Is it really so strange that my 15mo doesn't STTN?

[J1379]

So DH and I were at a wedding last week and were at a table with 3 other couples with babies...of course, the conversation got around to sleep.  At the table were parents of an 8 month old, 9 month old and 10 month old and then DH and I - with a 15 month old.  Out of the 4 babies (and with mine being the oldest!) my child was the only one NOT sleeping through the night.  I couldn't believe this - they all told me that their babies slept anywhere from 11-13 hours straight without getting up.  I didn't tell them I co-sleep (I didn't know these people and didn't feel up to getting the strange looks it can sometimes result in!) but then they all started asking what I was doing and what he was doing when waking up trying to "problem solve" it for me.  Well when he wakes (probably about 2-3 times in the night) he wakes very briefly, I nurse him and he is back to sleep within minutes.  I ended up getting advise that does not go in line with my parenting style (e.g. switch to a bottle, CIO, move to his own room etc.).  I just sort of listened but told them I was okay with how things were.  I never felt his night waking was odd - in fact, I felt he was pretty much on target for what I would expect.  Yes, I'm tired - but I don't believe in CIO and have been through this before with DS#1 who eventually started STTN on his own at about 2 years old.  I know he will eventually sleep on his own so just feel like its all part of the journey.  So I guess I'm wondering...am I off in my thinking...is it weird that he isn't sleeping better?  How are others children sleeping at this age??

Thanks!

[cristeen]

My 28 mo is still not STTN, so I don't think it's the slightest bit odd that your 15 mo isn't. 

Chances are good that they either got natural sleepers (which does happen sometimes), or they practice CIO (or some of each).  I'd love a natural sleeper, and I'd love a good night's sleep, but I'm not going to CIO in order to accomplish it. 

I'd just move on if these aren't people you're going to be dealing with on a regular basis. 

[nstewart]

Originally Posted by cristeen 

Chances are good that they either got natural sleepers (which does happen sometimes), or they practice CIO (or some of each).  I'd love a natural sleeper, and I'd love a good night's sleep, but I'm not going to CIO in order to accomplish it. 

I'd just move on if these aren't people you're going to be dealing with on a regular basis. 

My DS is 18 months, and still usually wakes 2-3 times per night. 

Also, it's possible their little ones are not "sleeping through the night" like they think.  My BIL and SIL did sleep training with their DD1 when she was about 6 months old and then just got rid of the baby monitor.  They said she slept through the night, but after staying with them for a week and sleeping in the room next to their DD1 I can tell you that she did not.  She would wake up and cry herself back to sleep a couple of times a night and BIL/SIL had no idea because they just didn't listen for her or check on her for the 12 hours or whatever it was they put her down for.

[motherhendoula]

I also have a 15 month old who is NOT sleeping through the night - also wakes 2 - 3 times usually to nurse - most often settles quickly and is back to sleep quickly and easily  - assuming Mom is there immediately! 

I have two older children who were bottle fed and slept in a crib... i NEVER  let them CIO  and they were both STTN by about 8 - 9 months -   i do think there is such a  thing as a naturally good sleeper and i think our 15 mo olds might still qualify - i consider it to be a HUGE blessing that my LO goes down in about 15 minutes flat....that stat also counts in the 'good sleeper' column! 

[teraze]

I have a 14 month old, we bed-share, and he still wakes up 2-3 times per night.  I nurse him back to sleep, and all is well.  (Except when he's teething something awful.  Then it just sucks.)  :)

[tooraloora]

My 17 month old will mostly STTN as long as I'm in bed, but only because he can find a breast and nurse in his sleep. If I pull a late night, he will wake up a couple times to hunt me down for a nurse. I don't see a problem. I get plenty of rest, he gets plenty of rest, we're both happy.

[blessedwithboys]

Well, I'm 30-something and I still don't sleep through the night.  Am I weird or abnormal?  haha

My kids didn't STTN til 24 months.  Your babe is the epitome of typical.  :)

[J1379]

Thanks everyone! ((hugs)) I hate that being a parent makes you constantly feel judged by others and unsure of yourself...but I felt so awful when I could see everyone at the table giving me "the look" when I said he wasn't STTN.  Plus I felt so odd that people with babies younger than mine and first time parents were sitting there giving me advice on how to get my child sleeping better when I didn't really feel like anything was wrong in the first place!  It made me feel a little defensive.  But I'm glad to see everyone's responses to know that my little guys are pretty darn typical.  I had the same thought as many...that they likely were using CIO or something to that effect - because I can't imagine babies so young sleeping that long on their own accord.  Thanks again!  I'm going to head upstairs and snuggle with my little guy :)

[Mama2ChicknLil]

I would also guess they are not nursing, or at least supplementing with formula. I mean, even on solids at that age if my baby went 11-13 hours without waking up to nurse my breasts would explode!!!

