6 year old cannot be quiet

[laohaire]

I actually found it charming for the longest time - I'd hear her playing in the other room and singing the whole time. I love hearing her sing, it makes me feel like she's happy.

But now that she's 6, I guess I've come to feel that my expectations of her have changed. And I'm noticing that she can NEVER be quiet. If someone is not talking to her or if she's not watching a movie, then she is:

• Talking to someone
• Talking to herself
• Singing
• Barking (yes, this is frequent and it does wear on the nerves)
• Humming
• Making a certain clicking sound which can go on for HOURS
• Sometimes she hums AND clicks at the same time AAAARGH!!

She is homeschooled, so she is not getting external input from teachers and peers to be quiet during certain times.

It's cool with me that she vocalizes a lot, but it worries me that she does it ALL the time. She's going to drive people nuts, for one. Like me. Also it worries me about her mental development that she can never be quiet within herself. And it's ok if she has tricks to concentrate but I just picture her going to work and clicking and humming in her cubicle all day and OH DEAR GOD.

I don't believe that she will "just outgrow this." If she's in the habit of humming and clicking, she's not going to stop just because she turns 12 or 16 or 18 or 32. It's unconscious.

I've asked her to be quiet sometimes, and I'm not sure if she is just ignoring me (she pretty much does whatever she wants, and it's more important to her that she does what she wants than to please her parents, even though thankfully she is sweet tempered and doesn't usually want to do displeasing things) or simply unable to curb it.

So, do I just make it a habit to ask her to be quiet sometimes so she can develop an alternative and control herself when she has to? I assume she is going to make sounds in her head if she can't make them out loud, so she may as well get good at that, right?

Or do I just let her be eccentric and drive everybody nuts in her authentic way, lol?

[laohaire]

By the way, I assume she's neurotypical. She is right-brained, though, so she doesn't seem to operate in the traditional left-brained, be-quiet-and-concentrate way.

The barking is not concerning to me in that regard either - she plays "doggie" a lot and thinks it's cute. I can blame her older cousin, who she looks up to, for starting her on THAT. So it's not odd that she's barking, just that it's one of a plethora of CONSTANT sounds that emanate from her!

[lavatea]

I have no advice for you, and I'm bummed to see that so far no one else does, either. My 7 yo DD is like this. Although it's the singing/humming (mostly singing) ALL.THE.TIME. She also has a very hard time being still (especially when asked to be). We also homeschool, though to be fair to true homeschoolers, I'm horrible at homeschooling/keeping a schedule so we probably fall more under unschooling but mainly b/c of my lack of time management. (Is there a shame icon I can insert here? Sorry, that went a little OT.)

The only thing that concerns me about how you described your DD is the clicking. Could that be a tick? Maybe she has a mild form of Tourette's?

Or maybe not. Maybe she's just branched out further on her sounds. Maybe I should encourage my DD to add some sounds to her repertoire. I'm so tired of the singing, lol.

[LynnS6]

Our daughter is 7 1/2 and sings, hums and talks to herself a lot. Not quite as much as your daughter, but a lot. The 2-3 months where dd was learning to whistle were pure torture at time. Thankfully, she finally learned to whistle, and then quickly learned to whistle tunes.

Several thoughts to consider -- we've had to work with dd on being quiet at certain times. For example, the kids read for 20 minutes or so before going to bed. They both like to sit on the couch and read. Ds cannot concentrate at all when dd is making noise. So, we did have to stop her from humming/whistling while she read. We've had to ask her to go to her room to read if she can't be quiet. She'd much rather be with us, so she'll try hard. She's also in school, so she's had to learn to suppress some of it.

For dd, it's a self-regulation thing. Humming/singing etc. both entertains her and helps her concentrate on her very interesting inner world. As she's gotten older, she's gotten better able to regulate herself in other ways, and we've worked on some of those as well. There's a big difference now when compared to a year ago. (We also signed her up for a children's choir so she can have an outlet for singing and because she needed some new repertoire.) So, remember that she's still pretty little.

