Curious... « Back to Group Discussions

[RoseisRose]

Ok so obviously all of us are quite on top of our fertility and know full well when we got pregnant...

What i am curious about is the overwhelming tendancy among our group here in getting levels checked and seeming to obsess about it? It's concerning to me among women who I would otherwise suspect trust their bodies and babies.

Among a lot of loss, I can understand. I have a friend who is due in Spet also and she goes in often for stuff already. it seems like more than necessary but then again, she just ahd a loss in August.

I'm coming at this from a place of wanting to understand the need to go in and get tests done instead of trusting your body, not succumbing to fear and allowing nature to do what nature will do. Regardless of tests, your body is going to decide if a pregnancy is viable or not. no tests can change that...so why not be peaceful instead of fearful?

[Flower of Bliss]

I can't speak for the group at large, but I'll be having a beta done tomorrow because I conceived using fertility treatment with an RE and a beta test is part of the protocol for the treatment.  I'm not remembering how many blood draws or how often in the early weeks.  I won't obsess over the HCG levels unless they indicate a real concern.  I am on a progesterone supplement (also just protocol) and I'd love to get off of it asap, so that's a reason for blood draws too I suppose.  There will also be a couple of early ultrasounds.  I look forward to being released from the RE and moving on to a largely intervention free pregnancy and a home birth.  I hate how much intervention my conceptions have required (though in the grand scheme of fertility treatment I've had very very little intervention).  But, I love my babies and that's how they've come to me

I suspect I'm not the only one doing beta testing because I'm seeing an RE.  If I was starting care with my midwife after just having a positive home pregnancy test (which sounds like an absolute dream to me), I certainly wouldn't be doing a series of beta tests, or early ultrasounds, or any of that.

[Monkey Keeper]

I will do a 6w nurse appointment to become a patient of record for this pregnancy. It's paperwork only and rx for blood draw for baseline levels and confirmation of pregnancy.  I will request an u/s at 7w for dating purposes. After two post-dates pregnancies, one with an early u/s and one without, I have found it a lot easier to lobby for the wait-and-see approach going "late" when you have an u/s to confirm your dates. Being a VBAC and having a history of pre-eclampsia, I'm most comfortable delivering with an OB, but that comes with a bit more pressure at the end to deliver at or before 42w especially with other complicating factors like mine. I am okay with it and had a great VBAC at 41+2 last pregnancy, but I now know that being armed with the right information will help me get what I want. 

Beyond that, normal prenatal care starts at 10w, I believe.

[WindyCityMom]

I'm seeing hospital midwives for backup but will be using a homebirth midwife.  I have had my fair share of losses.. all before 5wks.  I won't see either set of midwives before 12wks, because ideally there's nothing they can do for me other than hear a heartbeat-kwim?  

During my last pregnancy, I was on prometrium, and my losses were due to low progesterone (and my hcg always rose slow).  My first trimester was way too managed.  One day I started weaning off of the prometrium (it made me so, so sick, and I was far enough along already) and made a call into the hospital midwives I mentioned.  

Being on both sides of the issue.. I feel like whatever happens happens.  Right now I still test daily (because I have those internet strips to use up from Amazon) because I want to see how quickly it gets dark.. for fun.  They're getting pretty dark pretty quickly, so I'm content everything is fine.

I'm sorry I'm rambling, I have the worst cold. :(

[MissE]

I'm only four weeks along and considering I had two previous absolutely healthy easy pregnancies, I'm not worried about this one at all. I don't even have a provider yet. I still have to see my PCM to get me a referral to an OB/GYN (no midwives or birth centers in our network). I will decline some tests, will do some...we will see. 

[Carson]

I'm having a hard time formulating a response because it doesn't sound like you've had any reason not to trust your body.  But I think the bottom line is this, we are all intelligent women and seeking information that might help guide our hopes and expectations. 

And what you say isn't necessarily true:  Regardless of tests, your body is going to decide if a pregnancy is viable or not. no tests can change that... For example, a woman tested and found low progesterone levels could go on prog supplements in order to help that pg stick. 

Edited by Carson - 1/11/12 at 9:12am

[Lauren82]

Trusting my body has failed me and it's a huge kick to the gut when it does. I fully support women getting whatever tests they need to make it through the day, whether they have had prior loss or not.