I figure we'll get at least one good nights sleep before our babes turn 18 and head off into the world...sigh

:)

[intrepidmother]

Argh. I hate that! I've stopped talking about it and when it's brought up, I nod and smile, all the while thankful I've never put my baby through the trauma of CIO. 

[Adaline'sMama]

For me, its always good to remember a few things about sitting around with other moms in social settings and talking about our babies and their sleep habits:

#1: People lie. Parents often make their kids out to be easier/harder/better/smarter than they really are. If their kid has slept through the night 3 times, all of the sudden it becomes "Oh yeah, my kid sleeps through the night." If their kid kept them up twice last week it's all of the sudden "My kid never sleeps. I havent slept more than 2 hours in a row in over a year." People love to brag and complain.

#2: If you nurse, co-sleep, or even room share you probably have a better idea of how your kid is sleeping than the person who leaves their child in a separate room all night long. I woke up this morning to find my kid with her diaper off, two books on her bed that werent there when we put her to bed (they were on the bookshelf) and three stuffed animals out of her toybox. She obviously woke up in the middle of the night and entertained herself for a little while and I had no clue. Im a super light sleeper, but she must not have cried, because we are literally less than 20 feet from her with no closed doors. If their kid is sleeping in a different room they really have no idea whether or not the kid is sleeping through the night.

#3: I always laugh when people who have kids who are 6 months younger than mine give me that look. They have NO idea what they are about to have to start dealing with. At 15 months, your kid is a toddler- they have infants.

[Redmom]

Totally, TOTALLY, TOTALLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYY normal for your bubs to wake at night.  And 2-3 times per night is pretty good in my books....we have a 13 month old who wakes at least 6 or 7 times a night.....urgh.

Babies are all so different so there is no point in comparing.

I agree with the other posters.....that people lie, and especially parents who stick bubs in their own room probably end up ignoring their cries during the night.

I belong to a mom's group and many of them have "sleep trained" their kids...well I frequently hear them complaining that bubs woke up several times, was up for a couple of hours, took ages to settle, would not go back to sleep etc.  So even the parents who sleep train their kids do not necessary have fantastic sleepers.

At the La Leche League meeting I went to during the week, one of the moms made a great point that in our society, our parenting is judged by how well our babies sleep.  ie great sleeper = great parent, crappy sleeper = a black mark on our parenting.  But the truth I believe is that sleeping through the night is no more controlled by our parenting than we can control we they first start to walk - it's a milestone like everything else.

There is plenty of research to show that it's normal and healthy for babies to wake during the night to seek reassurance from their parents.  The parents who are smug about their babies sleeping through the night really have no reason to brag.

I definitely get envious of parents who claim to have kids who STTN but I remind myself that good parenting is HARD, especially ni those early years and I like to think it will pay off down the track by raising kids who are secure and confident and trust that their parents love them.

You know your kid better than anyone and you are doing a great job Momma! 

[Redmom]

And one more thing, I also hate the stupid advice that people give, my favourite is to add a spoon of cereal into their bottle.  For one thing it assumes my baby is bottle fed, and even if he was, like...duh....as if a spoon full of cereal is going to doing jack sh*t....LOL.

[anjsmama]

I hate to assume, but I almost have to, that the other parents weren't co-sleeping and breastfeeding, or their babes would be waking too.

Yes, my DS slept 12 hours SOLID through the night from 5 months on. Gratefully, I can say this was not due to any CIO techniques. However, it WAS almost definitely due to the fact he was then weaned and formula/bottle fed and sleeping in a crib in a separate room. We had video monitors so I'm quite certain he was sleeping the whole time, it's just that... he didn't have anything to wake for, KWIM? No milk. No mom & dad in the room. 

Of course, we thought it was great and maybe it was in some ways for us, but it probably wasn't best for DS. AND after DD arrived and WAS (is) breastfed, cosleeping, worn, and etc... DS  (now 3.5 y/o) started giving me these wth? type looks and for the  past year has insisted on being carried, cuddling for naps and before bed, wakes twice a night for water and reassurance. I feel that I am now serving double duty for the night time parenting I did not do when DS was a baby. Hopefully DD will feel more secure by the time she is 3.5 yo than DS does now. 

