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Weekly ramblin' chat: Jan 8-Jan14 2012! - Page 5

post #81 of 88
Quote:
Originally Posted by forestmushroom View Post

Whatever life gives us, we'll take and make part of our story... but it seems natural to want everything! 

 

 

I totally believe that and although DH is the opposite of me and really only wanted daughters (due to losing his father when he was young and fears about doing father and son stuff), he was the first to say "this feels so right for our family. We are supposed to have a girl and two boys."

post #82 of 88

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Edited by Masel - 1/13/12 at 2:48pm
post #83 of 88
Thread Starter 

with all my kids I don't think the gender line is hard and fast in their minds/experience.  But then they go to a school where the kids can't wear "character" clothing... And in our house we talk about how toys are just toys, there aren't toys for boy and others for girls... but toys for everyone!  Just like books, etc. are for everyone. 

 

But our experience has been that the kids play with all kinds of stuff, and it is only in the minds of the marketing people and adults that there is "boy stuff and girl stuff."  Kids seem to be more flexible in their thinking....

 

All my kids love to cook and play house and play little kitchen, sew, and garden... my toddler and 7 yo will play dolls with my DD... but my oldest has no interest in playing dolls... but they all kind of mix it up. 

post #84 of 88

Name: Veezie

Weeks/Days along: around 23 weeks, so I think...

Appointments: mw next week (whenever i can fit her in)

Symptoms: tired, boobs still hurt and are huge, my sex drive, for the first pregnancy ever, has plummeted to kind of scary lows.

Food: FRIED WONTONS! and i work next to a chinese restaurant...

Exercise: i do yoga, and i am in a regular gym class in college, which i modify, but not by much, honestly. today i was on the bicep curl machine for 2 reps of 20.

Body changes and other milestones: i had to ask my mw about kick counts. i don't seem to notice this one kicking as much as i did with my others. she said maybe i'm not as far along as i think. which is weird, cos i had an u/s for an emergency at 7wks, at which point i thought i was 4 wks n they said, no, 7 wks. and i was blown away, like how is that even possible?! now i'm wondering if they weren't just wrong.........

Thoughts: at that weird stage when ppl hint that they can tell ur pregnant but don't want to actually say anything, just in case ur just a fat freak....

 

post #85 of 88

I can't tell you all how much I appreciate reading this discussion. I'm so happy I have a space where I feel comfortable admitting that I was (and still kind of am) a little sad and teary about having another boy. I have so many friends who have struggled with miscarriages and infertility that I don't really feel right sharing this type of sadness with them. Who am I to complain about having another healthy baby so easily, you know? But still, I can't help that I'm dealing with some kind of sadness and, yes, a bit of mourning for the daughter I'll never have. So thank you all for being so understanding and sharing your own thoughts and feelings on gender. And I especially thank those of you who are having some health concerns with your babies and those of you who have struggled with loss and infertility for not shouting at me and telling me to just be thankful for the baby.

 

Last night, I was feeling fine, putting away some dishes, when I remembered the little dress I'd bought at a second hand shop right when I found out I was pregnant. Something about this little old-fashioned dress just spoke to me, and I got it, even though I laughed at the time that buying it meant I'd definitely have a boy. I broke down into tears again at the thought of never getting to put my little girl in this dress. After I'd calmed down though, I realized that I would save it for my friend who's having a daughter, so I can still take some pleasure out of it.

 

Another friend of mine with a daughter who's just a bit older than my son emailed me today. I had written her about going through my closet and pulling out all these fancy dresses I have that I'll never fit into again but can't be bothered to sell on ebay. I know her daughter is starting to enjoy dress up, so I offered to pass them on to her, along with some costume jewelry I've been saving. She  told me that she knew I was a little sad about not having a girl, but hoped I'd be a guiding force in her daughter's life, the "cool aunt" who could be a positive influence in her life since they don't have any close family. This really meant a lot to me, and it totally made me feel better. I might not ever have a daughter, but that doesn't mean I won't be able to pass on my love of Anne of Green Gables to someone, darn it. love.gif

post #86 of 88
Quote:
Originally Posted by cookie_ View Post

I can't tell you all how much I appreciate reading this discussion. I'm so happy I have a space where I feel comfortable admitting that I was (and still kind of am) a little sad and teary about having another boy. I have so many friends who have struggled with miscarriages and infertility that I don't really feel right sharing this type of sadness with them. Who am I to complain about having another healthy baby so easily, you know? But still, I can't help that I'm dealing with some kind of sadness and, yes, a bit of mourning for the daughter I'll never have. So thank you all for being so understanding and sharing your own thoughts and feelings on gender. And I especially thank those of you who are having some health concerns with your babies and those of you who have struggled with loss and infertility for not shouting at me and telling me to just be thankful for the baby.

 

Last night, I was feeling fine, putting away some dishes, when I remembered the little dress I'd bought at a second hand shop right when I found out I was pregnant. Something about this little old-fashioned dress just spoke to me, and I got it, even though I laughed at the time that buying it meant I'd definitely have a boy. I broke down into tears again at the thought of never getting to put my little girl in this dress. After I'd calmed down though, I realized that I would save it for my friend who's having a daughter, so I can still take some pleasure out of it.

