Sex Post Baby - Page 3 « Back to Group Discussions

[jill the pill]

Originally Posted by Zoopath 

Sex? What's that? I've forgotten ny now. Maybe by the time dd is walking if I'm lucky. We really need to make that more or a priority, I am ashamed to say how long it's been.

I was looking for this thread the other day but I couldn't find it.   Don't be ashamed!  We've done it three times in the past seven months.  NOT GOOD but we just can't seem to find the time.  We had a quickie a couple days ago when the kids were still sleeping in the morning but it's hard to relax when you know your kids might come running in at any moment.  Have any of you seen that show on Lifetime "Seven Days of Sex"?  I was going to try to get DH on board with me to try that and see if maybe we could get our spark back by forcing ourselves to find time.  It works for other people and I really need to reconnect with him.  I'm too young for this crap.

[Jaimee]

Hi Zoopath... no shame, none at all!  By the way, we haven't been introduced!  Please feel free to write a little intro about yourself and your baby in the chit chat thread and I can add you to the roster that is in the first post of that thread.  It's nice to get to know each other a bit better since we talk about such intimate things... like sex! 

Dh and I dtd on father's day.  It was okay and then when he pulled out, it was darn right painful.  Like someone took a cheese grater to my parts painful.  It lasted for hours. It felt like I had just given birth- it was uncomfortable to walk and sit down.  This is not always the case for me, but as many of you already know, I often do have some pain with sex.  It sucks.  I have like zero desire to try that again any time soon.  Lube doesn't help and he did give me plenty of oral beforehand to get things flowing.  So WTH is going on still?  It infuriates me.  It's so hard to be playful and flirtatious with dh at other times b/c I feel like I don't want it to lead to sex.  It does seem to be related to the time in my cycle such that when I am more fertile, things feel better.  That's why I got pregnant the last two times.  *ahem*  Though that can't happen now since dh got the snip.  But still, I don't want our sex life to be limited to a few days a month when things feel good.  It's so freaking frustrating!

[seraf]

Originally Posted by Jaimee 
 It does seem to be related to the time in my cycle such that when I am more fertile, things feel better.  

I have known many people who say they only want to do it when they're fertile.  A friend once summed it up, "If I really want to do it, we shouldn't." (to avoid pregnancy)

I'm glad to hear that it's been generally going better, but the cheese grater thing sounds awful.  Besides hormones, what is different around ovulation? I wonder if that would give some insight into why you have discomfort. No, your cervix gets lower, right?so it's probably related to the hormones.  Have you tried the lube they sell for anal, but not actually use it for anal?  That stuff is slick and it doesn't wear down so there should be less friction on withdrawl (and, you know, when you sit).

We haven't done anything since the new baby came.  Birth messed up DPs body pretty good, then at her 6 week checkup she started bleeding and tested positive for BV again (third time since the second trimester, pregnancy was the underlying cause before, but now what?).  And of course, sleep is way more exciting than sex right now. We have plenty of places to do it, and they sleep very well once they go to sleep, we simply can't keep our eyes open.

[Jaimee]

Yeah, when more fertile, the cervix is higher and I can tell b/c dh will bump the cervix during less fertile times of my cycle.  And while that is uncomfortable, that is momentary and not the lasting, burning sensation that comes with the rubbing/stretching of the sensitive tissue near the opening of the vagina.  Ugh.  Well, I could look into a different lube.  It's worth a try, right?

[seraf]

It's super expensive, but it might help with the rubbing, not the stretching.  Cervix higher, LOL, I totally fell off the TTC bandwagon a long time ago.

[jbk21]

Have you tried coconut oil as lube?  I've heard really great things!  and I am excited to try it out once DH gets the big fat 0 from his vas!

[Zoopath]

You're still doing better than I am, but it does make me feel a little better. We were shooting for this weekend but she started teething in earnest and naps were non existent womp womp. Maybe next weekend.

[wellforth]

We're still in the same boat of having a baby that needs to be touched by a parent at all times.  We have a friend who comes over once a week generally and hangs out with the baby for an hour, so we can have uninterrupted alone time.  I told her she is saving our marriage.  While I miss having sex every day pre-baby, I'll take what I can get!  We've tried working in a few quickies when the baby is distracted, but it really hasn't worked all that well.  A fussy baby is terribly distracting.

[KaliShanti]

I have used olive and coconut oil for lubricant, it is better than my in my opinion.

