Sex Post Baby « Back to Group Discussions

[Jaimee]

Okay, so I know there is a whole forum dedicated to sex chit chat here on MDC, but I find those women a bit... well, not always the most welcoming. I feel better chit chatting it up with you ladies.

So dh and I just dtd for the first time post Avery (5 weeks pp) and it didn't hurt. Yay! BUT, I also didn't feel much at all. I should say that this was also the case post ds1 and never resolved prior to getting pregnant with Avery (14 months pp).  I understand that internal stimulation is not always the most effective and this certainly seems to be the case now that 3 babies have passed through there.  External stimulation is good, but I would really like to find a way to get the job done for both of us at the same time.  Any thoughts and tips?

[munchymum]

Maybe you're the lucky one if internal stimulation ever did the job for you!  Or is it just me that it doesn't quite do it for?! 

[IwannaBanRN]

You should re-read that article I posted. http://mosex.wordpress.com/2011/11/30/the-internal-clitoris/

Getting the job done for you first, with clitoral stimulation and then continuing on with vaginal intercourse may get the bloodflow down there that you need in order to feel any stimulation from the inside. I have found that having an orgasm or coming close to orgasm before intercourse has helped with sensation, especially for the reason you mentioned. I don't feel much down there.......unless I've had a couple drinks. lol That also might be another solution. Alcohol increases bloodflow more internally and touch feels much more sensual, even if you're not drunk. Hope that helps a bit.

[seraf]

Both at the same time!  Also, it's only your first time, you might feel more in other positions.

[KayPea]

I've never had much luck with internal stimulation, ever, but I agree with Becky that things are more sensitive after an orgasm or two for me.  But we've never had simultaneous orgasm, so I'm not ever striving for it, either.

[Jaimee]

After I orgasm I don't feel like continuing with anything else... like I'm spent.  So if I go via external stimulation then taking care of dh feels like a chore.  Anyone else feel that way?  That's why I like doing both at the same time... I have managed to orgasm from vaginal intercourse many times and a few of those times dh and I went at the same time and that is really nice.  I'd love to get back to that point, but I wonder if it's possible now that things are stretched out.  Or maybe it will take years to tighten back up?

[Abraisme]

I have a very hard time achieving orgasm pp.  Pretty much I fake it until my AF comes back and then everything goes right back to normal.  I just expect that sex will be really mediocre for me for about a year.  I don't have a great answer, as I think it's hormonal.

 Under regular circumstances my DH and I almost always finish at the same time.  The reason is that he's very sensitive both physically and mentally, so when I O he does too.  Honestly, this means that we rarely have sex (just the intercourse part) for more than 4-5 minutes.  It has some good points and some bad points.  I'm pretty much always open to dtd, because I know it's not that much of a commitment. 

I'm with Jaimee, once I'm done I could care less about continuing on.  I will if need be, but I've lost all desire to continue.

[Jaimee]

Originally Posted by Abraisme 

I have a very hard time achieving orgasm pp.  Pretty much I fake it until my AF comes back and then everything goes right back to normal.  I just expect that sex will be really mediocre for me for about a year.  I don't have a great answer, as I think it's hormonal.

This makes sense.  I know that my desire is certainly higher when I'm ovulating and that won't be for a long while, most likely, so it would make sense that my sensations are also different when I'm fertile. 

Originally Posted by Abraisme 

Honestly, this means that we rarely have sex (just the intercourse part) for more than 4-5 minutes.  It has some good points and some bad points.

I'm with Jaimee, once I'm done I could care less about continuing on.  I will if need be, but I've lost all desire to continue.

Yep, that's about the same with us, too.

[jhsmama11]

I'm glad this thread is here. I don't know what to do, I have zero interest and when we tried it was really painful (and I had a c-section). I don't want to reject DH and it's causing me a lot of extra stress which can't help.