Second, if she's driving you nuts, it's OK to ask her to stop. Really. Dd was making clicks in the car last week and I had to tell her to stop. It was hard for her. I finally told her to stick  her tongue out and gently hold it between her teeth. It worked. Sometimes I give her other things to do with her mouth -- chewing gum helps a ton, chewing on a wet washcloth words, sometimes just singing a different song will do. I think it's good to work on self-regulation and self-awareness, and when you're going batty because of her noises is a good time to work on that. (Actually, just before you've gone batty is a better time!)

On a side note, ds and I are participating in an ADHD study (he's a control, he's not got ADHD), and several of the questions they asked on one of the diagnostics about making noise, being argumentative, etc., reminded me strongly of dd. I don't think for a minute that dd has ADHD, but I found it interesting that the constant noise making is a characteristic. It might be something to hold in mind as she grows older.

[laohaire]

Originally Posted by lavatea 

I have no advice for you, and I'm bummed to see that so far no one else does, either. My 7 yo DD is like this. Although it's the singing/humming (mostly singing) ALL.THE.TIME. She also has a very hard time being still (especially when asked to be). We also homeschool, though to be fair to true homeschoolers, I'm horrible at homeschooling/keeping a schedule so we probably fall more under unschooling but mainly b/c of my lack of time management. (Is there a shame icon I can insert here? Sorry, that went a little OT.)
The only thing that concerns me about how you described your DD is the clicking. Could that be a tick? Maybe she has a mild form of Tourette's?
Or maybe not. Maybe she's just branched out further on her sounds. Maybe I should encourage my DD to add some sounds to her repertoire. I'm so tired of the singing, lol.

Thanks, it is good to hear she's not alone in that. Yeah, we're unschoolers at the moment too. I have this fantasy that when she turns 7 we're going to buckle down. We'll see.

The clicking is purposeful, not a tic. It's as purposeful as the humming and everything else.

Originally Posted by LynnS6 

Our daughter is 7 1/2 and sings, hums and talks to herself a lot. Not quite as much as your daughter, but a lot. The 2-3 months where dd was learning to whistle were pure torture at time. Thankfully, she finally learned to whistle, and then quickly learned to whistle tunes.

Several thoughts to consider -- we've had to work with dd on being quiet at certain times. For example, the kids read for 20 minutes or so before going to bed. They both like to sit on the couch and read. Ds cannot concentrate at all when dd is making noise. So, we did have to stop her from humming/whistling while she read. We've had to ask her to go to her room to read if she can't be quiet. She'd much rather be with us, so she'll try hard. She's also in school, so she's had to learn to suppress some of it.

For dd, it's a self-regulation thing. Humming/singing etc. both entertains her and helps her concentrate on her very interesting inner world. As she's gotten older, she's gotten better able to regulate herself in other ways, and we've worked on some of those as well. There's a big difference now when compared to a year ago. (We also signed her up for a children's choir so she can have an outlet for singing and because she needed some new repertoire.) So, remember that she's still pretty little.

Second, if she's driving you nuts, it's OK to ask her to stop. Really. Dd was making clicks in the car last week and I had to tell her to stop. It was hard for her. I finally told her to stick  her tongue out and gently hold it between her teeth. It worked. Sometimes I give her other things to do with her mouth -- chewing gum helps a ton, chewing on a wet washcloth words, sometimes just singing a different song will do. I think it's good to work on self-regulation and self-awareness, and when you're going batty because of her noises is a good time to work on that. (Actually, just before you've gone batty is a better time!)

On a side note, ds and I are participating in an ADHD study (he's a control, he's not got ADHD), and several of the questions they asked on one of the diagnostics about making noise, being argumentative, etc., reminded me strongly of dd. I don't think for a minute that dd has ADHD, but I found it interesting that the constant noise making is a characteristic. It might be something to hold in mind as she grows older.

Oh boy, I've got whistling to look forward to.

Which reminds me. DD takes very strongly after her father (DH). I sometimes joke that maybe the postal carrier was her mother (uh.. get it?). Anyway, DH has this under control, which is why I didn't really think about it before, but he also makes a lot of sounds.

