Working Towards Simplicity

[DsMamma]

I am not sure if this is the best forum for my post, so mods please feel free to move it if it is not.

I am trying to move towards simplicity these days, after reading Simplicity Parenting.

I've been giving consideration to the fact that even though we are much less busy than we used to be, I feel like weekends are still more "full" than I would like and am hoping to bring more peace to our weekends.  This led me to consider the idea of "Sabbath moments" as discussed in Simplicity Parenting (ie: the idea of "Sabbath" not from a religious perspective, but from a spiritual perspective). 

Has anyone tried this, and if so, what "Sabbath" moments do you have?  Are they particular events? Moments? A whole day?  What do they look like and what do they do/mean for your family?

I like the idea of having a whole day (Sundays, since family dinners are already a big part of this) but wonder if it is unrealistic as a starting point (although I am not sure what our idea of a Sabbath day would look like yet either.)  Part of the challenge for us is that my mom often likes to do a big family meal Sunday night, and I find that we are then rushing home to get DS to bed on time and to prepare for the work week.  Any thoughts on how to handle this?  Have people to our house instead? (but then won't we be even busier?)

Also, I am thinking of challenging DH and I to do a month of TV free time (DS already does not have any screen time (well, almost none.  Sometimes he sees sports at my parents house)) but DH and I watch TV often in the evenings (DH more than me) and DH plays video games (ugh, I hate his play station).  I think it would be good for us to go a month TV free.  Has anyone gone TV free, and (if you had to) how did you get your sig other to agree to it? (I think that DH will be less than enthused at my suggestion).

Thanks.

[Nazsmum]

Maybe ask in SPIRITUALITY forum

[DsMamma]

Originally Posted by Nazsmum 

Maybe ask in SPIRITUALITY forum

Thanks, I'll try posting there.

[babygirlsmama]

I think these are lovely ideas -- I especially like the Sabbath Moments concept, and I do think it connects with the Waldorf concepts. 

One thing I've learned is that one big event per day is pretty much all I can handle without feeling harried.   (and that event includes having folks over for a playdate, or going somewhere ourselves).  And, even at that pace, our week needs to be punctuated with a few down days where we are home centered, have long lazy naps, etc. I suppose those days are my sabbath moments -- days that I jealously guard and don't plan anything so we can just play at home, go to the park, etc. 

I actually love the idea of your big family event on Sundays and it seems it could fit perfectly into the rhythm of the week.  Unless -- Is your weekend already full with other stuff (like errands, shopping, etc.?)  That could make the Sunday evening thing seem like too much.  I pretty much figured out that running errands with my daughter just isn't worth the hassle.  (Grocery shopping, Target runs, etc.)  It's just that every time I do it I realize how I don't really care for the quality of the experience we are having  --it's over stimulating, too much mass marketing everywhere, etc.  It's easier to order online, send my husband to the store, etc.  Sometimes I do walk to the drugstore nearby for a few items with my daughter in the stroller, but that is about the maximum I'll tackle with her on a regular basis.   

Just a random thought -- would the family be up for a lunch or brunch thing -- maybe moving it earlier would help things feel less harried.  Or maybe Saturday?  Someone once described the rhythm concept like taking an in breath, then taking an out breath.  For example, you have a cozy snack inside, then balance that with lively play outside.  The problem is when we get out of balance -- a whole busy weekend of errands and big social events can be out of balance. I think children feel it more acutely than we do.

As far as TV -- yes, we are TV free, and I think it makes a big difference in creating a  peaceful home.  Maybe the most profound difference of any single change we have made.  My husband gets his computer in the basement and has all the gadgets (IPAD, etc.) that he can watch movies and videos on.  He goes down there while I'm doing bedtime and gets his TV fix.  Given how pretty much everything worth watching is available online now, and that broadcast tv is pure junk, it has been a pretty easy sell.  He also has a free pass to go watch big football games at a friends' or a sportsbar, but that rarely happens. 

Hope this helps! 

Babygirlsmama

[DsMamma]

Originally Posted by babygirlsmama 

One thing I've learned is that one big event per day is pretty much all I can handle without feeling harried.   (and that event includes having folks over for a playdate, or going somewhere ourselves). 

This is exactly how I feel.  And also I agree that even at that pace we need some time just at home, hense the need for some type of "down" or "sabbath" day or time.

I actually love the idea of your big family event on Sundays and it seems it could fit perfectly into the rhythm of the week.  Unless -- Is your weekend already full with other stuff (like errands, shopping, etc.?)  That could make the Sunday evening thing seem like too much.

I think this is the issue right now, our weekends are too full.  Because DH and I both work full time, it leaves the weekend for errands, grocery shopping, etc.

 I pretty much figured out that running errands with my daughter just isn't worth the hassle.  (Grocery shopping, Target runs, etc.)  It's just that every time I do it I realize how I don't really care for the quality of the experience we are having  --it's over stimulating, too much mass marketing everywhere, etc. I also agree with this.  I often try to leave DS with my DH when I do my grocery shopping on the weekends.  Sometimes we go as a family and DH entertains DS.

Just a random thought -- would the family be up for a lunch or brunch thing -- maybe moving it earlier would help things feel less harried.  We've tried this once before, and I like the idea.  I think my mom likes the Sunday supper as that's what we always did growing up and also she is so busy all of the time I think she feels it eats into her day and productive time.

