Didn't even know where to put this damned post.
Dh and I split before christmas, we get on ok, see him almost every day (its good for the kids and DH and I are friends if nothing else).
My relationship with my dad and stepmum has fallen to pieces yet again after having only got back on track just before christmas. DH has severe back issues so he took the mattress when he went, I also have chronic pain issues and asked my folks whether I could borrow money for a bed, my dad called and I could hear my step mum bitching about it in the background so I didn't bother. We have a long and difficult realtionship (shes a cow). I then get a gift card for £100 today, from her, I am returning it, I refuse to be bought off and treated like I'm nuts etc.
I have had a friendship fall to pieces, long and complicated, over christmas...........
I was diagnosed bipolar in November, now medicated, its not a surprise, the surprise is in how long it took to be diagnosed, first of all it wa\s depression, then borderline personality, then depression..... Gah......
And now, am kinda interested in a guy I have known a long time, hes gonna visit in a couple of months, me and DH aren't going to get back together so really, I should move on with my life but I feel I'm being disloyal. I'm 30, 31 in a couple of months, I don't want to be stuck here forever. Its bad enough I am banned from working and trapped on benefits (and looks like its going to be that way for a number of years to come) due to various health issues......... But this guy, thats besides the point.
I don't have many friends, this friend was my main friend. I feel gutted.
I just feel kinda adrift, I seem to have lost a number of people in the space of 3 weeks, literally. The friend and her family, DH and then whats left of my family to lose (bar a 2 or 3). I mean, this totally sucks.
I'm going to order pizza, I shouldn't even do that. Money is tight. I have had a couple of drinks though and actually feel relaxed enough to eat (been living off 600-800 cals a day...... I hate eating more than that, it feels wrong, makes me feel sick, yeah, I am getting help with mental health but at the moment, the eating thing isn't as important as the other stuff, I am capable of looking after the kids, I get them to school, feed them, love them, clothe them, keep them clean, spend time with them blah, blah, blah, gotten used to keeping other stuff kinda hidden).
So yeah, I don't know, like, really don't know where my life is headed right now, don't know what to do, what to say or even who to say/do it to.......