When he is doing dishes or cleaning or shaving, he hums. Apparently he sings when I'm not around. He has a way of humming AND whistling at the SAME TIME. He can do a pretty ok Human Boombox too, and sometimes amuses DD with that. I don't know why it didn't occur to me until now that this is all coming from DH, whether all genetic or also some exposure (the way he plays with her).

The point is not so much that she got it from him, but that I didn't even realize it because he controls it just fine. So there must be hope!

Well. As long as school-out-of-the-home isn't a requirement of her learning to control that, I guess. DH went to school. I'll have to ask him if he thinks he used to make sounds to that degree when he was young, or if he remembers people telling him to knock it off or something.

Well, thanks for the input, both. I think I can relax about it. I will just tell her when I want her to be quiet when it's being a problem for me. It's not always a problem for me, so that's fair enough.

[lavatea]

Originally Posted by LynnS6 

On a side note, ds and I are participating in an ADHD study (he's a control, he's not got ADHD), and several of the questions they asked on one of the diagnostics about making noise, being argumentative, etc., reminded me strongly of dd. I don't think for a minute that dd has ADHD, but I found it interesting that the constant noise making is a characteristic. It might be something to hold in mind as she grows older.

I read an article about ADHD and DD exhibits just about every sign of the disorder. But I'm not interested in a label or medicine so it probably won't ever go any farther than, "huh...sounds like her".

Originally Posted by laohaire 

When he is doing dishes or cleaning or shaving, he hums. Apparently he sings when I'm not around. He has a way of humming AND whistling at the SAME TIME. He can do a pretty ok Human Boombox too, and sometimes amuses DD with that. I don't know why it didn't occur to me until now that this is all coming from DH, whether all genetic or also some exposure (the way he plays with her).

The point is not so much that she got it from him, but that I didn't even realize it because he controls it just fine. So there must be hope!

Well. As long as school-out-of-the-home isn't a requirement of her learning to control that, I guess. DH went to school. I'll have to ask him if he thinks he used to make sounds to that degree when he was young, or if he remembers people telling him to knock it off or something.

I hum. Just not all of the time. So maybe she picked it up from me and is taking it to the extreme? Interesting thought. I don't remember humming and singing all the time when I was a kid. And I definitely don't remember anyone telling me to knock it off, though.

[tooraloora]

DD (7 this month) is like that, too. I occasionally ask her to stop when I really need some quiet, but it only lasts a few seconds (literally) before she starts up again. She public schooled last year for kindergarten and it was a big problem. She got in trouble a lot for all the noise making. I remember her oldest brother being pretty noisy at her age (who does have ADHD), too, but he got a handle on it by the time he was a teenager, so I'm hoping the same will happen with her. It can definitely be frustrating, though. She's almost never quiet. The girl even talks in her sleep. She will be quiet for guided meditation, though.

[meemee]

laohaire, is your dd really never quiet? what about at the store or the library.

dd does do the same but not constantly. she does it for two reasons. one to concentrate when she is using her hands - say to do dishes, cook or needlework. or she does it out of boredom. we just returned from a 2000 mile road trip and yes i looked forward to her falling asleep for sheer silence. i also noticed she does it when she needs exercise and is not getting it. its her way of letting off steam. 

dd does all sorts of noises. she also sings and talks. she does a lot of comedy routines. 

she goes to school and has always been quiet when needed so it never concerned me when she was young. 

and yes i have had to tell her to cut it out. and she can - except if she is doing it when she is cooped up and cant run around. 

[Imakcerka]

I've got a constant whistler!  Constant!  Oh some times she take a break from that and sings... badly.  I'll take the whistling.  She can't sit still... unless she's occupied with something she's interested in.  She was outside for two hours once with her dad looking through the telescope.  All I kept hearing was "do you mind not whistling in my ear?" it would stop and then 10 minutes later "please kid, just stop whistling for a bit".  The whole time!  And she meows... barking is so beneath her.  It's better to crawl around fake scratch and meow!  AAAAAAAH!

