Hi Ladies! I thought I would drop in and post a note. I'm feeling a bit like I am in purgatory these days. I'm at 5w4d and I am nervous. The thought of going back to the drawing board and repeating the last 13 months is terrifying. So, I'm trying to live in the present and be at peace each day. Today I AM pregnant. This is hard ladies!
How about you guys? Did you have a hard time accepting and trusting your pregnancy?
shesaidboom - Thanks for adding the link!
shesaidboom, rcr, & cbaa - Stalkers are totally welcome... the stalking is mutual, anyway! 
And so is graduating! I know - you would all have done it a long time ago if it were up to sheer will power!
deborah - Aww... love the animal pictures! And I like that you do what I do - I always wear the same clothes for my bump pictures, and stand in the same place (when we're not traveling). I'm planning to make a sort of montage of all the ones I've done soon, but so far I've been too lazy/busy. I hope you can work out some of the things stressing you that you mentioned on the IVF thread (where I also stalk!).
renavoo - Can't wait to hear about your scan results!! And yes, I ate some cheese sticks and some carrots and really did very well that day. I really can't believe I'm at the end of my first trimester. It some ways, it feels like I just barely found out we were pregnant! But these later weeks (10+) seem to be moving much faster than the earlier weeks did. I think we are going to find out the gender, and we picked names a long time ago (like, a year and a half ago!), but we aren't telling anyone. No baby shopping just yet, though I've definitely done some looking. I may start an online registry at some point, but I'm considering waiting till we find out the gender. I realllllly wanted to buy this cute, fuzzy monkey blanket (of course!) that I saw when shopping for a baby gift for someone else, but we really didn't have the money, and we really don't have space to stockpile a lot of stuff in our current apartment. So I've been good so far. But I'm sure I'll break down some time soon! I've actually never heard of Buy Buy Baby. Is it an East Coast thing? Oh, and I am really hoping for a baby shower, though no one's offered to give me one yet. But a lot of people just found out I'm pregnant, so I'm guessing I will have one eventually. I like parties where all my friends come and bring me presents. 
I was actually kind of sad about my wedding shower, because not very many people came, I think mostly due to the location. But I definitely didn't lack in wedding gifts... good heavens, I never knew that many people I didn't even know would send us presents! I would have traded some kitchen towels to have more of my friends at my shower, though. (And this was 2 years ago... some day I'll let go and move on!)
krunchy - Glad to see you've joined us! Are you going to have an ultrasound soon to see what's going on in there? And yes, hold on to the fact that today you ARE pregnant! And the first few weeks of my pregnancy (really, the entire time until my first mw appointment at 8w2d) were filled with disbelief and nervousness. Even once I started feeling so sick, I dreaded finding out that the pregnancy was ectopic, or that the baby didn't make it, and that all of this was for nothing. I did my best to push those feelings aside, but it was really hearing the heartbeat and having the midwife (and maybe me, still not sure) see the baby, wiggling and in the right place, that made a huge difference. And I still worried some until my second mw visit and hearing the heartbeat again. I do find that the worry lessens with each milestone I pass - making it past when I would expect my period was big (since I got my BFP two days before that), making it to 6 weeks was big, because so, so many mamas around here have very early losses. Hearing the heartbeat the first time was HUGE, along with seeing the baby. Hearing the heartbeat a second time was also big, and so is passing out of my first trimester. I think I will always have some worries, but I'm trying to let them go more and more, especially as I pass important checkpoints where my risk gets lower. And I'm trying really hard not to live for the next checkpoint, but just to do what you are doing - I AM PREGNANT TODAY, darn it! Part of my TTC journey has been coming to terms with the fact that nothing you do (or don't do) can ever guarantee you a healthy baby. Accepting the fact that babies can and are lost at all phases of the journey (including after birth and for the rest of their lives) has been big for me. Don't get me wrong - I was still be devastated to lose my baby, before or after birth. But realizing that worrying and obsessing won't change the outcome one bit has let me find a lot more peace. I'm sure some it also comes from my religious beliefs about God having a plan for us, and about death not being the end, too. But anyway - it is totally normal to be nervous, especially after all you've gone through to get to this point. Trusting your body to do this right, when it seems like it spent so much time not working right, IS tough. So we're definitely here if you need a shoulder to cry on! (And I'm reading along even when I don't get around to posting that often.) 
