My son acts like a girl - help me please!

[Mamaluu]

My almost 2.5 year old son is acting like a girl (or just being a very lazy boy) and it really bothers me.  I cannot get him to do anything active. 

Every time I take him to playground all that he ever wants to do is swing.  He rarely ever wants to climb up and go on the slide or do anything that requires moving.  Even when he's on the swing he doesn't want to move his legs back and forth to swing himself.  With a baby in the carrier, I can't exactly chase him on the playground to make him climb, run, etc.  But I do a lot of verbal encouragement and physical chasing (as much as I can) to encourage him to go climb but he never wants to and it makes me want to pull my hair when at the end of my acting/chasing/jumping-around/being-exciting or what not all I hear is "i wanna go on the swing".  I cannot believe a child, especially a boy, can be this inactive!

Another thing, he loves to bike (tricycle) and he always wants to bike but every time I take him out on his bike around the neighborhood he moves (peddles) at the slowest speed possible I get tired just standing there waiting for him to get moving. Every time I take him out (1-2times daily) I end up totally annoyed and upset about his pace and my nagging, and I honestly do not enjoy taking him out at all at this point.  I spend the whole outing (just around the block) fighting with him because I'm trying to get him to go by saying or physically pushing his bike from behind and he absolutely refuses me to push him because he wants to "do it by myself", and then he doesn't!

Whenever we see kids playing in the neighborhood, he would stop to watch and never move again. He just stands there and watches and watches and watches and I can't get him to leave.  Many times I'm so embarrased that he is watching so much.  By the way what can I do about this?  Is this even common for this age?

This problem bothers me at many levels. 1) It is not healthy that he doesn't get any regular exercise at all, and exercising as part of self-care and wellness is a very important value of mine that I want to pass on to my kids from a very young age.  2) I expect a boy (a man) to be active, energetic and athletic. A man like him would just make me want to throw up, and I can't even wrap my thought around the fact that this is my son at 2.5 y.o we're speaking and what kind of man (if at all) he's going to grow up to be.  3)  Laziness is a trait that I absolutely cannot live with and again I can't believe this is my son!  4) It just makes me mad that I'm totally tired chasing, jumping, yelling, dancing, being exciting, just to get him to move his body and he won't move a single bit. I feel like the biggest idiot, and you know what makes me even angrier?- him misbehaving (throwing, banging, jumping & stepping where he's not supposed to) in the house clearly saying that he's got access energy that needs to be released and I take him outside and he acts like an unmovable stone.

Maybe this post wasn't titled that well - I don't believe girls would even act like this; I should have probably just said that my son is a lazy ass!  (sounds terribly mean but this laziness)  Help please!  What can I do to help him be more active?  (the put on music and dance ideas obviously doesn't work here, we're talking a living stone here!)

Edited by Mamaluu - 1/5/12 at 8:56pm

[tangledblue]

Moving slowly at that age sounds normal to me, even for a boy. Kids get distracted, they look around, they are just learning to do things. It's easy to get impatient--I find I have to plan 25 min just to walk to the playground with my 3 y.o. when it is about 4 blocks away.  

Also, he might sense that you really want him to move--you've voiced a lot of impatience here and kids do pick up on that. He might be retreating from the pressure that he senses from you. 

Finally, you might want to focus a little bit more on his strengths. He sounds like a sweetie, but you should remember that he is his own person and may not turn out in every way as you expect. He might turn out to be a quiet kid who likes to read more than he likes to move--would that be so bad?

He sounds normal to me--just relax and enjoy! He'll be running faster than you soon enough.  :)

[Justmee]

I have a ds like yours. In fact, he came after 3 sisters so his favorite things are pink. It's all good.

He does play in the playground, but mostly sitting in the sand. He'll do the slide a bit, but really he's   a chilled kind of guy. My girls are actually much more active. People asked me all the time, what's it like havinga boy after 3 girls, keeps you on your feet, eh?? Well, no, he's a chilled out guy. (playing with babies as I speak...)

Anyway now he' s4, and still a chilled guy. Starting in the womb (we had an extra ultrasouond at 32 weeks and a run to the hospital at 34 weeks both for non movement.

Embrace your son's personality. A lot of what you are seeing might be new sibling itis, needing some more love, attention, and spoiling. As he gets older, you can try to encourage activities he enjoys so he can get excersise. Don't worry, let him grow into himself a bit. 