[laohaire]

Originally Posted by meemee 

laohaire, is your dd really never quiet? what about at the store or the library.

Let's see... if she is receiving input, she will be quiet. So if we take her to a live musical, she will be quiet (and enthralled). If I am reading a story to her, no problem, she's quiet. If someone is talking to her, she will listen. I am having a hard time deciding if she can be quiet without a lot of external input. I'll pay attention. Just because it seems to me that she's vocalizing all of the time doesn't make it literally so... but I'll have to notice. I just remembered that last night at dinner, DD was quiet though DH and I were talking to each other with boring adult stuff (technology companies).

I imagine that if she were in school, she would be quiet when the teacher was talking. But, I think that if she were assigned to do a worksheet, she might start humming while working on it. I imagine that she would probably hum in accord with the general noise level of the room - softly if people are being quiet and there's just a little rustling of papers and hushed talking, or at her normal level if lots of people are talking. That's how I imagine it at least.

At the store or library, I dunno, I think she's probably humming in both places, but it doesn't bother me. Grocery shopping is pretty boring, so of course she's doing something to entertain herself. The library is not boring, but the children's wing at our library is not expected to be a quiet place. There's a playroom and no hush.

DH got the label of ADD (not ADHD) when he was a kid. I don't know much (or anything, really) about it, except that DH was told he had the very unusual kind of ADD. He is hyperfocused.

DD is not reading yet (consistent with her right-brained dominance; she'll probably be reading at age 7) so I don't know if she can be quiet while focused on reading to herself. I sure hope so. Not just because it's annoying to others, but I hope she can really concentrate on the wonderful world of reading without needing external input.

We do have outlets for physical activity for her, but while I wish I could claim we did a good amount every day, I've fallen short on that. So that's a good reason for me to increase my priority on that (it's already a priority but I have so many competing ones!!! work! clean! homeschool! cook nutritious meals! and yes, exercise for all of us!).

[mamazee]

I havea 9-year-old who is like this, but I assume she is able to stay quiet in school. I will ask her how she manages to stay quiet at school as at home she is constantly chattering, and if she can't think of anything to say, she sings. I don't remember her ever telling me she was punished at school, and I never got any complaints about her constant chattering. Maybe it was just a stronger expectation there? Sometimes peer pressure helps - as in seeing all the other kids being quiet might make her be quiet.

She used to do barking or meowing all day too. LOL. It drove me nuts at the time but I'm remembering it fondly. :)

I'm sorry, I guess I have no answer.

[meemee]

Originally Posted by laohaire 

We do have outlets for physical activity for her, but while I wish I could claim we did a good amount every day, I've fallen short on that. So that's a good reason for me to increase my priority on that (it's already a priority but I have so many competing ones!!! work! clean! homeschool! cook nutritious meals! and yes, exercise for all of us!).

not to sound condescending (sometimes i have no idea how i come across) but one of the best outlets to physical exercise for dd has been actually chores for dd. so there is no reason she cant help you with clean and cook nutritious meals to the level you are comfortable with her doing and what she herself is willing to do. i dont think they need to always have a park or backyard to run around in (that does have its place), but they do need to potter around the house and when its a chore its easier to do so rather than try to do it on ones own. cooking nutritious meals IS a huge task by itself and i am sure she could help you with that in some form to make it easier and enjoyable for you and it also teaches her life skills. however this may be just my thing coz i am sooo shocked by how little cooking people do, what one defines as cooking (that i call assembling) and just how many people seriously DONT know how to cook. seriously if you put a knife and celery in front of them they wouldnt really know what to do.  
 