AFM, well, I said a lot about me already! I did get to spend a little bit of time with my grandma yesterday, though I spent a lot of the day helping SIL take the twins to the doctor for their 2-month visit. Poor little things have been sick with a respiratory virus for almost 2 weeks (along with their parents, who are mostly better, and their big sister, who is also still a little sick). Anyway, they were supposed to be vaccinated, but when the doctor listened to their lungs, they were wheezing, so that was put off. Instead, they're both supposed to do breathing treatments 3 times a day. The doctor also told my SIL that they should be eating every 2-3 hours, not the every 3-4 hours they're currently doing. SIL is really having a hard time with things, and I'm fairly certain she's depressed (and she knows it - she was on antidepressants during the pregnancy, too.), and I'm just not sure what to do to help her. I would go over and help her more, but I'm going out of town with dh for basically all of next week. Oh, and the doctor said that with wheezing below the age of 1, they have a 50/50 shot at developing childhood asthma. 
Which runs in SIL's family, anyway. But really, other than that, they boys are healthy and growing and smiling and making cute little baby sounds, so it was overall a good visit, just stressful for SIL because she's just had more put on her plate.
Anyway, hope everyone's doing well and that renavoo updates us soon!!
Monkey- I don't always wear the same exact thing, but I do always stand in the same spot. I want to figure out how to do what the owner of the coffee shop thought would be cool. Do kind of an animation video showing belly growth. I have a friend who is an artist and I think experiments with animation; perhaps I can get her on board. She just started a server job on top of her freelancing though, so I doubt she'd have time. Maybe I can find a program for those of us who are not animation savvy to use. Krunchy- Thanks!
Krunchy, welcome! And I STILL have a hard time trusting the pregnancy and I'm almost at 20 weeks. I definitely think it's a fear of loss because we've tried so long. The only thing that I can say is that it does get easier with time. Also, I found that setting milestones helped me. Heart beat was the first milestone. Then 12 weeks. Then 16 weeks. Now 20 weeks. Huh, I noticed that i just kept aiming for about every 4 weeks. haha. It also coincides with my physician visit schedule though. I'm now going to see my doctor every 2 weeks but my next milestone is still 24 weeks.
Monkey, oh no about your little nephews and you SIL. I hope that she can get treatment for her depression. I hear post partum depression really is something difficult to deal with (especially since she had depression before!) You're an amazing SIL for helping her out so much. She's very lucky! How is your grandmother? As for the shower, I hope someone throws one for you! Haha I may not want one but I think anyone who does want one should get one.
So my visit today went well. It was a funny one because at our 16 week visit, the boy was on the right side (baby B) and the girl was on the left (baby A). This time, we went in and the sonographer told us that Baby A was a boy. So DH and I looked at each other thinking that maybe we would be having 2 boys! Well, turns out they just changed where they are located. Instead of side by side, they are now top to bottom. Both look very healthy and passed all their tests. In 2 weeks, I go back in for fetal echoes since the doctor says IVF babies have a higher risk of cardiac abnormalities. He said that the tests today show very healthy hearts though so he's not worried. Personally, I think that since this is one of his specialties, he just likes to have it done. The office i'm in is very cautious. I also now have to go see them every 2 weeks so I'm really happy. haha who knew I'd be happy to see the doctor so often but every time, they will hopefully show us our babies so I'm happy to go. DH got a stealth video of the visit so i'm looking forward to getting it from his phone. They don't allow us to take a video outright because it's against office policy so dh had to use his cell phone and stick it in his pocket and angle the phone to catch the US. It's pretty funny but I wanted to have the video! It really is starting to feel much more real now. I feel them tumbling around in there so that really makes me very happy.
Ladies, I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!!
Hi ladies...I guess I'm going to go ahead and jump over here, if it's ok with y'all.
