DS is 5 and DD is 2. I have 50/50 join custody of DS and DD is from my current relationship.
DS has been in counseling for a long time now and he is violent toward his sister, completely defiant, destructive of household property. I feel like some of this stems from the fact that at his father's house he has no rules, expectations, etc. If he disobeys he is essentially bribed with a new toy, video game, etc. At my home, there are clear exectations, rules and while I provide for my children's needs, I absolutely refuse to be materialistic like his father. My children get new toys maybe once a year. Toys that are meaningfl and last. We don't do video games or TV. Anyway, i feel like his dad is a huge contributing factor. I have NO chance at getting full custody. XH got joint custody even with an active dvo for abusing me. My city is fathers rights to EXCESS. I am unemployed, and due to bad circumstances have moved numerous times in my son's life. I fully recognize this probaly contributes to his behavior but I am becoming more stable. He has worked the same job for years, never moved, and makes good money.
So this is very badly affecting my daughter. She is a very easygoing and rarely cries when her brother isn't home. The minute he comes home, he is constantly hurting her (even with constant supervision) and she is constantly in distress. As soon as he leaves, she is at ease again.
I have been struggling for weeks with this. I do not feel like it is in my daughters best interest to be around her brother at this point. It is also exceptionally taxing on dp and I. However, I feel like if I let DS' dad have him more often (but him still coming to my house) it mightmake matters worse.
I am at a complete loss. The therapist does agree that two households is causing ds considerable stress, but cant ofer a solution.
Any ideas?
DS has been in counseling for a long time now and he is violent toward his sister, completely defiant, destructive of household property. I feel like some of this stems from the fact that at his father's house he has no rules, expectations, etc. If he disobeys he is essentially bribed with a new toy, video game, etc. At my home, there are clear exectations, rules and while I provide for my children's needs, I absolutely refuse to be materialistic like his father. My children get new toys maybe once a year. Toys that are meaningfl and last. We don't do video games or TV. Anyway, i feel like his dad is a huge contributing factor. I have NO chance at getting full custody. XH got joint custody even with an active dvo for abusing me. My city is fathers rights to EXCESS. I am unemployed, and due to bad circumstances have moved numerous times in my son's life. I fully recognize this probaly contributes to his behavior but I am becoming more stable. He has worked the same job for years, never moved, and makes good money.
So this is very badly affecting my daughter. She is a very easygoing and rarely cries when her brother isn't home. The minute he comes home, he is constantly hurting her (even with constant supervision) and she is constantly in distress. As soon as he leaves, she is at ease again.
I have been struggling for weeks with this. I do not feel like it is in my daughters best interest to be around her brother at this point. It is also exceptionally taxing on dp and I. However, I feel like if I let DS' dad have him more often (but him still coming to my house) it mightmake matters worse.
I am at a complete loss. The therapist does agree that two households is causing ds considerable stress, but cant ofer a solution.
Any ideas?
