A few days ago, DSS came home from school seeming fine and started on homework out in the living room with DH and me. I remembered that a package had come from his mother and told him it was on his desk. He went in to check, came out a while later to resume homework and suddenly - for the rest of the night - his head and stomach hurt. He didn't want dinner or even hot tea or hot chocolate (his usual favorite comfort foods). Finally, he took an hour-long shower and went to bed. We assumed he must be getting sick and figured he might miss the next day of school. But he woke up the next morning just fine and has been fine ever since.
It turns out the lovely gift his mother sent him is yet another "Mothers and Sons" novelty book, this one entitled "Why Sons Always Need Their Mothers". Each page has a cute mom-and-son photo and one line about why having a mother nearby is so essential. It's clearly intended as a gift for mothers, to remind them why they're so important. But once again, it's being used to remind DSS why he should never stop grieving his separation from his mother. Some of the lines are:
* "A SON NEEDS A MOTHER to help him celebrate his birthday."
His Mom has not visited on his birthday since the custody change. That's 4 birthdays. We have invited her. DH even waived C/S to ensure she could afford to come. This past year, she didn't even celebrate his birthday late, when he got out there for his summer visit, 2 weeks later. It simply wasn't acknowledged, because she didn't get to be with him, the day of.
* "A SON NEEDS A MOTHER to keep traditions alive."
See my posts about Christmases and Chanukahs, with this woman.
* "A SON NEEDS A MOTHER to keep him close."
Then where the blazes IS she?? SHE chose to move, to get him away from his Dad. Now she wants HIM to fight to move back away from his Dad, so he can be close to her again. He tells us she'll never move back here - and may not even visit him here anymore - because "she doesn't have anyone or anything here, her life's in CA". She expects HIM to understand that he comes second to whatever and whoever she loves, out there. It's HIS responsibility to be close to her - not HER responsibility, to sacrifice for him!
* "A SON NEEDS A MOTHER to show him both patience and persistence."
There's much discussion, btwn. DSS and Mom, about the patience it will take them both, to wait out their separation; and her persistence: she'll "never give up" trying to get him back out there. Gee. Great lesson. Great priorities. Instead of making your kid wait 6 years (age 8 - when he moved in with us - 'til 14, when the court has to "give more weight to his wishes") to be around you much, did you ever think about just moving back here yourself...and not making him choose between his parents!?
* "A SON NEEDS A MOTHER to make things all better...
...to give him safety and warmth...
...to help him stay true to himself (or, at least true to her, I guess...)
...to be there to teach him life's most important skills...
...to be there to recognize accomplishments big and small...(Hello! She ISN'T HERE! She's only willing to be there for him on HER, SELF-CENTERED terms!)...
...to help him find balance in his life..."
Over the 4 years DSS has lived with us, Mom has tapered way back from her original habit of sending a weekly card or note. She's only sent a handful, in the last year. THIS package showed up right before MLK weekend - the 2nd consecutive visit she has chosen to skip. She was supposed to come for Thanksgiving, and this weekend. But no visits. No explanations. Just this f***ing book!
Honestly, there is no other way to interpret the gesture of sending him this book, besides Mom rubbing his nose in the fact that HE DOESN'T HAVE HIS MOTHER most of the time...and implying that his father can't do any of these things for him as well as she could, if DSS would move away from DH and back with her!
I apologize for posting so much lately. I am simply FED UP with this emotional manipulation B.S. I want it to stop. And I can't do ANYTHING about it, except watch DSS deal with it. I just wish she would GO AWAY!
Edited by VocalMinority - 1/14/12 at 1:03pm