How I bonded with my preemie twins

[twinpossible]

I often see posts from NICU mommas who are worried about bonding, I thought I would post some ideas for you that worked with my twins. My girls were NICU residents for 11 weeks, a long time!

When they came home I began baths with momma. I would take them in one at a time and nurse them, lie belly to belly and wash gently while singing. I also had both swaddled next to me in bed, we cuddle all during the night. During the day I wear one at every chance I get. 

They are 8 months old now,  almost 6 months adjusted, and very very attached! They have a healthy separation anxiety and already say "mum mum" and "up" while holding their arms open to me. I just wanted you to know that it IS possible to bond with your baby. Yes it's hard, yes it's time consuming, but yes it's worth it. NICU stays tend to disconnect from our babies but it is possible to regain that bond :) 

[LunaLady]

I have found that attachment parenting has helped me to bond with my NICU baby, too. We co-sleep and on demand breastfeed and he's pretty much touching me in some way all day long. It's been a LONG road, but I am feeling pretty good about where we are at today.

[AmyJeanneBee]

Thank you ladies for posting this. I have often wondered if my baby will know me after so much time away during our NICU stay. I am happy to hear it is very possible to make up for lost time. :) Thanks for the ideas.

I have been doing kangaroo care since he arrived and singing to him every day. Now we are trying breastfeeding and soon he'll be home. Soooo looking forward to it.

[LunaLady]

Originally Posted by AmyJeanneBee 

Thank you ladies for posting this. I have often wondered if my baby will know me after so much time away during our NICU stay. I am happy to hear it is very possible to make up for lost time. :) Thanks for the ideas.

I have been doing kangaroo care since he arrived and singing to him every day. Now we are trying breastfeeding and soon he'll be home. Soooo looking forward to it.

It took some time, but my baby is very attached to me, now. It has also really strengthened our bond to be breastfeeding , although i know that's just not always possible. I had to work VERY hard to get my baby to the breast.

I hope your little one gets to come home soon!

[AmyJeanneBee]

Thanks, Luna Lady. We are trying to breastfeed. It isn't easy, no. The NICU nurses definitely aren't as encouraging and the lac. consultants seem more nurse-like than lactation consultants. I asked about using a SNS system to feed formula instead of bottles when we get home and the lac. consultant was not encouraging. The little guy is getting better at pacing himself so he doesn't gulp too much milk. Some days he does great, other days he struggles and gets hardly anything. I can't wait to get rid of my pump when we get home though! :)

[twinpossible]

Originally Posted by AmyJeanneBee 

Thanks, Luna Lady. We are trying to breastfeed. It isn't easy, no. The NICU nurses definitely aren't as encouraging and the lac. consultants seem more nurse-like than lactation consultants. I asked about using a SNS system to feed formula instead of bottles when we get home and the lac. consultant was not encouraging. The little guy is getting better at pacing himself so he doesn't gulp too much milk. Some days he does great, other days he struggles and gets hardly anything. I can't wait to get rid of my pump when we get home though! :)

That is exactly what happened with us. My girls were in the NICU for 5 more weeks then necessary because of feeding issues and the lactation consultants would not let me breastfeed for that reason. They hated the SNS saying it would break their suction. I ended up putting my foot down and made them teach me how to do the gavage feedings and took my babies home with feeding tubes. I went to a normal doctor at home and he gave me the green flag to hire my own lactation consultant and try again. My girls were off the tubes in a week and a half and began to gain steady weight in one more week all due to momma milk. I guess I am just trying to encourage you to take those nurses on, sometimes they do not know everything. Each child is different and we know our babies more then they could ever understand! I know one of the big reasons why they do not like breastfeeding in the NICU is other then weighing the baby and counting dirty diapers there is no way of measurement for how much he eats in each feeding. They were calorie counting with my girls. Best of luck, keep up the great work!

I forgot to mention one other thing I did while we were in the NICU. I would wear button down tops and put baby in a diaper only then wrap them against my chest and rock in the rocker. Skin to skin is very important! Yes, the nurses will give you crap for this but as long as you take babies temp. regularly they really don't have a leg to stand on :)

[LunaLady]

Just hang in there and keep trying, Amy. And I agree - put your foot down when you need to with the breastfeeding. It's so important. Just try to make it about you and not about how poorly the nurses/LC are doing... say something about how important it is for you to breastfeed, how you want to bond with your baby, how you want to get the rush of hormones to stimulate your supply, etc... I had better luck when getting more breastfeeding sessions in when I took that approach rather than coming in with a sad/angry face. Not saying you're doing that - just that that was what I had to do.

And I was lucky in that most of the nurses were encouraging breastfeeding and the LC were excellent - it was the charge nurses/doctors that made me avoid doing much breastfeeding while my boy was in the NICU. Their protocol was that he had to do full feeds for 48 hours with the bottle before he could go home. No one said anything about breastfeeding - and we just wanted him home. He was a 33 weeker, but never had any issues. Was on room air from the start, no heart issues, nothing. Just a sleepy preemie who needed to grow. We should have taken him home sooner, but alas they had this silly 48 hour thing.

Once we were home, I tried and tried to get him to the breast, but he would scream. After he'd been home almost two months I decided to change my tactic and started offering the breast AFTER he'd had a full bottle (and I had pumped). He was wanting to comfort nurse so badly but we were not going to let him do that on the bottle - so that's why I started offering an empty breast. He took to my nipple no problem that way and within a few days we were BFing exclusively. I haven't pumped in weeks 

I know when he was in the NICU I spent hours searching these forums for bottle to breast success stories... so just wanted to tell you mine and let you know that there is hope!! Just keep trying!! Hugs!!

[AmyJeanneBee]

@LunaLady- Wow that's amazing! Good for you! I'm so glad your babe took to the breast because of his Mama's great perseverance. Thanks for the encouragement. The nurses and L.C.s are aware of my preference for breastfeeding but you know how they are with the bottling. Plus, I am working part time until he gets discharged so I only get to BF him 1-2x a day. Right now he is not always awake and alert at each of his "cares" so the BF depends on that. They say he will outgrow that in the next few weeks too. Man, I can't wait to get rid of this damn pump! 8x a day is getting old.... Glad to know that it may end sometime soon...Baby is supposed to come home Feb. 4th! Yippee! I'm excited and a little nervous.

@TwinPossible- Thanks for your great email! Maybe I will have to demand the SNS system. They keep telling me- 'but your supply is great! Why do you need it?' And then she said the other day 'oh but he'll get too much flow if you do that.' I'm ready to go buy the damn thing myself and bring it in. They already think I'm some crazy Boulder hippie so who cares. (Boulder is a hippie college town in CO, similar to Austin, Portland or Seattle.) That's awesome you tackled gavage feedings at home! Way to go, sister! I'd be scared to do that. I swear we NICU Mamas could probably all hop in there and be nurses after our stays in the NICU! We've been in the NICU since Oct. 21 so it's been a long road. Yes, my hubby and I did skin-to-skin holding since he was 1 week old. It has been great. Our baby's positive results during holdings actually convinced some of the nurses of its importance for preemies. We were proud.

Thank you all so much! Great feedback.