I am sure that this has been posted about previously but I am at my wit's end. I have two boys, a 5 1/2 yr old and a 13 month old. My 5 1/2 year old's defiance and hurtful behavior has intensified since my youngest one's arrival. He is a very emotional child and extremely smart for his age. He's been reading at a 4th grade level for about 5 months now. We homeschool and seems as though the last few months have been pure misery. He blows up at the slightest bit of frustration and this generally includes hysterical screaming, crying, throwing, slamming doors, stomping etc. When we try to offer help or if he doesn't like something we say or do, it becomes "I don't like you, You're not my mommy/daddy, I wish I didn't have a mommy/daddy, I hate you, You're stupid". We used to to time out and take things away. I read "Parenting the explosive child" and it has shed a lot of light on the situation. The idea is that there are kids that are easily frustrated and chronically inflexible. This is actually an emotional deficiency/disability so the parent neds to choose one behavior that they are willing to endure meltdowns over and all else is ignored until the meltdowns diminish. This makes total sense, but how much can someone take of this on a daily basis? We homeschool and I want to be homeschooling but I am tired of being driven to tears. It is sometimes at the point that i dislike being around him when this behavior happens. I am looking at some AP based discipline books but I think what I need the most is to feel that I am not horrible and a bad mother. He basically held every quality for the short list of ODD but I don't want to medicate him. I feel like this has escalated with the arrival of his brother who breastfeeds and co-sleeps and has never been a great napper. He is at one nap now at 13 months and it can range from 1-2 hrs and I generally have to nurse him back down at one point during the nap. My 5 yr old has made comments about his brother taking his place, etc. and we have explained to him that he is unique and special and that no one can replace him. We talked about how he is special because of the big boy things he can do, etc. These chats seem to work for an hour or two until the next frustration hits and then it is right back to old ways. It feels like he has become mean and selfish and I don't know how to move him away from that. We go to church and implement bible lessons into our day and talk about what it means to respect and love others and treat other the way you want to be treated. I think he knows but he can't control his emotions. I know that nothing is going to happen overnight but can anyone recommend any strategies or books/resources that can help me in this journey. I want my son's sweet spirit to come back because I know it is in there underneath the anger and defiance.