Chat Thread: Jan 9 - Someone Starts a New One

[not_telling]

Hi y'all...thought I'd get a new one going so folks wouldn't feel like they have to "catch up" with the last thread.

[theboysmama]

thanks for starting a new thread:)

[StephandOwen]

Glad you started a new one. The other was pretty intimidating

Update on my dad- Despite all odds being against him, he pulled through!! He had about half a dozen surgeries, removing flesh as the bacteria killed it (he had a flesh eating bacteria). He ended up getting most of his rear end removed and then some up the front of one side of his groin. He had to have a colostomy done as well. He has a wound vac on, and will for some time, then they will talk about plastic surgery. He got to come home on the Tuesday between Christmas and New Years. Unfortunately there were some complications and he was life flighted back to the hospital shortly after midnight on New Years Eve/Day. He stayed for a couple days, had another surgery, but is now back home recovering. It's been a whirlwind of a month but we are starting to settle back down. We go back up to Michigan this weekend (for ds1's visitation) and then after that I think travel will be done for several weeks (DH has a business trip out of the country at the beginning of February, I think).

Update on Kai- he's doing great! I seriously couldn't have asked for a better baby. He sleeps all night (last night was midnight until 9am!) and is happy almost all the time! Somehow, after living in a hotel attached to a hospital and spending hours every day in a hospital for 9 days, none of us got ill! I was so worried that Kai would catch something, but I didn't have much choice. DH kept him in the hotel a lot and just called me when he was getting hungry (it was a 7 minute walk from the icu room to our hotel room).

DS1 got some sort of infection (started before we were in the hospital). It caused a huge bruise looking spot on his inner elbow. He ended up needing a couple shots of medicine and now it's looking much better (but not 100% healed yet). I had never seen or heard of anything like this so it totally terrified me not knowing what this was.

During all the chaos of everything else, my MIL totally crossed a line she shouldn't have. DH and I had decided that we were going to stay in Michigan until Christmas Eve to be with my dad. MIL FLIPPED OUT! She seriously flipped, saying that we were ruining her holiday because she couldn't see the kids on Christmas Eve. Knowing my dad was fighting for his life. I lost it on her. I sent her some nasty emails and made it clear that I'm done with her. If she wants to see the kids, she can talk to dh but I don't want to talk to her or see her. DH did ask me to go out to lunch with them yesterday, because it was his birthday, so I did. During lunch she told dh that I needed to start pumping bottles so we can leave Kai with her. It took everything I had not to tell her that there was no chance in h*ll I was leaving my kids with her. Then she asked me if we had gotten a stroller yet. I said no, we had a jogging stroller from ds1 and that we didn't need another since dh and I carry Kai all the time right now (either freehand or in the Moby or Ergo). She then went on and on about how SHE needed a stroller to push the baby around in. WTF?! Ummmm.... no. She's lucky I let her see the baby at all, she's not taking the baby out of my sight. End of story. She doesn't need a flipping stroller. If she wants to treat me like crap (and this is just the latest in a long string of ways she's treated me bad over the last 5 years) then she sure as heck isn't getting access to my kids without the supervision of myself or dh. I don't know if there's anybody I've ever met who has made me feel so much rage. And I have a pretty craptastic ex too, but at least he is just silently crappy and I can ignore him.

ANYWAY, I was reading along as much as I could in the last thread. HUGS to all those who need them right now!

[RosemaryS-F]

bia

steph, good for you. sorry she's like that.

[LaBruja]

Steph, whenever you share a horror story about your MIL I feel like I should call my MIL and thank her for not being crazy and mean.

I need some advice/reassurance from ya'll. I am back at work now, and I'm worried that DD isn't eating enough while I'm gone. I nurse her right before I leave in the morning, DH brings her to me at work 4-5 hours later so I can nurse her on my lunch, and then I nurse her when I get home 4-5 hours later. So basically, DH usually needs to feed her twice, once in the morning and once in the afternoon, but he can't get her to drink more than 1 or 2 ounces per feeding, and she hasn't eaten more than 3 oz. total in a day (from the bottle, which she intensely dislikes). When I pump I usually get at least 4 oz per breast, so I feel like 1 or 2 ounces is way too little milk for one feeding. I'm keeping an eye on her weight of course, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to tell the difference between a normal slow-growth period and slow growth because she's not eating enough (at 3 months old she's already more than doubled her birth weight, so she's been growing at a pretty fast clip to date and I figure she's due for a slower period). I read somewhere that babies this age should be eating at least 32 oz a day, so that's partly why I'm freaked out and worried that she's starving...any reassurances from you mamas for the crazy lady who should NOT be using Google search?

