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Chat Thread: Jan 9 - Someone Starts a New One - Page 10

post #181 of 237
Originally Posted by Katico View Post

Dudes, watch this video - it just made me burst out in tears.  I can't wait to have another baby!  (you know what I mean)





WOW! That was awesome. "I just had the baby in the car. Should I come there?"

post #182 of 237

Rosemary: I just cut my hair sing your method! Love it! You rock, thanks! :0

post #183 of 237
Originally Posted by ~pi View Post



Which brings me to, volunteer work: I already do some locally, but I am thinking about adding some more this year while I have more spare time. I am looking for ideas right now. I'm trying to figure out what I can realistically add that would make the most difference. What sorts of things do you do/have you heard of?


Not sure where your interests lie, but if you are crafty Project Night Night (homeless youth or youth in crisis) or Operation Linus (children who are hospitalized for serious medical issue/nicu) are both fantastic organizations if you do blankets.  A few times a year I do soup kitchen work.  For a while I did some eighth grade mentor work out of schools, which was pretty awesome.  It is fun because you really can focus on cultivating interests (my kids were almost illiterate when we started, but one worked on writing rap, the other made a webpage using basic HTML, both really helped their reading skills).  Also, in a lot of area there are parent mentor programs, I have a friend who meets a few times a month with women in high risk populations and offers support/advice/resource connections.  It sounds really cool.



post #184 of 237

Pi, you might want to offer your time to speak to Girl Guide units in your area.  When I was a leader we were always looking for women in non-traditional careers, especially the sciences, to talk to the girls about what they did.  You could just leave your name and contact at the local Guiding office!


We always did a lot of service work in my unit - the food kitchens often accept sandwiches or a casserole if you sign up for a certain day.  The food banks often need help with their stock and boxing.  The domestic abuse shelters for women and their children need  toiletries, toys and clothing.  We sewed a quilt for the children's hospital once.  I always knit my scrap yarn into hats and mittens for the shelter.  I don't know if you have a prison in your area but they often have programs that provide social activities for the women prisoners.  

post #185 of 237

Any tips on balancing out mommy preference at this age?  DH is with DD almost as much as I am, when we're both home, we split her care pretty equitably, but in the past week, she just isn't happy when he's taking care of her.  He'll do everything to sooth her, I take her and she stops fussing instantly.  He has historically been the one to put her to sleep at night, but she's just not having it.  Should this pass quickly?  We do things so similar, I wasn't expecting a strong preference so early, especially since DH is so hands on. 

post #186 of 237

mommy preference - I have the opposite problem, they have both loved their daddy....more than me sometimes, haha. weird since he is home so little


dreams -  I had another one, just that we all joined this big facebook group....and one of you sent me a giant bag of doritos like I was craving, haha!


facebook: I'm so addicted


tv -  Claire loves it too.  Bonus.  DD1 watches a couple of shows here and there and Claire is thrilled to sit in her chair next to Lila, watching the colours of the tv AND her big sister who she finds endlessly amusing.  a few moments of peace of mommy.  Totally terrible parenting.  But somedays.......you just need 20 minutes, yknow?





post #187 of 237

Originally Posted by Trinket90 View Post

Get-together - How exciting that you were able to meet up! Rosemary, so sorry you weren't able to make it. What gorgeous little babies. Does anyone live near Washington, DC? I don't think so. :(

Originally Posted by livacreature View Post


Trinket: I'm going to be in a DC suburb for my godsister's birthday in Feburary.  If you wanted to get together for lunch or something, I'm sure I could figure it out!  If not this time, we visit a few times a year.  :)  Let me know! 

I live in DC orngbiggrin.gif It would be fun to figure something out!


post #188 of 237
Thread Starter 

Katico - sorry about your flood...but how exciting that things will be getting done around your house!  we have a list of odds n' ends like that.....someday....someday...


Pi - So glad that traveling with your lil' one went so well!


Liva - What a relief that your friend reconsidered what she said.


PP Period - A bummer, Katico...I'm fully expecting mine soon.  Got it at 4 months PP with DS and I think he was nursing more often than DD.  Plus, my CM has been seeming kinda "cycle-y" for the last month or so.


Short hair - I did really short hair for a couple years in my 20's, but missed my longer hair.  I don't think I'll ever go back to really short, but there are certainly days when I proclaim that I'm gonna cut it all off.


AP'in - (hee hee...I said peein')  In agreement with what others here have said...you gotta do what works for you.  That said, I do cringe when I hear that someone doesn't seem to be attending to their baby's needs across the board (e.g. scheduling newborns).


