Ah, Marina, Hugs! I have to tell you that both of my oldest boys *love* the secret garden. And having 2 boys is a wonderful gift for each boy as well. Not that different sex siblings can't be close, but my oldest boys are like best friends.
I think it is hard with the possibility of no more children-- like, this is my last baby... and even if it were a baby girl, you may be mourning that.
But I am terrible with the last baby thing.. I guess that is why I am having a 5th! LOL!
Hugs to you!
forestmushroom, thank you so much for those words! With boys two years to the week apart in age, I hope they'll develop a very close friendship over the years. I also think you may have spoken some truth right there...this might not be all about not having a girl, but more about knowing that this is almost certainly it for us, baby-wise. I'll be 36 when this one arrives, and I don't know that I'll feel up for another one when I'm 38 or 39. My husband says no way.
I'm so happy to hear that your boys liked the Secret Garden! This all comes from when my husband and his brother were little, and their mom was trying to read them the SG. Apparently, they both couldn't get over the fact that there was a boy named Dickon and they booed the book out of the room. I actually suspect that my husband was the culprit in all of this because he was (and continues to be) a boisterous comedian, while my brother in law was (and is) a very quiet, sensitive child who asked to take ballet lessons and was totally wrapped up in classical music performance. My first son is definitely his father's child...he never stops giggling and acting silly...but maybe I'll still get my quiet, sensitive child with the next boy!
Marina - You have just articulated exactly how I felt when I learned I was having another boy. Especially as a fellow Anne of Green Gables fan whose childhood dollhouse is waiting in her parents basement for the little girl to play with it. (I actually think my 3 year old boy would LOVE the dollhouse, so I may just take it from them anyway, and of course I believe boys can play with dolls I just wanted to relive certain aspects of my own childhood, you know?)
Allow yourself the mourning - adjustment to the reality of not having a girl - that's OK! I'm now on the upswing - getting psyched for two boys...
I was initially regretting that I learned the gender when it made me feel so sad - but now I feel grateful - by the time I meet this little one I'll be thrilled with my little boy :)
Thoughts: I told everyone I was having a boy. I told everyone I wanted another boy. But when I walked out of the u/s office with my husband, I burst into tears. I continued to cry off and on through visiting with my midwife and into the elevator afterwards. Something about never getting to go do the Anne of Green Gables tour on Prince Edward Island now or never getting to read the Secret Garden to my daughter or never getting to play with dollhouses. My husband assured me they'd still take me to PEI someday ("it's not the same," I sobbed) and reminded me that boys do play with dollhouses, they just might not call them that. "Think of all the little figurines kids play with, boy or girl. Maybe you won't build a traditional dollhouse with them that they'll want to fill with tiny furniture and fairies, but maybe your daughter wouldn't have been into that anyway. She might have been into building spaceships and constructing replicas of Tattooine and the Millenium Falcon instead. And you might have a boy who does want to play with a dollhouse," my husband said, smartly. I still cried though. I'm feeling better now, mostly. I do love little boys.
