New Study: Working Mothers Are Healthier - Page 2

[Imakcerka]

I hate it too.  I've been home and worked, I prefer working.  I love my kids but they're in school now and would prefer to be there.  Women who love to be home, more power to them!  We have one life and the choices we make are what we know are best for ourselves and our families.  All opinions to who is the better MOM/WOMAN need to be flushed. 

 

Originally Posted by CI Mama 

Amen, sister. I work because it's not only best for me, but it's best for my daughter. She has amazing relationships and experiences through her babysitter & her school, and she gets a happy mama to boot. What's the down side to that?

I wish we could get out of the mentality of "working" vs. "not working" is good/bad. Here's what's good: mothers who have support to lead balanced, healthy lives, regardless of their work situation, and kids who have all the support they need to grow & learn & meet their potential. Here's what's bad: mothers who feel stuck in a situation they don't want and feel powerless to change it and kids who aren't thriving. Not every person or family is the same or needs the same thing in order to flourish. That's OK!!!!
 

[rachieface]

According to studies I've read, mothers are happiest when they get to choose their lifestyle. This makes sense, as I can't imagine that a mom working a crappy job while desperately wanting to be home is any more content than the sahm who desperately wants to work.

As pps have mentioned, the goal should be to empower parents to reach their personal goals while still maintaining a healthy home life.

Sent from my Comet using Tapatalk

[cat13]

Originally Posted by Masel 

Here is the first study

http://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releases/fam-25-6-895.pdf

There doesn't seem to be a link to the second study but here's a longer summary. 

http://www.emaxhealth.com/4233/working-mothers-may-have-overweight-children

These both looks like really well done studies that involve a lot of subjects and control for various factors. So, as usual, whatever you do as a mom is wrong and here is clinical proof. Ta Da!

I've done both and my kids are slender. Being at home is far healthier for me than working for a bat-shit crazy boss in a freezing  office with dismal moral. I'm sure I'd thrive in a warm and sane work environment. 

You hit the nail on the head! All these studies I read about parenting and childrens' outcomes (grades, health, obesity, etc) always focuses on the mother. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

[JudiAU]

Originally Posted by CI Mama 

Actually, only one of the studies suggests that working is not good for kids (the one about childhood obesity rates for children of working mothers). The other study just shows that there's an association between working part-time and better health outcomes for mom. There's nothing in that one to suggest that there's a negative consequence for kids.

Most children with working moms are in daycare and many if not most daycares participate in the government's child nutrition program. Which is terrible. And then they go onto public schools that include acces to the government's child nutrition program. Which is terrible. And then they rarely have access to adequate physical activity in the same schools.

Hum.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by JudiAU 

Most children with working moms are in daycare and many if not most daycares participate in the government's child nutrition program. Which is terrible. And then they go onto public schools that include acces to the government's child nutrition program. Which is terrible. And then they rarely have access to adequate physical activity in the same schools.

Hum.

This can't be the entire picture though, because most daycares that I've looked at required parents pack a lunch and snack. The one that my ds is in has lunch catered everyday, and its pretty good (ie, nothings fried, fresh ingredients, lots of veggies). It's certainly better than what he would get if I was packing his lunch every day.

[Imakcerka]

Uh... Take out most.  That majority of Mothers I know that work, have family watch their children.  The only ones I know that do not have family watch their children have their children in home daycares.  The home daycares I have used... Lets just say I'd hang out all day for those lunches! 

You had me thinking about the lunches at school.  I give my kids money every week to buy lunches, on days they don't like the choices... CHOICES... they bring home lunch.

Meats/Breads (Choice of 1):

Fish Nuggets & Pasta/Cheese

w/ Wheat Roll

OR

Hamburger on Wheat Bun

OR

*Yogurt w/ Large Graham

Crackers

*Meatless Entrée

SIGNATURE ZONE

Meats/Breads- (Choice of 1):

Rotini Pasta & Meatballs

w/ Garlic Toast

OR

Deli Sandwich

OR

Chicken Strip Entree Salad &

Cheese Crackers

*Meatless Entrée

Salad Available

SIGNATURE ZONE

Meats/Breads- (Choice of 1):

Chili Pie & Cheese Sauce w/

Cornbread Muffin

OR

Chicken Filet on Wheat Bun

OR

Chef Entrée Salad &

Cheese Crackers

*Meatless Entrée

Salad Available

SIGNATURE ZONE

Meats/Breads- (Choice of 1):