[momtoafireteam]

I agree w/ Carson. It seems to me that the people who would say something like "Why succumb to fear?" has most likely never had reason to be totally terrified or devastated by anything related to their fertility. Thank GOODNESS for you, but for the rest of us that haven't had it so easy, it might be nice to not hear that we just aren't relaxed or "peaceful" enough. :)

[RoseisRose]

on the contrary, I have suffered miscarriage, but I trust that what is meant to be will happen... I experienced loss even after adding progesterone...so yes, your body WILL decide whether or not a pregnancy is viable regardless...

I asked because I was curious.

The mind is a powerful tool and when we do succumb to fear or worry our bodies are stressed and can give us poor outcomes in any condition, be it pregnancy, or a myriad of other conditions.

[mymaya]

Rosie, I wasn't going to add to this discussion, because I respect all of our opinions and rights to them. But I cannot help but say something about your last statement. All of us pregnant girls have worries, fears and a variety of experiences, some more, some less; some happier ones, and some tragic. I am sorry to hear you have suffered miscarriages and loss, and I am thrilled you are pregnant, and we all are, right now. But I would urge you to re-think telling any pregnant woman, or any human being, for that matter, who is going through a stressful period of whatever nature, but ESPECIALLY of a medical/health one, that stress and worry can bring bad outcome- yes, the mind is powerful, but so are words. There is no scientific evidence (and if you think there is, or know of one, please cite it) that stress and worry by themselves could cause a loss of pregnancy or a "bad outcome"; stress is not fun, and often can make us depressed and interfere with our life quality, I agree. But to tell a worrying pregnant woman to "relax", "not worry" and de-stress herself, or something bad can happen, is.... just not cool, to say the least. I don't mean to attack you. I just would like you to think of how it can make some of us feel at this time.

I wish you all the best and a great pregnancy!

mymaya.

[mole]

Absolutely MyMaya.

If fear and worry and stress led directly to a failed pregnancy, there would be many fewer unwanted pregnancies.

Also, desiring data is not necessarily an indication of not trusting one's body or fearing the results of a test. It can simply be a desire for data.

[geekgolightly]

Originally Posted by Lauren82 

Trusting my body has failed me and it's a huge kick to the gut when it does. I fully support women getting whatever tests they need to make it through the day, whether they have had prior loss or not.

Me, too. I don't know why, but this time, I just want to let things be, but during all of my losses and the baby I did carry to term, I was very vigilant in my care of the pregnancies. I used to work in a job where levels and numbers were very important and it gave me a sense of control and also gave me quite a bit of relief when things were normal. 

This time though, I think it would wig me out to be involved that closely. Maybe bc I am so preoccupied with my 8 month old. 

But, I totally support a woman's right to do what is best *for her.*

[judybean]

I completely get where RoseisRose is coming from. This discussion board is hosted through mothering.com which does happen to be a pretty natural, hippie, less-is-more site/attitude. I know some are here just for the comraderie, but I know some are here too so they don't feel so 'weird' being the ones that will just go with the flow and trust what is happening to their bodies. Society as a whole tells women they're incapable far too often. Most women *don't* birth naturally. Most women don't even consider it. Most just listen to whatever their doctor tells them. Coming here can be a refreshing blast of unmedicated air.

I've lost a baby. Completely blind-sided me. Pulled the rug out from under my life. Where once there was so much to do in preparation for this fifth child, suddenly there was a black hole. Where the presence of a child *should* have been was instead a vast emptiness that was all-consuming.

But I've never been a numbers person. Knowing betas or progesterone levels wouldn't fill me with hope or happiness. But that's just me. I can see how for some it would be something to hold onto... something to feel in control of.

I see both sides, basically.  I can see how somebody who is clearly on a *natural parenting site* with others would wonder why things seem to medicalized. Where somebody could wonder if they really have the right site when seeing so much talk of so many early ultrasounds. ... And then I can see how having that hope in medical technology questioned (by getting betas/progesterone levels done, early ultrasounds to discover viability) is hurtful because of repeat pains suffered.

[RoseisRose]

Judybean, YES! Exactly!

