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Evening ritual to reconnect with your spouse?

post #1 of 15
Thread Starter 

How do you reconnect with you spouse in the evenings?


My daughter recently started going to sleep at a reasonable hour (7:30-8) and my husband and I have no clue how to connect with each other during this time besides watching TV (which sometimes leads us to chat). The last week we have spent with one of us on the computer and the other reading, or one reading and the other playing Wii. I have told him that I feel like we need some type of ritual to connect with each other at night, but we have not really come up with anything (and he just looks at my blankly).  I'm sure the underlying tensions has something to do with it as we've been fighting more the last week or two, but I feel like if we had a ritual (like my friend who says her and her husband massage each others feet every night) it would help us reconnect every night.


Didn't really know where to post this but I'm a stay-at-home-mom, so thought this might be a good forum for it...


So, please share with me any rituals you have that work for you!  Thanks!

post #2 of 15

We've fallen out of the habit, but still occasionally play games together-- Kismet (a dice game like Yatzee), cribbage, or other 2 person games give us something to talk about that's not work or how work sucks. We've got a new one now called Word Pirates. It's a kids game, but fun.


When one reads and the other is on the computer, try to be in the same room. I find just being near him is nice.



post #3 of 15

If you're already watching TV, it can be fun to get into a series together. We've watched a ton on Netflix-right now we're into Mad Men.

post #4 of 15

Yeah, we rarely have time to ourselves with 2 kids and one that wakes up early and one that stays up late, but when we do have alone time, we watch our favorite shows together. We have a lot of separate shows that we like, but when we have time to sit down together in the evening, we watch the shows we both like. I don't know, after 3 years with kids, it's the one thing we really enjoy. But, if you are trying to think of non-tv activities, you could just commit to 10 minutes of talking, about your day, or what not, and then do whatever it is you enjoy doing. playing games, working on projects together. Are you both into any projects?

post #5 of 15

Is there a hobby, old or yet to be discovered, that you two might want to share together? In the last year my husband and I have taken up woodworking as a mutually shared hobby and have really enjoyed our work together. We've made several pieces of custom furniture, toys for our daughter and nephew, handmade gifts for family members, and a handful of pieces to sell. 



post #6 of 15

We make out and play video games when the kids go to bed.  Or sit on the back porch and watch the stars.  Something anything will do. 

post #7 of 15

My dh loves to play Call of Duty when the boys are asleep, since he is finally learning to stay awake past 8pm lol.gif  I usually sit either right next to him on the couch or perpendicular to him with my feet on him and either read, get on the computer or knit. 


We have started watching New Girl (is that what its called?) and we laugh and cuddle and have so much fun on that day. I feel as long as I am *touching* him in some way, arm to arm, feet to lap, whatever, we reconnect. After talking to the babies all.day.long, sometimes I don't even want to have grown up talk. 

post #8 of 15

We just cuddle or watch a movie.. But it's rare as we have a family bed and typically go to bed at the same time.

post #9 of 15

We just cuddle or watch a movie.. But it's rare as we have a family bed and typically go to bed at the same time.

post #10 of 15

Husband is only home for about 2 hours during the day Monday through Friday;  I have our daughter ready to play (in theory), and I fix his dinner and rub his head and hug on him and encourage him while he's playing with her.  While he's eating I hold baby and eat my own self, and then we say goodnight, since we'll be sleeping when he comes home, and still sleeping when he leaves again.  It's hard.  The weekends, we are together.  Last weekend we worked in the yard together, with daughter strapped to me in her Moby.  It was nice.

post #11 of 15

We've also gotten into show series together like mad men and old SNL's on the netflix que. We do that, or I fix a big meal and we all eat at the table together or bf, dd and I get on our bed turn on the ipod and dance our sillies out :-) I find this just as helpful or more than just being me & him.

If he isn't asleep by 7:30 that is...

post #12 of 15

We play World Of Warcraft together for a bit and then watch an episode or 2 from the current series we are going through.  Right now it's X-files.  We have been doing this every night for years now...and I still look forward to it.

post #13 of 15

We struggle with this too as our TV and DH's desk are in the basement. He comes home pretty late and I have dinner waiting, and right after we all eat dinner he just wants to go down there to his "man cave" and have time to himself to chill after work (he interacts with people ALL day at work). I usually get our son ready for bed at this time but unfortunately usually fall asleep with our son. It means that we usually don't get to reconnect during the week (I want to find a way to change this - we like to play boardgames and watch movies together). However we do have a Sat. morning ritual of going to the local donut place and just hanging out there and talking. It's fun.


Also no one has suggested this but - sex. If your kiddo is asleep and you guys don't know how to reconnect, sex could be just what you're looking for!


Good luck.

post #14 of 15

We are TV-free for the most part. We will watch a movie in a bluemoon. BUT one thing we have been doing even before the kids is read......we read outloud to each other. We most of the time end up DTD or just making out.....but we have read about 25 to 50 books

Edited by Nazsmum - 1/27/12 at 4:24pm
post #15 of 15

For the first few months, it was really rough, because I just wanted to hand my son off to my husband as soon as he got home so that I could have some alone time. But now we're all in a much healthier (for us) routine. My husband will hold the baby while I cook dinner, and we talk together in the kitchen. And DS goes to bed relatively early, so when he does, my husband and I hang out. Sometimes we play a game like Scrabble or Bananagrams; we sometimes watch an episode of a t.v. show on our computer. We don't own a t.v., so we don't do that too much. Often, we just sit and talk, stretch together, and recently we've begun to exchange massages. 

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