Krunchy - It is really hard to believe that it has finally happened! I really don't think I can add to what everyone else has already said. Just hang in there with all of us as we complete the 2nd half of the TTC journey.
I hate to be all about me today, but as I had my first prenatal ultra-sound I can barely focus on anything else. Officially, I'm 5 weeks 2 days. There was one sac with a yolk in the uterus!! That's the good part. There was also like another smaller sac/cyst in the uterus that the nurse said could be producing the extra hcg. She said both sacs where really unmeasurable because it was so early. So, I'm thinking this is just a vanishing twin...but of course the only way to know is to see what it does on the next ultrasound in one week. I really wish I hadn't gone in so early, but then they wanted to make sure the pregnancy was in the uterus. This was important as I've had trouble with one of my tubes, putting me at increased risk for an ectopic.
I also have cysts on both ovaries. One is huge at about 6 cm...haha the nurse had hard time getting the whole thing on the screen. Hopefully, they will just go away at around 12 weeks.
I'm feeling excited, but also still just a little confused.
They drew blood for another HCG test, so I'll post those numbers once the nurse calls me.
Ladies, Thanks for your kind words. Today I AM pregnant! (I also am experiencing more and more early pregnancy signs, so that helps. I'm exactly 6 weeks today.)
Wissa, My betas were high, as well. I did some googling that scared the bejesus out of me, so I stopped. But, before I stopped I came across a really interesting research article. The article explored whether or not high hcg levels in early pregnancy are indicative of a specific gender. They results were statistically significant finding that high hcg level were positively correlated with female fetuses. Bananas. I also came across the betabase, which I had a lot of fun with:
Have a beautiful day, ladies!
Just thought I would update - HCG 13, 699 Progesterone 46.1 My progesterone is high, but it is lower than it was at 4 weeks at 55. No worries...I guess that's what the suppsitories are for. Nurse said everything looks good, so I guess I should just leave it at that.
wissa - Sorry that your ultrasound was not entirely reassuring! I'm glad you have one good-looking little bean sac in there. I'm sorry about the lost twin and the ovaries. :( I hope they are able to figure out what's going on, and that you can relax in the mean time. And if you can't relax... well, I can't really blame you! And I don't mind reading AAM posts, anyway. I want to know about you!
deborah - I think an animation would be cool, too, but I doubt I'm up for the task.
renavoo - Glad the babies are doing well, and how funny that they flipped spots! Hopefully their little hearts will look good in a few weeks, too. And the mental image of your dh stealth-filming is pretty funny. As far as SIL, I think part of her problem is that her TSH is high (meaning her thyroid hormones are low). She was going to call yesterday to get an appointment with her GP to get him to up her med dosage, and I think that will help. I'm out of town this week, so not sure how the babies are doing. Grandma decided to stay in town until her appointment with the oncologist here, which is the 22nd. She's going to be helping SIL with the babies at least some of the time, so I think that will be good for all involved. (SIL has a hard time with being home with no adult interaction, and even just having someone there to talk to usually helps her a lot.)
krunchy - Good to see you again! Glad you are still pregnant! And yeah, there are some scary possibilities with higher hCG levels (wissa, you may think I'm bad for mentioning twins, but I decided to mention the only potentially happy reason I know for high hCG, and leave out the bad ideas!), but hopefully you will just be getting good news (and maybe a baby girl??). Let us know how things go!
wissa & krunchy - Whenever you are ready, let me know what you want in your blurb and I will add you to our roster!
AFM, apparently second trimester's the charm. I've been feeling a little bleh today, but I didn't throw up either Sunday or Monday morning (or today, either), and I felt fine both of those days! I'm guessing maybe my uterus is poking out a little more and not squishing my insides so much, or that the hormones are leveling off. Either way, I will take it! My tummy is definitely poking out, and I can't suck it in any more. 14 weeks today, and can't believe I've come so far so fast. Although the first part was NOT fast at all.
