Night weaning 2 yr. while 20 weeks pregnant. « Back to Group Discussions

[kaliandra]

It's been months now that I have been feeling ready to be done nursing my 2 yr. at night time. I'm so tired, it's uncomfortable much of the time and she seems to want to nurse for long periods of time (45 minutes).  I have been resistant to trying to actively wean her because she's so persistent about nursing when she wakes at night. I do offer her water and sometimes attempt just holding or rubbing her back but she is NOT interested in anything other than nursing and will scream if I don't, which breaks my heart.  I don't know what to do. I really feel ready to be done (at least at night) and I am having negative feelings while nursing, which also bums me out.  I know that once I give birth in May I think it would be best if she wasn't nursing at night anymore because I don't know that I can handle both at night and I want to give her some time to transition before the baby.  I don't mind day tandem nursing.  

Anyone have any words of wisdom or suggestions of how to gently night wean my 2 yr. old? 

Thanks so much. 

[Just1More]

My dh starts taking over at night when we reach that point.  When they get really upset, he will bring them to me, but mostly he just keeps them from seeing me, gets them a drink and a snack, and puts them back to bed.  And, for some strange reason, they go to sleep.  If I tried that...whew...

But, while that has worked for our last 3, he was deployed during our second pregnancy, and I was on my own with my first child...and addicted nurser.  Here's what I did on the very slow and long process...

1.) Took a sippee cup with water to bed with us, and tucked in it where she could easily find it.  (She was still co-sleeping at this time).  When she woke up, I played dead.  (By the way...the first time I did this was a night where she had been nursing for HOURS, and just wouldn't give up).  I just layed there "sound asleep" while she fussed and wallered all over me.   It actually took a lot less time than I thought.  And, actually, I took the cup to bed the second night.  In the morning after the first time I did it, she really gave it to me in the morning, "Mama, at night I firsty!  I firsty, Mama!"

2.) Thought really hard about the reasons she might be waking up, and tried to address those:

  a.) too hot or cold? change in thermostat or pajamas

  b.) thirsty? dry mouth? add a humidifier

  c.) hungry? big bowl of oatmeal before bed

  d.) bumping into me? pulled in part of our sectional and made our bed "bigger", so she had plenty of room to flop around in her sleep

  e.) teething?  those two year old molars can be a doozy.

  f.) pregnancy?  did you know that as your pg progresses, your milk changes and starts to taste salty?  That just makes the nursing babe more thirsty, and in their sleepy state, they seek to nurse more.  Sometimes, with various ones of ours, I would preempt the nursing by giving them a drink when I first saw them rousing.  OR, I would just get up and go in the kitchen, wake them ALL the way up, and give them a real snack and drink.  It might take a while to get them awake enough, but it's worth it. 

3.)  After she got used to not waking up at night, I eased her into her own bed.  I would read story, after story, after story, after story to her in a very soothing and calm voice, slowing rocking in our rocking chair.  When I could tell she was really, really sleepy, I would suggest nursing to her, but she could only nurse for one song.  In the beginning, I would sing tons of  verses of the same song (so she would get the idea), until she was asleep and I could lay her down.  Gradually, over the course of 4 months, between big drinks, big bedtime snacks, and long bedtime routines, she started falling asleep quicker, and easier...and then, right before ds was born, she started just getting in bed and going to sleep. 

It was so gentle and slow.  It was perfect.

[lightheartedmom]

DD2 was mostly night weaned when I got pg with this baby, and since I was having serious cramping jn the beginning (made worse by nursing), I had to cut off any remaining night feedings fast. At 2.5 she dealt with it okay...a few nights of angry tantrums, but holding her and rubbbing her back eventually worked.


DD2 has weaned completely in the last few weeks and while she doesn't seem to care at all (I hadn't really planned on weaning her totally, but was letting her decide for herself), I'm a little weepy about the fact that I don't remember the last time we nursed. And I feel like I should. :-/

But DD1...ugh. She was very aggressive with nursing when I was pg with 2. And by 20 weeks I was beside myself with fatigue and over stimulation. And my milk was 1000% dried up so nursing on dry boobs was like torture.
She was co-sleeping (DD2 has always refused to cosleep) and it was just...bad. The way I helped her wean was telling her I'd sing a song and when that song was over, she had to be done nursing. After that id hold and cuddle her and sing and count (she liked it when we counted or said the alphabet), but no nursing. It was a tedious and painfully slow process, but finally one night she gave up and kissed the "nummies" goodbye and that was that.
I'd say be gentle and consistent with no and lots of Substitutes for affection and contact and it will get better. Having a spouse who will help assume some of the night waking responsibilities until your dc disconnects them from nursing will help.

Good luck!

[forestmushroom]

I am going through the same thing with my newly 2 year-old, and I am 23 weeks!  I think my milk is gone, and man it hurts! 

He doesn't wake that often at night to nurse, and I want to make sure his molars are in before completely weaning...