Janelle, I bet even if the airport can't switch your seat, the passenger next to you probably will...people tend to be nice to 31 week pregnant women on planes, especially since you'll have to make him stand up and let you out to pee every hour LOL!!! :-)
Cookie, I completely understand. I am having my last baby. My 3RD BOY! When I found out, I thought about little tiny moments that I would be missing out on...like french braiding my daughters hair like my mom used to do for me...and it was a little sad, but the more I thought about it, the happier I became and now I am absolutely delighted to be having another boy. Let yourself feel the sadness, but I bet it will be temporary...and know that when your baby boy comes, you won't be able to imagine life any other way :-)
I had my follow up ultrasound today. At the last one, they found 3 down syndrome markers (echogenic foci on the heart, enlarged fluid filled kidneys, and short femurs) and offered to do an amnio, which I declined. They had me convinced I had a downs baby. The good news is the kidneys are looking normal now! The echogenic foci is still there but in no way impacting the blood flow or function of the heart, so that isn't as big of a deal anymore. The femurs are still short. In fact, his arms were measuring short as well today. Both the arm bones and the femurs were in the <3% category. And overall, baby is measuring a bit small (21 weeks, and I should be 23 weeks 2 days). So guess what the doctor says? "He could have dwarfism. Short limbs in comparison to the rest of his body and overall slower growth indicate dwarfism. I'd like to see you back and we can continue to monitor the heart and limb growth". Oh, and he said an amnio could check for some gene related to dwarfism, which of course I declined. Uhhhh...what???? DWARFISM?! Is he trying to scare the crap out of me every time I see him to see how long it takes me to have a nervous breakdown?! Overall, I like this doctor because he never rushes appointments and takes the time to answer questions and review everything carefully. He'll even let you text his cell with questions. Nice man. But I feel like he the constant "Your baby might have __<insert horrible condition here>____" talks just aren't good for me. So, hubby and I asked the doctor about home birth and baby's possible condition. Basically, he said that he didn't see anything on the ultrasound that made him think baby was medically fragile or unable to have a home birth. He just wanted to "monitor" baby. Hubby and I left the office and talked about it. The only thing that makes us both feel comfortable is to quit all further monitoring. No more ultrasounds. No more tests. We love our little boy, and if he isn't medically fragile, we don't see a good reason to have a bunch more ultrasounds just to "monitor" a condition that isn't going to really impact baby's health.
As a side note, baby hated the ultrasound. The tech kept trying to get a measurement of his head, and he actually flipped upside down to escape. When she had me lay on my side so she could reach his head and get the measurement, he flipped back around and started kicking like crazy. We didn't even get a good picture of his head/face because he just wouldn't sit still for it. We did get a picture of his feet, which was adorable. Seeing his response to the ultrasound and feeling his frantic kicks just made me more at peace with my decision to stop with all this testing...and I have to say, I haven't felt as peaceful and happy about this pregnancy as I do right now. 
Meredith - YEAH!! So glad to hear the good news. DS was the same way with the U/S - which is a big contributor to my cautioning everyone to think it through. For all they say it doesn't effect them, I don't think they'd be getting that freaked out by it if it were totally benign (even if it's just stressing them, that's not good).
Oh, and just wanted to let you know I french braid DS' hair. Your avatar pic looks like your DS' hair may be long enough to do it too. I only do it halfway down, to keep it out of his eyes, but everyone always comments on how cute it is.
Marina - I totally understand. That's actually a big contributor to not wanting to find out this baby's sex. This is our last, and if I have a 3rd boy, I'm going to be bummed. But at the same time, I think I will be far more affected by the news during pregnancy than I will be if I have this beautiful little baby lying on my chest, and a body pumped full of love hormones. Either way will be disappointment, but I think I totally would react the way you did to the news, and spend the rest of the pregnancy dwelling on it instead of just enjoying the experience. Whereas if I wait I think I'll be able to be a little sad about it, but at the same time be able to move on.
Meredith! I am so psychedto hear this update!! Your attitude is fabulous. And yay for your home birth!
As your fellow mama experiencing the odd world of soft markers, I just wanted to tell you I am right where you are after this week. Enough - no amnio, no more worrying needlessly as long as baby is healthy in there.
I also feel like updating - I had a HUGE fall this week 
Which was on my bum but really hard. So, I went back for yet another ultrasound.
Baby was FINE. Placenta, cervix, etc all great. Femurs still short ;) and what made me want to share -- baby was similar with ultrasound tech / he refused to give a profile shot. Literally flipped from side to side/bum and full face shots only!
She was AWFUL. She took the Doppler thing (whatever it's called) and prodded my belly obnoxiously to get him to give a profile.
I was like "it's ok, we have already seen the profile," but she was so aggressive-- I hated her. Seriously.
Pretty scary-- falling -- but because everything was thankfully fine, it somehow put things into perspective: I LOVE THIS BABY ALREADY. I don't want any more damn tests or stress.
Plus, I looked on the ultrasound report after-- and yes, on the scale the femur was smaller than the head size, it was measuring what looked like 20-30 percentile, with the head around 40th? I don't really understand what they mean by small.