AFM - Taking DS (and DD by default) to storytime at our local indie bookstore this morning.  Never done storytime before, but we're meeting DS's "best friend" from preschool and his mom there.  It's gonna be our first social outing together.  The mom seems nice...I hope we hit it off...and I hope they live in the immediate neighborhood cuz somehow almost all our friends live in other neighborhoods/towns/cities.


Also, one of the schools we applied to for DS for next year called and left a message saying to call back (presumably to find out if he was admitted or not).  They called at 12:45pm.  I called back at 1pm.  The admissions person wasn't available, so I left a message...and she never called back.  Ugh.

post #189 of 237

not_telling I hope you get good news on the preschool. We only have a couple choices for preschool in our small town. Pretty much if you want in you can get in. they are both religious though and we aren't so much so it doesn't really work for us. Sometimes I do wish there was someplace DD could go for a couple of hours a week though.


it is -2 today! It has been such a cold, snowy winter. I'm really over it. I'm feeling stir crazy and bored and just not happy with being stuck inside so much. Ugh. Please be over soon winter! Wish I had a tropical vacation to look forward to!

post #190 of 237


Babywearing:  I tried the Ergo on my back yesterday.  It took some real gymnastics to get it on and filled with baby, and then she didn't really seem to like it that much.  Maybe she just prefers to be smooshed against boobs.  It felt really great for me, though, like maybe I could actually do things while wearing the baby.  We'll try it again in a couple weeks, I think.  Front carry with the Ergo is pretty nice these days too, now that we don't have to use the newborn insert.  
Until now we've used the Moby almost exclusively.  We went to London for Christmas and New Year and wore Junior all over the city in the Moby (DH and I took turns).  It worked so well!  I don't understand why most Londoners insist on taking their babies around in strollers, when the city is so crowded and full of stairs.  Every day we'd pass people carrying strollers up stairs somewhere, one parent hunched over at the front.  Someone needs to teach the English about babywearing.  (We did see a couple Mei Tai style carriers in use, and lots of African mamas had baby in a sling on the back.)  
People who are successful with Ergo on back:  What is your strategy for getting it on?
Hair:  Junior has recently started pulling my hair.  Somehow I don't really mind it, though.  I have shoulder-length hair in sorta-layers and I fantasize about growing it out long again so I can wear braids, but we'll see.  Just this week I think I'm going through the postpartum hair loss thing.  I didn't shed much at all for the last year, and now I pull hairs out whenever I run my fingers through my hair.  I knew that would happen and I'm okay with it; it's just interesting.  Also my hair has been greasy and needing shampoo more often these days, when for years before this I could get my hair clean with water and only used shampoo once in a blue moon.  
Mama preference:  The baby has a definite preference for me.  Sometimes she's okay with dad too, and sometimes only I will do, even if she isn't hungry.  Dad just doesn't have the soft pillowy boobs and tummy like I do, I guess.  (Junior's sleeping on my bare boob RIGHT NOW, looking perfectly angelic I might add.)  I think she's gradually getting more comfortable with Dad - I feel like her mama preference was a lot stronger around 8-12 weeks.  I feel bad for DH when she rejects him, but he seems to take it in stride.  I've been looking at it through the lens of Erik Erikson social development (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erikson's_stages_of_psychosocial_development), which I see as saying the baby will probably need to develop a really secure bond with Mama before she can get that secure with anyone else.  I am so thankful whenever she gets cuddly with DH though, because I want him to experience the wonderful baby love that I get all the time (Also it's nice to get a little baby-free time at home once in a while).  
Birds of prey:  When I was a kid, bald eagles were tremendously rare around here and we never saw them outside of captivity.  Then maybe ten years ago they started coming down to hang out on the river all winter.  They're a regular sight now, but it still makes me incredibly happy to see them.  What amazing birds, and how wonderful that they have recovered so much as a species. 
AP:  I just try not to worry about it.  I assume I do the things I do because human evolutionary history has fine-tuned me that way.  Baby sits in chair while mama finally takes a shower or gets some work done or gets some mama-time lying on the floor playing Angry Birds?  It must be important for the survival of the species or nature would have made me more energetic and attentive.  We do spend an awful lot of time together though and I don't ever leave her to cry or anything like that, and I wake up with her whenever she needs it and I pretty much BF on demand, so probably that's what AP is getting at.  
Facebook:  Yes please.
PPAF:  I had some old blood spotting for a few days around 10 weeks PP (IIRC) and I put it in my chart as a new cycle, but who knows.  I got a Paragard inserted at 6 weeks PP, so that might mess with my cycle too.  Who knows?
AFM:  I started school again last week after taking the fall off.  Junior stays with her grandma (next door lol) for a couple hours three days a week while I go learn.  I need to start adding structured study/research time as well - I was sorta supposed to be writing a paper about the research I did all summer while I was off with the baby this fall, but it just never happened.  I need structured time, preferable in my office on campus, to really focus on work.  At home, the baby is just too distracting and encumbering.  My mom has agreed to take her Wednesday afternoons so I can get a good half day of work time, and probably I will start leaving her with DH in the evenings (he works till 5 every afternoon) so I can leave and get real work done.  
Also, Julia has started goofing around and playing games with my boob when she's bored of eating or just not that hungry.  She'll pretend to latch then jerk away and laugh, or she'll do a weird open-mouthed latch and babble and blow bubbles, or she'll just want to sqiurm around and smack the boobie, and so on.  It's the CUTEST.  I love my girl.


