What to do with practically a lifetime of journals/diaries?

[Mama Soltera]

I recently counted them. There are 35 journals at this point. They document a huge portion of my life (the past 27 years) but they are also very personal and private. I have them hidden in my house and I can't stop writing so the pile of books grows. What do I do? I've put so much into them, yet having them makes me feel vulnerable, privacy-wise. Thoughts?

[HappyHappyMommy]

Is your concern that others in your house will read them? If so, maybe you could get a box or chest that locks and keep them there.

[tropicana]

that's the trouble with diaries!!

jackie o. reportedly burned all of her diaries before she died.

going that route, however, means you have to know that you are dying (ie, like she did, of cancer, for example) vs. going down in a car crash, etc.

just a thought, but you could find a way to convert them to digital and put a password on it; but that's just a passing thought. sounds like a lot of trouble, actually.

do you have them hidden in ONE spot in the house?

another idea is that you could have them bound together. a book bindery company could do that for you. perhaps you could get them bound into several editions, and get an old fashioned key put on the outside of the binding??

[Mama Soltera]

Hi, thanks for your responses. I do have them locked up (except for my current ones that I'm writing in at the moment of course). That is very interesting to learn about Jackie O. I have thought of typing them up, maybe even editing them just a tiny bit (in case anything is just too boring or I've decided it's way too personal). But I kind of like the rawness too. I appreciate your input.

[HappyHappyMommy]

Originally Posted by Mama Soltera 

Hi, thanks for your responses. I do have them locked up (except for my current ones that I'm writing in at the moment of course). That is very interesting to learn about Jackie O. I have thought of typing them up, maybe even editing them just a tiny bit (in case anything is just too boring or I've decided it's way too personal). But I kind of like the rawness too. I appreciate your input.

Also, if you are worried about people reading them after you die (a la Jackie O), you could ask someone your trust (or put it in your will) that you would like the locked box of journals burned/destroyed after your death. I know someone who had her journals burned and then mixed and buried with her ashes. (She was cremated.)

[ms.shell]

hi, i know how you feel.  when last i moved, i realized i had a stack of notebooks as tall as I am!  and i definitely don't want anyone to ever read them.  i have made that known, to my sisters and mom and dh, but i'm not sure how much i trust that my mom in particular would be able to just destroy them without taking a look.

so over the last few years, i have been reading them and pulling out and destroying many entries myself.  a lot of what i wrote was unimportant and not something i would care to read later.  and then, a lot of stuff i would not want to forget and am very interested in saving for myself for later....but i won't need hundreds of notebooks worth to review my life, so i have been feeling good about thinning the stack by pulling particular pages out to destroy.

[mrsmischief]

Can I ever relate to these feelings. I currently keep my paper journals locked away in a drawer in my desk and have taken to a private Livejournal for some writing now that my daughter is older and quickly learning to read. I've also began keeping a "family notebook" to serve as a journal of my memories of mothering, including the writing from previous journals as appropriate to provide the full story of our family for my daughter one day.

My other journals I intend to have burned upon my death and will soon be amending my will to reflect these wishes.  

[starling&diesel]

I told myself that I was going to burn them when I turned thirty.  I was going to go to the beach, build a beautiful fire, and let my past drift away as smoke into the night.  It is now seven years later and I still have three boxes of journals.  I do plan to burn them.  I don't want people reading them, and when I read them I have a visceral reaction that is mostly unpleasant.  I'll let you know if I ever get up the guts to finally say goodbye to the past!

[Mama Soltera]

Wow! It is SO nice to know I am not alone. For me though, I guess the thought of burning them and just erasing all those experiences and feelings and work kind of kills me. I know what you mean about reading them being unpleasant sometimes. But also, even in the depths of depression in mine I will write some pretty funny stuff. And there are things I don't want to forget. I feel like if I edit it too much it won't be honest anymore, like only some of the truth, the pretty parts. Most of it is not pretty though. Anyway, I really appreciate talking to other women who are dealing with the same dilemma!

