confused if this is the right place to post

[AlyssaH]

I know there is a place on here to post my birth story somewhere, but i'm not sure i want to post the whole story. it wasn't a good experience. there were a few things thrown in that made others difficult, but that's life.

I had my baby 5 months ago on the 10th. It was a hospital birth and my first baby. I don't want to go there again, for anything. I have already written a letter to the doctor (because some of what happened was the doc's fault). I guess i should just tell what happened or no one can help me.

I went in early, i know that now. I was in the hospital for 30 hours before delivery. In Triage they didn't even ask, they just told me that they were going to start an IV. like i had no choice in the matter. I didn't want the IV, but i was scared. They put me on constant monitoring, which i also didn't want, without telling me why (I later found that they were worried about the baby because i had high blood pressure). The OB doc would come in periodically to check on things. I was scared and did some things that i was told to do. Now i feel really stupid for it. they put me on pitocin to help labor along, progression was slow. I was there for 12 hours before they broke my water and put an internal monitor on. I wasn't happy about that. a few hours later, labor was really intense and i caved and tried a pain relief drug. after laboring in the hospital for 25 hours and having them try everything short of a c-section, I caved on receiving an epidural (i just didn't have any energy left at this point). After the epidural took effect, it was 3 hours to delivery. now, I kept asking my doc if i could deliver and push in a different position than on my back & she wouldn't let me. after the baby came, they let me hold him for 3 minutes and then took him away to deliver the placenta. She pulled on the umbilical cord to get the placenta out, then she said (i heard her say it) she couldn't pull anymore or i would tear. I have a family history of bleeding anyway. then she has the nerve to tell me to push it out if i can. I don't get to hold my baby or try to feed him while she's repairing my tear (2nd degree because of baby's position, head down, umbilical wrapped around neck 2x and hands by his head). I did get to hold him after being moved. talking with my nurse while moving to a different floor of the hospital, i find that they like to move mom and baby with in an hour after delivery. I delivered the baby at 4:30 in the morning, that night after going to the bathroom, I feel something fall out and the pad i'm wearing is heavy. we call the nurse and it turns out that i passed a clot the size of a baseball. they usually see them the size of a golf ball. I wound up getting blood the next day. My recovery nurse didn't know much more than the basics and had to keep asking for help. they had to redo my IV (they put it in my dominate wrist at first, how does that make sense?) it went to the other hand. i did go home 2 days later, but my recovery was long.

Part of the slow progression was that the baby didn't want to come. the other is that i wasn't comfortable where i was. The doctor didn't help things either. It's a teaching hospital as well. It seemed that my doctor wanted to give the student she had with her as much experience as possible and to heck with me. I didn't seem to matter to her. no one seemed to ask what i wanted or how i was feeling unless it was physical.

this is not how i had pictured bringing my son into this world. If he had been in danger or I had been in danger, ok you can take charge and do what needs done, but don't ever use me as a guinea pig. 

The intern/student that was with my doc for delivery was the one to tell me how things went with me saying that they didn't want to have to give me blood, my first thought was that the doctor shouldn't have pulled on the cord. I'm not happy that service is sacrificed for the sake of teaching others.

I have decided that i will never birth there again. Hospitals are my last choice. Next time, hopefully we are in the same area, i will birth in a birthing center (my own home is too chaotic for relaxation). there's a really good one here that is attached to a hospital in case i need it. 

This was the first time and i now know what i want to happen with the next one.

so any ideas or comments. feedback might actually really help. this didn't start bugging me until after my life had slowed down and i had gotten used to having a child to take care of.

[DaisyO]

It sounds like you were really strong through a less-than-ideal experience.  Getting an epidural when you did was probably a good idea, so you could conserve strength for your little boy.  When doctors pressure you, it is hard not to "do what you're told", and maybe not resisting can even be a good course of action.  It sounds like with the high BP, it was an okay move to monitor, and some women with high BP are just given c-sections and not "allowed" to labor anyway.  Not to make excuses for the medical staff, who I'm sure I would also have been unhappy with--it sounds like they pretty much put you through the wringer.  But anyway (although it sounds silly and I'm sure a lot of people have said this), you and your baby are healthy and in love NOW and that's important!

What you are feeling right now is totally natural and a mature response--to realize that your experience could have been different, and looking for perspective on it, without seeming bitter or unreasonable.  I'm sure you are a really great, sensitive mommy to your baby, and maybe the birth experience will be a good prompt for you to remember how much gentleness (and patience) matters!  You seem like a very self-aware woman and I think you did a great job negotiating a complicated labor and will do a great job showing your little boy how beautiful the world can be.

[AlyssaH]

Thank you so much DaisyO. I didn't let the experience bug me until lately because there were so many other things going on. i didn't even have time to write down my story until last night. i haven't talked in depth to many people about my experience, what you're saying is what i keep in mind. If i had delivered at the hospital on the military base, i would have had a c-section because of the cord. my insurance doesn't pay for c-sections unless it's medically necessary. Anyway thank you for the positive vibes. trying really hard to be positive these days. I'm not used to being stuck in the house most days.

[erniebobernie]

Just wanted to send a big hug your way.

I'm so sorry it did not go the way you planned. I'm glad you are talking about it now as that will help heal those emotional wounds.  I'm glad that you are open to receiving input from others and I'm sure you'll receive alot of support here. I have heard similar stories from many, many women over the years. It breaks my heart. I'm sending you lots of love.  

[Almi]

Hearing your story breaks my heart as well.  I'm glad you were able to share it with us.  Birth trauma is real and should not be swept under the rug.

