Mostly weaned 4 yo still need oral stimulation, asked for a pacifier. WWYD?

[Lazurii]

BuggaBoo has always loved nursing.  I recently (within the last three months) cold-turkey weaned him down to just mornings and bedtimes.  He had been nursing 6-10 times a day.  He's doing pretty good with it but he sticks EVERYTHING in his mouth.  I think he's not getting enough oral stimulation.  He usually does it when he's zoning out, and he didn't do it before when we were nursing all the time.

He's never used a pacifier but we talked about them a while ago.  I did ask him if it was something he would like, something of his own to suck on, and he thought it was a good idea.  I didn't clear the idea with The Hubby before asking, though, and The Hubby would prefer BuggaBoo to not have a pacifier.  The Hubby was wondering if we could get him something else to chew/suck on.

Today at a playdate BuggaBoo snagged another child's pacifier and was sucking on it.  After I made him give it back he said, "Remember, when I was three, you said I could get a pacifier.  Can I get a pacifier?"

So, what would you do?  I have to admit that part of me is not looking forward to him having a pacifier due to social stigma, but I think it's something he would really like.  On the other hand, if we go the route that The Hubby would like, I can't think of what I could get BuggaBoo that isn't a pacifier that would satisfy his sucking need.  Any ideas?

[blessedwithboys]

My ds2 had a huge suck need.  When he was about 3 or 4yo and in occupational therapy for sensory issues, we found all sorts of stuff for oral stim.  Cheapest was clear plastic aquarium tubing and most spendy was a vibrating elephant head.  haha 

Can you buy a cheap Spin-brush and let him play with that?  Bonus is extra tooth brushing time!

[Lazurii]

Thanks for the tips.  I don't know if the spinbush would work since he seems to need more sucking, but I think if he had a necklace he could chew/suck that might work.

Is having a big need for sucking a symptom of sensory issues?

[blessedwithboys]

It can be but I wouldn't worry about it if it was the only "sensory" thing going on.  It can also be just a totally normal kid thing.  :)

How about having him suck thick yogurt through a straw?  Even water through a straw might do it.  Get him a Funtainer or something similar and have him drink all his beverages in it. 

You could also set up a game where he uses a straw to move cotton balls from on cup or bowl to another.

Do you let him chew gum?  There are some pretty yummy natural brands out there.

But if he's wanting to suck at quiet times, like before naps and bed, then I would say aquarium tubing would be a good bet.  It's really cheap, too.

[anjsmama]

This is really interesting. My DH thought I was crazy for giving back DS his pacifier when he turned 3 (we'd weaned him from it at 2) - but he went through so many things... we moved, away from most of our family, and DH started a new career, and DD joined us this past year... he started sucking and chewing on EVERYTHING. Blanket edges, toys, zippers of his jackets, pieces of his carseat, the end of his sleeve, anything. And it was the very worst when he was zoned out/tired. I often give him a toothbrush instead, and he does like to chomp on that which works out for added brushing. But he also uses his pacifier especially in the winding down periods before nap and bed. I am glad that I did it, really. He has a very strong sucking need.. he still makes the suck, swallow, release breathe pattern when sucking on his pacifier like DD does when nursing. He sleeps better and seems less stressed all-around, and my stuff isn't all chewed up!

In absence of a pacifier, DS also likes a spill-proof sippy cup which he calls a "lay down cup" and also drinks from that with the same muscles and sounds as nursing. 

[Lazurii]

Anjsmama, thanks for your experience.  We haven't thought about it much recently (such is my life!) but it's still on my back burner.  BuggaBoo will sometimes nurse his tongue when he sleeps, so I know what you mean.

[foreverinbluejeans]

I don't think they make pacifiers that would fit right in the mouth of a child that old. WWID? I would nurse more.

[Lazurii]

Nursing more would not be good for me since I'm dealing with extreme depression and anxiety right now.  It was a healthy boundary to set with my son, and he has pretty much adjusted well.  I think he's just lacking the oral stimulation he got from nursing so often.

[foreverinbluejeans]

There is a difference between having a sucking need and a need for oral stimulation. He could have both. However, it is more common for breastfed toddlers that love nursing to have oral aversions to the point that they don't like spoons or food in their mouths. Nursing isn't stimulating.

I'm sorry you are experiencing depression and anxiety. Since I don't know your situation I don't know why you feel restricted breastfeeding will improve your mood disorders. Practicing restricted breastfeeding can be very difficult on the child and the mother. Sometimes with an older nursling if a mother is having psychological difficulties it can be easier on both the mother and child to just go ahead and wean rather than going through the frustrations and power struggles of restricted breastfeeding for months.

[Lazurii]

Foreverinbluejeans, I'm confused by your response.  I've stated many times that my son my son is adjusting well.  I do not have a problem with this new nursing schedule and foresee us nursing like this until he is fully ready to wean.  We aren't having power struggles anymore, reducing his nursing sessions has practically eliminated many of the power struggles we were having; our total relationship is much healthier.  All of this what supervised by my therapist.

As far as oral stimulation goes, he was used to having something in his mouth and rhythmically sucking on it; now he doesn't.  It was after weaning him down that he started mouthing objects, so I assume the two are connected.  He doesn't have any problems with spoons, forks, straws, or any other eating utensil.  He doesn't have a  problem with food.  It just seems that his mouth doesn't get enough action during the day, if that makes sense.  I mean, he went from nursing an hour or two a day to nursing about 15-45 minutes.  I think that's a big change for him.