[laohaire]

Originally Posted by meemee 

not to sound condescending (sometimes i have no idea how i come across) but one of the best outlets to physical exercise for dd has been actually chores for dd. so there is no reason she cant help you with clean and cook nutritious meals to the level you are comfortable with her doing and what she herself is willing to do. i dont think they need to always have a park or backyard to run around in (that does have its place), but they do need to potter around the house and when its a chore its easier to do so rather than try to do it on ones own. cooking nutritious meals IS a huge task by itself and i am sure she could help you with that in some form to make it easier and enjoyable for you and it also teaches her life skills. however this may be just my thing coz i am sooo shocked by how little cooking people do, what one defines as cooking (that i call assembling) and just how many people seriously DONT know how to cook. seriously if you put a knife and celery in front of them they wouldnt really know what to do.  
 

I'm going to veer right off of my original topic and admit I am HORRIBLE at having DD do chores.

It's not that I don't see the value in it. Holla! I do! Preaching to the choir here!

She loves helping me cook. I like having her company but ... I'll admit this. This isn't even something I've admitted out loud to myself. I don't like having her help. I feel busy. I just want to get it done. I'm in a rush. It takes twice as long when I have to work with her on it too.

I don't even like having adults help me in the kitchen. When MIL comes to visit, she asks how she can help, and I tell her that she can help by keeping me company. I like to cook and even prep my way, and I just have it all down to a science.

I have DD sweep the stairs (that involves picking up the little rugs on each stair as well) and that's cool with me. If she's around when I'm folding laundry, I have her fold and put away her own clothes, plus if she's still motivated she can do the kitchen towels (since we don't use paper, that's a pretty fair pile). But the stairs works for me because I rarely get to them myself, and whatever she does is better than what would have been done anyway. The laundry works for me because I can be working on the other piles (mine, DH's) while she's on hers, so her work doesn't slow me down at all. I'm also not picky about how neatly she folds her stuff or puts it in the drawer. Other things, I'm a lot pickier about, and want to do myself. Or just want to get it done QUICKLY.

I am 85% done with a massive organization and decluttering effort focused on DD's things (toys, clothes, books, learning materials) and we're enforcing that she pick up after herself now that there is a place for everything. This is new. (I expect to be 100% done by tomorrow).

But... how do I give her things to do that don't drive ME crazy? Either because she's not going to do them as well as me, or because it will slow me down? I fully acknowledge this is my problem, but I don't know how to move past it. She's 6, she's not as fast or thorough as I am. Reality. I do understand that this is how she learns, but I have such a hard time with it. What do people do? Do they just take a deeeeeeep breath and let it go? Or are there some tricks of the trade that I'm not seeing? Like I said, laundry works because we can do the same task together but we're really doing different things (different piles) so she is not slowing me down. What else can I do that's similar? Sure, she can load the dishwasher, but that will take twice as long for me. What am I missing?

I do want her to know how to do chores and to be useful. I don't want to raise her to be a consumer and not a producer, if you understand what I mean - to just play and consume entertainment rather than pitching in.

[serenbat]

But... how do I give her things to do that don't drive ME crazy? Either because she's not going to do them as well as me, or because it will slow me down? I fully acknowledge this is my problem, but I don't know how to move past it. She's 6, she's not as fast or thorough as I am. Reality. I do understand that this is how she learns, but I have such a hard time with it. What do people do? Do they just take a deeeeeeep breath and let it go? Or are there some tricks of the trade that I'm not seeing? Like I said, laundry works because we can do the same task together but we're really doing different things (different piles) so she is not slowing me down. What else can I do that's similar? Sure, she can load the dishwasher, but that will take twice as long for me. What am I missing?

I started both of mine by age 2

cutting veggies are the easiest -here is your pile her is mine- I don't care how long it take for my child's pile to get done and I do this with most food related jobs- mine and theirs and they do move on speed as they age- this goes for clean things as well as dishes and baking - the whole food process in our family

by 6 my DD could (with overseeing)-sort and start and fold 99% of the laundry- she should be able to do MOST at this point - we use drying racks and I split the laundry in 1/2 - I hang 1/2 my now 3 year old hangs the other half

split most of what you do in 1/2, be it trash or cleaning or cooking, grocery shopping helping, yard work, etc and work up till she can do most on her own-

do a whole HS unit on laundry - research how other cultures do it, how it was done 100 years ago, look into different washing machines and how they work- make it a "school-real world unit"

 by age 3 they scrub toilets in our home

if you HS I take it you are not working, I would have her involved in 90%+ of what needs to be done

I think you more so need to wrap yourself around how you can let her in no matter how long it takes- they do get faster but at 6 if she isn't doing it by now it's going to be slow for her

[lavatea]

Originally Posted by laohaire 



I'm going to veer right off of my original topic and admit I am HORRIBLE at having DD do chores.