I didn't ask as a way of insulting anyone or of making anyone feel inferior. I hae mommy wars...but the mere fact that this is MDC suggests to me that most people here wouldn't be so very concerned with all of the hoopla and would instead tune in and listen to their bodies. As I said, I ahve suffered loss even when taking an extra measure to make sure my progesterone levels were up. I know what loss is about. I am still suffering that loss and it's almost five years ago...but obsessing over numbers and early US won't make a baby stay if a body doesn't want it to.

I wish everyone a healthy and happy pregnancy and I really look forward to meeting all of these Virgo and Libra babies... I just wish a lot more of us here would relax. Worry breeds worry. It's one of the reasons I don't practice midwifery while I am pregnant. Our bodies know when something is wrong, and if we are in tune, we pick up on that...until that moment happens, do everything normal: eat well, take your vitamins, get rest and excersize and have lots of good sex with that Fella who helped put that baby in your womb...

It feels like the obsessing just takes the joy out.

[RoseisRose]

If fear and worry and stress led directly to a failed pregnancy, there would be many fewer unwanted pregnancies.

I never said that there was direct causation...but there is definitely a relationship between mind and body and if we deny that, then we really aren't paying attention and I can see where obsessing would really come into play.

[Lauren82]

MDC has members with all degrees of "crunchiness". Having HCG levels drawn is probably one of the least invasive procedures done during pregnancy. The "crunchier than thou" attitude sucks. I'm choosing a hospital birth this time instead of a home birth. Guess that means I'm not part of the cool club. 

[judybean]

There's no club or no rules. But it's not out of line to expect a more natural approach based on the origins of this board :)

In the end, we're all just moms doing the very best we can for our babies -- whether on the inside or the outside. We're all on a journey and you never know where life will take you or what your best decision for your unique situation will be.  It's not a competition. It's not a club. It's not about hurt feelings. It's about supporting each other and asking questions to learn more if needed.

[Lauren82]

Originally Posted by judybean 

There's no club or no rules. But it's not out of line to expect a more natural approach based on the origins of this board :)

In the end, we're all just moms doing the very best we can for our babies -- whether on the inside or the outside. We're all on a journey and you never know where life will take you or what your best decision for your unique situation will be.  It's not a competition. It's not a club. It's not about hurt feelings. It's about supporting each other and asking questions to learn more if needed.

Yes, MDC is generally going to be more natural compared to some of the other big name pregnancy boards. I agree that we all are on different paths and journeys and some people are more natural minded than others. I've seen immense hurt be caused by the "trust your body" statement. I've been guilty of it myself in the past. It's nice when we can be laid back about stuff and it all works out but that's not always the case.

I'm a breastfeeding, non circing, non vaxing, (former) home birthing, co-sleeping, attachment parenting, placenta eating mama that just happens to like the reassurance of some modern tests and devices.

Also, CONGRATS to your husband from one Catholic mama to another. :)

RoseisRose, I see that you are a new member. It was wrong of me to be so snarky. I hope you find what you're looking for here.

[Lauren82]

Originally Posted by geekgolightly 

Me, too. I don't know why, but this time, I just want to let things be, but during all of my losses and the baby I did carry to term, I was very vigilant in my care of the pregnancies. I used to work in a job where levels and numbers were very important and it gave me a sense of control and also gave me quite a bit of relief when things were normal. 

This time though, I think it would wig me out to be involved that closely. Maybe bc I am so preoccupied with my 8 month old. 

But, I totally support a woman's right to do what is best *for her.*

We were in the April DDC together. :) My 8 month old definitely helps to keep me busy and distracted too. I'm so excited to have two of them close together this time!

[judybean]

Originally Posted by Lauren82 

Also, CONGRATS to your husband from one Catholic mama to another. :)

Thanks! I am actually quite surprised to be here (in this DDC) because 99% of the time dh and I leave things up to chance but this past month was the ONLY time we'd ever actually actively abstained to NOT get pregnant! (obviously my math is off ;) ). Dh has been studying to be a deacon for FIVE YEARS now and his 16 classmates will be ordained to the Diaconate in May, but dh has to wait until August because you're supposed to be 35 to be ordained but can be just 34 with a year's dispensation from the Bishop.. and he turns 34 in August.  Soooo.... we originally thought by abstaining we'd avoid an August babe (because.. gosh.. I don't know what we'd do then!), but since this babe is due in September (and every baby thus far has been birthed at 41+ weeks), we're in the clear!

Phew! Long story, but I love to share with people ;)