 

Another friend of mine with a daughter who's just a bit older than my son emailed me today. I had written her about going through my closet and pulling out all these fancy dresses I have that I'll never fit into again but can't be bothered to sell on ebay. I know her daughter is starting to enjoy dress up, so I offered to pass them on to her, along with some costume jewelry I've been saving. She  told me that she knew I was a little sad about not having a girl, but hoped I'd be a guiding force in her daughter's life, the "cool aunt" who could be a positive influence in her life since they don't have any close family. This really meant a lot to me, and it totally made me feel better. I might not ever have a daughter, but that doesn't mean I won't be able to pass on my love of Anne of Green Gables to someone, darn it. love.gif


That sounds ideal really!  You can do all the fun stuff, and not have to deal with the sucky stuff!  Like puberty.  You can give her advice, and she'll actually listen, because you're cooler than her mom. ;)

 

post #87 of 88
Quote:
Originally Posted by LinnieThree View Post

I want to jump into this gender discussion. I already have a girl and a boy and I kept expecting there to be some kind of third sex that I would get because I simply couldn't wrap my mind around having two of one sex and one of the other. I think that its because three is an odd number and I find that unsettling. Anyways- I realised this pregnancy that I really REALLY wanted another boy. I never had a preference for my first two but now with an older daughter and a 'middle' son, I wanted my son to have a brother. I think its because I came from a family of exactly the same line up. I am the oldest (and only daughter) with two younger brothers. I am very familiar with this paradigm. I always wanted a sister growing up but now at 31, I can appreciate being the only girl and I like both of the women that my brothers have chosen (as close to sisters as I will ever have). I like the special relationship I have with my mom and dad and I don't think that my demanding personality would have worked well with a sister (or it could have taught me some lessons).

 

Also- I am going to be really honest here... my daughter is so gorgeous and precious to me that I didn't want her to feel like she had to compete with another girl. She has glasses (one lense much thicker than the other) and very stringy and thin hair (that she is already comparing it to the girls at school's hair and it breaks my heart) and I kept worrying about having a second daughter that looks more like our son who has my big (more feminine) lips and thick wavy hair (also from me) and good vision. I never wanted my daughter to ever EVER question her looks. I am not a fool and I know that she will but I feel like I can build up her confidence so much easier without another girl in the house to compete with. I probably have that totally wrong but it's all I know from not having a sister myself. I had to compete with my mom while growing up. She wanted to be my sister rather than my mom and she still behaves like that. It really bothers me and I think that has impacted my views about this. I have a solid sense of self esteem and I truly believe that girls/women with strong senses of self esteem, make better decisions for themselves especially when it comes to dating etc. Perhaps I am just rambling and perhaps I have this all wrong but I have loads of dreams and plans for just my daughter and I and it seems like almost every woman that I know has a sister and they can't understand why I am ok with just one girl.

 

I want to say that I am much more comfortable with little boys. Again, having two younger brothers helped with that and for a long time, all my friends only had baby boys. My daughter was the first baby girl that had been born in years. I was laying on the couch last night and I was hurting after a long day of running around and I had my eyes closed. My 3 year old son came over and gently kissed my lips. I almost burst into tears. My daughter followed close behind and came over for a snuggle but there is something different when it is from my son. Him and I have a very close relationship but he is just not as lovey as his sister so when I get an unsolicited kiss or hug from him, its worth a million dollars.

 

So again, I could have this all totally wrong. I am still trying to figure it all out. You just want to do right by all of your kids and its so bloody hardnut.gif.




Linnie - As a lifelong possessor of both thick glasses and thin/stringy hair, I can totally sympathize with your daughter! I was pretty awkward when I hit puberty - skinny, no figure, glasses, needed braces, bad hair, oh boy. My mom was so wonderful in helping me to develop confidence in myself despite my physical shortcomings, and I think that maybe, in the end, it turned out to be a bit of a blessing to not have those physical attributes that get you automatic entry into the Hot Girl Club. She always acted like I was the most beautiful girl she'd ever seen, but she also always emphasized personality and brains, encouraged me whenever I displayed talent in some area (music, foreign languages), and gave me space to wear weird clothes and listen to weird music as I got to be an older teen. I credit her with helping me turn into a confident woman with real passions and interests that have served me well, both academically and socially.

 

She also understood that as a 12 year old starting middle school, no matter what she could say to me, I was going to lack confidence in myself because I was going to compare myself physically to all these other girls with their new bodies and "cool" styles. We were always broke, so we never really had "cool" clothes or name brands, and we scrimped on non-necessities. My mom had always cut our hair for us to save money. 6th grade turned out to be really tough for me, and I was clearly feeling a lack of confidence in myself. She scrimped and saved somehow, and made an appointment for me at some hair salon to get my first real "style" haircut. I'm sure she could have done a pretty similar cut herself, and I know that in order to pay for it, she sacrificed something for herself, but man, I left that salon feeling like a million bucks. I bet someday your daughter will look back at her life and have some similar story about how her mom helped make her into the amazing person she'll be.

post #88 of 88

Cookie, you have me in tears. What a beautiful story!
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by cookie_ View Post

 

She also understood that as a 12 year old starting middle school, no matter what she could say to me, I was going to lack confidence in myself because I was going to compare myself physically to all these other girls with their new bodies and "cool" styles. We were always broke, so we never really had "cool" clothes or name brands, and we scrimped on non-necessities. My mom had always cut our hair for us to save money. 6th grade turned out to be really tough for me, and I was clearly feeling a lack of confidence in myself. She scrimped and saved somehow, and made an appointment for me at some hair salon to get my first real "style" haircut. I'm sure she could have done a pretty similar cut herself, and I know that in order to pay for it, she sacrificed something for herself, but man, I left that salon feeling like a million bucks. I bet someday your daughter will look back at her life and have some similar story about how her mom helped make her into the amazing person she'll be.



 

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