I'm in Dallas with dh for a work conference, and we're staying at a pretty nice hotel. I painted my toenails today and shaved myself silly (for me... I still have a lot more hair than many ladies), and we're going out for dinner and hopefully salsa dancing tonight. Question... anyone else get more hair growing on their tummy once they got pregnant? I swear my abdomen was not this furry previously! Anyway, hoping I feel good enough to make tonight lots of fun. 
Happy Valentine's Day, ladies!
Wissa, yah to a great US (and yes, I'm going with the idea that whenever you see a sac and a yolk, it is a reason for celebration) I'm so sorry about the other smaller sac/cyst and I'm hoping that it isn't a vanishing twin :o( i know that is common but it's always a loss whenever you think about what could have been. Big hugs regardless and i hope your next visit relieves your mind even more!
Krunchy, pretty early on, my DH made me promise to stop googling things because i would get too scared. I am glad you stopped :o) haha it doesn't end though because i still find myself googling things but I end up stopping before i get too deep and therefore, too worried.
Krunchy and Wissa, you guys are so close together in terms of due dates. It's so exciting :oD How are you two feeling?
Monkey, I'm so excited that you're feeling better overall and that the vomiting has started to ease. i remember during my 14th week, i kept thinking that i looked fat, not pregnant but soon, you'll look nice and pregnant so no one will mistaken it. But I miss being able to suck in my stomach to appear thinner. Oooh and my belly button hasn't popped out yet but it's definitely more shallow. It's just crazy what happens to our bodies during pregnancy. I'm so happy that your grandma is staying in town and that she's going to help your SIL during that time. It's wonderful to have family around and especially, that they can help each other. I'm sure your grandmother will enjoy helping your SIL too because that will keep her mind off of her illness. Hope all goes well.
By the way, yah to staying in a nice hotel and relaxing. It's almost like you're on vacation and that's a wonderful thing. Enjoy and i hope everyone had a wonderful Valentine's day! DH cooked me dinner (Shepherd's pie- my favorite!) and now i plan on lying on him and falling asleep. hehe maybe after some other fun time though. ;o)
Wissa- I've heard of the extra sac looking like a vanishing twin and then developing into an embryo/fetus (they don't become fetuses right away- I forget what week). I am glad you have at least one healthy baby developing in there. AFM- Had an OB appointment and ultrasound on Monday. All is looking good and we got the doc to take a guess as to the sexes (looking boyish!). Our Level 2 ultrasound is scheduled for 3/8 and that will be our confirmation, but I don't honestly think we need confirmation as I've been feeling boy since the beginning. We still won't be doing any public announcement of our twins' sexes until then.
Thanks ladies for the thougths on the little sac. I had to give it a little moment, but in truth it was so small there is not way to ever know exactly what it is/was. I just don't want it impact the one that is growing a developing like it should. Right now I'm pregnant and I'm just trying to enjoy that and not worry about what might be.
Monkey - It never crossed my mind to be upset about you mentioning twins. It was a possiblity. I think the nurse thought so too because she kept going back and looking for it until she found it.
RE hair issues - Yes, I had increased hair growth when I was pregnant with DS. I have a couple of hairs on my chin and when they started growing like crazy and multiply I started thinking maybe I was pregnant again. ;) This week I have noticed I have shave my legs more often. And my belly is already sticking out...it did the same thing with DS. Really my waist has increased by about 3 inches. So, if someone is really watching they might have a clue.
Also, I could feel DS move at 15 weeks...So, you're getting really close to that moment! That's when it gets really cool.
Renavoo - If I've go my date right it should be around Oct. 13th, but my DS came 2 weeks early. Enjoy the pregnant belly! I loved being pregnant with DS because I didn't have to worry about did this or that make me look big. lol - I was big and that was way I was supposed to be!
Deborah - So glad your scan went well. I think boys are wonderful. In fact, I have the sweetest most adorable one in the whole world. ;) Boys love their Mama's!
krunchy - I'm doubting a girl. My husbands family just doesn't have girls. My DS is one of 7 boys! So, if we were to have a girl I would never have to buy clothes! My mil has been making smocked dresses for a girl for years.