[jbk21]

Beer.  Beer helps me.  I usually drink a beer a day for my milk supply (it works wonders!... plus my DH is a homebrewer and makes amazing beer) but it also has the added bonus effect of loosening my mood up a bit.  I usually am too tired/too touched out to enjoy sex, but even the very first time (5 weeks pp) I enjoyed it and - get this- had TWO o's!  For real.  Not normal for me!  I also have to actively try to avoid thinking about the baby coming through there and try to enjoy the moment instead.  It's worked for me so far....  I also try to think about sex during the day.  We don't get the chance to do it that often b/c DH goes to bed super early for work, so if I think there is a chance of it happening soon I'll think about it on and off throughout the day.  It helps me feel more sexual in general- I think it's important to be in tune with that part of your self.  

With DS1 it was uncomfortable for months and months- painful even.  I didn't tear either time, so it's not like I had wounds or scarring.  I know I was just fighting it though.  I could start to sense myself fighting it this time around as well, so I just consciously try to relax and "open up".  Just like in labor, haha!  Sometimes it's mind over matter.... 
 Other than that, be selfish!  Ask for whatever it is you need to feel stimulated.  Or take a hot shower beforehand to have some alone time instead of going from mom-mode to sex.  Or do something with DH that is bonding- for me I like when DH cooks with me, for instance.  Anything other than going from parenting to sex or from staring at our computer screens to sex.  You know? I don't need to be physically "warmed up" as much as I just need to have some time to feel emotionally connected with DH as well as relaxed- I tend to be pretty uptight.  

[birdhappy85]

I must've been on an unusual postpartum high for a while there because I was so hot and heavy for my DH, we dtd much earlier than what's recommended and was probably even safe.  We couldn't help ourselves! Everything was normal and working "down there" right away. I find that now that I'm further out from the birth, my hormones have changed a lot from earlier postpartum because I'm not as interested in sex as I was before. How backwards is that? I'm also like some of you other ladies who have a greater desire when ovulating, so that must be what's going on. I want to do it like bunnies when I'm ovulating. I wanted it all of the time during pregnancy too, minus the last few weeks. It's so weird to me to not be sexually driven right now! It takes more effort to get into the mood. I think it helps to be thinking about and visualizing the actual act of sex while it's going on. That's one thing that has always worked for me. It seems like a stupid and obvious thing to do, but I've never had a problem getting really into it if I visualize what's actually going on down there, if that makes sense? I guess it's like I'm watching my own intercourse in my head. I'm turned on pretty easily, though. I very rarely have ever had a problem O'ing, so I don't have much more to contribute besides being present and focused in the moment. I now know how difficult that can be when you have children! J had a good suggestion to attempt emotionally connecting with your DH before doing the act. That is important to me too.

[Jaimee]

All good suggestions.  Dh is very good at trying to get me in the mood prior to the act by massaging, complimenting me, foreplay, etc.  So it's not like I'm not turned on when we are actually doing it or else we wouldn't be doing it.  It's feeling good, feeling good, and then... nothing.  A beer could certainly help (it sure did in college! LOL!), but the time that we have found to make this happen has been in the middle of the day while both ds1 and ds2 are napping.  It's spur of the moment and like 2 in the afternoon, not exactly conducive to downing a beer beforehand. 

Other positions... now I know this is strange, but historically I have the greatest chance of a good O in the missionary position.  Other positions have always felt awkward or like too much work to make things feel good.  What are your favorite positions for a good O?

[jbk21]

Joanie- that totally makes sense that you were more interested earlier on.  I was the same way with DS1.  I think there were a few things at play:  we had just met our baby that we created!  How awesome!  I think that experience really bonds a couple and thus it makes sense that you'd be more interested sexually.  Also, perhaps you felt proud of your body and what it did to get the baby out.  I also think that the sudden dramatic change in body shape from preg to post-preg helps me to feel sexier.  I feel pretty unattractive while pregnant, so NOT being pregnant is such a relief for me and I feel so much more attractive.  There's probably a lot of hormonal stuff happening with milk coming in, etc as well.  I think once hormones start to regulate the sex drive drops, but also the "honeymoon" phase of being a new parent is over and suddenly our partners are GETTING ON OUR NERVES, amiright?!  I don't particularly feel like DTD with my husband when I am frustrated with him all day for not helping out, for complaining about how tired HE is, etc.  You know?

Jaimee- I prefer missionary as well, but on top also helps since then I am more in control of speed, etc.  