Chicken Nuggets &

Cream Gravy w/ Texas Toast

OR

*Cheese Pizza Sticks

OR

Teriyaki Chicken Strip Entrée

Salad & Cheese Crackers

*Meatless Entrée

Salad Available

SIGNATURE ZONE

Meats/Breads- (Choice of 1):

Stuffed Crust * Cheese or

Pepperoni Pizza++

OR

Corn Dog

OR

*Yogurt w/ Mini Animal Grahams

*Meatless Entrée

Week 2 8/29, 9/12, 9/26, 10/10, 10/24, 11/7, 11/28, 12/12, 1/9, 1/23, 2/6, 2/20, 3/5, 3/26, 4/9, 4/23, 5/7, 5/21

SIGNATURE ZONE

Meats/Breads-(Choice of 1):

Teriyaki Chicken Strips &

Oriental Rice w/ Egg Roll++

OR

Cheeseburger (Hamburger) on

Wheat Bun

OR

*Yogurt w/ Large Graham

Crackers

*Meatless Entrée

SIGNATURE ZONE

Meats/Breads-(Choice of 1):

Baked Steak Fingers

& Cream Gravy w/ Wheat Roll

OR

Turkey Hot Dog on Wheat Bun

OR

Chicken Strip Entree Salad &

Cheese Crackers

*Meatless Entrée

Salad Available

SIGNATURE ZONE

Meats/Breads-(Choice of 1):

*Cheese Enchiladas & Chili

w/ Spanish Rice

OR

Mini Chicken Burgers on

Wheat Buns

OR

Chef Entrée Salad &

Cheese Crackers

*Meatless Entrée

Salad Available

SIGNATURE ZONE

Meats/Breads-(Choice of 1):

Chicken Strips & Cream Gravy

w/ Wheat Roll

OR

Meatball Sub on Wheat

OR

Chicken Caesar Entrée Salad &

Cheese Crackers

*Meatless Entrée

Salad Available

SIGNATURE ZONE

Meats/Breads-(Choice of 1):

Stuffed Crust *Cheese or

Pepperoni Pizza++

OR

Fish Burger on Wheat Bun

OR

*Yogurt w/ Mini Animal Grahams

*Meatless Entrée

Assorted Chilled Canned Fruits, Fresh Fruits, Salads, or Vegetables – Choice of 2 different items

Milk Variety – Skim White or Chocolate, 1% White, Lactose Free, Soy Milk – Choice of 1 variety

My girls always eat fish if available and love the Yogurt and salad meal.  The salads are huge.  Full of veggies, hardly any lettuce.  I was really surprised at their options. 
 

Originally Posted by JudiAU 

Most children with working moms are in daycare and many if not most daycares participate in the government's child nutrition program. Which is terrible. And then they go onto public schools that include acces to the government's child nutrition program. Which is terrible. And then they rarely have access to adequate physical activity in the same schools.

Hum.

[CatsCradle]

Originally Posted by JudiAU 

Most children with working moms are in daycare and many if not most daycares participate in the government's child nutrition program. Which is terrible. And then they go onto public schools that include acces to the government's child nutrition program. Which is terrible. And then they rarely have access to adequate physical activity in the same schools.

Hum.

I tend to think it is a little more complicated than that.  Complicated as in there are too many variables to make a sweeping generalization that obesity is connected to daycare and/or public school.  My thought is that better educated parents (as in better informed about health choices) will make better choices with regard to their children's nutrition, and tend to seek situations or ask the right questions with regard to the food that their children are eating.  The childcare center that my DD was in for a short while made food available, but upon direct request, allowed me to bring in DD's lunches and snacks (provided they were not risks for allergies).  I also think that lifestyle habits begin at home.  Daycare and public school are often convenient scapegoats, but it is ultimately parental influence that sets life habits (for me, it did, even though I often thought that my parents were a bore...and I was a product of public schooling).