post #191 of 237
Thread Starter 

TV - ugh.  we did try to shield DS from TV for the first 2 years...and by "shield" I mean not turning on any kids shows for him to watch.  As a baby he was present and accounted for during many grownup shows, but luckily he never seemed that interested (mostly nursing and sleeping).  We stopped watching The Simpsons before dinner once DS started talking about "the daddy" on the show and really paying attention to what was going on. (as an aside, I was mortified when one of my kindergarteners told me he regularly watched "Family Guy" with his mom...talk about inappropriate viewing...but, then, this mom, I can honestly say, left a lot to be desired in the parenting department).  With DD, she is really captivated by the light and movement on the screen, so we try to face her away from it.  I'm not worried about the "no screen time because real interaction with real people is more important" factor, but I remember reading that its not good for babies' physiological development (can't remember if it was eyes or brain or what...)


AKislandgirl - send some snow down here!  it was friggin' 60 degrees here today -- wtf?!  i want my winter to be wintery!


Schools - So....DS was accepted at the Quaker school we applied to.  Phew!  The admissions director said she was trying to include all the good things the preK teachers had to say about him in the acceptance letter, but there was so much that she had to edit stuff out. luxlove.gif  Great to hear, especially after DS comes home from school yesterday with a bandaid on his finger.  What happened?  Another kid (S, who is a year younger) hit him with a toy drill.  Probe some more....  Find out that what most likely happened was that DS and his best buddy were excluding S and S was trying to interact with them and tried to hit DS, maybe because DS tried to take the drill, and instead of telling him not to hit, DS tried to hit back, and then S tried and succeeded in hitting back.  And I'm like, "You do realize that if you just told him not to hit instead of hitting back that you probably wouldn't have gotten hurt."  Not to mention the whole idea of being inclusive.  I feel like I just am not getting through to him when I talk about these things.  And the MOST frustrating part for me is that, before he started preschool, he was sooo good about using his words...which he had to do often with those rough n' tumble boys in our playgroup.


Anyway, tomorrow DS visits the other school we're applying to.


How would y'all feel about your fifth grader spending 2 weeks in Mexico with her/his class and teacher chaperones where the living arrangements for the kids are homestays with people you don't know?

post #192 of 237
Originally Posted by not_telling View Post

How would y'all feel about your fifth grader spending 2 weeks in Mexico with her/his class and teacher chaperones where the living arrangements for the kids are homestays with people you don't know?

Hell no!!!  That was my immediate, gut reaction.  In high school.....maybe,.......and I still wouldn't be comfortable with it but would probably decide the opportunity was worth it and my discomfort/worry  was mostly the irrational sort I will still have when they're 40 and too far away from me;)   



post #193 of 237

back carry with ergo - I put the waist strap on & one shoulder (usually my right one) then I put the baby on my left hip & sort of slide the baby under my arm onto my back (while leaning forward) & then pull the 2nd shoulder up & clip the chest strap. It usually takes a little bit of gentle bouncing to get baby positioned just right. It's crazy awkward the first few times but once you get it it becomes real easy.


mama preference - dd definitely does this more than ds ever did. She is verrrry aware of whether or not I am in the room & is rarely content with dh for long.


not_telling - yeah for the school acceptance! And, yeah, not a chance I'd be ok with that for that age. I agree with katico - even at high school age it would make me nervous but at least at that point I could feel a little more sure they could stand up for themselves & recognize a sketchy situation. 2 weeks is a long time as well.

post #194 of 237

Ergo backcarry:  I put the waistbelt on and make sure that it's centered on my back, then I put ds on my hip and scootch him under my arm and around onto my back, all the while bending over enough that he's resting on my back without risk of falling off.  I do keep one hand on him at all times.  Then I slide one hand down one strap and pull it up over him, then slide my other hand down the other strap and bring it up (making sure it's not twisted as I do).  Then give a little bounce and do up the chest strap and cinch the shoulder straps snug.  Voila! 

