2nd parent adoption

[RStelle]

We've been wanting to do a second parent adoption but we've been kind of putting it off. Has anyone else who lives in a state with gay marriage/ civil unions etc still done a 2nd parent adoption? Why did you decide you still needed to do one? How did it work, and how much did it cost? I know we should probably get it done, but I'm worried about how much it will cost. We still need to do a will, as well. I've been trying to find an organization that will help pay for it, but I haven't been able to find anything.

[prettyisa]

You should still get one--your marriage counts for nothing if you are in a state that doesn't recognize it, and therefore the birth certificate that lists a second, same-sex parent counts for nothing if that's how people choose to interpret it (because it's based on your marriage). Do it for the peace of mind. Not sure about the cost--looking around at some options here it looked like it'd run about $1200 plus fees, and be an easy process since Illinois has been doing them for years. We have an awesome lawyer friend who is going to do it for us, for as much money as we can convince her to take, I think. Good luck!

[maryeliz]

Definitely do it-all you have to do is google Miller Jenkins custody dispute to see what can happen if you don't have the protection of an adoption.  2nd parent adoptions vary greatly by state, so you should probably ask around locally to get a sense of costs and requirements.  If you have any gay advocacy groups in your area, they could be a good place to go for recs.  I would also get a few quotes, because rate can vary a lot from lawyer to lawyer. Also remember that the costs of the adoption can be deducted on your taxes, as can the cost of your estate planning.

One thing you can do today for free (if you have not already done so) is complete your advance directives, which among other things will allow your partner to make medical decision for you in case of a medical crisis.

http://healthvermont.gov/vadr/index.aspx

[AnnaNotherThing]

i would also suggest you do it, and do it ASAP.  You never know what could be just around the corner.

And get your wills done ASAP, too. And make sure you guys have adequate life insurance.

I may sound like a worrier but I was like you a couple of years ago, not sure if these things were all that important, or just too busy with life to get stuff like wills organised. You know you should do this stuff, but life is busy, right?

Then one of our best friends was suddenly killed by a truck on a highway, leaving her partner V and 5 year old daughter behind.  They had just (3 days previously) purchased a new house with a huge mortgage on it.  They had no (or very much not enough) life insurance, plus the mortgage insurance documents on the new house weren't completed yet... And V is not their daughter's biological mother. They had (sort of) started the adoption process years earlier but it had stalled and they hadn't thought it was very important. There were no wills.  Suddenly their known donor felt he now needed to take a more active 'parenting' role, and was reconsidering giving his consent to the adoption...

it was a mess. And a traumatic, hugely upsetting one on top of the tragedy of her wife's death.

So do this stuff now!!!

You really don't know what could happen.

[RStelle]

Thanks, we are going to meet with a lawyer on Thursday.

[mommy55]

Just wanted to throw in some info about the cost of ours - we're in TN, so no civil unions, marriage, etc.  But we did a same-sex 2nd parent adoption in 2010.

The approximate costs:

legal $1,900

social worker  $1,300

court fees  $200

other (finger prints, background checks)  $200

That was for our first adoption.  The 2nd one will be about $1,800 less b/c both the lawyer and social worker give a discount for repeat customers!

[lyn_ftst]

Another bench mark on cost -- Ours in the Boston area were both a $2000 flat fee. Not sure if process may be similar in Vermont due to civil unions, but here, home study and waiting period are easily waived based on marriage, which reduces the cost. We just had to collect a lot of paperwork, and letters from friends and family saying we were great parents. Some folks here do it themselves, but from what I can tell, in practice, that usually means people *intend* to do it themselves but don't quite get to it. Would be curious to hear if anyone has really pulled it off. I believe costs outside of Boston are generally lower.

[mommy55]

Sorry - I forgot to include a crucial piece of info yesterday when I posted about our costs in TN.  We got almost every penny back in the form of a tax refund.  The IRS changed adoption rules a couple of years ago (or perhaps even just for 2010 returns).  My partner adopted my bio baby, so she included the adoption in her return.  It took until August 2011 (after filing in February or March) but she got a refund of almost all the adoption costs - I don't think we included the cost of my fingerprints and background check.  I'm not sure if this adoption tax refund is still on the books for this year - I hope so b/c we just started our 2nd adoption!

[prettyisa]

The adoption tax credit expired at the end of 2011. It's most likely in that pile of other tax cuts that also expired which congress is supposed to haggle over and most likely reinstate and back-date once they get back into session. But for now there's no adoption tax credit.

[unoriginal]

We live in PA and did the adoption in early/mid 2011.   It cost us $1600 - we didn't need a home study or anything.  Just a lawyer - she pretty much took care of everything else.

We will get it all back come tax time since it was a refundable credit in 2011.  Hopefully they reinstate it by the time we have the next one 

[AmandaAnn]

Originally Posted by unoriginal 

We live in PA and did the adoption in early/mid 2011.   It cost us $1600 - we didn't need a home study or anything.  Just a lawyer - she pretty much took care of everything else.

We will get it all back come tax time since it was a refundable credit in 2011.  Hopefully they reinstate it by the time we have the next one 

Hi there unoriginal :-) If you don't mind me asking, where about in PA do you live? I'm also from PA and $1600 sounds alot better than some of the prices I've seen. If you don't want to say here, feel free to send me a message :-)

[Feministmamas]

That is way better than the approx $6000 we have been seeing on-line. We live in PA too. I heard it varies by county. We haven't gone to see a lawyer yet since we are still ttc. If you live in south central PA or even close to that can you give me your lawyers info. Thanks.