I think one of the big problems is the availability of convenience food and our society's acceptance of such as the nutritional norm.  The problem, for me, lies not in whether there are parents working, but the lack of understanding of what is healthy.  People may throw out the argument that working parents don't have time (or take the time) to make nutritional, home cooked meals.  I don't think this is a problem specific to working parents, but a problem in our culture as a whole.  I know people from all walks of life who have crap diets and don't think twice about it.  Then again, I know people from all walks who care deeply about the food their families consume, both parents working or not.  There is an obesity problem in this country (US) and I don't think it is limited to working moms and their progeny.  I live in a large community of working parents and I can't think of a single obese kid from that community.  Just my observation, but where I see the most obesity among children is in socio-economic groups where nutritional know-how/education is lacking.  I guess I could go into the what I think about the economics of health, but that's the subject of another thread.  

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by CatsCradle 

I tend to think it is a little more complicated than that.  Complicated as in there are too many variables to make a sweeping generalization that obesity is connected to daycare and/or public school.  My thought is that better educated parents (as in better informed about health choices) will make better choices with regard to their children's nutrition, and tend to seek situations or ask the right questions with regard to the food that their children are eating.  The childcare center that my DD was in for a short while made food available, but upon direct request, allowed me to bring in DD's lunches and snacks (provided they were not risks for allergies).  I also think that lifestyle habits begin at home.  Daycare and public school are often convenient scapegoats, but it is ultimately parental influence that sets life habits (for me, it did, even though I often thought that my parents were a bore...and I was a product of public schooling).

I think one of the big problems is the availability of convenience food and our society's acceptance of such as the nutritional norm.  The problem, for me, lies not in whether there are parents working, but the lack of understanding of what is healthy.  People may throw out the argument that working parents don't have time (or take the time) to make nutritional, home cooked meals.  I don't think this is a problem specific to working parents, but a problem in our culture as a whole.  I know people from all walks of life who have crap diets and don't think twice about it.  Then again, I know people from all walks who care deeply about the food their families consume, both parents working or not.  There is an obesity problem in this country (US) and I don't think it is limited to working moms and their progeny.  I live in a large community of working parents and I can't think of a single obese kid from that community.  Just my observation, but where I see the most obesity among children is in socio-economic groups where nutritional know-how/education is lacking.  I guess I could go into the what I think about the economics of health, but that's the subject of another thread.  

I agree with everything here. I too am the product of an entirely public education (pre-school through law school - I've never been to a private school) and I'm not overweight at all. My family ate relatively healthy, but we were also FAR more active than the average family (as in, my fave vacation of all time remains hiking the grand canyon over Thanksgiving in 5th grade). This also fails to address that even SAHM's send their children to school - of course not ALL do, but most do (not counting the MDC population which seems to be mostly homeschooling/unschooling).

I too think that it has much more to do with socio-economic status and education than it does working moms/non-working moms.

Of course, all this is said while I am VERY excited to take cupcakes to my DS's class this afternoon to sing happy birthday! (they are mini cupcakes though - they do not need full size cupcakes!)

[tangozulu]

I've been a mom for a long time.  Working multiple jobs, SAH, WAH, student, single, teen parent, mid-30's parent, married, 1 kid, many kids, pumping, nursing, ff'ing, cloth diapers, disposable diapers, no paper towels, buying paper towels in bulk at Costco, slinging, stroller'ing, bake bread from scratch, Chinese takeout with an extra side of steamed brocoli, flat broke, money to spare for the extras, homemade baby food from food I hand selected, organic in a jar, ordered from Amazon for home delivery...

Being a parent is tough and wonderful.  This is true no matter who you are.  Some kids are easier than others.  Some years are easier than others.  Some people have lots and lots of support.  Some are doing it 100% alone.  Some of us are old pros, for some of this it is all new!  Some of us LOVE to be alone and figure it out like the Lone Ranger - some of us love a village and would move into one if we could!  These factors are huge, and individual to your family - and MANY times, in flux!

It is not us vs. them.  There is no "them".  It is all "us".

In my very, very  honest opinion, many use the debate to distract themselves.  I like to continually look at my own situation and my own life and my own support system and ask myself:

What could I be doing better, for my own kids, in my own circumstances?

Right now, I need to be more conscious of spending 1:1 time with each of my kids, and I'm going to put the Wii away for a while.

What can I do to make sure I am taking care of myself, and staying balanced, in my own situation?

Going to switch my exercise routine to a home one, and the gym will be a special treat when I can get there.  But I can't use not getting to the gym as an excuse to fall apart physically anymore.

Am I doing all I can, in my own situation, to excel at work, and focus on impact?