He was on my front for the most part this morning as he napped, but then when dd and I were at our homeschool playgroup, I put him on my back.  It take a bit of gettting used to, but is so worth it! 


not_telling ... Congrats on the school acceptance!  So, if you get another acceptance, how will you choose?  And heck no for sending my ten or eleven year old to a foreign country for a homestay.  Not a chance!


yellow dart ... I remember seeing folks hauling strollers down two flights of stairs in the subway in NYC and wondering the same thing!  Wear your babies, people!  So much more convenient!


APness ... We're big fans of all things AP, and are mostly AP by nature and instinct.  I do feel passionately about it, and I do believe in striving to be the parent that I want to be, but I also have to remind myself to be gentle with myself when things take a different shape from what I was hoping.  I just reread the Continuum Concept, which renewed some of my latent Mama Guilt but also affirmed a lot of what we do and how we raise babies in our house.  I like the way we do it, even if I set the bar a little too high for myself sometimes. 


More later!  I've been summoned to play Candyland ... again. 



post #195 of 237

You know what's funny, is that I feel 100% committed, unwaveringly, to the principles of AP- informed, nurturing, gentle, positive, respectful parenting night and day.  It's all just non-negotiable.  And I am also committed to gentle, creative, family centered childhood.  My children are such a blessing and parenting feels like a privledge....sacred.I try to take every decision seriously and respect them mind, body and spirit.  


But there's this image of the AP poster-mom and when I don't live up to her it's when I feel like I'm not AP "enough"....for not being able to breastfeed...for turning on Caillou a couple times a week....for owning a swing....for not carrying my baby all day even though she prefers to sit....for not serving home grown kale at every meal....you know what I mean


It's silly.  And we can all be way too hard on ourselves.  Because I'm more proud and confident of my parenting than anything else I have ever done

post #196 of 237

back carry: I can't wait to wear ds in a back carry.  I think he is still too slumpy with his body for it though.  He has pretty good head control now though.


mama preference:  we haven't encountered this yet.  I actually think he prefers daddy when he's upset and not hungry because daddy takes him on tours of the house.


rolling over:  ds started rolling over on a regular basis but won't do it for dp.  He even did it at play group the other day. 


pants:  does anyone else never put pants on their kid in the house?  I find them so annoyig.  Maybe because he still needs to be changed constantly and I never feel like putting them back on. we have an old house so when its cold out and a chill to the air inside I will keep them on though or put baby legs on him. 


tv: we watch too much tv so it is inevitable.  when I notice he is distracted by it I will leave the room or turn it off.  I have a hard time sleeping without the tv so even if it isn't on during the day he is exposed to it at night


hair:  my hair is SO long and ds is always pulling it so I always have it in a pony tail.  I need it up for work too.  all throughout my teenage years and early to mid 20's I had a shaved head.  thats looking pretty good right about now.


that's all I got.  been reading but since I have been back to work I am incredably tired.  I didn't think it would be so hard to work part time with a baby.  It is so taxing on my body.  dp is wonderful and takes care of him while im at work but the second I am through the door all ds wants is boob for the next 2 hours.

post #197 of 237

Trying to catch up!!!


Meet-up, I would love to meet up with you emmaegbert and anyone else who wants to come to NYC when the weather is better.


Facebook, I love it!!! Way too much.


Hair, My hair looks kind of terrible everyday. I don't have time or energy to do anything to it during the week. Sometimes I will straighten it and it looks so much better. It's a few inches below my shoulders right now.


Not-telling, I wouldn't let my 5th grader go on that trip. In high school maybe, but not when they are that young.


TV, one of the things I am feeling guiltiest about. I watch (well I don't really watch it, I just like to have it on all the time, I need noise) it all the time. Most of the day :( Landon loves to lay on the floor and watch it. I try to not have it on as much as usual, but it's a hard habit to break. I hate that he watches it.


Landon prefers me over his daddy. But, I think that it's just because I am with him 24/7. Daddy doesn't see him very much during the week, like maybe an hour a day. Landon won't even let daddy give him a bottle, which is something we need to figure out, because I want to start leaving him home every once in a while.


AFM, TGIF!!! Seriously, working is kicking my butt. Doesn't help that Landon hasn't been so great at night. He wakes up anywhere from 1-3am to eat, and than again around 4-5am, and is often up for the day :(

I can't believe Landon was 12 weeks yesterday.