[mtiger]

Originally Posted by Mamaluu 
This problem bothers me at many levels. 1) It is not healthy that he doesn't get any regular exercise at all, and exercising as part of self-care and wellness is a very important value of mine that I want to pass on to my kids from a very young age.  2) I expect a boy (a man) to be active, energetic and athletic. A man like him would just make me want to throw up, and I can't even wrap my thought around the fact that this is my son at 2.5 y.o we're speaking and what kind of man (if at all) he's going to grow up to be.  3)  Laziness is a trait that I absolutely cannot live with and again I can't believe this is my son!  4) It just makes me mad that I'm totally tired chasing, jumping, yelling, dancing, being exciting, just to get him to move his body and he won't move a single bit. I feel like the biggest idiot, and you know what makes me even angrier?- him misbehaving (throwing, banging, jumping & stepping where he's not supposed to) in the house clearly saying that he's got access energy that needs to be released and I take him outside and he acts like an unmovable stone.

I have not read ay other responses. But...

A lot of people just aren't that athletic. Or interested in sports, being physically active, etc.

When I had my son, I was sure he was going to be an athlete. Baseball player, in particular. Catcher/first baseman. Boy, did I work with him. I cannot tell you how frustrating it was to see my boy hanging out in right field (right field? RIGHT FIELD?!?!?!),), picking flowers and watching the clouds. It was so hard not being "that" parent. He's just never been a real physical person. He gave it a few good shots in MS and HS, but sports just weren't his thing. He's much more into the arts.

Now, my daughter? SHE is my athlete. Plays field hockey year-round, runs to stay in shape, etc. She's the one all the guys want on their team in PE. Played Little League with the biys when she was younger. Plans to study athletic training in college.

All kids are different. Regardless if gender. Chill out a bit, and learn who your son is. Not who you would like him to be, but who he IS. You may be pleasantly surprised.

[zebra15]

http://www.amazon.com/My-Princess-Boy-Cheryl-Kilodavis/dp/1442429887/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1325828626&sr=8-1

You may find this book enlightening.  There is nothing wrong with your child.  There is something wrong with your expectation of 'men'.

[Chloe'sMama]

Hey There-

Mother of 2 girls here and both my girls are very active as are many of the girls I know.... Being active is not just a 'boy' thing.   At this age, there are not a whole lot of differences between girls and boys, The title of your post was a little offensive to me (an active woman, with 2 active girls)

That being said, my sister has a boy and a girl that are much less active and she needs to work at getting them to be a little more active.  If your son only likes to swing at the park, perhaps take him somewhere else so he can explore in different ways.  Redlight, ring around the roses, duck duck goose.... My dd1 and I used to play it (just the 2 of us) all the time when it was not great weather outside.  Dance parties, freeze.... whatever it takes to get him interested.

Anyways good luck

[Lazurii]

A few things popped out at me.  First, kids move at their own pace.  It's infuriating and frustrating to parents but it is what it is.  Kids, no matter the gender, will just move at their own pace.  Try changing your expectation about his tricycle outings.  Instead of seeing it as an exercise opportunity see it at an opportunity to soak up some sun and make some vitamin D.

About this swinging, many children (and adults!) find swinging to be soothing.  He could be soothing himself with swinging.  Did you use a baby swing with him or wear him a lot?  If so he might be trying to recreate that motion in order to restore internal peace.  Also, swinging is very active, why are you protesting it?  Another thing that might be happening is he might be having a fixation/obsession with swinging.  He might move on in a month or so after he's had his fill.

One last thing, but have you thought about sensory problems?  He might be pokey on his tricycle trips because he's overstimulated by everything he experiencing.  Swinging is a good way for children with sensory problems to self-regulate.  And getting a lot of nagging from you about his "laziness" might make him withdraw because he can't deal with it.

ETA:  I was checking out your other threads and found this one from last year about your hyper toddler.  Maybe he finally got the message to calm down?

[tangledblue]

Also, I feel compelled to add, I was a little disturbed by this part: "A man like him would just make me want to throw up..."

If your boy senses that from you, he will be very sad indeed, to feel like he is not good enough for mama.

I agree with the advice about learning who he is, not who you want him to be.

From a couple of your other threads it sounds like you have had very high expectations for him--easy to do when he seems so much more mature than your baby, but he is very little still. I am all about empowering kids and having them do things, but they also need to be able to go at their own pace. It's a balancing act for sure. 

[lovepickles]

I understand you are coming here for support and I really want to give that to you. Your expectations of your son, including a lot of gender stereotyping, is worth taking on as a topic independent of his playground actions. Nagging and pushing your son for not going fast enough on a bicycle sounds pretty extreme. I think the problem is you, frankly. I mean, if the kid can't even ride a bicycle without being criticized then why bother? I'd sit there like a lump too if it would allow me some peace. Ease up, Tiger Mom. I think you've got to some other issues that are surfacing in your relationship with your son. Are you in a stressful transition right now? What is your relationship with the father, or better ... your father? 