P.S. My baby laughed a real belly laugh for the first time a few days ago. I was unprepared for how much that would just completely bowl me over, although now I'm jealous because so far only DH has been able to make her laugh...she'll smile and coo and chatter to me, but no laughs yet. 

Hope everyone has a lovely week!

[RosemaryS-F]

LaBruja, I babysat a baby starting at about 3 months and he was exactly as you describe your dd. Wouldn't do the bottle thing, but definitely was not underweight. It is probably ok, since you're leaving the food.

[not_telling]

LaBruja - How is she eating when you're home/overnight?  Nursing frequently and/or long nursing sessions?

[LaBruja]

not_telling: well, that's part of the issue...she's such a little piglet even when I'm not working that I can't really tell if she's nursing any extra to make up for it. She's still nursing the same at night (nurses to sleep, then sleeps usually 6-8 hours before waking to nurse), but she changes her daytime nursing habits so often that it's hard to tell if any particular change happens when I'm working (some days she nurses every 45 minutes for 5-10 minutes, and some days she only nurses every 2-3 hours but for 10-15 minutes...there doesn't seem to be any correlation to my work days). She doesn't seem to be unusually sleepy or lethargic and she is pooping normally, but it does seem like she has fewer wet diapers on days that I work. I don't know...maybe there's really nothing to worry about and I'm just falling victim to new-mama nervousness?

Steph, so happy for your dad! What a scary illness, so glad he'll be ok! 

[RosemaryS-F]

Oh yeah Steph! I forgot to say that I'm SO happy about your dad.

AFM: I start working a little bit again tomorrow. It's fine. Just one client.

[emmaegbert]

Steph so incredible about your dad. You must all be so thankful.

LaBruja- my son (my oldest) was older (8 and 9m) when I had a 9-week full time summer course but he was like you describe- hated bottles, would nurse once at lunchtime, and honestly, he was fine. You really will be able to tell if the baby seems dehydrated or lethargic. But a large, healthy, well-developing kid who is eating every 4 hours at 3m is probably okay. IME you can tell when babies aren't feeling well. She may also start to take more from bottles when she gets used to it. Also remember that those amounts to feed are based on formula feeding (and I am SURE there is variation between ff babies needs as well). But I think babies have to eat- volumewise- more formula than breastmilk to get the same nutrition. And you have no idea what the baby is getting when she nurses- pump is not necessarily getting the same amount. Oh and my baby will go several hours without wetting a diaper sometimes- and she nurses on demand around the clock.

I'm stressed b/c I just found out that we were dropped from the medicaid/state insurance that the kids have- as far as I can tell without any warning! I last used it in November and there was no problem. Baby has her second appointment tomorrow at the doc. They said come anyway (its a clinic) and the social worker on staff will help me sort it out. I hate this! We JUST got the insurance active on June 1st (ditto my insurance coverage for this pregnancy). Thank goodness we are all healthy and rarely use our health insurance, but seriously, its so stressful not to have it.

[StephandOwen]

Originally Posted by emmaegbert 
Oh and my baby will go several hours without wetting a diaper sometimes- and she nurses on demand around the clock.

Kai nurses around the clock on demand as well (sleeps all night though, at least 7 hours but sometimes as many as 9 hours at night!). 3-4 nights a week he wakes up after sleeping 8ish hours with a perfectly dry diaper. It really freaked me out at first! I was so afraid he wasn't eating enough. Now I know that's just how he is. He'll really let it go when he wakes up though (he would be a prime candidate for EC'ing at least in the morning but I'm too lazy ). DH and I joke about how smart Kai is that he won't wet his diaper at night because, really, who wants to sleep in pee? Yup, I've got a baby genius who night trained at 1 month old

[Katico]

theboysmama: got your awesome newsletter - what a big, gorgeous, busy family!  So nice to put faces to you and Saphira!  Also, your tale of the baby throwing up in DS's mouth made me Can't wait to hear how her appt. went!