It's not that I don't see the value in it. Holla! I do! Preaching to the choir here!

She loves helping me cook. I like having her company but ... I'll admit this. This isn't even something I've admitted out loud to myself. I don't like having her help. I feel busy. I just want to get it done. I'm in a rush. It takes twice as long when I have to work with her on it too.

I don't even like having adults help me in the kitchen. When MIL comes to visit, she asks how she can help, and I tell her that she can help by keeping me company. I like to cook and even prep my way, and I just have it all down to a science.

I have DD sweep the stairs (that involves picking up the little rugs on each stair as well) and that's cool with me. If she's around when I'm folding laundry, I have her fold and put away her own clothes, plus if she's still motivated she can do the kitchen towels (since we don't use paper, that's a pretty fair pile). But the stairs works for me because I rarely get to them myself, and whatever she does is better than what would have been done anyway. The laundry works for me because I can be working on the other piles (mine, DH's) while she's on hers, so her work doesn't slow me down at all. I'm also not picky about how neatly she folds her stuff or puts it in the drawer. Other things, I'm a lot pickier about, and want to do myself. Or just want to get it done QUICKLY.

I am 85% done with a massive organization and decluttering effort focused on DD's things (toys, clothes, books, learning materials) and we're enforcing that she pick up after herself now that there is a place for everything. This is new. (I expect to be 100% done by tomorrow).

But... how do I give her things to do that don't drive ME crazy? Either because she's not going to do them as well as me, or because it will slow me down? I fully acknowledge this is my problem, but I don't know how to move past it. She's 6, she's not as fast or thorough as I am. Reality. I do understand that this is how she learns, but I have such a hard time with it. What do people do? Do they just take a deeeeeeep breath and let it go? Or are there some tricks of the trade that I'm not seeing? Like I said, laundry works because we can do the same task together but we're really doing different things (different piles) so she is not slowing me down. What else can I do that's similar? Sure, she can load the dishwasher, but that will take twice as long for me. What am I missing?

I do want her to know how to do chores and to be useful. I don't want to raise her to be a consumer and not a producer, if you understand what I mean - to just play and consume entertainment rather than pitching in.

I'm right there with you. It's so much easier to do things myself than take the time to include the kids. And there is always so much to do. Plus, they have chores that they won't take care of, so I really don't feel inclined to "reward" them by letting them help with mine when they won't even do theirs.

[mamazee]

If my dd is doing a chore, I can't be there. I do anything else - work in another room, take a bath, read a book. ANYTHING but oversee the chore being done. If I watch her do it, I'm driven crazy because she's slow, but of course she is as she hasn't been doing it for decades like I have. If she does it on her own, I'm OK. I would give her chores to do, and chores that  make her feel grown up, and then let her do them with as little supervision as possible. (Like obviously if she's using a massive sharp knife you can't go and take a bath.)

[laohaire]

Originally Posted by serenbat 

I started both of mine by age 2

cutting veggies are the easiest -here is your pile her is mine- I don't care how long it take for my child's pile to get done and I do this with most food related jobs- mine and theirs and they do move on speed as they age- this goes for clean things as well as dishes and baking - the whole food process in our family

by 6 my DD could (with overseeing)-sort and start and fold 99% of the laundry- she should be able to do MOST at this point - we use drying racks and I split the laundry in 1/2 - I hang 1/2 my now 3 year old hangs the other half

split most of what you do in 1/2, be it trash or cleaning or cooking, grocery shopping helping, yard work, etc and work up till she can do most on her own-

do a whole HS unit on laundry - research how other cultures do it, how it was done 100 years ago, look into different washing machines and how they work- make it a "school-real world unit"

 by age 3 they scrub toilets in our home

if you HS I take it you are not working, I would have her involved in 90%+ of what needs to be done

I think you more so need to wrap yourself around how you can let her in no matter how long it takes- they do get faster but at 6 if she isn't doing it by now it's going to be slow for her

Not resisting but just trying to dig deeper to figure this out. I do care how long she takes to cut the veggies because I've got things on the stove and waiting to go in the oven or whatever. So it holds me up and I really don't like it.

