Sex Post Baby - Page 4 « Back to Group Discussions

[Jaimee]

Originally Posted by TalkToMeNow 

Dh and I dtd four times in a few days. I think I should get a certificate.

[CDsMom1031]

Originally Posted by Jaimee 

Originally Posted by TalkToMeNow 

Dh and I dtd four times in a few days. I think I should get a certificate.

[MrsKatie]

Can I just say how challenging it is to relax and get in the mood when you have "Open, Shut Them" stuck in your head? Like I do, 24 hours a day?

[TalkToMeNow]

Originally Posted by MrsKatie 

Can I just say how challenging it is to relax and get in the mood when you have "Open, Shut Them" stuck in your head? Like I do, 24 hours a day?

Lol! I can relate.


I don't think you are drinking enough... More alcohol will make the song go away!

[SoCaliMommy]

We've tried once since H was born and was pretty horrible.

[Jaimee]

We've had another long drought.  I'm just so freaking exhausted from the baby waking up all night long.  It's ridiculous.  The other day dh moved into the guest room to try and give Avery more room and see if that helped his sleep.  Not really, but dh sure is enjoying getting a full night sleep over there!  Argh.  When he pushed the sex issue the other day I told him flat out that I'm exhausted from giving of myself all day and all night.  The last thing I want to do in any moment of child free time is have sex.  I want to shower, eat, sleep, relax, go on a run...  I need some ME time.  He looked at me and said, "I'm sorry, but it's really not that bad."  He was referring to my state of exhaustion, as if he could climb inside my body and quantify how bad my current physical state is.  Really?  He doesn't get it at all b/c he finds sex fulfilling- it fills his cup up.  Right now, sex feels like it's draining my cup.  It's just one more thing I do for him b/c it isn't feeling good to me!  I hate feeling that way.  It's so frustrating!!!

[TalkToMeNow]

Originally Posted by Jaimee 

We've had another long drought.  I'm just so freaking exhausted from the baby waking up all night long.  It's ridiculous.  The other day dh moved into the guest room to try and give Avery more room and see if that helped his sleep.  Not really, but dh sure is enjoying getting a full night sleep over there!  Argh.  When he pushed the sex issue the other day I told him flat out that I'm exhausted from giving of myself all day and all night.  The last thing I want to do in any moment of child free time is have sex.  I want to shower, eat, sleep, relax, go on a run...  I need some ME time.  He looked at me and said, "I'm sorry, but it's really not that bad."  He was referring to my state of exhaustion, as if he could climb inside my body and quantify how bad my current physical state is.  Really?  He doesn't get it at all b/c he finds sex fulfilling- it fills his cup up.  Right now, sex feels like it's draining my cup.  It's just one more thing I do for him b/c it isn't feeling good to me!  I hate feeling that way.  It's so frustrating!!!

Can you tell him specific things that would make you want to have sex? Like him arranging it so you get some extra sleep, him doing more around the house, etc. If Jasper wakes up early on the weekends, dh gets up with him so that I can get a little bit of uninterrupted sleep. Would your dh be willing to do that? I know exactly how you feel about sex just being one more thing you have to give. I have to work to change that in my mind. I know it's tough, though. 

[Jaimee]

I'm not sure what it is exactly that I need.  I think the planets have to align... seriously.  I need to not feel exhausted, I need to be in the right hormonal state, I need to have had some me time that day, I need to feel attractive, I need dh to be attractive (like has been helpful and caring that day), and we have to have the kid free time.  These things just don't happen often.  If I'm not in the right hormonal state (like the right time in my cycle, which is unpredictable b/c I haven't gotten AF back yet) my body doesn't turn on and sex hurts worse.  I can tell when I'm in the wrong time of my cycle b/c dh will start messing around, doing things that usually help get things going and instead of feeling excited, I get that feeling I used to get when I was pregnant and Austin was still nursing... that icky feeling.  It's bad.  I know it's from being touched out.  This is the point postpartum where things have always gone seriously down hill.  The baby stops sleeping and there is no end in sight b/c it will be teeth, illness, illness, milestone, teeth, illness until next March when the weather warms up again.  We always hit this lull where I'm just getting through one day at a time and sex is so far off my radar it's ridiculous.  I think it's part the nine month slump and part the change in seasons, which has been the same for all three of my kids b/c all three were born in the winter.    I'm not really sure how to combat this.  I'm all ears for suggestions!

[Becky Wheeler]

Originally Posted by CDsMom1031 

Wow, guys. I feel so bad for all of you. =( I need to have my DH read this so he'll STFU about not ever getting any, when we make it a point to do it at least 3 times a WEEK. I had a c-section though, so that might be where the difference lies. I did have a crazy random reaction to scented tampons last cycle, so I wouldn't let him touch me down there while it was healing, but other than that... Our sex life is fine.

But things did change "down there". I can no longer orgasm during intercourse, AT ALL. I used to be able to in certain positions (My body is very picky and not very easy going when it comes to letting me orgasm, LOL), but now I can't AT ALL. It has to be oral, but luckily, my DH enjoys doing it, so I get it before sex every time.

Same here. I want so badly to give advice, but I've never ever been in a spot where I don't want it. I know Billy can relate, but he wouldn't set foot (I mean fingers) in this forum. LOL We have sex about 5 times a month. Which is leaps and bounds to how it was 2 years ago. I can't imagine being too tired or drained to want it. I can be miserably sick with a cold and someone says sex and my ears perk up. 