Need to make sure I'm spending the time I need to on coaching my team, and doing a better job of delegating project work.

Here is the crazy thing..

Some of the answers to my questions today woud have been total no-no's for me in the past.

And that's okay!  There are different things in the equation now!

I'm not nursing or pumping, so travel is less of an issue.

I've got kids at both ends of the age spectrum, so some nights I stay up late to spend time with my teen (young adult!), and I don't make it to 6:15 Spin, which is "my" time - that's OK!

I'm off work today and dropped the baby off at daycare for 2 hours so I could have some MUCH needed me-time - and that's okay - I've spent the entire weekend cuddling her, and she'll have fun with her friends (see I still feel I need to justify it..) while I deal with the grocery shopping ALONE!

My DH is not as busy at work in the winter, so he does things with the kids in the evenings, and took off today to take the older ones skiing.  When he is busy at work most of the parenting lands on me, and though that is tough, it is part of the balance.

I cook at home a few days a week, and don't sweat some takeout meals.  Eggs for dinner also works!

I rarely clip coupons anymore - just don't have time, as much as I love matching up coupons and sales to save money, it isn't the season for me right now.

I really am not saying any of this to seem high and mighty, and certainly not to discredit some of the important research being done. I feel it is good to realize there may be a tendency towards overweight for my kids because I WOH FT.  If I were home with my kids, I'd like to know that I need to make extra sure to take care of my own health.  So just take it for what it is.  If it doesn't apply to your family, see questions above...what do you need to do to get to where you want you/your family/your work/your school/your farm/your whatever is important to you needs to go?

And hey - this place is SO awesome - if you are struggling through these questions (Should I switch jobs?  Should I quit my job?  Should we move closer to family?  Should I go back to school?) there are so many super smart, super awesome women (and a few men!) who will jump in to help you!  I have been to a lot of forums on the web over the years, and this is my favorite!

Lastly, and then I will get off my soapbox..

We need each other.  One of my SAH (now she is working PT for a tax season) mom friends picked my kids up from Vacation Bible school every day for a week a few summers ago - otherwise they would have missed it because of my work schedule.  One my other friends is transitioning back to the workplace from SAH for a while, and I am playing career coach to her.  An older mom friend of mine lent me the $100 I desperately needed for a bill to keep me afloat years ago, while I struggled to WFH and spend more time with my baby.  I paid for groceries, a few bills, etc. for a friend who was trying to make ends meet and stay home a few years with her 3 young kids.  When my 10 week old son died of SIDS, the SAH moms rallied around my family with meals for MONTHS.  My working mom friends sent snack baskets and took off work to travel from miles away to be at the memorial services.  WE NEED EACH OTHER.  WE NEED EACH OTHER.

Do not waste your time on tit for tat!

Love you all!

I'm done.

[Quinalla]

Originally Posted by CI Mama 

These are interesting studies. Thanks for sharing.

Here's what I wish would happen as a result of these studies:

I wish we'd figure out how to better support moms who don't work outside the home so that they can be as healthy as moms who do. I wish we'd figure out how to better support families with 2 breadwinners so that kids can be healthy. I wish we'd figure out how to empower more husbands/dads to participate in family life so that women didn't have a disproportionate share of household responsibilities. I wish we'd figure out how to develop healthy food systems and communities where daily physical activity is part of the natural flow of life, so that obesity was less likely for everyone. I wish we'd figure out how to live more simply and in supportive communities, so that all parents felt that the choice to work outside the home really was a choice.

But we'll probably just argue over the ways that women screw everything up by not being perfect. *sigh*

Agree wholeheartedly! There should be support for women to do what is best for them and yes all the mom blaming for every problem or "problem" with kids (I personally think the so-called childhood obesity epidemic is at best blown way out of proportion and at worst thinly veiled fat-shaming that all but ignores legitimate childhood health issues like not enough exercise or not enough access to whole foods). I know in our family I take on more than 50% of the child care, but my husband takes on more than 50% of the cooking and we split other household and family responsibilities in a way that works for us and not in a way that leaves me doing everything and him doing nothing. That just wouldn't work for me with us both working full time and quite frankly I don't think it works with one parent SAH either. I think the SAH parent will end up picking up more of the household and childrearing just because it works out that way time-wise and house-access-wise, but the working parent doesn't get to come home and put their feet up and expect the SAH parent to wait on them either.