Also, could you let DH go first and then continue on for a bit so you can go?  It personally helps me b/c when he has already gone he shrinks up a bit and that is more stimulating (for me, at least) because things aren't SO stretched out.  Also, then he's not all up in my cervix and is actually stimulating closer to the g-spot.  

[seraf]

I don't feel much in missionary since my first birth.  I tend to be more of an upright girl.  

[jbk21]

I have a random question- is anyone else freaked out about oral sex?  It's easy for me to DTD because DH isn't, uh, face-to-face with my lady bits.  But the idea of him being down there WHERE MY BABY CAME OUT totally freaks me out right now.  I can easily stop myself from thinking about my baby coming through the birth canal when we're having sex, but not if he wanted to do oral.  Does that make sense?  Maybe I'll need two beers before that can happen LOL!!! 

[Jaimee]

Originally Posted by jbk21 

I have a random question- is anyone else freaked out about oral sex? 

I was for a bit, but not for the same reason.  I found that the pp bleeding/needing to wear a pad for SO freaking long created an, um, odor, that was not pleasant and embarrassed me.  I didn't want him down there.  But since I've been barely spotting for the past few days, I decided to ditch the pad and risk a bit of panty staining to allow for more air flow and clear up that odor.  The other day when we dtd, dh went down there for a bit first and I was so glad that things were less fragrant than before!    He knows that's a surefire way to get me going and interested in dtd.

J, interesting about being able to O more easily after your dh has gone.  I find when he goes, it stimulates me to almost O, but not quite.  Afterward, though, I just start to get bored b/c he seems less into it at that point and I'm all in my head thinking how he's waiting for me to go.  Not sexy.
 

[jbk21]

Originally Posted by Jaimee 

J, interesting about being able to O more easily after your dh has gone.  I find when he goes, it stimulates me to almost O, but not quite.  Afterward, though, I just start to get bored b/c he seems less into it at that point and I'm all in my head thinking how he's waiting for me to go.  Not sexy.
 

I can see that.  I know that I like to wait until after so I guess I don't really care what he is thinking LOL!  I think he enjoys the little "bonus time" so maybe if you let DH know that you want to wait until after him, he'll still be excited since he knows you're really into it?  I don't know.....  My Dh is super sensitive down there after he's gone, so I think he's still enjoying it a lot.

[TalkToMeNow]

Originally Posted by jbk21 

I have a random question- is anyone else freaked out about oral sex?  It's easy for me to DTD because DH isn't, uh, face-to-face with my lady bits.  But the idea of him being down there WHERE MY BABY CAME OUT totally freaks me out right now.  I can easily stop myself from thinking about my baby coming through the birth canal when we're having sex, but not if he wanted to do oral.  Does that make sense?  Maybe I'll need two beers before that can happen LOL!!! 

I feel the same way. Also, I'm freaked out by fingers down there, which is totally new to be. It felt like I was having an exam. So weird. I had four cervix checks at the hospital, all of which hurt, then my midwife's hands actually inside helping pull out the baby. So apparently hands have a negative association for me now. I'm hoping that will pass...

[jhsmama11]

I don't want my breasts touched. I guess I'm feeling like they're only for food now, not for fun (and they're sore). Poor DH he has to look but not touch all the time now.

[birdhappy85]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jaimee 

I was for a bit, but not for the same reason.  I found that the pp bleeding/needing to wear a pad for SO freaking long created an, um, odor, that was not pleasant and embarrassed me.  I didn't want him down there.  But since I've been barely spotting for the past few days, I decided to ditch the pad and risk a bit of panty staining to allow for more air flow and clear up that odor.  The other day when we dtd, dh went down there for a bit first and I was so glad that things were less fragrant than before!    He knows that's a surefire way to get me going and interested in dtd.

Jaimee - I'm SO glad you mentioned this! I didn't want to bring it up because I was worried something was wrong with me! But my bleeding/spotting has lasted a full 7 weeks and it created such a gross smell down there, I've been so paranoid that DH could smell it too. I was beginning to worry I'd never get oral again! Heck, I didn't even want his fingers touching me down there. I'll have to take your tip and ditch the pad. That really cleared up the smell?! Yay, there's hope! lol