No period for me yet, but I'm sure it will be coming anytime now, since I'm not nursing nearly as much as I was.

AP, Landon hates to be worn right now. Wants to be on the floor all the time. I am trying my best to be the mama that I want to be, and I know that I'm doing a great job with my little guy, even if things aren't working out exactly like I thought they would.

DP is staying at his place tonight. In a way it's nice to have a night to myself (and Landon) lol I know that I will sleep better, he snores so loudly!!

post #198 of 237


Originally Posted by not_telling View Post
How would y'all feel about your fifth grader spending 2 weeks in Mexico with her/his class and teacher chaperones where the living arrangements for the kids are homestays with people you don't know?

Depends on the fifth grader and teacher, but I wouldn't automatically say no. I would have a year or two ago, but as DS1 gets older, I can see the possibility for these things. My sister was a teacher at a school that did those kinds of trips, and the kids always had an amazing time. I don't think the younger kids did that long of trips, though.


TV: We avoid tv until about age 2 here. That's one of our things. (not_telling, it's brain development.)


AP: We're definitely into the general principles, too. Which is not surprising, given that I am here on MDC. I tend to look at everything through the lens of science, though, so some ideals are more important to me than others. And both DH and I have very crunchy roots, so a lot of our parenting practices are based on how we were parented. He was raised on a commune, and (as I jokingly told Amy May earlier this week) where other women have MILs who are encouraging them to feed cereal in a bottle at 2 weeks, mine was telling me to rub walnut leaves on my baby so that he would never get leukemia. Seriously, I love that woman, but no. Anyway, my point earlier was just about how striving for perfection can be counterproductive. I work very hard not to let the perfect be the enemy of the good in my life, including parenting.


Speaking of AP, I weaned my older DS tonight. We had set tonight as our last time nursing ever -- he chose the night, I pushed him to choose. I got a little weepy (my voice broke as I was singing to him), but then was fine, and now we're done. I pumped a bottle for DS2 so that I could stay with DS1 until he fell asleep. I wish he had stopped of his own accord last year when I thought he was going to, but since he didn't, I think this was a decent ending. It was time. Wow, that was a long run.

post #199 of 237
Thread Starter 

sigh....ok, here's what's funny.  at my last teaching job before DS was born, my asst. teacher had a son who went to the school DS just got accepted into.  he started there in first grade and from the very beginning she was feeling anxious about the 5th grade trip to mexico.  her son was (is?) very attached to his parents...they did family bed and he was still climbing in there as an 8 year old.  he didn't like being away from his parents for one night, so she didn't know if he'd be able to handle 2 weeks away in 5th gd.  and i thought she was being kinda silly....until now.  the school we taught at had the 6th gd go to costa rica for about 2 weeks, but the kids stayed in hotels with school chaperones for the most part...maybe there was one night when they stayed with host families?  all i know about this program right now is that they have a sister school in mexico, they go there for 2 weeks in the middle of winter and then kids from the 5th gd at the school in mexico come to the u.s. for 2 weeks in the spring.  i think the kids are pen pals prior to the trip to mexico and they stay with their pen pal and his/her family and then host that same kid in the spring.  this has been going on for at least 9-10 years, i think. 


i think i'd feel better about it if kids were assigned in pairs to do homestays...but i imagine if there had been a problem in the past, the program would've changed/halted.  i told the admissions director i wanted to know more about this program.  so, we'll see...  10 yrs old does feel young...but the 11-12 yr olds from my last school always had an awesome and transformative time in costa rica...

post #200 of 237

tank - we soooooo don't do pants in this house! But that's almost a house rule - hahaha. Dh drops his pants when he gets home, ds is often naked & I rarely bother to put pants back on dd after a diaper change. As for me - I only wear skirts (& yoga pants/capris for workouts).


tv - we try really hard to limit it (me more so than dh). I grew up with minimal tv but dh grew up in a house where the tv was ALWAYS on. It's been an ongoing argument with us. Dh agrees in theory but has a hard time noticing how long the tv has actually been on. We've actually had no tv service since May when we moved here & I must admit I miss it (our internet connection is not good enough to watch anything online either) & have been rewatching the same dvd's over & over & over in the evenings. We definitely do try for no tv before 2 years but I suspect that will be harder with dd as we do let ds watch a dvd's at some point most days.


working mamas - oh my. I can only imagine how exhausting it would be - good for you!


Gosh dd is cranky tonight. Not sure what her deal is but I'm worried it will be a late night.

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