Rosemary:So, have you decided if she really has the molar and canine cutting???  CRAZY.  And FWIW, I totally am interested in how you're going to redecorate your living room - I love looking at the background of your pictures at your cozy house! (is that creepy/stalkerish?)

Bathing Baby:  Probably once a week, with DD1.  Sponge baths every day.  She loves the tub, and would love to have them more often, but it just seems like so much work some nights to bathe both of them, yknow?  I should be giving her her own little bath at night after DD1 is in bed, alternate days with them or something

Baby sympathy crying with DC: Yup, mine does this too.  DD1 will start crying about something and Claire will chime in.  Then I get annoyed with DD1 for "making the baby cry".  

lifeguard:  DH "taking care of DS" while you slept by taking him to MIL w/tv??  Lame-o!!   Men....why can't they just do what we want them to do?!?! 

Trinket: Jealous of the van!  We have a Prius, which we love but definitely isn't going to be big enough for even a third child.  I secretly can't wait for the day we add a van or suv, because I'll get to drive it - DH will totally keep the prius for himself!  I would love to be a 2 car family. 

Chelsea: cranky baby, ugh :(   Does he just fuss or is it more screaming etc? Must be really hard during your day at work 

Healthy eating  I have been leaning WAY too hard on the coffee cup and sugar the past couple weeks.  I am feeling craptastic.  

Giggles:  Yep, I'm able to tease some out of her!  She loves to be tickled , and sometimes she'll laugh when we laugh   She actually laughed a few times really early ( 3 or 4 weeks) but now it's becoming much more often. Love it.

not_telling:  poor DS and his pukey hands slipping on the doorknob - so sad!

canned music: ugh.  And of course DD1 LOOOOOVES it, so she presses all the buttons on the swing any time she can. Seriously.  It's like psychological torture: the people who design these things must hate parents.

Steph: Amazing news about your dad.  I'm so glad to hear it!!!!!  

LaBruja  No helpful advice from me, not having any BF experience, just wanted to say that I hope she 'resigns herself' to the bottle and that everything works out without too much more worry!

AFM: Last week kicked my ass.  I feel like there was just one straw too many.  Post-holiday burnout...potty training... sick, fussy baby...hours in the ER...lack of social interaction...DH working insane hours and me being on duty 24/7...a visit from my parents...both girls eating CONSTANTLY....still feeling sick and run down...waaaaaay too much caffeine and sugar.........I melted into a messy, overwhelmed puddle last night.  I am thoroughly embarrassed by my lack of coping skills and the amount I complained, the past few days. I really, really hate not "having it all together", or at least looking like I do.  

I'm starting to wonder if I can really have as many children as I want to....I don't know if I can do it when I'm basically solo parenting most days..... That thought makes me so sad.

So...we're going to focus on good food, extra sleep, routine, adult conversation, knitting, relaxing, less cleaning....and try to get it all together again.

Claire is still feeling cruddy, I can tell...but her cough is better at least.  She's such a happy, jolly baby still though.  Love her.

[~pi]

Yay, new thread! not_telling, I love the end date in the title.

Steph, I am so glad your dad made it. Lots of thoughts for him in the coming weeks and months. Your MIL is something else.

LaBruja, when I went back with DS1 at 6 months, he reverse-cycled a little. He did nurse more and more often evenings/nights. If I were in your shoes and I were really concerned, I might track diapers for a couple of weeks and then look at the data.

Rosemary, good luck with work starting up again!

emmaegbert, that would be so incredibly stressful. I hope you can sort it out ASAP.

Katico, hugs. I hope you feel more like yourself soon.

Is anyone else getting going with a bedtime routine yet? I just started one tonight. With DS1, we didn't do a real routine until later, and I think it hurt us, so I want to try a more structured approach this time. I just did a very simple bath, then snuggle and nurse, and then transfer to crib. He really only napped, though, and woke about 30 minutes later. I have no idea if the routine is still useful if it happens before the first big sleep of the night.