[CDsMom1031]

Originally Posted by Becky Wheeler 

Originally Posted by CDsMom1031 

Wow, guys. I feel so bad for all of you. =( I need to have my DH read this so he'll STFU about not ever getting any, when we make it a point to do it at least 3 times a WEEK. I had a c-section though, so that might be where the difference lies. I did have a crazy random reaction to scented tampons last cycle, so I wouldn't let him touch me down there while it was healing, but other than that... Our sex life is fine.

But things did change "down there". I can no longer orgasm during intercourse, AT ALL. I used to be able to in certain positions (My body is very picky and not very easy going when it comes to letting me orgasm, LOL), but now I can't AT ALL. It has to be oral, but luckily, my DH enjoys doing it, so I get it before sex every time.

Same here. I want so badly to give advice, but I've never ever been in a spot where I don't want it. I know Billy can relate, but he wouldn't set foot (I mean fingers) in this forum. LOL We have sex about 5 times a month. Which is leaps and bounds to how it was 2 years ago. I can't imagine being too tired or drained to want it. I can be miserably sick with a cold and someone says sex and my ears perk up. 

Yep. Same here. This past week, it's been happening at least once, if not twice a day. During Conner's naps, after he's in bed for the night, before he wakes up in the morning... Whenever we can squeeze it in. I don't even want to think about how my DH would be if he wasn't getting sex. O_o Man, oh man. If I make him wait like, 3 days, he's a crab ass. LOL

[Becky Wheeler]

Originally Posted by CDsMom1031 

Yep. Same here. This past week, it's been happening at least once, if not twice a day. During Conner's naps, after he's in bed for the night, before he wakes up in the morning... Whenever we can squeeze it in. I don't even want to think about how my DH would be if he wasn't getting sex. O_o Man, oh man. If I make him wait like, 3 days, he's a crab ass. LOL

 WHAT! Twice a day! You're livin' the dream, girl!

[birdhappy85]

Twice a day? Wowza, Nicole. You sure are going to be the one who gets pregnant first. 

[vanni]

I am impressed by the mamas here who are jonesing for multiple love sessions per day! I wish... I hope that my libido returns some day, and that sex becomes less uncomfortable.

I think we've done it 4 times since our daughter was born. I had an episiotomy and the scar is still painful. Also nursing seems to really cut down on the lubrication your body produces. I'm yet to get my period, so who knows what going on ovulation-wise. I also have a stage 1 bladder prolapse (cystocele) which has been a bummer - although physical therapy has helped quite a bit. My pelvic floor muscles are probably stronger than they were pre-pregnancy. The physical therapist also told me to rub (or get DH to rub) lube/coconut oil on my episiotomy scar to break up the scar tissue. She made this suggestion when DD was around 6 months and I have to say I looked at her like she had her head on backwards because the idea of finding the time to do that seemed totally ridiculous to me at the time. Even the mere idea of touching the scar made my jaw drop in horror, since after the birth I've become very squeamish/traumatized about that area, even though I never was like that pre-birth. Whenever we have had sex or attempted to have sex, I feel the emotion/trauma of birth coming back with the pain. It's not fun. 

I have noticed that I at least kind of want to have sex (how's that for a qualified statement?  ;-), whereas earlier the idea of it actually grossed me out. It's so bizarre because I used to have a great sex drive! It's all very mysterious. My husband is very understanding, but I want things to change.

BTW, if there is anyone else reading this thread who has prolapse issues, I highly recommend hab-it.com  - her DVD has helped me so much!

[KayPea]

Absolutely no libido here. We've had intercourse once since Oren was born, and 3rd-base action maybe 10-15 times. We make out a couple of times a week, but it only goes farther maybe twice a month. Intercourse is still painful for me, and we haven't gotten back into the groove of using condoms, so we're all about the foreplay and the dry-humping over here. 

[Jaimee]

Okay, reviving this thread... how are we all doing?  Dh and I dtd for the first time in weeks this weekend.  There has been travel, illness, more illness, stress, massive exhaustion, etc. for so long that I have had zero interest.  Dh finally gave up trying to initiate.  So it was up to me.  I was pretty proud of myself for getting it going and parts of it felt better than they have in a while.  But here's the thing... afterward, the tissue down there still feels like a cheese grater went over it and my pelvic bones ache something fierce.  Like, I feel as though I'm in labor, the ache so badly- I can barely walk or stand.  Both these things subside after about an hour.  But that's some reward for trying to revive my sexual relationship, not to mention that O is still elusive.  What is going on here?  Any ideas for preventing or relieving these sexual side effects?

[CDsMom1031]

Hmmm... Was lubricant an issue? Was he rough? Maybe just try fore play for awhile until the pain is gone?
Ours is still good... Unless you ask my DH. We do it two to three times a week.

[LunaLady]

I agree - is it rough? Or too fast for you? Sounds like you're getting jarred around! :(

We're just plain not having it over here. We DTD last weekend, but that the first time in months. I have absolutely NO sex drive. AND we have NO opportunities. R needs to nurse to sleep and often nurses for about two hours straight when we go to bed, so there's no sneaking away for me. And we don't often have someone watching R away from home. And I just don't want to do it AT ALL. Like zip, zilch, nada. Couldn't care less if we didn't do it for another year! But, DH really, really, really wants to be doing it more. And I want to WANT to be doing it more, too.

I've been trying to look into some homeopathic remedies or something equally as nursing friendly, but I'm not sure what to try.

[TalkToMeNow]

Jaimee, I made you a picture:

[TalkToMeNow]

But seriously... does it happen in every position? 

[Abraisme]

No great advice Jaimee. I hope you can find some answers, I can't imagine dealing with sex pain. My poor sister had some vagibal birth trauma and still hasn't dtd since her baby was born a year ago. She is now seeing a vaginal physical therapist to break up scar tissue. Maybe that's something to think about?

We dtd 2-3 times a week usually.