Who is your LO's guardian/godparent?

[sere234]

We've been tossing names around for oh, about 16 months now, lol. Still no strong decision made though!

We're pretty close to both sides of our family so we'd love to leave DS with one of them but there are issues with ALL of them (in our opinions!). We aren't religious but most of our married family members are. So that cuts out a few. We use gentle discipline and 2 of our siblings and their families don't. So they are out of ideal range. The rest of our siblings are unmarried/coupled. 

I have a close friend who thinks very much like we do and we're debating asking her and her fiance. But dang, that would hurt our family A LOT. Plus my friend lives 2 states away so DS wouldn't often see his grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc...

So who did you choose? We either go with our son being spanked, raised with beliefs we disagree with, by a single parent, or by non-family members. How did you decide????

Ideally DH and I will stay alive forever.  :)

[Adaline'sMama]

We went with young and single. DH and I decided a while back that SIL (who is only 21 right now) would probably be best suited. She wants kids, is single, is super responsible, has really strong "family ties" (as in, she believes that family is first before anything else, and I know we could rely on her to help, even if at first grandparents had to take them or something for her to be able to get established), and even though she differs with us about some things, we feel that in general she respects us enough to raise our children in a similar way to us. Plus, I think she is the only person who would treat our children as her own as opposed to orphans that she is caring for. All in all, the main reason we chose her is that she has no interest in living very far from the city where all the grandparents live.

[philomom]

We chose a family friend for our kid's guardian. My family is overzealous in the religion dept and my in-laws have a "mean" gene.


But yes, get it done. Get it in writing. This is one of the most "grown up " things you can do as a parent is to be thinking of the kids even though you might not be there always.

[nilatti]

We asked friends (a married couple) who have no children but who share our values. It was important to us that our son be raised by Christian pacifists. My family are all agnostics, and my husband's are war mongers. We told everyone exactly why we picked them. My dad was pretty upset, but we said, "We are adults, and this is a decision we did not make lightly." We also put a note in our will to the guardians requesting that they make every effort to keep our children in contact with our parents.

[MsDolphin]

We put in writing our 1st choice, 2nd choice, etc for siblings and parents on both sides.

1st choice is DS's Godfather, my brother. He is single and wants kids and has a very good job. He shares our religious beliefs. Only negative is he lives far away from us, but he said if this was to happen he would move to our area, so DS would be near the rest of our families.

2nd choice is my SIL and her husband. They have 5 children of their own and are very well-balanced kids. They also share our religious beliefs. Only negative for them is their kids are already teenagers and DS is a baby, so if they had DS - it would kind of be starting over for them when they would be enjoying freedom that comes when kids get older.

3rd choice is my BIL and his wife. They have 2 children and no real complains about how they raise the kids, but they do NOT share our religious beliefs. So that dropped them to the bottom of our list.

After that both sets of grandparents are listed, they would be more than willing if needed, but their age is a factor.

Everyone happily agreed to our choices if they were called upon to become our DS guardian and raise him.

[colsxjack]

We struggled with this question, and have made a decision, but still havent put it in writing.

We want our child(ren) to be raised by people who would love them unconditionally and raise them as members of their family.

We want people to raise her with similar values to us, or at least values we can respect.

We chose my SIL and her husband. They are PERFECT. The only thing that kept us back and made it a difficult decision was the fact that they live overseas. We have decided that we need to choose them, and have enough support available that my SIL can take time off work for at least a year and help our child transition into losing her parents here before moving overseas.

We have a close family that will visit her overseas and have the means to do so. They already do for SIL.

Our only other options were people in my family. NONE I want near my kid for more than a couple of hours...and that is only with us there.

And then my wife has family. All of them fabulous people, but not prepared or able to give their all to our child without compromising their own lifestyles or that of their families.

[Virginia Mom]

I just wanted to add, in addition to writing the "guardianship" clause in your will or living trust, make sure and give copies to the intended guardians.........if the worst happens, you don't want your children sitting in 'the wrong' household while the paperwork is located.............

[philomom]

Originally Posted by Virginia Mom 

I just wanted to add, in addition to writing the "guardianship" clause in your will or living trust, make sure and give copies to the intended guardians.........if the worst happens, you don't want your children sitting in 'the wrong' household while the paperwork is located.............

Yes to this. A lot of folks leave their will in a safety deposit box at the bank. That is the worst place ever. Have extra copies made and get them to family members or friends you trust. Kids have been temporarily placed in foster care because the courts often need time to sort out details. No offense to MDC moms who foster, but I'd like to spare my kids that experience.

[lovepickles]

Great post. We just finalized our trust last month and have been updating our life insurance to pay into the trust. DH and I had some pretty heated negotiations because I wanted my cousin and he wanted his cousin to have custody if we both die. He didn't want my cousin at all because she was single. DH wanted choice #1 and #2 to be from his side of the family and it really upset me because my cousin is exactly the kind of person I would want to raise our daughter. In the end I said he could pick #1 and I pick #2 ... the end.

In your case I'd get plenty of life insurance that pays into a trust for the child and go with the single parent. Money can make a big difference in the life of a single parent and if you set up a trust that allots for living expenses for the custodial parent it might make it much less difficult.

[newbiemama09]

Originally Posted by sere234 

Ideally DH and I will stay alive forever.  :)

exactly!!! i just try not to think about that! but in the real world.... we are making our best friends guardians. and yes, it will hurt family. originally, years ago, we agreed that my sister and her hubby would take the kids. but within the last 2 years it's been revealed they do not have a healthy relationship and have since separated. So, we looked to our friends. We knew we couldn't choose between our parents, that would be really hurtful. Our friends have a rock solid marriage, they share many of the same parenting philosophies we do (though they're not NEARLY as crunchy), and most importantly they share the same religious beliefs and values. So even though these friends live 4 hours away (which i guess isn't terrible), we know they are the best people to raise our children should something happen to us.

[sere234]

Well, in case anyone was wondering, we did finally decide. We're going with my sister and her hubby as DS's guardians. They are religious and we aren't but we've decided we would rather have DS living with family and near the majority of his extended family. We'll revisit the plan in about 5 years, simply because I don't want DS to change or challenge my sister's family's beliefs. We imagine when he's 5-7 yo, DS will not be so compliant and easy to adapt to new beliefs. I really don't want him to undermine the way my nephews and nieces are being raised. It's hard knowing he'll be raised differently than we'd wish in relation to religion. But he will be very loved and my sister's family already knows him so well that I think he'd adjust well, considering the circumstances!

So, in about 5 years, we get to decide again. But for now, shew, it feels right and I can now relax a bit!!