My baby is not "happy". - Page 3 « Back to Group Discussions

[jbk21]

Heh I am like this too.  I'll be all bubbly and saying "Aren't you so happy?  I'm so happy?!"  repeatedly- over and over and over and over.  And DH is just like "yeah I'm happy."  Gaaahhhh.  It drives me nuts that I can't *see* his excitement.  He's a happy person- just not bubbly and vocal like I am.
 

Originally Posted by MrsKatie 

Really good point.  When I'm happy/excited, I'm bouncing all over the place and won't shut up about something.  With DH, I always used to think he wasn't enjoying himself or was grumpy when in fact he's just not as demonstrative as I am.  He's one of the happiest people I've ever met, but he's on a very even keel and doesn't go nuts like I do.

Re: sex and the post-traumatic vagina :-)  I think about the pain of labor and pushing sometimes during sex, but I try to just put it out of my mind and think about what is going on instead.  Honestly, a beer helps.   But if you don't drink, well.... is there anything that could get you loosened up enough to get into the moment???  A massage?  Nice warm shower?

[KayPea]

Originally Posted by MrsKatie 

And J - unless she's being nursed, KJ has a specific cry that means she's about to fall asleep, too.  So while I'm not letting her CIO, she often has to cry a little before she passes out.  DH has the magic touch where she falls asleep in his arms without a peep, but if she's in the carrier or in bed, she's gotta fuss a bit first.

I heard somewhere (couldn't say where, this was almost 3 years ago when I was having sleep issues with DD.) that babies release tension in two ways - sucking and crying. All babies need to release that tension before falling asleep, some prefer one or the other, and some need both. My DD was one of those babies that needed both to a large degree. I guess according to that logic those babies that can settle themselves don't have tension? Baby O can not self-settle, though I suppose he must to some extent at night, because he's only up once to eat (once during my sleep-period, that is, 3 times during his.)  This thread is helpful, because while O is generally a happy baby, I was feeling a little lost on his daytime sleep - he needs to be sleeping on me, while nursing, to sleep, and it's been really intrusive to regular life. If he doesn't get enough sleep he's screaming, but if he sleeps enough he's cherubic, so I've been letting him sleep while nursing on the bf pillow, and DD just watches lots of TV, and I feel horrible and have been feeling totally inept as a mother. But this thread has helped me realize that perhaps it isn't something I am or am not doing, but just his sleep and settling "personality." 

If there is something I can do, I'd love to hear suggestions. I've tried wearing him, but he cries and fusses if I do anything but bounce and rock, and he's only nursed in the carrier once successfully. And honestly, I'd rather sit and have him sleep on me, because I can then read DD stories, and play with her. We swaddle him at night, but I don't want to do it during the day too. He only sleeps for about a minute after putting him down, even if he's in deep sleep, and even if I use warm blankets, things that smell like me, something that has weight on him etc. 

DD was one of those "unhappy" babies. And she's a delight now, at almost 3. 

[jbk21]

This isn't a scientific or even expert resource in the least, but askmoxie.com addresses sleep issues a lot and her "theory" is just that- that some babies do need to release that tension before sleeping.  So she says then that for those babies who can "cry it out" to sleep "successfully" (i.e. not hours of crying- just a few minutes and then they are asleep) that it is quite beneficial.  Obviously that is not every child, and I'd say it isn't the majority.  The opposite side of that coin is that other babies who DON'T need to release that tension via crying are not benefited by CIO techniques.  

Don't get me wrong- I don't condone sleep training, but I can start to see through Dylan's behavior that it might always be his "normal" that he cries for a minute (even when I hold him- he just screams but also does not want to nurse) and then goes to sleep.  I'll be interested to see how this "quirk" looks as we try to encourage him to sleep independently when he's older (again, we don't CIO.  I don't mean to sound defensive about it but I personally would not do that, yet I know it sounds like that might be what I'm saying.)

Originally Posted by KayPea 

I heard somewhere (couldn't say where, this was almost 3 years ago when I was having sleep issues with DD.) that babies release tension in two ways - sucking and crying. All babies need to release that tension before falling asleep, some prefer one or the other, and some need both. My DD was one of those babies that needed both to a large degree. I guess according to that logic those babies that can settle themselves don't have tension? Baby O can not self-settle, though I suppose he must to some extent at night, because he's only up once to eat (once during my sleep-period, that is, 3 times during his.)  This thread is helpful, because while O is generally a happy baby, I was feeling a little lost on his daytime sleep - he needs to be sleeping on me, while nursing, to sleep, and it's been really intrusive to regular life. If he doesn't get enough sleep he's screaming, but if he sleeps enough he's cherubic, so I've been letting him sleep while nursing on the bf pillow, and DD just watches lots of TV, and I feel horrible and have been feeling totally inept as a mother. But this thread has helped me realize that perhaps it isn't something I am or am not doing, but just his sleep and settling "personality." 

If there is something I can do, I'd love to hear suggestions. I've tried wearing him, but he cries and fusses if I do anything but bounce and rock, and he's only nursed in the carrier once successfully. And honestly, I'd rather sit and have him sleep on me, because I can then read DD stories, and play with her. We swaddle him at night, but I don't want to do it during the day too. He only sleeps for about a minute after putting him down, even if he's in deep sleep, and even if I use warm blankets, things that smell like me, something that has weight on him etc. 

DD was one of those "unhappy" babies. And she's a delight now, at almost 3. 

[Jaimee]

Originally Posted by jbk21 

Don't get me wrong- I don't condone sleep training, but I can start to see through Dylan's behavior that it might always be his "normal" that he cries for a minute (even when I hold him- he just screams but also does not want to nurse) and then goes to sleep.

Keep in mind that a baby crying in comforting arms is NOT the same as CIO.  CIO is baby left alone to cry until passing out from sheer exhaustion and defeat.  It's clear what you are talking about is not CIO.  

[jbk21]

Thanks Jaimee!  That's what the links (hobomama) that I posted talked about, but I wasn't sure if everyone read them.  Whew.    

[LunaLady]

Originally Posted by jbk21 

Thanks Jaimee!  That's what the links (hobomama) that I posted talked about, but I wasn't sure if everyone read them.  Whew.    

Thank you so much for posting that link... I have been super frustrated at times when Rhyko's been on a crying fit... more with myself than him because I feel like I'm failing as a parent to meet some need of his. But maybe he's just one of those babies that has to get it out sometimes?