Tell me what to say!

[MJoKirk]

I am nursing a 1.5 year old and a 4.2 year old. I am totally okay with the fact that DD (oldest) has not weaned yet. However, she asks to nurse EVERY time DS (youngest) nurses. I understand, and when I can I let her. But I cannot nurse her in public anymore...I just can't. Or can I? Maybe I just need someone to tell me THAT is okay?

She was always fine with "the only food C gets right now is milky, so he needs to be able to have it any time he wants" and such statements, but now that he is more of a peer and clearly eats more than just milky, I think she is feeling like she should b able to have it whenever she wants too.

But what I am looking for is really words to help her understand that I am okay with her having milky at home or in most other homes, but not at a restaurant, or store, or the museum, for example. I don't want to give her any sort of shame or any issue with this, but I don't know what words to use to make it make sense to her without making her feel bad, or having a negative impact, or making her feel left out.

Help?

[tooraloora]

Personally, I see no problem with anyone choosing to nurse their child anytime anywhere, even if it is an older nursling. You have to do what works for you, though. If you aren't comfortable nursing your DD in public anymore, it is okay to set that boundary.

Though I haven't had this exact situation to deal with, I have had to explain to my DD about why DS can get away with things that she cannot. At one point we had an issue because DS came up begging for a snack while I was cooking dinner so I stopped for a second and gave him a little something, I went back to cooking, and then she came running up wanting a snack, too, even though the rule has been no snacking right before dinner for as long as she can remember. I told her that though DS is getting bigger now, he is still very much a baby, and waiting is so much harder for him because he's so little and doesn't understand yet. Then I had her compare her bigger fist to his tiny fist, reminded her that our stomachs are supposed to be the size of our fist, and as tiny as his is, he can only fit tiny amounts of food at a time, so sometimes he needs to eat more often, instead of eating fewer bigger meals like she can. I also reminded her that the rules were the same for her when she was his age, and that someday when he's bigger like her, he will have to wait, too. You could probably use the same sort of talk for this.

[SustainablParentng]

Have you tried talking to her about this already? Maybe just telling her that "we only nurse at home" or while you're out saying "we can nurse when we get home" will work without having to explain or say too much else. My ds is one day younger than your dd and that is basically our rule. But he hasn't asked too much about it. The couple times I have needed to explain I have simply said that "most people aren't used to seeing a little guy your age nurse" and he usually lets it go without more explanation. I have worried, for his sake, that he might say something about it at preschool and then feel embarrassed about it, but I think that by this age they can understand easily that there are not too many people their age nursing in public. Not that there is anything wrong with it. And I am finding that, for better or worse, my ds is starting to want to "fit in" a bit - and we don't have any other friends who are still nursing.

That being said, I too think a child can/should be nursed anywhere that both of you feel comfortable. For us, it definitely depends on the location. Generally, I will nurse him just about anywhere outside or at the homes of friends and family. But I, too, am definitely a little worried about him ever feeling bad or embarrassed about nursing - so there's a little bit of "protecting" him from people/situations where someone may not "approve" of a nursing 4yo.

I will definitely be interested to hear how things go with you on this. I have been thinking about this type of thing quite a bit lately. Definitely don't want these little people to feel bad, ashamed or embarrassed for doing something that is so biologically appropriate and still beneficial.

[TiredX2]

I also agree that you *can* nurse anywhere and everywhere you feel comfortable doing so. 

One major issue, that you may have not considered with nursing your older child while out in public, though, is... where does your younger one go?  If your 1.5 year old is anything like the 1.5 year olds I'm around they would make a run for the hills once you were occupied.  You might bring that up as an issue (if it is an issue).

You might also find that if you let your 4 year old nurse a few times, she might just lose her interest in it: a forbidden fruit type of thing.  Of course, that tecnique can easily backfire: she might LOVE it.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

[foreverinbluejeans]

It's ok to say no to a 4 year old and they don't have to have an explaination. By the time my kids were 4 they knew that there were some things I would give explainations for but that there were also times I would say no and they would be expected to go along with the flow. If they have been nursing that long being told no in some situations shouldn't cause them any harm.