But then I will start the slow process.  I think there are some great suggestions.  The thing is to just be consistent, and comfort in new ways--develop new comfort routines. 

Getting a special cup can help too. But this is hard because my little one *hates* sippy cups!  He refusing to drink out of anything but a regular glass/cup without a lid. So I keep i near the bed and give him a drink when he wakes... he will often go back to sleep after that.

[Astraia]

I was tandeming my 1 and almost 2 year old when I got pregnant, and just could NOT do it any more. My second is much less boob-attached, where my first would scream and cry until she threw up if I told her no- none of this rubbing her back and singing songs, she'd just flail and hit me and scream.

First thing I did was change our bedtime routine. THey used to both nurse to sleep, so I started moving nursing further and further way from bedtime. First I would nurse them with the lights on, then get up and turn off the light and snuggle to sleep. Then nurse them both in Nigella's room, put them both in bed, turn off the lights, and snuggle to sleep (taking turns with it, 5 min in one room, 5 min in the other, etc- or whoever wailed the loudest got me longest, really!). Then we'd nurse, read a story, go to bed. Then we'd nurse, put on pajamas, read a story, go to bed. Then brush teeth, pajamas, watch 1 episode of Little Bear, read a book, go to bed. Once we weren't nursing anywhere NEAR bed time, the association of boob to sleep was broken.

I also did the nursing for as long as it takes me to sing 1 song, and I picked shorter and shorter songs as time went on. We started the Farmer in the Dell, moved on to Baa Baa Black Sheep, and finally ended with a made up tune to the song the mother sings in Robert Munsch "Love you Forever" which is SUPER short- especially if you sing FAST!

I did the song thing when they woke up at night too, and I would always start it by saying, "you can have boob while I sing x song, and then you're not going to scream or cry when we're done right? GREAT! Let's nurse then." Eventually they stopped asking before bed (it was like, an hour before bedtime and the thrill of a TV show was always better than 10 seconds of dry nursing). When they woke up at night I started saying, "oh, not just now, wait a few seconds" when they asked to nurse and if they were agreeable to that I'd make them wait a bit longer  very time. Sometimes I'd just say no and see how that went over- excessive tears and I'd backtrack to "just a minute, please wait" or "fine, whatever." Eventually they stopped asking, and when they did rarely ask they didn't fuss when I said no. It took some time, but even shorter nursing sessions were a huge bonus. I used to spend bare minimum an hour between the two kids, sometimes even longer, just nursing them to sleep. UGH. Now I often spend an hour on bedtime routine but it's still an improvement!

Definitely bring a cup of water up. My DD won't drink from a sippy either, so I bring up a cup of water. Useful in the beginning, too, when she'd say she NEEDED to nurse because she was thirsty.

I think my son would have been able to handle a faster weaning process, but slow seems to have worked out just fine. Definitely almost entirely tearless, too, which is nice!

[cristeen]

The first thing I'd suggest is getting your DH to take over night-time duties if at all possible.  It can be a lot harder when they know the boobies are right there.  If the toddler is sleeping in your bed, maybe you sleep on the couch for a few nights.  We night-weaned while DH had a week off work, otherwise he couldn't have handled the constant wakings.  We don't nurse at this point (he's been FF since 9 mos), but I still needed to be able to tap-out when I couldn't handle the fussing and screaming any more. 

We "night-weaned" DS the week we conceived (back in September), but it still took until December before he could make it most of the night without waking and asking for milk (it took a few weeks for him to discover that instead of screaming if he politely asked for milk I'd give it to him).  He still wakes, but he'll re-settle now (usually) without asking for milk - it's been a long process, but it's what I was comfortable with.  I was also pushing the solids during the day though, trying to wean him completely, and while it's been a slow process, it is working.  We're down to bedtime and about 5 am at this point.  If I try to skip the morning bottle, he'll insist that I get up at whatever hour it is.  But if I hand him a bottle he'll lay fairly happily in bed (awake) and let me go back to sleep (most of the time). 

[kaliandra]

Thank you so much for all of your helpful feedback. I really appreciate it.  

[Plain Mama]

I know this is not exactly the advice you are looking for.....;)  But I thought you all might enjoy this!

My Mother in Laws' Grandmother need to wean her then 2.5 yr old as she was going to start teaching school in the fall, she tried every thing, to no avail!  One day her little girl came across a rotten black tomato in the garden.  "yucky", the mom explained it was rotten and not good to eat anymore.  The next morning mom was standing at her wood cookstove, she was rubbing the soot off the stove top, without giving it too much thought she rubbed some on her nipples!!  When her dd came to nurse she took one look at her, and exclaimed "Yucky Rotten"  and never wanted to nurse again!!  

I wouldn't do this personally but I love the story and I love that my children come from a long line of long-time breastfeeders!!

[kaliandra]

Thanks for sharing that story!  Sometimes you have to be creative :).