Right now my next scan is schedule for Monday at 6w2d. I'm thinking about moving it to that friday so I'll be at 6w6d. I think that would give me a much better chance of seeing a hb. I don't want to go in and then be told to come back in a few days it was just early. At this point, I figure if something goes wrong there's not much they can do, but hold my hand. So, why torture myself? right?
Also, now that I know I have cysts and not an ectopic pregnancy they don't bother me at all. I just needed to know what that pain/ressure was. I kept telling my DH something was just not right. ;)
Wissa- That must be the real reason DH wanted girls (Daddy's Girls). LOL. I think he'll get just as excited about boys as soon as all is confirmed on 3/8.
Hi Ladies! Today I AM pregnant. Six weeks 2 days, to be exact. I was also pregnant yesterday, so says my acupuncturist. Apparently, pregnant women have "slippery" pulses due to the increased volume of blood. Bananas.
Monkeyscience - Here's to a happy, baby bump! I'm glad you are starting to feel better. Enjoy Dallas. I love the tex-mex in Texas, and am jealous of your ability to eat delicious queso, and other such delicacies from the Longhorn State. Yum.
Renavoo - I really like your perspective ie focusing on milestones. Thank you! My next ultrasound is on Monday, and I will be 7 weeks exactly. Fingers crossed. I hope your Shepherd's Pie was amazing!
Wissa - I hear you concerning the ultrasounds, I did the same thing. I pushed my 6 week ultrasound to 7 weeks to be sure and see A LOT of changes, including a nice, fast heartbeat. Plus, the amount of anxiety I carry the day or two before isn't helpful for me. I really need to learn and trust this process while recognizing that I can't control any part of it. Well, you know, besides eating raw fish, chain smoking, and guzzling vodka, and such. How are you feeling, Wissa?
Deborah - Picasa, Google's picture program, has a movie feature that may be a rudimentary form of animation for your belly pics. You can adjust the duration of time on each picture, overlap of pics, and how the pictures segue from one to the next. The overlap function is super cool because you can set it so you can really see the difference from one to the next.
AFM - I am HUNGRY. The only nausea I've had so far has been blood sugar related. When I get too hungry I really start to get nauseous, but this has been happening since I started talking Metformin. The only difference now is that it happens frequently between meals, so I've upped my protein intake, in addition to increasing my snacks. Also, I am super tired. I closed my eyes yesterday for a brief moment and woke up two hours later. I then promptly fell asleep at 10 pm and slept for 10 hours. Hungry and tired, but I am not feeling sick.
krunchy - I love seeing your "I AM pregnant" every time you post! I'm glad you aren't feeling much nausea. I don't recommend it! Since I live in Texas full-time, I do have constant access to tasty Mexican/Tex-Mex food. Living in Oklahoma for two months with terrible Mexican food (when we had to eat out every night) was TORTURE. TORTURE, I tell you! I'm never moving away from good Mexican food! And yeah, you do have to accept that the majority of the process is out of your control. But I really cracked up at the thought of you (or wissa) chain smoking and guzzling vodka!
renavoo - I know my SIL's belly button never really "popped" with her twins, but it just stretched out so that (according to her, at least), a circle of skin about 2" across around her belly button was actually once INSIDE her belly button, and her navel just got really shallow. That kind of made my eyes pop out of my head. That, and seeing all the stretch marks on her poor tummy. But she actually seemed to complain less about being uncomfortable with her twins than with her singleton, strangely enough. As far as fat vs pregnant, well, I know the difference, which is the most important thing! But I also like wearing maternity clothes, because they definitely make me look more "pregnant" and less "fat." Oooo... I found a funny shirt I kind of want now:
deborah - Yay for boys! At least you have a pretty good guess now. And the chance to be totally shocked later.
