26 month old hates mommy and me classes

[flummoxed]

Hi everyone,

I'm new to the site. Hope you don't mind that I'm just jumping in to ask a question. I have a little girl who is 26 months old. She's bright, empathetic, and very social in unstructured playgroups. I've just begun trying to take her to more structured classes (a tumbling class and a music/dancing class, both mommy-and-me style). We've gone to 2 classes. At the tumbling class she screamed and threw tantrums every time I asked her to try to participate in the structured activities with the other children. When I picked her up she actually hit and bit me, which is not normal. Don't get me wrong, she throws the occasional tantrum, doesn't always listen to me, and can be very stubborn about things that she wants, but she doesn't hit or bite. At the music class she had a great time until the structured activities started. Then she was furious for the entire hour and did not want to participate at all. Is this normal? Is there something I should be doing? I'm a SAHM and she's my first child. I'm really not sure if I've done her a disservice by keeping her at home and never putting her in a daycare setting or leaving her with a sitter. We planned on waiting until she was 3 to put her into a two or three times a week preschool setting, and I'd hoped that these mommy and me classes would help prepare her for that.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[crunchy_mommy]

It sounds like she's just not ready for structured classes. A lot of toddlers can't handle that kind of structure & act out (or withdraw), it's definitely normal! I would keep doing playgroups and any unstructured activities you can find that she actually enjoys, and just don't worry about mommy & me type classes. Maybe she would enjoy an open gym? You could also try something like story time at the library -- it's a little less intense but would still introduce her to the concept of listening to a 'teacher' if that's something that's important to you.

When you start looking at preschools, you can look for a play-based one with minimal structure... that sounds like it would suit her personality better, and then you don't have to worry about 'preparing' her now for something she's just not into.

Some kids do way better when the parent isn't present... she may be a little young for that but I just wanted to mention it -- in other words, she might actually do just fine in a structured preschool (should you want that, when the time comes) or other structured classes for age 3+, because you aren't there. I don't know why that is, but I've seen that with lots of kids; they are like a totally different kid when the parent isn't there.

[KellyandBean]

I agree she is just not ready yet. My daughter is 22 months old and we do have a structured music class but they don't really care if she joins and she just sits on my lap and watches the other kids and listens. She is VERY shy so i figure it is good to go anyway so she can be around other kids. However, if she were off running around and not paying any attention/causing trouble (is that what your dd is doing?) i would just wait another 6 months or so and try again.

[flummoxed]

Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy 

It sounds like she's just not ready for structured classes. A lot of toddlers can't handle that kind of structure & act out (or withdraw), it's definitely normal! I would keep doing playgroups and any unstructured activities you can find that she actually enjoys, and just don't worry about mommy & me type classes. Maybe she would enjoy an open gym? You could also try something like story time at the library -- it's a little less intense but would still introduce her to the concept of listening to a 'teacher' if that's something that's important to you.
When you start looking at preschools, you can look for a play-based one with minimal structure... that sounds like it would suit her personality better, and then you don't have to worry about 'preparing' her now for something she's just not into.
Some kids do way better when the parent isn't present... she may be a little young for that but I just wanted to mention it -- in other words, she might actually do just fine in a structured preschool (should you want that, when the time comes) or other structured classes for age 3+, because you aren't there. I don't know why that is, but I've seen that with lots of kids; they are like a totally different kid when the parent isn't there.

Thank you for the advice and sharing your experiences. I'm not sure how she would do without me. We've raised her with the attachment parenting method, so she's pretty much always with me. It's good to know that you've seen that in other kids, though. You might be right about her not being ready for the structure. I'd just like to make sure she is prepared for everything that the future will bring. I'm sure you understand. :) I do want to enroll her in some type of preschool at 3 because I worry that otherwise I won't be providing the socialization she needs. I might try holding off a bit on these mommy and me classes, though. In answer to the person who answered after you, she walks around and disrupts the class, which is behavior I don't want to allow. If she would just sit with me I would continue to go and not worry about her participation, but she is a very active little girl.

[crunchy_mommy]

Yeah I would just stop going then, find somewhere more laid-back for her... I don't like my kid to disrupt the others either, or to be disrupted!

All my friends practiced attachment parenting with their kids and most of them are still totally different kids when their parents aren't around! So there is hope for preschool. And I think the point of preschool is to prepare them for kindergarten, and the point of kindergarten is to prepare them for grade school, and in many states your kid doesn't even need to be in school (or homeschooled) until the age of first grade anyway. So worrying now about preparing her for preschool is probably something you can relax about... and a lot will happen in her development between now & age 3 (I know, because DS is about to turn 3!)