Jamie, I also have always had pain with sex. Pretty much every time almost without exception since getting married almost nine years ago. It worsens with each child and is slightly better at ovulation, but I don't have many of those. I am actually at the point of wanting to try to induce my period just so I might ovulate again. I have no idea what to do and I don't know who ask. I wish sex wasn't such a taboo topic.

[Jaimee]

Originally Posted by KaliShanti 

Jamie, I also have always had pain with sex. Pretty much every time almost without exception since getting married almost nine years ago. It worsens with each child and is slightly better at ovulation, but I don't have many of those. I am actually at the point of wanting to try to induce my period just so I might ovulate again. I have no idea what to do and I don't know who ask. I wish sex wasn't such a taboo topic.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, too!  Thank you for sharing!  I feel a little better every time I hear about another woman that deals with this- a little less of an anomaly.  Dh just keeps asking, "why is it like that?"  What can I say?  I've been to a billion doctors and even physical therapists.  It's so frustrating. 

[dashley111]

Originally Posted by seraf 

We haven't done anything since the new baby came.  Birth messed up DPs body pretty good, then at her 6 week checkup she started bleeding and tested positive for BV again (third time since the second trimester, pregnancy was the underlying cause before, but now what?).  And of course, sleep is way more exciting than sex right now. We have plenty of places to do it, and they sleep very well once they go to sleep, we simply can't keep our eyes open.

I had a terrible time with reoccuring BV before my pregnancy.  The ONLY thing that helped were iodine douches every 2 days and vaginal probiotics twice a day.  I think I did 4 rounds of antibiotics and it kept coming back until I treated it that way.

[seraf]

What kind of vaginal probiotics? I totally tried to talk her into yogurt after the first round of antibiotics. I will have to look up iodine douches, too, I suppose. She went in for follow up yesterday and they did an ultrasound. Said she has an infection in her uterus, too. *sigh*

[dashley111]

I just purchased some good ole Kroger probiotics in the refrigerated section. 

[seraf]

Cool, thanks. Basically you're wiping everything out and recolonizing with good stuff? How long did you do it for?

[dashley111]

If I recall right I did the douches every other day for a week and probiotics twice a day for a week starting the day after I started the douching. So I ended with an extra day of probiotics. Also, the iodine douche just came from Rite Aid.

Bv can be so terrible and tricky. It caused awful urinary symptoms for me too, which I took D-mannose for.

[seraf]

Thanks again. She is asymptotic so far except for bleeding when she shouldn't.

[CDsMom1031]

Wow, guys. I feel so bad for all of you. =( I need to have my DH read this so he'll STFU about not ever getting any, when we make it a point to do it at least 3 times a WEEK. I had a c-section though, so that might be where the difference lies. I did have a crazy random reaction to scented tampons last cycle, so I wouldn't let him touch me down there while it was healing, but other than that... Our sex life is fine.

But things did change "down there". I can no longer orgasm during intercourse, AT ALL. I used to be able to in certain positions (My body is very picky and not very easy going when it comes to letting me orgasm, LOL), but now I can't AT ALL. It has to be oral, but luckily, my DH enjoys doing it, so I get it before sex every time.

[munchymum]

Ugh, this is a thread I needed to read today.  It must have been 5 or 6 weeks for us.  We've managed maybe 6 or 7 times since this baby arrived.  Finding time/energy with one kid is hard, but with two it's impossible.  I get no pressure from DP, but I feel guilty that I'm not making enough effort to "satisfy his needs" or something.  To have sex when we are not exhausted we would have to pick a day when DD1 is at nursery, schedule a day off work for DP and wait till DD2 has a nap.  And all that is not going to happen.  At least I know I'm not the only one who is too tired for it at the end of the day.

In some cultures there are taboos against resuming sex while nursing, or before the baby gets teeth or learns to walk.  I'm finding myself wishing we had taboos like those, just so I felt justified in having this break!

[Zoopath]

We DTD! We both took time off of work so that may have had something to do with it. Now the question is when will the stars align again. I don't we'll make it to CDsmom level anytime soon but it's something to aspire to.

[TalkToMeNow]

Good for you, Zoopath! Amazing what some extra time can do!

Dd1 and dd2 spent a few days with my parents last week, and dsd went to see her grandmother. It was a miracle! Just the baby in the house! Dh and I dtd four times in a few days. I think I should get a certificate.