wissa - I think moving the scan back sounds like a good idea. Since you know it's not ectopic, there really isn't anything to be gained by scanning sooner, as it won't change anything. I feel a little better I'm not the only one with hair growth! I am excited for when I can feel the baby move. Supposedly it's been squirming around in there like crazy for several weeks now, but there's only one time I think I even might have felt it, and who really knows? I know it will happen eventually. :)
AFM, Valentine's turned out a little lame because dh was super stressed about work and his tummy was upset. We did get to eat Peruvian food, which seemed pretty tasty, and we ended up going to a park and salsa dancing a little to Pandora, but we've forgotten a lot since our lessons in July. Then we got back to the hotel and dh just felt miserable most of the rest of the time till we went to sleep. I will spare you the icky details. And he felt upset that he was disappointing me, but I really didn't feel disappointed. Sometimes life happens, I know we still love each other even if we didn't spend lots of steamy alone time together! (Though he had better feel better tonight... )
Monkey- It seemed pretty obvious to me (although it's still a little early) and I've been feeling boy right from the time we found out we were having identical twins (7 weeks). I knew we were having twins before we had our first ultrasound, so I am pretty confident they will stay boys. We'll have girl names as back up, but I doubt we'll need them.
Ooh- Krunchy- Thanks! I will have to play with it after I complete my final on Thursday.
Monkey- If I make it work, I'll help you out with yours :-).
Thanks!
Monkey, I love that shirt. haha i want to get one for myself. I definitely feel that way A LOT of the time. but i'm finally getting more comfortable with my expanding tummy. Another bad part, though, is the edema because it makes it difficult to wear my wedding ring and also, outside of my sneakers, every other shoe pinches. Ugh. But hey, it's all worth it, especially when i feel the little babies move around! Hope you had a fun night last night ;o) my DH also had a really bad tummy ache on V day so we didn't to steam it up either. but I'm with you...it doesn't matter to me because we have plenty of opportunities to do that. Sometimes, it's just nice to hug and to relax with each other. 
Wissa, I agree with Monkey that you should move it back a few more days. The heartbeat is such an amazing part and it'll be so disappointing to go in and not have the opportunity to see it because it's too early! And, as Monkey said, now that you know it's not an ectopic, there's no concern with delaying it a few days (except, if you're like me, and you LOVE seeing your little bean. haha i just loved the US visits and used them as an opportunity to say "hi" to my babies' faces.
Krunchy, YAH to not feeling sick!! I hope you have a mild pregnancy. as for hungry, I totally get it. I love food and it got to the point that I was SICK of eating. In fact, I am still sick of eating. haha unless it's a nice bar of chocolate...I think my babies crave chocolate. haha ;o) But seriously, I've found that if I don't eat a lot of protein for dinner, I feel really sick in the middle of the night and wake up starving, forcing me to eat anyway. So whereas dinner used to be the smallest meal of my day, it has now become the largest meal of my day!
Boy, I'm sleepy. Maybe i'll go back to bed and take a nap before work? haha Happy Thursday, everyone!
deborah - heehehee...Maybe your DH just doesn't want any other men in your life. ;)
deborah & monkey - I may have a program on my computer that I could get to do what I think y'all are wanting. I think pregnancy pics is neat idea. I don't have too many pics from when I was huge with DS and I wish I had taken some.
krunchy - Sounds like our symptoms are very similar. I occasionally feel a little nauseous. Usually I end up burping and all is well, but in the late afternoon it just means I need to eat. It's funny that you mention you feel asleep for 2 hours. I did the same thing the other day. I just meant to sleep for 15 or 30 minutes and slept for an hour and a half. My DS took full advantage and played on the computer all that time!
AFM - Forgot to take my prog suppository last night! I was just so tired, DS was in meltdown mode and I just crashed. I went ahead and took it this morning, but I don't know if I should have or not. It was just my first instinct. I think since my progesterone levels have been high it shouldn't be too big of a problem. I haven't had any cramping or anything....
And thanks for supporting me on moving the ultrasound date! I thought I was weird for not wanting to go every chance I got. Honestly, I'm almost tempted to wait until about 8w6d because that's when I had DS's first ultrasound. ;) I still have that little picture and I remember how I kept looking at it and not seeing what everyone else said they could see! Turns out I just needed to turn it around! And now as I'm staring at it...I see what looks like another tiny sac in that ultrasound pic. Too weird.
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