And yes, in our patriarchal society, there is the expectation that the man works full time and has no other responsibilities and the woman does everything else to make the family thrive, but no matter what she does it is wrong and/or causing all the family issues Real families in the real world rarely (if ever) work like this, but that societal expectation hurts women, men and families.

[Imakcerka]

We can figure out a way.  We can support each other wholeheartedly.  I have friends who stay home and friends who work.  Some help each other out but others seem to refuse.  The mindset in some women is confusing to me.  DH and I are always the ones to help other people out but we only seem to have one friend that will help us.  She has been a godsend.  The other people we help seem to think we never need help since DH stays home.  But that's a problem in my eyes.  We will have situations where DH has an appointment and either I take leave from work or a friend can step in and pick up our kids from school.  That's only happened a few times in 4 yrs and half those times I ended up taking leave because nobody wanted to help.  Not that they couldn't they just didn't want to be bothered.  Of course we will always help.  Even when it's one sided.  The stress a family feels is too much sometimes.  

[philomom]

Originally Posted by Imakcerka 

We can figure out a way.  We can support each other wholeheartedly.  I have friends who stay home and friends who work.  Some help each other out but others seem to refuse.  The mindset in some women is confusing to me.  DH and I are always the ones to help other people out but we only seem to have one friend that will help us.  She has been a godsend.  The other people we help seem to think we never need help since DH stays home.  But that's a problem in my eyes.  We will have situations where DH has an appointment and either I take leave from work or a friend can step in and pick up our kids from school.  That's only happened a few times in 4 yrs and half those times I ended up taking leave because nobody wanted to help.  Not that they couldn't they just didn't want to be bothered.  Of course we will always help.  Even when it's one sided.  The stress a family feels is too much sometimes.  

As someone whose mostly been a SAHM ... my experience is that working moms seem to think I can take their sick kid for the day or take their kid to soccer because "I'm not doing anything". It leads to me feeling taken advantage of if I say yes ... and they get bitchy when I say no. I don't mind helping out in an extreme emergency if we are friends... but don't call me out of the blue demanding a favor because I don't work. And don't assume I'm doing nothing. I volunteer in my community and in my kids school. I have plans most days.

[CatsCradle]

Originally Posted by philomom 


As someone whose mostly been a SAHM ... my experience is that working moms seem to think I can take their sick kid for the day or take their kid to soccer because "I'm not doing anything". It leads to me feeling taken advantage of if I say yes ... and they get bitchy when I say no. I don't mind helping out in an extreme emergency if we are friends... but don't call me out of the blue demanding a favor because I don't work. And don't assume I'm doing nothing. I volunteer in my community and in my kids school. I have plans most days.

I'm sorry for your terrible experiences.  DH and I would never dream of asking any of our friends, or even SAH neighbors, to take care of our DD.  I have never felt that SAHPs do nothing and I wouldn't even ask them to pick up my child at school simply because they're in the neighborhood.  I personally would help out any of my friends and neighbors in a pinch, mainly because they are decent people and everyone has an occassional issue.  But as far as me placing the burden on others, wouldn't do it unless I was in a burning building with no chance of survival.  Then I'd feel free to ask others to help.  My schedule is not their problem. One of the reasons that I am so adamant about that is for the reasons stated in the above post.

Edited to add:  I wonder how many of the working moms who feel the need to defer to neighbors and friends have a partner who is picking up the slack on sick days, pick-ups, etc.  I know this would be next to impossible for single parents without support systems, but for partnered individuals, why isn't the partner compensating too?  I'm very fortunate to have a partner who shares in the sick days, vacation days (DD has a total of two months off just during the school year) and other issues like "honey, I'm tied up and can't leave."  I think a lot of the real problem in working moms relying on others for childcare / pickup results from (1) working moms still thinking they are under the obligation to "do it all" without deferring to partner responsibilities/help; and (2) the still inflexible work schedules that a lot of moms are subjected too.  I'm one of the very lucky ones (true, I made certain life choices to allow me my flexibility, but I also paid a high price in a monetary sense (lots of student loans to get a position where I was highly paid but also had a high degree of autonomy)).  
 