Who in this world is perfectly proportioned anyway?!
And then I saw another dr from my practice after the ultrasound, to listen to heartbeat and confirm all was ok post fall - I asked him about the measurements and he said "eh, it's sort of too early to pay attention to those measurements. They are all variations of normal.
Man, it's all so confusing -- just give me peace and sweet baby kicks and JOY.
Enough damn ultrasounds!
Ok enough rant - and so happy you will get your home birth!
Janelle, I bet even if the airport can't switch your seat, the passenger next to you probably will...people tend to be nice to 31 week pregnant women on planes, especially since you'll have to make him stand up and let you out to pee every hour LOL!!! :-)
Cookie, I completely understand. I am having my last baby. My 3RD BOY! When I found out, I thought about little tiny moments that I would be missing out on...like french braiding my daughters hair like my mom used to do for me...and it was a little sad, but the more I thought about it, the happier I became and now I am absolutely delighted to be having another boy. Let yourself feel the sadness, but I bet it will be temporary...and know that when your baby boy comes, you won't be able to imagine life any other way :-)
I had my follow up ultrasound today. At the last one, they found 3 down syndrome markers (echogenic foci on the heart, enlarged fluid filled kidneys, and short femurs) and offered to do an amnio, which I declined. They had me convinced I had a downs baby. The good news is the kidneys are looking normal now! The echogenic foci is still there but in no way impacting the blood flow or function of the heart, so that isn't as big of a deal anymore. The femurs are still short. In fact, his arms were measuring short as well today. Both the arm bones and the femurs were in the <3% category. And overall, baby is measuring a bit small (21 weeks, and I should be 23 weeks 2 days). So guess what the doctor says? "He could have dwarfism. Short limbs in comparison to the rest of his body and overall slower growth indicate dwarfism. I'd like to see you back and we can continue to monitor the heart and limb growth". Oh, and he said an amnio could check for some gene related to dwarfism, which of course I declined. Uhhhh...what???? DWARFISM?! Is he trying to scare the crap out of me every time I see him to see how long it takes me to have a nervous breakdown?! Overall, I like this doctor because he never rushes appointments and takes the time to answer questions and review everything carefully. He'll even let you text his cell with questions. Nice man. But I feel like he the constant "Your baby might have __<insert horrible condition here>____" talks just aren't good for me. So, hubby and I asked the doctor about home birth and baby's possible condition. Basically, he said that he didn't see anything on the ultrasound that made him think baby was medically fragile or unable to have a home birth. He just wanted to "monitor" baby. Hubby and I left the office and talked about it. The only thing that makes us both feel comfortable is to quit all further monitoring. No more ultrasounds. No more tests. We love our little boy, and if he isn't medically fragile, we don't see a good reason to have a bunch more ultrasounds just to "monitor" a condition that isn't going to really impact baby's health.
As a side note, baby hated the ultrasound. The tech kept trying to get a measurement of his head, and he actually flipped upside down to escape. When she had me lay on my side so she could reach his head and get the measurement, he flipped back around and started kicking like crazy. We didn't even get a good picture of his head/face because he just wouldn't sit still for it. We did get a picture of his feet, which was adorable. Seeing his response to the ultrasound and feeling his frantic kicks just made me more at peace with my decision to stop with all this testing...and I have to say, I haven't felt as peaceful and happy about this pregnancy as I do right now.
oh, Meredith, I couldn't help but laugh out loud at your little guy's reaction to the ultrasound. my baby hates it as well. it's so precious. and I wouldn't do it again if I could help it!
I'm really glad you made the right decision for you. I remember that you were on the fence about that first anatomy scan, too. I don't know if I could handle all the what-ifs that come with constant monitoring.
Hi Meredith! I'm so glad you're in a happy place! We have our follow-up ultrasound (to check fluid on kidneys) next week, and I'm really looking forward to having all testing and worries behind me.
