This is, indeed, a very sensitive subject. I don't think I have the time to fully express everything I feel and think about the subject right now, but would love to another time. the facts are, I had my son 10 years ago in Berlin (Germany) through an unnecessary C-Section after 24 hours. three years later I had my daughter in NY State at what started as an intended vbac and ended, 48 hours later, with another c-section. I was devastated, but got over it eventually. I didn't think I would have more children, so this pregnancy is a (wonderful) surprise. But I was not prepared to deal with the birth issue ever again, and I still don't feel like I am ready to think about it for real, as I am having a terrible time with anxiety and nerves trusting the viability of this pregnancy right now. but ASSUMING all goes well, and it's time to plan the birth, my big question is whether I have one or two in there..... I have had exceptionally high HCG numbers so far, and tomorrow I am having an ultrasound (at 5W 4D) to see "what's going on in there". The situation in my town is very sever in regards of VBACs, and especially VBA2C, but I am willing to do what it takes to get the birth of my wish (within the safe measures, of course), which means, I am willing to look far and beyond to find a home midwife out of my town or even state, who would be willing to assist a HBA2C. locally there is no one I am aware of who would support me. However, if it turns out I am having more than one "in there", I think I might be hesitant to consider a home birth, but not sure about a vbac.
from my experience laboring and birthing in hospitals and at home (with my daughter I spend 24 hours laboring, med-free, at home, before going to a hospital), I can say that for ME personally, a hospital is not a good place to attempt a second VBAC. I find the interventions, and constant pressure on my midwives (who were there, but under a "Doctor's watch") distracting and physically contra-productive for MY body. If I ever attempt another vbac, it will have to be in a (emotionally and mentally) safe, peaceful place, and that, for me, is not a hospital. Unfortunately I don't have a birth-center anywhere near here, so it would have to be in a home. My home, a hotel room, a friend's home, not sure.
as I said, I feel that even putting it here in writing is premature, and that I might "jinx" myself.... I know it's silly, but I have been spotting on and off for a few days (very little, and it did happen with my other pregnancies, but still...). But when the time comes and, hopefully, I can relax enough and trust this pregnancy, I would love to share my full,d etailed story of the births of my children, and my feeling and conclusions. until then- please cross your fingers for me, as I do for all of you.