I should add that a lot of deferment to family and friends may be also a cultural/familial thing.  My SIL is a SAHM and she moved near my parents for the stated reason that she would like the help that my parents could provide.  Granted, they are elderly, but she'll drop off her five kids in a flash to go grocery shopping.  She came from a culture where "village" was important and she has no qualms about asking for help.  In a way, I think she is onto something. We've lost a total sense of responsibility and help toward our family and friends.  I think it is sort of sad, and I think it is probably the reason so many people feel so isolated these days.  We feel we can't ask others for help, and if we do, they're offended.  Sad.

Edited by CatsCradle - 1/20/12 at 3:47pm

[Imakcerka]

I get that philomom.  But I get the same thing because DH stays home and because my schedule is so flexible.  I've taken kids for a week and rescheduled my life for someone who refused to pick up my kids after school and watch them for an hour because in her words "I can't reschedule my afternoon, we go to the park and then start on dinner".  And to her I say F OFF!  She's since called numerous more times to ask for help.  I get that it's not fair to be expected to help others as a SAHM, they're busy too.  I get that.  What I don't get is any woman who would let beg you to watch her kids for a week so that her and her DH can get away, but refuse to help for one Fing hour while DH is at the Veterans Hospital and I'm begging my boss to let me off early so I can get my kids. The give and take is not there.  The one lady I can always count and who can always count on me has a busy life, but she'll put God himself on hold to help me in a pinch and I'd do it for her too.  I just hate that those kinds of relationships are so hard to find.  
 

Originally Posted by philomom 


As someone whose mostly been a SAHM ... my experience is that working moms seem to think I can take their sick kid for the day or take their kid to soccer because "I'm not doing anything". It leads to me feeling taken advantage of if I say yes ... and they get bitchy when I say no. I don't mind helping out in an extreme emergency if we are friends... but don't call me out of the blue demanding a favor because I don't work. And don't assume I'm doing nothing. I volunteer in my community and in my kids school. I have plans most days.

[Imakcerka]

When DH and I were both in the Military we would fight over who got to get the kids if we were called due to sickness.  He would even try to be sly and tell the Daycare provider to call him since I was sooooo busy.  She caught on and told me.  What a turd!  Also we don't have family.  We were never stationed anywhere near family and that was just how it was.  We were it.  No help.  Not until we made a friend in the neighborhood that was in a similar situation.  She had family but they refused to help.  They would drop of their kids with her all the time but could never find the time to do the same for her.  
 

Originally Posted by CatsCradle 

I'm sorry for your terrible experiences.  DH and I would never dream of asking any of our friends, or even SAH neighbors, to take care of our DD.  I have never felt that SAHPs do nothing and I wouldn't even ask them to pick up my child at school simply because they're in the neighborhood.  I personally would help out any of my friends and neighbors in a pinch, mainly because they are decent people and everyone has an occassional issue.  But as far as me placing the burden on others, wouldn't do it unless I was in a burning building with no chance of survival.  Then I'd feel free to ask others to help.  My schedule is not their problem. One of the reasons that I am so adamant about that is for the reasons stated in the above post.

Edited to add:  I wonder how many of the working moms who feel the need to defer to neighbors and friends have a partner who is picking up the slack on sick days, pick-ups, etc.  I know this would be next to impossible for single parents without support systems, but for partnered individuals, why isn't the partner compensating too?  I'm very fortunate to have a partner who shares in the sick days, vacation days (DD has a total of two months off just during the school year) and other issues like "honey, I'm tied up and can't leave."  I think a lot of the real problem in working moms relying on others for childcare / pickup results from (1) working moms still thinking they are under the obligation to "do it all" without deferring to partner responsibilities/help; and (2) the still inflexible work schedules that a lot of moms are subjected too.  I'm one of the very lucky ones (true, I made certain life choices to allow me my flexibility, but I also paid a high price in a monetary sense (lots of student loans to get a position where I was highly paid but also had a high degree of autonomy)).  
 

I should add that a lot of deferment to family and friends may be also a cultural/familial thing.  My SIL is a SAHM and she moved near my parents for the stated reason that she would like the help that my parents could provide.  Granted, they are elderly, but she'll drop off her five kids in a flash to go grocery shopping.  She came from a culture where "village" was important and she has no qualms about asking for help.  In a way, I think she is onto something. We've lost a total sense of responsibility and help toward our family and friends.  I think it is sort of sad, and I think it is probably the reason so many people feel so isolated these days.  We feel we can't ask others for help, and if we do, they're offended.  Sad.