Need Advice: How to proceed with Pantley-style nap/bedtime routine

[neckache]

Hi forum,

After months of lurking on other sites, I discovered Mothering and decided to join right away.  Seems I've found my people. :)

My son is 6 months old and a big boy - mine and daddy's backs HURT and we want to start encouraging him to fall asleep in his crib so we can do away with the bouncing, bouncing, bouncing ...

His current naptime routine is books and boob in the rocking chair, bounce on exercise ball or standing, put down mostly asleep in crib.  He usually squawks the first two put-downs and grunts and settles in on the third (with my hands on his arms and head on his chest).  Nighttime is the same, but with lotion and pj's and books in bed with Daddy before the boob in the rocking chair.  He gets really sleepy nursing, but rarely does he totally conk out.  He has always needed a lot of snuggles and jiggles to get down for naps, but used to put himself to sleep at night until the good ol' 4 month sleep regression (which started at about 3.5 months).  After a couple months of waking up every 2 hours to nurse, he is down to 2 night feedings between 6pm and 6am, which is totally fine for all of us.  He mostly goes right back to sleep after eating, with the occasional 2 hour stint thrown in for teething, etc

So here is my question: I know I need to change up the routine to get him in bed a little more awake, but I'm not sure how to do that.  He likes his crib - usually hangs out by himself chatting for 10-15 minutes when he wakes up - but almost always yells when I put him in as he's dropping off.  If he's awake and calm when I put him in, he'll stay that way for a while - awake and calm - and then he'll start to squawk; never any signs of drifting off, whether I'm patting, shushing, singing, or leaving the room.  I haven't made moves in any direction yet as he is on somewhat of a stable schedule, and in just the past week he's often napping for 45 minutes, when he's been a 30-minute-on-the-nose napper since 2 months.  I am loathe to do anything to backslide there.

I wish I could put part of the ritual into the crib, but reading him books from the outside seems really sad, and while I have considered climbing in there with him to nurse (sleep deprivation makes anything seem possible), I think it would be a bad idea in the long run.  Add to all of this that I've been off work from my PT job for the last two weeks, and suddenly I'm the only one that can get him to sleep anymore.  Sheesh.

So is my only option to put him down more awake than I have been, and potentially do a whole lot more PUPDs?  I have not been letting him cry at all, and am nowhere near that point.  Once the fussing starts escalating, there seems to be no turning back so I've been intervening early - 2-3 squawks.  I guess I'm just nervous to change things (we did some experimenting w night wakings when it was constant, and things always got worse), and want to be really committed to whatever we try so we can give it time to work ....

Thanks for any encouragement you can offer!

Kristin

[Redmom]

Hi there

I don't mean to be the bearer of bad news, but ....we tried Pantley's method of progressively reducing rocking etc and laying bubs in the crib "awake but sleey" to try to get bubs to fall asleep in the crib, but every time he would scream unless he was completely asleep when we put him in the crib.

Then at about 11 months we found we WERE able to lay him down on the bed "awake but sleepy" and then fall asleep.

I really think it depends on your child's readiness to fall asleep without rocking etc, much like the idea that they won't walk until they are ready to do so.

It is definitely common for babies to need to be rocked, nursed etc completely to sleep.  Of course the books all advise to "put baby in the crib drowsy but awake" so that they will fall asleep in the crib, but our babies have not read these books and they really have their own ideas about how they want to fall asleep.

Good Luck!

[anjsmama]

When I switched from full-time co-sleeping to laying DD in her crib for the first half of the night, here's how I solved it: I get in the crib. 

The reading, rocking, shushing, patting, all of it, means nothing to DD when I'm on the other side of that crib. She thinks I'm too far. But once I'm in the crib, she'll accept pretty much any comfort I offer and be asleep in a few minutes, and I promptly hop out.

The first few times I thought of myself as a bit absurd, but then realized this is the same thing I do for my 3 y/o DS, giving him hugs and kisses and lightly rubbing his back while sitting at the edge of his bed before leaving him to fall asleep. The only difference is 3 y/o bed doesn't have bars, making the exit a bit easier. 

Oh - just saw you put in your post you've considered doing that but only when you're nuts... lol! For what it's worth, it makes it very simple to per her to sleep without any crying, and she typically only wakes once a night to nurse. When she's really sleeping well I can generally pick her up from the crib to nurse her and lay her back down in the crib without any issue so I don't have to get in again. Certainly probably not everyone's solution but it has really helped us, and if you're sleep deprived and looking for an easy night it could help you!

[neckache]

Thanks for the responses.  Bouncing C down is manageable now, but he's 20 lbs and 30" already - I'm not sure how much longer we are going to physically be able to do it.  Besides the weight, his long monkey legs get really kicky as he's fading out, and I can only see that getting more painful as they get stronger.  What gives me hope is that he's not totally asleep when I put him down (I don't think so anyway - he often opens his eyes and looks around after a squawk, then shakes his head back and forth and passes out).  We just seem stuck right at this point; I want to build on this little bit of independence before I bounce it out the window ...

Anjsmama, how in the world do you get out without waking up your daughter?  Part of the reason I haven't tried is I'm afraid of stepping on my baby's face!  But my sister recently told me that she used to get in the crib with my nephew when he'd wake up at night as a babe (my BIL is an angry sleeper).  Part of my issue is that my husband and MIL (who helps out with childcare) need to be able to put C to sleep when I'm at work (and I really deserve a break now and then).  Six foot tall hubby doesn't consider climbing in the crib an option, though MIL is just the type of grandma who would be into that

Has anyone ever tried the Tracy Hogg pick up your baby 200 times method until he or she goes to sleep?  I've never met anyone who has.  It seems kind of insane, but I'd be willing to try it to avoid CIO.  All my mom's group friends are either co-sleeping (C prefers the crib) or hardcore sleep training ...

[lovepickles]

Fyi whenever I can't be around to nurse DD to sleep in our bed my DH still bounces her to sleep. DD is 2 and about 22-23 pounds. Sometimes we use a Boppy when on the ball to ease our arms.

But if i were you and if we weren't already co sleeping I'd hop in that crib too.