One good thing that came out of the situation is that you now know what you want for your next birth, and no doubt it will hopefully be a healing experience for you.

One thing to keep in mind that you can always refuse any and all interventions.  Basically the only thing you can't keep them from doing is checking on you and baby to make sure the both of you are doing okay.  Which basically just means looking at you (cervical checks do not count, they are unnecessary), taking blood pressure, asking how you're doing.  For baby they will at least want some fetal heart tones.  But other than that you don't have to consent to anything, and that includes them taking your baby away after birth and cutting the cord.  Most places will allow delayed cord clamping.  You also don't have to let them mess with your placenta.

It's a good idea to discuss with your caregiver how you want your birth to go and what you are and aren't okay with.  Sign release forms ahead of time if you have to for liability reasons.  Once I questioned my OB about a lot of things, I learned that, when it comes to interventions, you absolutely don't have to consent to any of them, and that includes a c-section.

Enjoy your baby, and I hope you have some positive birth experiences in the future. <3

[nisojon]

Wow AlyssaH - good work bringing that precious lil guy into the world despite a trying labor/birth experience. It sounds like you are doing a good job starting to process your experience and reflect on what you would want to do differently. I just want to validate you - when you're in labor (especially for the first time) you can feel very vulnerable and it's totally normal to be scared and insecure and in that state consent to a world of things you didn't plan on consenting to. In your case, it doesn't even sound like you were given options. I hope you are able to process through this and give yourself lots of grace. You were in a very difficult position - not only with a doctor who didn't seem to even think about what you wanted - but a whole system programmed to treat you like a medical event. With the challenges stacked against you, you came through it and brought a sweet baby boy along with you. I hope you are able to find some other supportive people to process with. You may find that there are others who have had similar experiences as you and who are trying to make sense of it and you sharing your story may help them as well.

[CorgiMommy]

Well I am not sure if I can help but I also had a bad first birth experience.  I wanted a natural birth in hospital with no drugs.  Things didn't work out that way.

My waters broke at 34 weeks and 2 days, and they assessed baby and said she was strong enough so I waited for labour to start... and waited.  well nothing happened so 2 days later they induced me at 7am the morning, nothing happened...they gave harder drugs and still nothing. Then they put me out for a wile and I woke up in terrible pain.  I was scared and alone and just turned 20.  The babies father (my x husband) had run off with another woman at that point so it was just me.  I was to proud to ask my mom.  The pain was bad and I was unprepared, I begged for relieve and they told me to relax or I will be sent for a c section - this freaked me out any more.  It was all a blur and I can't remember the moment my little princess came into the world - I did not hold her I was done and drudged and in pain.  she was just fine and healthy - but it was not nice.

Well here is the part that is suppose to make you feel better.

I wanted a natural birth with DS as well, but was older (24) and had a new partner.  Things did not go as planned(again) but I did not let it upset me.  I ended up having my waters broken at 37 weeks and labour started intensely.  I realized early on I could not cope with the labour pains, and due to that labour was not progressing beyond 3.5 cm -  and asked for a epidural.  It took all the pain away instantly and did not make me feel sick.  I sat for about 1.5 hours, chatting, drinking tea and reading baby magazines - basically relaxing.  I started feeling a pressure down here and called the sister who turned white and called the OB as baby was crowning - AND I DIDN't EVEN KNOW IT!!!  I was exited and smiling, and could breath and push correctly and even move my legs - no pain.  Baby was born to a happy and energized mommy and nursed immediately while I delivered the placenta.  Now that in my eyes was a dream birth.

This time I have decided I will go as far as I can naturally - but I am not going to get myself all worked up and scared if the pain gets to bad.

[amautik]

First of all, hugs to you!  I had a pretty traumatic time with DD as well (though mine ended in a section..boo!).  It's hard when it seems like nobody understands.  Or they sort of (figuratively) pat you on the head and are like "there, there.  You had a healthy baby.  That's all that matters."  Yes, that's the main thing, sure, but please don't brush off how I feel.  I have a friend who used to be a midwife (she's in her 70s now).  When she heard that I ended up having a section, she said "Oh dear.  I'm so sorry to hear that.  You must be really disappointed."  She was the only one who acknowledged MY feelings!  I almost burst into tears when she said that because nobody else seemed to recognize how I felt about it.

I went through a lot of similar things as you (no choice/say in what they did to me, student doctors, etc.) and I really, really don't want to deal with that again.  I am really ANGRY at my hospital, and the more I learn about what other women have been going through there, the more I get mad.  And it seems like so few people care, or want to do anything about it.  And the people that do feel that their hands are tied.  It's frustrating.  So good on you for writing a letter to the hospital.  They need to know.  Maybe you can help make a difference for someone else.

I was watching a video once about birth, and one of the doctors said "I do this every day, but for the women I'm working with, this might be their only time doing this.  This is the birth of their child.  It is a really big deal.  I want to make sure they have a good experience."  I swear, I could have kissed his picture on my screen. 

[Mom31]

Sounds similar to my birth of ds in the hospital. I encourage you to get Birthing From Within by Pam England- it's a great book,  helped me to heal.  Of course dd was born at home and that was very healing too..

[AlyssaH]

thank you for all of your support. I apologize for getting back to this so late. I just have had lots of new things come up. I appreciate all of the hugs a love being sent my way. Mom31, I do thave that book, i just haven't pulled it out since i had the baby. I'll go back to it and see what happens. just so everyone knows, i recently found out that the "doctor" i delivered with was just a resident. She doesn't really know what she's doing, but she thinks she does. After learning this and something about her personality, I'm dead set on taking her as far down as i can.