[azhie]

Why is it that people expect babies to STTN? People began to ask me this question when dd was 2 months old! It's the first question everyone asks. And when I say no, she's not sttn, they look at me sympathetically, as if I were suffering (I'm not... co-sleeping makes things so much easier!)

[azhie]

Yes-- when my dd slept 4-5 hours at a stretch when she was a newborn, I would wake up at night anyway with painful boobs and drenched in milk. I much prefer her to wake up and nurse!
 

Originally Posted by Mama2ChicknLil 

I would also guess they are not nursing, or at least supplementing with formula. I mean, even on solids at that age if my baby went 11-13 hours without waking up to nurse my breasts would explode!!!

[luckiest]

So normal.  My 13 month old wakes 6-7 times.  I was having a conversation with a friend about it, whose son also wakes up throughout the night, and she said, "But he DOES sleep through the night.  He isn't waking up at 2am to play.  He's down for ten hours, he might wake up 8 times, but only for a minute or two.  So he sleeps for 9 hours and 45 minutes each night...I say that's sleeping through the night."  

It was a wonderful reminder to reframe my perspective!  

Also, those kids are almost definitely waking at night, but have either been trained that they don't receive care at night, or they're able to put themselves back to sleep.  My niece is one of those extraordinarily good natural sleepers.  They co-slept for a while, but realized that she actually slept better in the other room.  She'll make some noises in the night and they'll see her open her eyes on the monitor, but she just goes back to sleep on her own.

[PreggieUBA2C]

I have five children (18 months to 8 yrs old). None of them sttn. It's just that the older ones take care of themselves when they wake, but they still wake up, if even just for a minute or two, or to go pee, get a sip of water, whatever. I tend the four yr old 3-4x a week, co-sleep with the 18 month old, and about once/month the 6, 7, and 8 yr olds will ask for my assistance. I love seeing my dc at night, actually. It's a bit of gravy added to the main course, lol.

I set two alarms to tend the fire that keeps us warm at night after staying up until 2am to coordinate the fire with when dc wake up. I nudge the baby to nurse if I feel let-down and she's not yet rooting. My dp is home 3 out of 9 nights and we are not coordinated so he wakes me up all night with his sleep habits that work for him at his job, but not so well beside me. Our friends' dog barks right next to my house, three feet away, at random things, which gets my dog barking, and she's within three feet on the other side of me- and inside. We regularly get 60-100km winds during the night that sound like the roof is peeling off like a sardine can. Life is as it is.

I make it easy during the day when I'm tired. I don't discuss sleep at all, except as a factual discussion with dp, and when people are unkind toward themselves because think that their life should include lots of deep, restful sleep, even when it so clearly doesn't. If it doesn't, it doesn't. Why resist that? It's the way it is! Life can still be joy. No, my dc don't sttn. It's so wonderful to have those surprise middle-of-the-night experiences with them; I feel like a superhero, and they know they are loved. Then morning comes and I've slept five hours, woken 7 times, and now we're eating breakfast and reading, and playing, and staring out the window. Life carries on. It's okay- all of it.

"My life would be better if my dc slept through the night" is an assumption begging to be questioned. :) The truth obscured by that unquestioned assumption can literally transform your life. 

[Youngfrankenstein]

Originally Posted by Mama2ChicknLil 

I would also guess they are not nursing, or at least supplementing with formula. I mean, even on solids at that age if my baby went 11-13 hours without waking up to nurse my breasts would explode!!!

I figure we'll get at least one good nights sleep before our babes turn 18 and head off into the world...sigh

:)

I'm not sure this has as much to do with it.  My first 3 kids, all bf from birth, slept through the night (the one from 6 weeks).  My fourth child is 25 months old and still doesn't.  She has been weaned for a few months.

[nstewart]

Originally Posted by Youngfrankenstein 

I'm not sure this has as much to do with it.  My first 3 kids, all bf from birth, slept through the night (the one from 6 weeks).  My fourth child is 25 months old and still doesn't.  She has been weaned for a few months.

So you have those kids that we sleepless mammas are so jealous of!! A friend of mine's DS also was BF from birth and slept through the night rather early on (8 or 10 weeks, I believe).  She's the only one like this that I know though.