I have a confession to make, which feels very weird, and I hope I don't upset anyone. This recent discussion of gender has made me realize I've been thinking a lot about it. While I was happy to find out we are having a girl, there was a small part of me that was a little disappointed. I didn't necessarily want another boy (I really had no preference) but for some reason I was sure it would be a boy, just because everyone wanted so badly for it to be a girl. This sounds strange, but to me having a boy felt like getting a second opportunity to have DS in babyhood (I feel like he's growing up so fast!). I also loved the idea of DS having a brother. There was part of me that was thrilled to have a girl, but I also feel a little indignant, because everyone is just so over-the-top happy about it. I want to say, "What are boys? Chopped liver?" Maybe because I'm not a girly girl, so I don't have these big fantasies about doing "girl stuff."
I know, I know, I'm just rambling at this point. I find gender discussions fascinating. I hope I'm making some small bit of sense, lol.
This is my last baby (I'm almost 41), and I'm a little sad that I won't have another baby boy (I see cute baby boys everywhere now), but I am happy to have the opportunity to have a daughter. So I feel very, very lucky.
Oh BOY! Gender is a funny thing. Cookie and Sandy, I too had conflicting feelings about my baby. In fact the reason I decided to find out ahead of time is because I thought I wanted a girl so badly that I didn't want to be disappointed at birth if it was a boy, I wanted some time to ease into it. I'm a big girly-girl. Love pink. Love sparkles. Love Barbies and horses. And there's a good chance we're only having one child, so I thought I would be devastated with a boy.
Well, when we were in the ultrasound, I immediately saw the boy parts. It took the technician (who was wonderful by the way, I feel so blessed to have had amazing technician experiences, it sounds like there are some real a-holes out there) anyway, it took him about 20 minutes to get around to the fact of actually telling us that it was a boy. I started crying right away and I could tell my husband was like, oh no... she's gonna have a meltdown. But I realized I was crying from happiness, that a boy was wonderful. And although I get sad sometimes when I see frilly dresses in the tiniest sizes, I'm still excited about this boy. Plus, I found a onesie on Etsy that is pink and says "Real Men Wear Pink." Totally mine.
I want to jump into this gender discussion. I already have a girl and a boy and I kept expecting there to be some kind of third sex that I would get because I simply couldn't wrap my mind around having two of one sex and one of the other. I think that its because three is an odd number and I find that unsettling. Anyways- I realised this pregnancy that I really REALLY wanted another boy. I never had a preference for my first two but now with an older daughter and a 'middle' son, I wanted my son to have a brother. I think its because I came from a family of exactly the same line up. I am the oldest (and only daughter) with two younger brothers. I am very familiar with this paradigm. I always wanted a sister growing up but now at 31, I can appreciate being the only girl and I like both of the women that my brothers have chosen (as close to sisters as I will ever have). I like the special relationship I have with my mom and dad and I don't think that my demanding personality would have worked well with a sister (or it could have taught me some lessons).
Also- I am going to be really honest here... my daughter is so gorgeous and precious to me that I didn't want her to feel like she had to compete with another girl. She has glasses (one lense much thicker than the other) and very stringy and thin hair (that she is already comparing it to the girls at school's hair and it breaks my heart) and I kept worrying about having a second daughter that looks more like our son who has my big (more feminine) lips and thick wavy hair (also from me) and good vision. I never wanted my daughter to ever EVER question her looks. I am not a fool and I know that she will but I feel like I can build up her confidence so much easier without another girl in the house to compete with. I probably have that totally wrong but it's all I know from not having a sister myself. I had to compete with my mom while growing up. She wanted to be my sister rather than my mom and she still behaves like that. It really bothers me and I think that has impacted my views about this. I have a solid sense of self esteem and I truly believe that girls/women with strong senses of self esteem, make better decisions for themselves especially when it comes to dating etc. Perhaps I am just rambling and perhaps I have this all wrong but I have loads of dreams and plans for just my daughter and I and it seems like almost every woman that I know has a sister and they can't understand why I am ok with just one girl.