[moonbeem]

I have the same issue. My solution has been to cull the pile, I separated a paper sack full of the journals that I would least want read after my death. This  spring they will be the weed barrier to my raised garden bed, eventually they will compost and I will feel a special connection with the garden of my  former words, thoughts, wishes. I think of burying my journals in much the same way as burying a placenta.

[Labbemama2]

Hmm, this is the exact objection that I have to journaling for myself.  If I wrote as if other people were going to read it, what would I write about?  (Although I had a grandmother who wrote the daily news, weather, high and lo temp.) 

My sister-in-law though told me that she writes a few journals a year and then has a burning ceremony. 

My sister and my mom found my diary when I was sixteen and read some very personal stuff.  Mostly how much I was bugged by both of them and my crushes, but still that would be my concern people knowing that stuff after I'm dead. 

I do like the idea of using it to garden or having it mixed in with my ashes but they do cremation by the pound, not to be funny, having just had my husband cremated but if you get to a certain weight they charge you extra and a lifetime of journals sigh...my husband being the tightwad I guess you'd have to burn those at home and add it to the urn to cut costs.  Then you could really take your secrets to the grave with you! But you'd have to trust one person with it. 

[philomom]

I have some packed away from my teen years. They are so full of bad, strong feelings but I have yet to trash them. I am glad they are not within the reach of my own kids.

[Contrariety]

I threw all of mine except one away from my teenaged years.  I was horribly depressed and they were just awful.  I kept just one from my teenage years.  The only reason I kept it is incase my kids have rough times and think I can't relate, they can read it and see that I can.  Hopefully the way I'm raising my children won't result in them being depressed, but you never know.  The only times I've kept a journal was when i was depressed, as a way to try and get myself through it.  the day I got happy, i quit writing in my journal.  Reading my journal would give someone a really skewed vision of who I am. I would hate for someone to read them after I'm gone and not around to tell them otherwise.

[Melaniee]

I read them again then shredded them b/c I didn't want my kids to ever find them. ;)

[philomom]

Originally Posted by Contrariety 

I threw all of mine except one away from my teenaged years.  I was horribly depressed and they were just awful.  I kept just one from my teenage years.  The only reason I kept it is incase my kids have rough times and think I can't relate, they can read it and see that I can.  Hopefully the way I'm raising my children won't result in them being depressed, but you never know.  The only times I've kept a journal was when i was depressed, as a way to try and get myself through it.  the day I got happy, i quit writing in my journal.  Reading my journal would give someone a really skewed vision of who I am. I would hate for someone to read them after I'm gone and not around to tell them otherwise.

Exactly. I found journaling to be a safe place to dump the bad stuff. One would think my life then was torture if they didn't know me in some sort of context or in the long term.

[mrs_mandolini]

I burned them when I was 30. It was a beautiful day and I was so happy to see them all go. When I realized that every page brought back such ugliness and sadness, I knew I was ready to let them go and move on.

[momtokea]

I had a few diaries and a couple of years ago I shredded them and threw them out (I'm 44 so I did hang on to them for a long time).  I really didn't want anyone reading them, ever.  For example, I said some awful things about my mother when I was mad at her.  I mostly wrote when I was in a bad mood.  Leaving them behind if I died would just hurt people's feelings and make me look evil.  I didn't want them around so I got rid of them.

[tinybutterfly]

I have nearly 24 years worth of journals. I have shredded a few of them, but that was taking forever, so I am hoping to take them over to my brother's burn pit and torch them. Maybe I will bring some champagne and make an event of it.

I re-read them now and then and have very mixed feelings when doing that.

Now I am writing in a notebook, but as soon as I am finished writing I read what I have written, tear out the pages and shred them in the shredder. Works really well at this point in my life.

I just need to get organized, call my brother and set a date, then haul them all over there and have a bonfire.