As far as TV -- yes, we are TV free, and I think it makes a big difference in creating a  peaceful home.  Maybe the most profound difference of any single change we have made.  My husband gets his computer in the basement and has all the gadgets (IPAD, etc.) that he can watch movies and videos on.  He goes down there while I'm doing bedtime and gets his TV fix.  Given how pretty much everything worth watching is available online now, and that broadcast tv is pure junk, it has been a pretty easy sell.  He also has a free pass to go watch big football games at a friends' or a sportsbar, but that rarely happens. 

I mentioned my idea of going TV free for a month to DH last night, and I was pretty surprised by his reaction, that he "wasn't against the idea" but that he'd have to think about it.  Last night though he didn't turn on the TV at all, and the computer stayed off all night as well.  It was a really restful evening.

Hope this helps! 

Babygirlsmama

Thanks so much!  I pretty much agree with everything you said.

I also gave some consideration to the idea that this could have been posted in just the Spirituality forum.  The more I read about Waldorf, the more I feel like the spiritual can't be seperated from the educational or lifestyle aspects of Waldorf.  Especially having a Toddler, who is still "incarnating" and who is still so closely tied to the spiritual world.

[elefante]

Have you read "The Spiritual Life of Children"? 

I haven't yet, but have heard good things. It's next on my list.

Nothing to add here. Babygirlsmama said it all!

I love the idea of the sabbath, though. I've never called it that, but we have "cozy Sundays" too.

We wake up and play while still in bed. Read stories in the tent in the playroom while the other parent fixes tea/breakfast, then after eating we get ready and head to the farmer's market and have a picnic in the park, maybe play at the park until the kiddo is ready for nap, then we head home and let him nap. We try to work in our garden on Sundays and cap computer time at 1 hour on Sundays. [We have no Tv.] It's just a day meant for a slow pace. I love our Sundays.

[babygirlsmama]

DS Mama -- I just re-read your original post and realized that you are both working full time.  Wow!  Kudos to you and to be doing that and still wanting to achieve simiplicity and rhythm.  I would imagine it is all the more needed.

One thing I've noticed is how I really do need downtime at home, and I'm sure my daughter does too. I try to avoid packing every free day (like weekends or days off) with "activities."  Just waking up, breakfast, a little housework, trip to the park, nap and family mealtime can easily make a full day with a toddler.  For me, I think the balance needs to be at least 50/50 -- Ie. a down day at home, versus a busy day out and about.  (And even by busy day, I mean maybe a morning out at the zoo for 3-4 hours, but home by naptime).  I no longer plan days where we are out and about all day. 

I read the phrase recently "A home centered life."  I think it was referring to living greener, gardening, making one's own things, sustainability, etc., but it really resonates with me. 

A home centered life -- I think that is what feels right at this point with my daughter! 

Happy Mothering,

Babygirlsmama

[DsMamma]

elefante - your Sundays sound lovely.  Just what I'm after! (although since we live a 30 min drive each way from the only farmers market that is open during the winter here, that might be a bit much for our "quiet" day and better suited to Saturday!!  We do love the farmers market though!)  I will look for the book you recommended to read next, thank-you!

babygirlsmama - Yes, DH and I both work full time and I think you are right, it makes the simplicity and rhythm that much more needed and enjoyable.  If not for DS, then for DH and I!!  I LOVE the phrase "a home centered life".  Yes, this is what I am looking for at this time too.  I feel like the other aspects that you mention it referring to (living greener, gardening, etc.) are very easily/naturally tied to building a simple and rhythmic life.    When I was on Mat leave I was able to do more of these things (bake all our bread, sew more things for DS, attempt veggie gardening for the first time, etc.) but do try to fit in what I am able not only because I value those things (from a "values" perspective, living green, etc.) but also because I enjoy them and find them relaxing and my way of expressing myself artistically.  Honestly, I wish I could just be a SAHM with DS and do so much more of this, but financially that is not possible at this time.

DH and I haven't implemented the "sabbath" idea fully yet, partly because I want it to evolve over time into something that just feels "right" and I'm not sure what that looks like yet.  I am puzzling over Sunday dinners and need to bite the bullet and talk to mom about changing it to either Saturday dinners or brunch, or having dinner Sundays here every other week or something.  I hope she'll understand.  However, I was able to convince (with much less persuasion than I had expected!!) DH to go TV free for one month to see how it feels.  So far (it's only day 5) it's been so easy for both of us, and I think he's sleeping better.  And, he is even planning on making a Waldorf doll along with me (his idea even!), as I'd ordered two kits some time ago and now that I'm almost done sewing DS's new quilt I am getting excited to start on the dolls.

I am curious also, given the forum and the title of this thread - "What does living simply and rhythmically mean to you, and do you believe (or not believe) that it is part of being a Waldorf mamma/family?"

Living simply for me, I am coming to understand, means living a life that is about "being and doing" and not about "wanting and having".  It is about focusing on the moment and giving my full attention (and intention) to what I am doing.  It means living mindfully.  Living rhythmically for me means finding a flow to the days/weeks/seasons that make living simply easy and enjoyable.

I am only learning about Waldorf, but I believe that this creates the predictability that is at least so important (from my reading of "You are Your Child's First Teacher" at least) for early childhood.  Perhaps it is less key with older children.

I would love to hear others thoughts!