AFM, after taking a long break to de-stress from the intense diabetes management in pregnancy, I put my continuous glucose monitor back on again. DH is very glad to see it back; I have more mixed feelings. Especially since the thing alarmed and woke DS2 up last night. It is already helping me tweak my basal rates, though. Everything shifts with nursing and hormones, which makes things challenging. I am paranoid about going low when alone with the baby, so I tend to run deliberately higher than I would otherwise, which doesn't give me a lot of room for mistakes.

[MN BabyDust]

Hugs to the sick mamas. I've had a nasty cold for 10 days, and can't get any sleep because of it. Thankfully DD didn't get it, or I would really go insane.

Regarding bedtime routines: we have been doing one for a while. Sometimes a bath, but more often just a simple set of routines. DD seems to have a lot of energy, and usually has to blow off steam both by physical activity and screaming before she will go to bed. I just haven't found a way to prevent the evening scream. Now I put her pjs on and a disposable diaper, she lays on her changing table kicking and cooing at the hanging toys and we talk and smile at each other, and then when she starts to fuss I wrap her in the same blanket, and pace the upper floor until she stops screaming, and then she nurses in the rocking chair until she is sleeping and I put her down. She's been sleeping through the night, and lately I've started the routine a little earlier because I'd like to get her bedtime to around 8. It seemed to work fine. I think perhaps I didn't realize that she needs to go to bed earlier. There is less fussiness in the evening this way.

[Trinket90]

Steph - When you said flesh eating bacteria I immediately thought of MRSA. Is that what it is? My family had that a few years ago--my dad ended up in the hospital for a week and having a section of flesh on his arm removed, and several of us in the house got milder cases. Later that year my great-grandmother died of it. I feel for you, infections like that are nasty. How amazing that your dad pulled through. So happy for you and your family. And WOW to Kai not getting sick!

Bedtime routines - I have to admit I don't have a whole lot of a routine. DS gets very fussy in the evenings so I feel like all I can do is try to deal with the fussy--trying to put a routine to it seems overwhelming. He likes baths, they usually calm him down, but only while he's in them. He screams even harder when I get him out. He has sort of set his own routine. He acts like he wants to nurse and won't take a pacifier, then I try to nurse him and he realizes he isn't hungry and just wants to suck. Then he'll take the pacifier and after some pitiful screaming he'll go to sleep. I just cuddle him and rock him and sing to him until he gives up. This usually happens twice or three times in an evening, then he'll go to sleep for good. He does seem to like getting his diaper changed (I think it's being naked that he likes) so we often use that as a respite from the angry crying.

AFM - Well, our van needed $825 in repairs to get it through inspection. OUCH. It seemed to be in really good shape so I wasn't expecting so much. Mom and dad had to give us even more money over the $2500 loan to cover it. On a good note, it was done earlier than expected, so I can go register it today instead of doing it tomorrow--we're supposed to be leaving for NY tomorrow and it was going to be a really really hectic day. OMG and holy crap, I just realized we're leaving TOMORROW and I haven't packed a SINGLE SHRED of clothing or ANYTHING for any of us. Stress stress stress stress stress.

[livacreature]

Steph: I'm so glad your dad is doing better.  It sounds like you MIL is a nutter.  Mine decided to book a flight for...get this...MOTHER'S DAY...without asking.  And is staying for a week.  Heaven forbid I want my daughter to myself on my first mother's day.  It's not like I was planning on maybe taking her to the zoo for the first time or anything.  I'm glad you were able to make your boundaries clear.  I know it must be a challenge sticking to them with her being so geographically close.

Pi: I'm starting to crack down too.  I've been pretty slack, but I know that I can't be on vacation from it forever. I need to get a replacement pump.  My current is out of warrenty and being held together with tape, but I'm procrastinating with the appointment because I dropped out of my endo in the last months of the pregnancy.  They weren't really doing anything for me, my numbers were good, but I got flack when my ob found out.  I don't want to hear it again.  DD hates when my pump vibrates when it is done with a combo bolus or something.  Screams everytime. 

Trinket: Have a safe trip!

Katico: I hope this week is kinder to you!  

