What do you do when your SO isn't on board? - Page 3

[hippiemombian]

Originally Posted by Amatullah0 

I'm assuming that you've looked into every possible form of aid that you could get? If you got a job would you be eligible for a daycare credit? Also, look into work at home jobs, or jobs that you can bring your children along to(home daycare, nanny, cooking and selling food, sewing, teaching a skill or trade to children or adults, etc. Look into homeschooling cheaper if you can. Make your own curriculum, use free curriculums, do a bit of unschooling, etc.

ETA: is there a way that your DP can do roller derby more cheaply? Joining a different or less formal league, maybe? Is roller derby something that you could teach to make an income from that?

I've looked into all forms of aid that I can get and that work for my family. I qualify for a pell grant, so that pretty much covers my school expenses. Although I realize that  degree won't promise me a high paying job. Essentially I am going for free, so I don't need to acquire any more student loans.

As far as the whole roller derby thing goes.. the short answer is no. Dues are pretty standard across the board and there isn't an demand for someone to teach roller derby. You pretty much learn what you need to learn from your coaches on the team.

[greenemami]

Just wanted to chime in in regard to getting benefits/assistance while living with xh. It is the same in my state that while living with the father of the children, his income will be counted regardless of whether your expenses are kept separate, he is paying child support, you are paying rent, etc. I would guess this is because they presume that he is chipping in for expenses for the children.

 I was told that when living with other family members, (ie. parents) if food expenses are separate, they do not have to be counted. I would assume that your dp's income would not be counted as she would be looked at more as a roomate.

[Wolfcat]

Originally Posted by 3timesamom 

Well I don't know your current income and debt level to decide if I agree with PPer.

In life we DESERVE NOTHING. So the argument about how much SO works doesn't hold water with me. Not unless you have other areas that you can cut and still meet your goals. If we are talking mountains of debt then Derby must be cut for a while. If we are talking a few dollars savings I would say that it shouldn't be cut. IF the few dollars don't count that much. Does that make sense???

I agree. I had a friend who worked 30+ hours a week in a minimum wage job, with no post-secondary schooling, and he said he wanted to buy a house (when he couldn't afford to pay his rent most months) because he worked hard and "deserved it." We all get that little bit of entitlement feeling, but the truth is, if you don't have the money, you shouldn't be doing it. PERIOD.
 

Originally Posted by journeymom 

Oh holy cow.  That's emotional blackmail. And very passive aggressive.  I'm sure she never consciously thought of it that way, but you both need to take a step back and look at this dynamic. 

Your quitting will only start fights if you both choose to fight about it.  The cold, hard fact is that she would be choosing to quit.  You cannot make her do anything, so she needs to quit that thinking right now.  It's no fair to you and she's doing herself no favors, keeping herself stuck in that kind of thinking.  She can deal with her own fears and keep skating or she can quit when you quit and realize that she's an adult choosing how to live her life.  

Besides, wouldn't you say you're already fighting about it?  You sound pretty resentful already. 

I agree. Your DP sounds like she wants to have her cake and eat it too. But the truth is, she doesn't want to acknowledge the truth of the situation - That SOMETHING has to change, or nothing will change. You could continue the way you are going, but to expect the debt to go away when you don't make any of the hard choices... well, that's just silly.

And I, for one, would NEVER keep a hobby that costs over $1k/year with the kind of debt you are talking about. I mean, I'm sure it's fun, but isn't there like a once-in-a-while option for that? Maybe ask the girls you skate with if you can still participate in practices, but not in competitions, or something?

[hippiemommaof4]

I just want to add that I would not personally EVER put my kids in public school to save 20$ a month like someone else mention, PS isnt free either I know my kids went for 1 yr and it cost me more $ than homeschooling ever did/has. Plus homeschooling is really important to most parents and generally there are sacrifices...plus I would always choose homeschooling especially in a situation where DERBY could be cut which to me is a useless expense...you can exercise fo FREE if thats what you are doing it for. I'm just going to say that I agree with you that your DP is being childish and unreasonable. Cut out the derby and call it a day.