Gender Selection Question with x-linked medical condition--looking for input/experiences!

[gunnarsmama77]

Hi all, I don't post very much but lurk a lot:)  Would love some other mama's thoughts, I know I can't be the only one in this type of position.

We're thinking about TTC our third (and most likely last) DC. I'm fairly natural-minded, so would normally take a very easy-going approach to this except that I'm a carrier for severe hemophilia and both of my DSs have it:(  

(Long story short, DS1s hemophilia was a surprise, then we found out that I was a carrier.  B/c it is an x-linked disorder, each pregnancy has a 25% chance of baby having it.  But, um, in our case it seems to be 100%)

I will also say, it's a serious disorder, it does impact how we structure their environments and plan their activities but it is very treatable and shouldn't greatly impact their quality of life if managed correctly.  It is also an extremely expensive condition from a treatment standpoint, so it's imperative that they always have good health coverage, as it would be impossible to pay out of pocket for their medication.

With all that in play, what can/should we do with regards to a dc3?  If we conceived a girl, she may be a carrier but wouldn't have hemophilia, so if all that shettles stuff works, we could try to swing for a girl without going more high-tech than that.  Just conceiving a girl would be optimal.  I keep falling to this "it's in higher hands than mine" idea.  But I guess I feel like it's irresponsible or something to knowingly bring another child into this world who may also have this serious condition, as in, perhaps we should look further into like the microsort, etc, gender selection techniques.  Anyone have any familiarity with this?  We are on a tight budget, so we'd probably have to save up for a year or two to go that route:(  (I had someone suggest to me that the insurance company might pay for it as cheaper than paying for another kid with hemophilia, but I don't even know how to begin that conversation...)  

I've just been going over and over this for the past year, going back and forth on how I feel until I have no idea how I feel any more.  I know my family would say that I should just be content with the DC that I have (and I am!), but I feel like our family is not complete yet.  But I did cry all the way to the hospital when DS2 had his first bleed requiring treatment (taking a 4 month old for an IV injection is not fun).  For perspective, DS1 goes to the hospital 2x a week for his infusion of clotting factor.  It only takes a few minutes to push their  medicine, but his veins are tricky and we won't learn to administer it until they're better for inexperienced phlebotomists/english teachers.  He handles it well, but I wish he didn't have to.  And the hospital is at least a 90 min. trip so it's a significant drain on our family time for right now (won't be forever, though).

BTDT?  Anyone?  Thanks in advance.  I don't have anyone irl I can hash this out with.

[Angierae]

Just wanted to respond to say that it must but be a super hard decision to wrestle with! I haven't BTDT, but shettles worked for us in retrospect. We weren't planning either way but I can tell from my charts that it was in line with shettles.  I had an uncle with hemophilia and it was intense his entire life.  Good luck with your decision!! Have you considered/would it be possible to bring a non-biological child into your family? 

[Stevi]

I was thinking the same thing as AngieRae. Have you thought of adding a daughter to your family through adoption? Perhaps you could even find a child with hemophelia who needs parents and siblings who are familiar with it?

[gunnarsmama77]

Hi mamas, thanks for your thoughts.  Unfortunately, my DH is not really open to adoption; truthfully, he would be happy to just have the two that we have if we decide not to TTC any more.  He is all right with TTC just one more, though, which leaves us kind of at an impasse:(

[Stevi]

Hmmm...    What about adopting an egg and using your DHs sperm? I know, probably costly...

[Stevi]

Wanted to add...   You know already what the risks are of having a child with hemophilia, so if you truly want a third child, and will be just as happy with another boy (with the same health isssue), then go for it. Try the shuttles for gender selection. I would skip the high-tech gender selection myself, merely because choosing the females would mean leaving the male embryos behind.

[gunnarsmama77]

Originally Posted by Stevi 

Wanted to add...   You know already what the risks are of having a child with hemophilia, so if you truly want a third child, and will be just as happy with another boy (with the same health isssue), then go for it. Try the shuttles for gender selection. I would skip the high-tech gender selection myself, merely because choosing the females would mean leaving the male embryos behind.

Just to clarify--I don't want to fertilize any embryos and just select the female ones, I was looking into spinning a sperm sample to separate male/female sperm and use that for artificial insemination.  It's just not 100% (more like 90%, from what I'm reading)  I share your discomfort with 'discarding' the male embryos, but I guess just choosing what we're inseminating with feels all right to me.  We would be all right with having a third boy with the same condition, and with our second child (knowing what to expect, etc.) it has been a much smoother path thus far, I just have overthought this topic completely in the last few months and didn't know if I'm veering off/going to extremes.  I appreciate the objective opinions.  

[Stevi]

How cool! I honestly did not know that doctors could do that. If you can afford the sperm spinning, I would definitely try it.