DH swings 2 year old DD from her hands and it FREAKS me out

[lovepickles]

I have a very loving husband who plays with DD every night. Awhile back he started swinging her from her arms ... back and forth up and down and she begs for it. DH usually does it for as long as his arms hold out, then he takes a break and does it some more. Aside from the annoyance of her insisting to continue when he can't physically do it anymore I am really concerned about her shoulders and elbows. Tonight I heard her squeal (with delight) and came in and asked what that was about and he showed me by swinging her by her arms into a half flip and holding her by the hands upside down and her little arms were back behind her. The position was very strange to me and I freaked because all I could imagine was her elbow being pulled out or a shoulder getting dislocated or his grip slipping and her falling on the top of her head and snapping her neck. I managed to get him to agree to no more upside down but he refuses to stop holding her by her hands and swinging her around. Tonight's new move pushed me over the edge.

I know I am being a total party-pooper but I really don't want her to get hurt. In the past I have had to veto him teaching her to jump off of a small table into his arms. It didn't make sense to him at first but after I slowed down the fun he later realized jumping off of furniture into his arms would eventually lead to just jumping off of furniture. So thank god he listened to me on that one.

I know, I know ... I should be happy DD has such a fun and playful dad but the swinging by the arms gives me a bad feeling in my gut. Of course I googled it and found a bunch of stories about a nursemaid's elbow and how you shouldn't do it.

Anyone else swing by the arms? Or know of something convincing enough to get my husband to stop? (Because apparently my concerns are "crazy" and it is "perfectly fine".)

:)

[Imakcerka]

how bout under the arms?  It's fun. 

[ErinYay]

My sensory-seeking 2-yr-old loves to swing while her dad spins her up and around and ZOMG THAT WAS TOO CLOSE TO THE TV ARE YOU INSANE (I just look away bc IT IS SO SCARY, but she's never been harmed at all) *and* likes to hang on everything. I think it feels really good for both her vestibular (sense of balance) sense and her proprioception (the way your joints and muscles feel) sense. 

If I had a decent doorway, I'd get a chin-up bar for her so she could dangle all day, but these darn Midwestern homes and their weird arched doorways...

[crunchy_mommy]

We swing DS by the arms... it would have bothered me when he was younger but once he was 2yo or so, he seemed pretty strong -- he participates in the swing, it's different than swinging an infant by the arms! (I hope no one swings an infant like that...) You might try swinging her gently yourself, very low to the ground, just so you can see how strong she is. And I don't really see an issue with jumping off furniture, maybe not off the top of a bookcase lol but just off a couch or a low table? I don't think that's a big deal, though I'd probably avoid jumping into someone's arms and have her just jump straight to the floor (start low, off a bottom step or something).

I guess I think you might be being a little over-cautious. Things can happen but if you're careful and if she's using her own strength then it's probably fine. If she's dangling, rather than supporting herself when she swings, then that might be an issue, but I think most 2yo's have sufficient upper-body strength to be fine with it. Jumping, swinging, etc. are part of toddler life, though I'd make sure to follow her lead to see what she's capable of.

[Super~Single~Mama]

If it was going to dislocate something it probably would have happened by now. My brother couldn't swing like that because it dislocated something every single time, but I never had problems with it.

[Asiago]

Your insticts are correct, it is a risk in children 1-4 years of age.

http://kidshealth.org/parent/medical/bones/nursemaid.html

If not tight enough, the ligament may slip over the radial head. This causes the tip of the bone to move out of place, or subluxate. In some kids, this can happen very easily with just a small amount of force.

Other actions can increase the risk of injury, such as:

• Pulling a child up by the hands. Pulling on hands or forearms can put stress on the elbows. Never pick up a toddler or infant by the hands or wrists. Lifting under the armpits is the safest way to lift a child.
• Swinging a toddler by the arms. Any type of swinging by holding the hands or wrists can put stress on the elbow joint and should be avoided.
• Jerking a child's arm. Pulling a toddler along while walking or quickly grabbing his or her hand can jerk the arm, causing the radial head to slip. Remember to be gentle when taking a child by the hand.
• Breaking a fall with the arm. The natural response to falling is outstretching an arm for protection. The elbow can overextend during this action, resulting in a slip of the radial head.
• Rolling over in an awkward way. Sometimes rolling over in a crib, bed, or on the floor can cause nursemaid's elbow in infants and very young children.

[Snapdragon]

I would never swing ds by the arms or let dh do it, I think your intstincts are right. I don't even like it if dh helps ds up to standing by pulling him up b the hands, or if people sit with him on their lap and hold his hands and he leans back and has all the wieght focused in his hands.