[liliaceae]

I agree that you need to chill. You can't, and shouldn't, force your son to be someone he's not. It won't work, and he'll only resent you for it. And I've never noticed activity level in toddlers being related to gender........

[Baby_Cakes]

Originally Posted by lovepickles 

I understand you are coming here for support and I really want to give that to you. Your expectations of your son, including a lot of gender stereotyping, is worth taking on as a topic independent of his playground actions. Nagging and pushing your son for not going fast enough on a bicycle sounds pretty extreme. I think the problem is you, frankly. I mean, if the kid can't even ride a bicycle without being criticized then why bother? I'd sit there like a lump too if it would allow me some peace. Ease up, Tiger Mom. I think you've got to some other issues that are surfacing in your relationship with your son. Are you in a stressful transition right now? What is your relationship with the father, or better ... your father? 

[hildare]

frankly i find your post so offensive in several ways i cannot think of a way to respond that won't get me banned.

what in the world does your son's behavior have to do with sex? 

also- "a man like that would make me want to throw up?"  what is WRONG with you?

[sahmof2girls]

I don't even know hot to respond to this.....HE IS 2.5......I don't know what you want.  Kids at that age do what they want.  I can not even begin to wonder what you wish to accomplish with this////  I think that you need to take a step back and just enjoy your ds.

[justrose13]

"a man like that would make me want to throw up"... this statement makes me want to vomit! it's so, so wrong on so many levels! and just plain MEAN.

[mrsdocmartin]

Originally Posted by lovepickles 

I understand you are coming here for support and I really want to give that to you. Your expectations of your son, including a lot of gender stereotyping, is worth taking on as a topic independent of his playground actions. Nagging and pushing your son for not going fast enough on a bicycle sounds pretty extreme. I think the problem is you, frankly. I mean, if the kid can't even ride a bicycle without being criticized then why bother? I'd sit there like a lump too if it would allow me some peace. Ease up, Tiger Mom. I think you've got to some other issues that are surfacing in your relationship with your son. Are you in a stressful transition right now? What is your relationship with the father, or better ... your father? 

This. I feel nauseated at the thought of you harping at him this way. He can sense the way you feel about him you know. Get some therapy.

[parsley]

What I get from reading your post (which I had hoped was a joke!) is that girl = lazy, submissive; boy = aggressive, impulsive and thoughtless.

and that you are constantly sending a message to your son that you don't like who he is or what he does.  While your sexism offends me, your post makes me feel really sad for your son.  I can too easily imagine a little kid who's feeling shy and just learning about the world being goaded, teased and yelled at by his mother.  It's heartbreaking and I think you need some serious intervention to help both you and your son.

[serenbat]

I too am really sicken (as I was with the other recent thread) - these choices of insensitive words and narrow minded views!

VERY VERY SAD FOR THESE CHILDREN

YUCK

[Eligracey]

Mama, to call your son a lazy ass and say that how he is makes you want to throw up are pretty harsh things to say about your baby.  I really recommend individual therapy for you to help you figure out how to come to a more loving and accepting stance towards your perfectly normal, sweet little boy.  I don't think his personality is the problem here. Do you have PPD? Marital problems? Regardless, your attitude towards him is not OK and is very damaging towards him.  

[Imakcerka]

Ok... this is where expectations are formed due to what you're told to believe by all the crap around you.  Dividing men and women by how they should act is not taking into account that the body is just a temple.  That is all.  The soul is who you are.  You need to step back and understand that you have allowed the conditioning of society to color your views of how to raise a healthy person.  Honestly most people are like this.  From the mouth of J. Krishnamurti... "Why don't you change?"

[marybethorama]

I'm going to be very blunt here.  The sexism in your post is awful.  Kids have different personalities and interests.  It's not about being male or female.  It's really sad if you can't accept your son the way he is.

As for not being active, everything you mentioned sounds normal for the age.  Many people hate pushing kids on swings.  I understand that.  BTDT.  Some kids love to be pushed and take forever to learn to pump their legs.  It's annoying.  You can set limits if you want.

Also I do understand about the tricycle.  One of my kids was the worst rider at that age.  I hated that thing.  It passed though as it always does.  It turned out that the trike wasn't a good fit for him and he couldn't pedal correctly.  He did much better on a different type of bike.  That may not be the case with your son, but that's just an example.  Slow is a normal pace for that age.

As for him not being active enough.  He's so young.  Many kids that age aren't really ready for playground equipment by themselves.  From what you write, it sounds like you're really nagging him a lot.  I think stepping back and letting him find his own way would be better.  There's plenty of time to let him develop and find activities he likes.

I also hope that you can learn to love him for himself, not what you expect a boy to be.