting and rewarding age - with lots of room for growth of both parent and child - but it is not always easy.