When I was a very little girl I remember ( maybe age 4 or so?) sitting at the top of some steps and my dad pulled me up (not harshly at all) by my hand and it dislocated my shoulder and we had to go to the hospital and have it pushed back in! I don't actually have trauma memeory of it- weirdly I remmeber being wrapped in a poncho and my parents sitting with me in I guess the back of the ambulance or some van. No harm came from it.

But I would not let your husband swing her by her hands. Try under the shoulders.

[lifeguard]

My dh & a friend were playing with another's friend's lo one night. There was a roomful of adults - we all saw what they were doing & didn't think it a problem - they were wiggling & swinging him by his arms & legs. Suddenly he got sullen & whiny but we all dismissed it as him being tired. H was about 3. Nxt morning he was still acting weird & now refusing to use his arm - turns out the elbow was dislocated.

After that we are super cautious of their little joints.

And fwiw the hospital called children's services as a matter of routine as this is considered a red flag injury. (I'm sure this is not universal - we are in Ontario)

I definitely would not be ok with it (& I'm not an overly cautious parent).

Yeah for dh being a playful daddy though!!!

Edited by lifeguard - 1/10/12 at 1:34am

[grethel]

I'm uncomfortable with the swinging and rough horseplay, too (although I admit dd loves it).

One alternative "swinging" game dh plays with dd that I am ok with, and that she loves, is this. He stands with his legs spread, holding dd facing towards him with one hand supporting her neck/head and one cradled around her hips. He swings her, pretty fast, all the way under his legs and then up all the way to his shoulder/head level, and back and forth over and over. It's pretty tiring for him, but it seems quite safe and she is well-supported. It doesn't freak me out like it does when he swings her upside down or puts her on his shoulders.

[katelove]

There seem to be some children who are more susceptible to pulled elbows than other. Everyone I know (and many, many people I see out and about) swings their children by the hands. Both my husband and I work in ED and we don't see nearly enough pulled elbows for it to be a major issue for me. We use caution with all rough play but yes, we do swing her sometimes.

Also, I don't know it is a US thing or a hospital-specific thing but I have worked in a number of different EDs in three states in Australia and a pulled elbow on it's own would definitely *not* warrant a call to DOCS (our CPS equivalent).

[crunchy_mommy]

Oh I also wanted to add that I have no idea what you're talking about with an upside-down swing lol. Maybe the type of swinging you are talking about is different than what I was originally imagining & what we do with DS.

[Comtessa]

Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy 
 If she's dangling, rather than supporting herself when she swings, then that might be an issue, but I think most 2yo's have sufficient upper-body strength to be fine with it. Jumping, swinging, etc. are part of toddler life, though I'd make sure to follow her lead to see what she's capable of.

I agree with this.  IMO, there's a difference between holding a child's hands while s/he jumps, and pulling the child up by the hands while s/he dangles.  DD loves to swing by her hands from an adult's hands, and sometimes we let her, if she's using her own strength to hold herself up.  But, after a recent ED visit for a dislocated elbow, we're pretty cautious about how we do it.  And we never let other people swing her, b/c they aren't as aware of her abilities, etc.  That's why we ended up in the ED -- my brother was playing the game with two toddlers at once and wasn't paying enough attention to what she was able to do.  

[lovepickles]

Thanks for the responses ladies. I sent some links to DH on it and he agreed it isn't worth the risk to swing. It has been a few days and she seems to have forgotten about the activity and no longer requests it.

[BrascosPrincess]

my kids love it, they love it when we hold on to both of thier hands and spin them in cirlcles, and jumping off stuff, kids will will be kids, you cant wrap them in bubble wrap and protect them from every little bump and bruise they might get. my kids are clumsy they cant even walk a striaght line without falling on thier butt or face, let alone what they do to each other other in a day fighting over toys.

[Comtessa]

Originally Posted by BrascosPrincess 

kids will will be kids, you cant wrap them in bubble wrap and protect them from every little bump and bruise they might get. 

No, I agree, we cannot.

However, as the responsible adults, we can, and should, choose to avoid playing games with our children that are likely to injure them.  

If a child jumps off of something and dislocates her/his elbow, I'm not going to feel overly responsible for the injury.  As you say, kids will be kids, and you can't protect them from everything they might try.  In the grand scheme of things, it's quite a minor injury, if wicked painful.  

However, if I swing the child around by her/his arms and cause the same injury, then yes, I am at fault.  Especially if I knew it could happen and did it anyway.  KWIM?  

ETA: Not to mention financial considerations.  Our trip to the ED for DD's dislocated elbow set us back over $500.  Even with insurance.