Completely defiant 2.5 year old, I need your help.

[Jordan Wildman]

I don't even know where to begin. Our 2.5 year old son has become unbearable lately.  Today was my last straw where I was at the jeweler and told him that I needed him to stay by me and be good. As soon as we got in the store he began hitting me, spitting on me,calling me "stupid mommy" and just plain awful. 

A little background, we have a 6 month old, I am a stay at home mom, his daddy has been home for the last two weeks out of work (so it's not lack of attention) and is an awesome daddy. He is loved, fed well, has lots of attention and toys and life primarily revolves around HIM. He has recently decided tht he does not want to nap so we make sure he has quiet time at least 1.5-2hrs a day.  He starts out in his own room and usulaly comes in our room in a toddler bed next to ours (could be a whole different post) so I don't think he has a great nights sleep. If we run errands around 3-4, he passes out cold in the car seat. Part of me thinks he is just overtired but i am becoming so embarassed by his behavior to the point that I don't even want to take him out.

We have tried love, calm down corners, taking away toys, reward charts, time outs..today, we took away ALL his toys. there isnothing left and he doesn't seem to care.

I am looking forany natural and positive discipline ideas. just not sure what to do anymore and it's getting me to my wits end.

[organicviolin]

I just read this....perhaps it will help?

http://blog.positivediscipline.com/2011/12/listening-tool-card.html

our son tends to have tricky listening ears lately so I make sure I listen to teach him how to do it......not sure if that helps

remember this age has zero impulse control which is why we sound like broken records.  They are experimenting to see what happens next and to validate their own experiences and place in this big world

[cristeen]

At 28 mos, I plan all outings for the morning whenever possible.  If I have to go out in the afternoon, I plan for meltdowns and freakouts.  I make sure he's eaten before we go out, and carry both a snack and a juice cup in my bag for distractions.  We're still phasing out naps, and it makes the afternoons HORRIBLE anywhere but at home.  And if he didn't sleep well the night before, or eat a decent breakfast, even the mornings can go badly quick.  I carry my phone and iPod with me to bribe him with if he's making essential tasks difficult (like my dr appt this morning), or take the ipad if i know im going to need him to chill (like for a blood draw).  I do have a leash because he's a runner, but I try to give him a chance before using it.  If it's something where I'm going to be indisposed (like an u/s), or I need my hands (carrying shopping bags) then I bring someone else with me or leave him w someone.  Having to sling him over my shoulder and carry him 2 blocks while he screams is not an uncommon occurrence - I carried a MT with me until he got too heavy (and I got too pg) for me to be able to comfortably wear him.

I will qualify all of this by pointing out that my guy is autistic and not always capable of following even basic instructions.  But he also looks like a 4 yo, so everyone assumes he should have more control than he does, so I do my best to minimize our exposure. 

[newbiemama09]

sounds like he's had a lot of change lately-- new baby, dad being home, new baby suddenly moving around and taking toys-- and kids express frustration mostly in yelling and anger. consistancy and routine are KEY for young children, so first off I would try and get as much of a routine into the day as possible. plan fun activities in the day (outside or at home) and plan errands in the day. as another post said, i do ALL my errands in the morning, usually right before lunch. i take a snack and small toy to distract her with. if i try in the afternoon, like 3 or 4, it's usually not as easy as in the morning. if my DD has been challenging lately going out for errands, I will use rewards for good behavior. we'll have a talk in the car about proper behavior, then when we get to the place i'll say "ok, if you have good behavior we can get ___ afterwords" (movie, a treat, a small toy, book, etc.) for toddlers, it's better to correct the behavior BEFORE it starts, instead of in the middle of a tantrum. and also, my DD is a terrible sleeper. we still try and give her a nap, because without it she's horribly cranky. quiet time is essential for him to continue with, it's just a time for him to relax and be by himself.