I want to say that I am much more comfortable with little boys. Again, having two younger brothers helped with that and for a long time, all my friends only had baby boys. My daughter was the first baby girl that had been born in years. I was laying on the couch last night and I was hurting after a long day of running around and I had my eyes closed. My 3 year old son came over and gently kissed my lips. I almost burst into tears. My daughter followed close behind and came over for a snuggle but there is something different when it is from my son. Him and I have a very close relationship but he is just not as lovey as his sister so when I get an unsolicited kiss or hug from him, its worth a million dollars.
So again, I could have this all totally wrong. I am still trying to figure it all out. You just want to do right by all of your kids and its so bloody hard
.
Also- I am going to be really honest here... my daughter is so gorgeous and precious to me that I didn't want her to feel like she had to compete with another girl. She has glasses (one lense much thicker than the other) and very stringy and thin hair (that she is already comparing it to the girls at school's hair and it breaks my heart) and I kept worrying about having a second daughter that looks more like our son who has my big (more feminine) lips and thick wavy hair (also from me) and good vision. I never wanted my daughter to ever EVER question her looks. I am not a fool and I know that she will but I feel like I can build up her confidence so much easier without another girl in the house to compete with. I probably have that totally wrong but it's all I know from not having a sister myself. I had to compete with my mom while growing up. She wanted to be my sister rather than my mom and she still behaves like that. It really bothers me and I think that has impacted my views about this. I have a solid sense of self esteem and I truly believe that girls/women with strong senses of self esteem, make better decisions for themselves especially when it comes to dating etc. Perhaps I am just rambling and perhaps I have this all wrong but I have loads of dreams and plans for just my daughter and I and it seems like almost every woman that I know has a sister and they can't understand why I am ok with just one girl.
I want to say that I am much more comfortable with little boys. Again, having two younger brothers helped with that and for a long time, all my friends only had baby boys. My daughter was the first baby girl that had been born in years. I was laying on the couch last night and I was hurting after a long day of running around and I had my eyes closed. My 3 year old son came over and gently kissed my lips. I almost burst into tears. My daughter followed close behind and came over for a snuggle but there is something different when it is from my son. Him and I have a very close relationship but he is just not as lovey as his sister so when I get an unsolicited kiss or hug from him, its worth a million dollars.
So again, I could have this all totally wrong. I am still trying to figure it all out. You just want to do right by all of your kids and its so bloody hard.
This is so, so sweet. What a wonderful mother you are. I know what you mean, because I have a gorgeous and beloved older sister, who at 46 still turns heads. I was the stringy-haired, glasses-wearing awkward one (also the youngest of four) and certainly not the favorite in my family. I am still, at 40, working on confidence issues because of this. I think this is also why I always rebelled against beauty and girly-girl stuff. My sister and I are now VERY close and dear friends. We are five-years-apart so there isn't much competition. However, I really, really "get" your desire to keep your girl the only girl. I also know what you mean feeling more comfortable with little boys. I guess since I already raised one it's what I know. However, like your feelings about your daughter, in many ways I am thrilled to be having a girl, because now DS will always be my special boy, and DD will always be my special girl. However, I see a lot of benefits of having two of the same sex as well. I don't think there is one "perfect" family set-up.
Linnie, that's a good point about competition between sisters. I grew up with 2 younger sisters, we're each 2 years apart. There has always been competition between us. Even though it's better now, it's still there.
Thankfully, DD and the new baby will be 10 yrs apart so hopefully we won't have that issue.
ETA: Although...there is A LOT of competition between my two step children (a boy and a girl). So maybe it's more of a family dynamic than a gender thing?
I have a sister, and I completely understand why you're okay with just one girl. My sister and I never got along, we're just too danged different. Looks-wise, she's the one with glasses and straight thin hair, but she also is the one that has the confidence and she's always been the extrovert (and the bully). Whereas I got the 20/20 vision and the curly hair, but I also got the low self-esteem (which she contributed to), and I'm a bookworm. I definitely think I'd be happier with 2 boys than I would with 2 girls, but I'm still really hoping for 1 and 1. No set of genders will ever prevent the kind of strain that was between my sister and I, but I'm hoping that I'm far more attentive to the problem than my parents were. My father played favorites my entire life, and after my mom died, my position in the family was basically as an afterthought. At this point, I haven't spoken to my sister in almost 5 years. At Xmas dinner last weekend my dad pulled out her business card to show me how far she's come (she's a COO), and I finally just had to say to him that it was HER choice to break all contact, and I wasn't terribly interested in hearing about it. Not what he expected me to say, obviously. But since my kids are (and most likely will be) the only grandchildren, he's not going to push me.