AFM: DD is three months old today. I had a bad night (woke up at 5am to a screaming baby, a ripped out pump set, and a 500 blood sugar)  I got her a bottle from the kitchen.  I've heard mixed things about breastfeeding with really high blood sugar, so I don't do it.  Besides, I was really feeling dehydrated.  When I bottlefeed, she's usually cuddled, but I just held my arm over the pack and play and let her have at it.  I then fixed my set up and feel asleep.  I was really irked that DH slept through all of this. I tried shaking him to get her food, but he can sleep through anything.  I woke up around 10am with her screaming her head off.  I have no idea how long she was crying, but she was completely covered in spit up with a leaky diaper.  Not my finest hour. I feel bad, but I guess we just have to do our best, and that was all I could muster.  I really need to work on the being a good mom when I'm not feeling well.  Since we got up, she has been wanting to nurse.  Haven't had her this into it for a while.  

[RosemaryS-F]

Mamas, here: We need this.

I've been confusedly posting here and in the old thread.

Emma, I really hope that you can get your medicaid for your kids squared away. Why would they drop you? Nice timing, state. Fingers are crossed.

Trinket, ouch on the car repairs. We just dropped the same amount into our car. It's never $200, it is always very expensive.

Routines: well, I think that around 8-8.30 dd just melts and wants bed. So instead of doing the whole get ds and dd ready for bed while also getting myself ready (dh puts ds to bed) I'm just going to do Iona first and when she's asleep, I can do whatever night time stuff I need (shower, Downton Abbey!) I had been trying to get myself ready first so I could stay in bed with her, but seems like if I swaddle her, she stays asleep fine and I don't have to do that.

Work: I just got an email from a client saying that she was going to be opening a market cafe in the spring and would I like to prepare foods and take out for it. Hmmm. I'm going to have to think about that one pretty hard. I probably shouldn't, but I'm not good at saying no to work offered... Hmmm...

Katico, this is for you, tada!

[livacreature]

Rosemary: That looks fantastic!  I love your living room.  Your house really does look so tidy and comfortable.

It has been soooo slow at work tonight.  I've only seen a few folks, for a couple minutes.  I hate being here and not really working.  I could do paperwork, but I need the work-at-home hours right now before my new projects hit.  blargggg

[LaBruja]

Emma: argh! That is so frustrating, and what bad timing...the zero notification thing is what really gets me though. Hopefully they can straighten things out for you.

Trinket: car repair is never fun, and seems to always cost more than you'd expect. ...we're having issues with our new-to-us car too. Hopefully the packing isn't too bad and you can enjoy your trip tomorrow!

Pi: thanks for the input...nice to hear other children do it and survive. She drank 4 oz yesterday, so it seems like she's slowly accepting the bottle more. Fingers crossed!   

Rosemary: can I have your house? Pretty please?

Bedtime: we're usually ready to go to sleep about the same time DD is, so we change her diaper & then while I brush my teeth etc. DH rocks her and talks her down until she's really sleepy, then lays her down and I come in and nurse her to sleep. 

[tank]

LaBruja I just went back to work last week and my DS wasn't taking the bottle.  I was gone from 8-5 and the forst day he only took one ounce and the 2nd he took less.  I took him to the Drs (had an appt anyway) and she was unconcerned and said he will get it.  She said because he has some extra weight on him that if he spends a chunk of time not eating then he will be fine as long as he eats at least some sips so he doesn't get dehydrated.  Today he took 4 oz! That is the most he has ever took from a bottle.  I think he is finally getting it.  So as long as your babe isn't underweight already and is being at least offered the bottle when she is hungry I wouldn't worry about it.

Bedtime routines:  I have been thinking about this because I want to start one and have reading become a part of it.  Right now we just do what works but it is pretty regular.  I usually nurse him to sleep then put him in his swing to sleep.  Then when I want to go to bed I take him out, change him into something light if he isn't already then bring him into bed with me and talk to him and nurse him.  If he wakes up in his swing I usually play with him for a bit to wind him back down for bed.  I never thought about this before actually having a kid but how do you work in a story if you nurse your kid to sleep?  When I bring him into the bed he knows he is going to get the boob whether he is hungry or not and asks for it and gets upset if it doesn't get there quickly.  Should I read to him in the chair first?  Read to him while nursing him?