The laundry line is way too high for DD to reach. It's 6 feet up, and balanced over the back step so I would never dream of having her use a stepstool there. Not to mention, I cringe to think of all the dropped clean clothes, getting dirty.

I cringe at the idea of her scrubbing the toilet. And dripping the toilet brush all over the floor. I'm just telling you what is going on in my mind. I don't know how to get past it.

You take it wrong, I work full time. I also can't go back in time and have her scrubbing toilets at age 2, so that part isn't helpful. Besides, she was not really walking independently at age 2 anyway. She is not fully typical in physical development. She cannot climb on the counters to put things away. She cannot come even close to handling a gallon jug of milk to pour it in her own glass.

[laohaire]

Originally Posted by mamazee 

If my dd is doing a chore, I can't be there. I do anything else - work in another room, take a bath, read a book. ANYTHING but oversee the chore being done. If I watch her do it, I'm driven crazy because she's slow, but of course she is as she hasn't been doing it for decades like I have. If she does it on her own, I'm OK. I would give her chores to do, and chores that  make her feel grown up, and then let her do them with as little supervision as possible. (Like obviously if she's using a massive sharp knife you can't go and take a bath.)

OK, give me examples. I'm actually ok giving her a massive sharp knife, lol. What can I give her to do and then walk out of the room?

ETA: The sharp knife comment wasn't what it seemed! I just meant I trust her with it. But I don't do it because, like I said before, I want to get things IN the pot, IN the pan, IN the oven, I don't want to wait around for her to be done while I've got other things going and the oven preheated and wasting energy, etc.

[mamazee]

Honestly, it takes longer when you're learning, and there will be a little wasted energy. It just is going to take her longer and IMO you have to come to terms with that. She will speed up, but not without experience. If you're rushing her, that could just agitate her and make her lash out, which could cause a ton of problems. Is extra time of a pre-heated oven worth that?

The two of you might have a bit of a personality conflict here. There is a personality-related work style where you want to speed things up and do things quickly and efficiently (ie not waste any energy), and there is a personality-related work style where you like to do things slowly and deliberately and be very cautious and controlled. There isn't a right way or a wrong way to be as far as these personality differences go. If she's just slower, maybe you should just let her do it slower.

[Imakcerka]

uh... so I'm going to send my kids to you... you can teach them how to be helpful and well... I'll consider backsies if one of them could make me a gourmet dinner or do a load of laundry. 
 

Originally Posted by serenbat 

I started both of mine by age 2

cutting veggies are the easiest -here is your pile her is mine- I don't care how long it take for my child's pile to get done and I do this with most food related jobs- mine and theirs and they do move on speed as they age- this goes for clean things as well as dishes and baking - the whole food process in our family

by 6 my DD could (with overseeing)-sort and start and fold 99% of the laundry- she should be able to do MOST at this point - we use drying racks and I split the laundry in 1/2 - I hang 1/2 my now 3 year old hangs the other half

split most of what you do in 1/2, be it trash or cleaning or cooking, grocery shopping helping, yard work, etc and work up till she can do most on her own-

do a whole HS unit on laundry - research how other cultures do it, how it was done 100 years ago, look into different washing machines and how they work- make it a "school-real world unit"

 by age 3 they scrub toilets in our home

if you HS I take it you are not working, I would have her involved in 90%+ of what needs to be done

I think you more so need to wrap yourself around how you can let her in no matter how long it takes- they do get faster but at 6 if she isn't doing it by now it's going to be slow for her