Which is a long-winded way of saying that 2 girls doesn't guarantee anything. I know so many people who are so joy-joy about 2 girls, and what great friends they will be, and I just have to sigh, because personality and upbringing have so much more to do with that than gender.
it makes me sad but there was a lot of competition and favorites-playing when I was growing up and there still is...wow- Thank you to all of you for sharing your views about sisters and having baby girls. I was feeling like I was crazy for having those thoughts and I was feeling guilty for not "giving" my DD a sister (like I have control over that) but reading that sisters aren't necessarily close has made me feel a bit better (but sorry for you ladies who are going through that). My brothers and I aren't very close at all and it breaks my heart but I wrote it off as a 'brother' thing. I totally agree that people compare the girls when there are two of them and place way too much emphasis on "prettiness" and it upsets me so much. I was not a pretty little girl and that has really stayed with me but luckily I realized while in my young teens, that I had brains and musical talent and a good sense of humour and I learned how to focus on those strengths. I seriously don't think I could have handled having a sister that I would have compared myself too. I 100% agree with all of you that its more then their genders or their birth order, its how they are raised and what their home life is like. There is a very interesting article (its the cover article) in Time magazine this month about parents having favourites. I suggest checking it out. Its an interesting read and it really follows along the same vein as our discussions here.
Once again, I am so thankful for all of you. I want to have another baby just so I can be part of a DDC again BUT we all have to have another baby at the exact same time. Who's on board? hahahaha
This is an interesting discussion. I have 3 girls and dh has two girls and a boy. We were all secretly hoping for a boy so that his youngest (the only boy) could have a brother. We were blessed to get that and while I am excited to try this boy raising thing out I have to admit a part of me is a little sad to not have a baby girl again. Weird, huh? I was going through the box of baby clothes I had saved (the cutest stuff in best condition) and luckily found a couple unisex things I can use. I mourned a little though not getting to use the adorable girlie clothes again. Hopefully one of my sisters will have a girl and I can give it to her. I think part of my anxiety is just the unknown. I know how to do girls. lol My 3 get along really well I think. They have their moments of course, but they have fun together and I don't see a lot of sibling rivalry (so far). I think having 3 girls in a row was great for our family. I have 2 sisters and 2 brothers and while I had quite a bit of sibling rivalry and opposite personality of my next youngest sister, we enjoy spending time together now as adults. I'm still not very close to my brothers, but hang out with my sisters and/or mom as girls and we are pretty close.
Also- I am going to be really honest here... my daughter is so gorgeous and precious to me that I didn't want her to feel like she had to compete with another girl.
As much as my DD wanted a baby sister, and they would be different enough in age for it to not matter so much, (6 years, almost... 5.5 years) I had these feelings as well. Although I have to say I love having a big sister myself... but am happy to have another baby boy.
Whatever life gives us, we'll take and make part of our story... but it seems natural to want everything!
lightheartedmom, I totally hear you about not expecting you kids to be friends, but its nice when they are! My boys are very different, but love playing with each other and have a special bond. They really love and admire each other, and I am glad they will have each other throughout their lives, even if they end up doing different things/living in very different places...
I never thought about sisters (or having two girls) from a parent's perspective. But I can tell you that I am an only girl with two younger brothers and I LOVE it.
x
Masel, my daughter is into princesses and fairies and all that girly stuff, but also *loves* starwars and nerf guns and getting muddy! I don't think it is an either or kind of thing... My toddler boy loves trains, but also likes to wear my DD's dress-up fairy and princess stuff....
It's all good.
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